About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Thursday, May 29, 2014

First day out in a week results in AC crapping out

We had a fabulous day today- first day we have gotten out of the house in a week. But, of course the only day we get out our AC decides to stop working. sigh.... Anyway, I should be cleaning the house right now, and setting my alarm to call my landlord at 7 am, but I'm trolling facebook, and craigslist. Basically I'm coming up with every excuse not to get off of my couch right now. It is at least not bad in the house right now, but we are headed for another 90 degree day tomorrow, and my landlord will probably not be able to do anything about the AC until tomorrow evening after he gets off of work. After this and having problems with our furnace over the winter wanting to be finicky, I've about had it. Our house is only 10 years old. Our lease is up first of July, and with baby #3 on the way, I'm searching for another option to not be completely cramped in our 1200 sqft house. I've found one option I'm also calling about tomorrow. A much bigger home with a much bigger garage for not much more than what we are already paying with 4 bedrooms. I don't know what will happen, but go figure the one day we leave the house, the AC decides to stop working.

I really do not want to have to move at all. Packing everything up and unpacking it all. BUT we really need more space, and it would be nice to have a yard that does not need a complete weed overhaul over every other week. (it needs more gravel and new weed barrier) I really do not hate our house- it has grown on me, I do hate these little hiccups. The ac is now out, the furnace had fits all winter, the hot water heater went out and dumped 40 gallons of water into the kitchen, the garbage disposal does not work half the time, and the sprinkler system is a joke, the only ceiling fan in the living room sounds like a propelled plane, there is a weird noise in our 2nd bath all the time like a ball bouncing in the plumbing or vent, don't even get me started on their choice for or not for edging in this yard- terre cotta edging in the front that doesn't even match up and then the divider of our yard and the neighbors to nonexistent in the backyard, not to mention the screen door for the slider is in horrible shape and I haven't got to use it from day one, ohh and I almost forgot that stupid barking dog of the neighbors behind us along with all of the weird neighbors but the ones to our right. Okay, so I listed quite a few.. It's not a bad house, it's just not a great house I guess.

We had a lot of fun at the pool today, and Reid did not want to leave after protesting and crying for the first 2 hours. He cried, he wailed, he hung onto me like he was about to go over a cliff. The water was really warm- it was indoors and had a toddler area that they all ended up loving. I imagine given the circumstances, tomorrow we will be going back to escape the heat, and will be finding somewhere for Missy to go to stay cool as well.

Just a tiny tidbit of our day today. Now I must clean  up this house before bed since my landlord will be here tomorrow, and I would rather the house be in tip top shape.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Tidbits on Current Happenings

After I got off of my soap box, I figured I should maybe say something about what all has been going on lately. Schools just finished up here today, and the pools have now opened. We are planning our first pool outing for Friday- going to Fruita where they have both an indoor and an outdoor pool.

We are currently a little past half way on our time away from Allen. It has been really hard, and has dragged on and on. 4 weeks is really tough to hack. The kids have been extra rowdy, resulting in lots of late night Grey's Anatomy on Netflix time for me. I've contemplated re-reading my 50 Shades of Grey, but that won't help me missing Allen anymore.

They say every pregnancy is different. I think this one most reminds me of my first with Hayleigh. My nose gets really stuffed up at night- I finally learned to take 2 Benadryl every night before I go to sleep, otherwise I wake up gaging and trying to get my nose and throat cleared up like I did with Hayleigh and I then find myself sick, so if I take the Benadryl, I skip that part of my morning. I worry a lot more with this pregnancy- not just because I'm closer to 35 now, but I've had 2 successful full term pregnancies with 2 healthy babies. I know my odds are dwindling down on this. It could very well happen that something bad happen. I worry about stillbirth, miscarriage before 23 weeks, or something going wrong during delivery. I try not to worry, but I'm a natural worry worm, so I think of the worst possible scenario all the time. Last week I about fell over when I found blood on my underwear before flying into the bathroom to discover I had bumped a scab from shaving the night before. I liked to have had a heart attack. I worry about this baby because I already love this baby so much. I feel like this baby is a girl, and I already know her, what her name is, and what she will be like. I don't think I'll be satisfied until I get far enough along I can use a fetal Doppler at home- I will be purchasing one soon for not only the kids but for me to use and aid my need for the feeling of some sort of control.

My moods have leveled out somewhat. I feel sometimes like I'm back to where I was before Hayleigh- ready to spit fire some days. I find myself yelling more than I like, but I think that just comes with being so tired for the time being.

I have already welcomed out my maternity clothes, and have been happily lounging in them every day. I really do not know why some do not want to even wear them, but I LOVE them, and would love to make a tummy slimming pant styled like the maternity pants are. Having a baby bump is so beautiful to me anyway, just something about looking round and full of life I guess.

Even though this is my third pregnancy, I've been reading all I can yet again on successful breastfeeding. I've only lasted 3 months with each Hayleigh and Reid. My goal is at least 6 months this time. I have many questions for my OB for when she returns from her maternity leave on getting a prescription for lactation. 

We did get a new kitten this past week. Her name is Figaro, and she is a orange tiger stripped long hair kitty. Hayleigh is over the moon for her, and she has earned me some good brownie points as well. I won't lie, she is getting annoying. She has never been outside, until now, and that is where she will be living. So, for now, she plays some through the day in the house, gets put outside whenever it is day time and she's not inside- which is about 6 hours through the day time, and then she gets put in a crate for bedtime. She is getting better at being outside, and it helps with the kids being outside playing as well.

I had a dermatologist appointment today. I'm not a big fan of going since I takes 4 months to schedule out in advance and my derm has a big ocd germ problem. They all have some weird quark about them all I've found. I don't think she is comfortable around kids after watching her with my kids who were well behaved today. She was counting them, and telling me I will have a posy of kids when this one is born. At least I don't have another appointment until after I'm done breastfeeding this baby after it is born- so hopefully not for a full year!

Pregnancy BEFORE Marriage PLANNED... not a taboo thing of today

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and talking with a few of my friends about babies of course. The subject that always comes up is teen pregnancies, and now how much they are planned now. Maybe I'm a little old fashioned but I'm not at all warming up to the idea of a planned pregnancy in high school, or just right after before you are even married. I do realize that some do happen- play with fire, you get burnt. It happens. BUT, I've been watching 16 and Pregnant and of course, nobody is ever on any birth control, or they don't think it will happen to them, blah blah blahhhh. Sigh.

Back when I was in high school it was a very very bad deal. If you were pregnant, you was labeled a whore. It was just the way it was. No one was worried about how you would handle it, or how good of a mom you would be, you was just labeled with a big fat red scarlet letter W for whore. There was no glow, they all tried to hide it as long as they could. They didn't celebrate in the hallway with feeling the baby kick, or pass out invitations to baby showers. They did have a program that I thought was total crap where if you became pregnant your junior year, you could graduate at the end of that year. Now I don't know exactly what was involved, but to me back then it was just a thing- don't want to go to school, get knocked up... I know that is really harsh. Still pregnancy before getting married back 10 years ago was not a good thing- often really looked down upon- especially in my family even though it had happened. I cannot tell you just how much of a relief it was on our wedding night, thinking "Thank God !! We made it, now it does not matter if we do or don't." Now a days, people don't have to get married at all- it's not considered a bad thing. Having a baby whenever isn't a bad thing- whether you are 16 or 23... I just really do not understand it at all. I do know one thing is for sure and I do not want my kids thinking that these current ways are okay at all. If you cannot legally commit to someone besides telling someone you will spend your whole life with them, you do not need to have kids together. Spending your lives together and planning on not getting married is one thing. Having a baby.... well you are stuck with that other person for life. Doesn't it just make sense that those two things go together? What keeps the other person from just getting a wild hair one day and leaving you besides their word? Marriage is not just a legal piece of paper, and it is very sad that not many people view it that way anymore. To me, the day you are married, is the day your family starts. It grows with children and pets, but it is a family. You have declared that you are a union that will work together and be there for each other in good and bad times.

I know what many are thinking now, well then many people get married thinking well if it doesn't work, oh well, I can get a divorce. I don't mean to be standing up and lecturing right now, but no. If you cannot say with great confidence that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you love them, and no matter what happens, you will stick together. Divorce is the last thing you want in your life, maybe you should not get married. Marriage is something that has been taken from something being sacred to something that you order in a drive thru, #3 sounds great to me, how about you? The first big fight a couple has, divorce is threatened and thrown out there like a curse word. They make plans for when things do go sour- to have an escape plan. It's all very sad.

The point of this all is that it has been making me sick to see that I am so "old fashioned" in just 10 years since we were married. I do not want my kids growing up where teen pregnancies are a planned and celebrated thing, and getting married to someone is just something extra you do. If babies are not regarded as something special, you wait until you are older for, they turn into pets- like a puppy or kitty. If you get sick of them, send them to Grandma's to raise so you can go party since you had to give up so much, when all you had to do was to WAIT. I am personally thankful that babies did not come soon for us. I know at 26 when I did get pregnant with Hayleigh, I was a lot more grown up than I was at 20 when we were married, even though I felt grown up at the time we were married. There is much to learn in life, and some things are worth waiting for- you don't have to rush through milestones in life so quickly.

I want to make it clear that I'm not looking down at people, because this has all become the new "norm". It just makes me incredibly sad to see that so many morals and values have been thrown out in the past 10-12 years so easily. Makes me scared to see what our future holds as a every day norm.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Do Not Disturb

As I sit here trying to relax on this comfy couch, there is a stupid dog barking right behind our fence of the neighbors that keep stupid in a dog run all day, and do not let him out- so he howls at 6 am and barks ALL DAY LONG. I really do hate that dog. I hate his owners mostly for not taking care of stupid.

People and things have been on my nerves pretty bad this pregnancy. I've been really emotional, and no matter how hard I try to keep it reeled in, I lash out some of the aggression. I've only gotten sick a few time, for the most part I'm starving and bloated up, and I cannot remember anything. I crave cheeseburgers and chocolate ice cream. But people have been driving me completely crazy. Our waitress at Red Robin last night was horrible, I've been selling stuff on facebook and some people I'm ready to hunt down and run them over with my car, another person shared my status on facebook about being annoyed- to which I don't know why, but she got axed, and other people are making me go out of my way to get my stuff back for things I've done for them for free. I'm no longer taking anyone's pictures for free, unless they are family. I spent a whole week editing pictures without any promotion from the person for doing them for free, and I still do not have my flash drive back from a week ago I guess I will have to go back to pick up even though I was the one who did EVERYTHING for FREE. I'm fed up and frustrated about it all. I guess unless you are family and have some stupid little side business and are throwing a party you do not get any recognition for services.

Okay... I'm done ranting...

On a separate note, I've been trying to come up with a plan for when the baby gets here. How we will reconfigure rooms, trying to get a schedule of who is coming for a visit when. That schedule is extremely hard when you are dealing with both sets of parents being divorced. Our kids share 7 Grandparents alone- not counting greats that are alive. Trying to balance and keep everyone happy, and not excluding anyone is a juggling act. I'm hoping our kids don't have that balancing act to deal with when they are grown and married. I look at these other people I know my age that are lucky enough to have both sets of their parents still married and I think how easy that must be. Not to have to worry about forgetting someone. Just 4 people- that's it, and they usually get along together, so only 1 party! I'm envious, but it is what it is, and I can't help what it is, so I do my best. Our situation doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I can't do everything, so I need help sometimes, but I've learned I cannot make everyone happy all at once. It's not going to happen. So, for now we do the best we can, and move on about it all, because I really don't have time to sit and dwell on anything more than making sure that everyone has been cared for between me, Allen, and the kids.
Right now, all I want is a nap, a clean house, and food waiting on me after waking up from said nap with the laundry all done as well. The yard mowing can wait for me since I do love doing that. I'm lucky to have a good husband that knows these things, and has for the past few nights and mornings made sure to help me get the house picked up and things put up from the kids tornado mess. So for now, I'll settle for my nap and the fact my husbands here helping me for the rest of the week. We will deal with next week, and the 4 weeks for me solo with the kids when Sunday gets here.