Leaving Otown

So, if you have noticed, I have been off of here for almost 2 whole weeks... I didn't have internet when we visited back home much, and was too busy to blog anyway.

I'll start by saying that the visit did not go at all like I had originally thought it would. While not much had changed back home, a lot had that was not visible. I could tell that some relationships had grown stronger, and some are not what they once were a few months ago. Putting miles between people really does make a BIG difference. People either move on, or cling to what they have.

I do have to admit that I did cry this morning when we were being shuttled away in the van with the driver from hell, driving our shuttle van from the motel. My mom, Hayleigh, and I barely had a goodbye. In fact, it makes me cry now, wishing I was still there. I know it has been hard on everyone with us not being around there anymore, but I didn't realize apparently how hard it has been on me as well. I guess I've just been keeping it buried down deep. I even had a little yep moment on the plane leaving St.Louis early this morning, reading over a guy's shoulder his paper read, Home is Where the Jobs Are. So TRUE!

Yesterday, I sat down and had to send one more box back here UPS- we sent 2 of them back the other day. I felt like total crap yesterday, finishing packing stuff up. I've never had to do that before- pack Hayleigh's toys and send them off to us. We have always been close to everyone, and it has never become an issue. Now, gifts are bought with the thought of having to have them shipped to us, and how much shipping will cost, not based off of what we really want to buy just because.

I realize I'm really hormonal right now, and will be for a while after Reid gets here too. What really just makes me sad was that the almost 2 wks there, was not near enough. People surprised me with just how much or little they cared to make it a point to see us. I saw my dad tear up when we said goodbye Wednesday after lunch at Hovey's. I know he won't get to see us until we come back just because of what he has decided he will deal with back home, and sacrifice just to not be alone. What warms my heart, but breaks it at the same time is that you can see soo much love everyone has for us- our family especially, and that we have to hurt them over and over with the visits we look forward to soo much, with the awful goodbyes that follow. I'm grateful for the few friends we have out here, and even more so for the ones who still cling to us back there. I know the holidays are going to be brutal this year. This will be the first year away from our families, and Reid's first Christmas. Many will not get to meet  Reid in person until he is at least 3 months old. I could go on and on about how all of it makes me feel. It's not easy at all.

I did learn a lot from our move, and from going back for a visit. Things are more clear to me now on how people truly are. While I do love that when we were there, almost everywhere you go, you see someone you know, and get to have a short visit. I have also learned that I do like the small fish in a big town kind of feeling too. While we met people and visited with people we have not seen in a while, I constantly saw people talking about someone else- small town drama. Everyone has got to know every one's business. I like people not knowing who I am, and gossiping about me as soon as I leave. I did run into two people whom I have cut out of my life while in Olney- it's funny that one of them, despite all of the drama and awful things she said, then attempted a half ass apology to my sister for me thought everything should be just hunky dory. Some bridges once burned just don't get rebuilt. I'm not a fool.

Anyway, we had a great time, and even got to celebrate a belated birthday party for Hayleigh- I missed Allen the whole time, and wished he could have gotten to experience everything with us too. I'm glad my mom will be out here in a month from now, and spend some more time with us. Funny how no matter how hard she made it on me before we left, you would have never have guessed that we fought, as hard as it was to say goodbye this time. I'll have pictures up later, and more about what all we managed to get done while there soon.