About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Hayleigh's 3rd Birthday

Hayleigh turned 3 years old at 6:28 this morning. I have to tell you that all day yesterday, I watched the clock thinking back to what we were doing 3 years ago at that time. I thought that with time that birthdays would get easier, but they do not. I long to be back in that hospital room, holding Hayleigh again for the first time. I don't know quite why, because she is here with us now, and is growing and playing with us and Reid.

I've been a hot mess of tears and sobbing the past day now. I even caught Allen crying on the phone this morning because he is at work, and not here to hold Hayleigh and give her hugs and kisses on her birthday.

While 3 years seems like a long time, at the same time it seems like it was just yesterday that everything happened.

I'm an emotional mess today, and I am well aware I have a few months until it's Reid's 1st birthday too. The hot mess train will be back around the horn soon enough. Right now I am happy and grateful for our family we have right in this moment, and I'm trying to enjoy it all the best I can. I know I will be longing someday to be back here, singing Itsy Bitsy Spider with Hayleigh and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as she is asking me to sing with her again and again.

If you missed her birthday video, here it is once again.

Happy Birthday Hayleigh! You will never know just how special you are to us! 

Monday, June 10, 2013

Hayleigh turning 3...Mommy Wisdom

As you can see I put the yearly birthday video out early this year. I couldn't wait to get it online, and we are busy for the next few weeks, so I made myself sit down and finish it tonight.

My mother n law commented that Hayleigh shouldn't be three years old already on the 30th of this month, but alas, it is so. I sit here thinking about everything. Where we have been, where we have yet to go, and how life was before Hayleigh & Reid. I finally found the words to describe what I feel about being a mom. There was no life really before my kids. I didn't really Live live, or really breathe. It felt somewhat like I/we were on auto pilot. We did live, but take for instance, holidays... Christmas is completely different with kids. Everything is new again, and magical...like it was when I was little. Everything in general is new again. When you grow up, you see everything muted compared to when you was a kid. Now, I see things kind of like when I was a kid again... clouds are now shapes and animals.. they are things! The belief that everyone is a princess through Hayleigh's eyes, makes me feel better about myself- I have found my prince afterall. Just seeing those little eyes light up over something soo small that anyone would just over look, like a dandy lion.. used to be my sworn enemy in my yard, now they are FLOWERS... and Hayleigh is right, they are pretty yellow flowers. Talk about a lot less stress for me and the yard.

Anyway, when you become a mother, or a father, that first breath your baby takes, is a new breath for you- you are no longer just <insert name here> You are now a Mommy or a Daddy! You are now a hero, best friend, healer of boo boos, you name it, you are the best of it in those little eyes.

That's how I feel. A simple kiss can make a boo boo all better, and when I'm having a completely miserable day, all it takes is for those little eyes that I love to look up at me while little arms are wrapping around me giving me a hug for no reason but because they love me for me.

I know that these days are very limited. The days of being hero, best friend, best at everything in their eyes. It makes me really sad that the time has been flying by faster than what it did before they were even here with us.

So, I guess what I have to say is don't take anything for granted. Something as little as a baby clapping for the first time- (Reid did this past weekend) something as new like that is exciting once again because you took the time to say it was, even though it's just clapping any other time. Celebrate any little thing you can, because it will someday all be gone. Those little things will suddenly be the big things that you remember and love soo much in life.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Making a Will and Guardianship.... I am certain one of the hardest decisions of my life....

Do you know where your kids would go if you were to pass on? That has be a dilemma for Allen and I ever since Hayleigh was born. Do we have anyone picked out? NOPE.... I guess we are kind of picky when it comes to who would be in line to raise our kids should both of us not be here to do it.

Allen and I are needing to get our will completed. I realize that the probability that we would need someone else to raise our kids is not likely at all, but it is still possible.  It kind of feels like we are the couple on Life as We Know It, trying to find someone to take our kids if we die.

We want someone who would instill the same morals and values that we both have in our kids. Someone that would be able to keep up with them, and be there for them like we would have been. It really is hard to find someone that has similar beliefs that we do... trying to match religion, discipline, morals, standards, etc... it's just a lot.

The goal is to have a will in place by the end of this year, and have this all sorted out... I HOPE we can accomplish that. I at least know that the kids would be okay with our life insurance plans we have in place if something does happen to us to say the least.

If you have a will in place, and have found people you would like to take your kids if you and your spouse should pass, how did you pick that person, and why? How hard was it for you to come to the decision? We are just at a loss of who to pick, or what to even do if we can't agree on someone.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Three Years Ago Today...What I was up to...

Three years ago today, we had a close version to my dream baby shower for Hayleigh that I think I dreamed of more than my actual wedding day. I think that day will forever live in my mind as one of the best days in my life- or will rank pretty close to the top 10. Despite all of the hiccups we had with last minute details, and another family member scheduling their shower the same day, it was still a great day. My ankles were cankles then- wish they would have been like they were when I was pregnant with Reid. I was swollen and a hot hungry mess after running for last minute things that had to be JUST RIGHT for super prego mama..me.

While I had envisioned the baby shower from Father of the Bride Part II- imagine that... I was told no to storks, and the fabulous cake they had. I was even told no to a stork in the yard as well... ugghh! A girl can only dream! Anyway, it was the last step in preparing for Hayleigh to make us mommy and daddy. What's sad is that I cannot even type that without getting teary eyed about it.

I cannot believe it has already been 3 whole years today since that day. I celebrated with two of my close friends who had battled infertility with me- both at different points. If we would have known how everything would change then on after, I think we would have wanted to freeze time right then and there for just a bit to enjoy things before the bumpy road ahead. Like me, one of my friends had went to the same fertility specialist I have listed on my page here. I got pregnant with twins- lost one, she got pregnant with triplets, and lost one shortly after this picture was taken. My other friend had one healthy and happy little boy, and currently has another on the way, while the friend who had twins lost her baby girl two weeks after being born prematurely, and now has her little boy she loves and cherishes. We all had different experiences, but what brought us all together and made us friends was the one thing we hated most in this world... and here we all were- PREGNANT!

Love these two gals~ 

I never did get to have a sprinkle shower for Reid, and I know I didn't need anything for his arrival, but I really missed having a celebration for him coming to the world too.

Ohh, to go back to that day, and live this month all over again... I would in a heart beat go through it all over again and again... all of the new things a first time parent/ parent to be experiences. All the things Allen and I worried ourselves silly over... I laugh now at, and sit here letting Reid eat- or attempt to eat the grass outside in the yard. Things are definitely different after your first baby is born, but I don't think I have ever been any happier than I am now as I sit here listening to both of my babies laugh together.

Wordless Wednesday...FAMILY

As you can see we had some family pictures taken a week ago. It was hot- my hair is flat, but we are Happy HAPPY happy! The other pictures are of Hayleigh and Reid earlier this summer, and I just love them- captures them both just how they really are- sweeties~ 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

End of a Wonderful Week

Today, I'm not feeling at all great. Allergies/sinuses have hit us all. Allen started with them the other day, and I should have taken notice with all the rain and wind, and just took some zyrtec, but did I...NOPE. Reid has actually been sleeping today- he's just as drained as I am feeling now, I am sure. Hayleigh despite having a slightly runny nose has been running 110mph all around, but has let me at least rest.

This past week flew by way too fast as usual. I'm anxious for this week to be over, and to HOPEFULLY have some news by the end of it. If I do get any news, I am pretty sure I will be doing cartwheels, or attempting to do them anyway. I have my hopes up already, but I know I will probably be waiting, because when does anything actually happen as fast as you want it to when you are already anxious? I just know after spending 5 whole weeks away from my husband, and best friend, it was really hard to see him leave this morning when I left him at the airport. HOPEFULLY this will be one of the last times of having him fly out, and leave us... I can only HOPE. If anyone out there prays, please think of me!~ I could use all the help I can get!!~

It seems like the past month has been solid pictures of us and of the kids. I know when we finally get settled, I'm really going to have a really hard time picking out which pictures to hang up, and which ones to store. I LOVE them all, and I guess if I had it my way, I would have every wall covered with pictures of our family. We worked soo hard for it, and I just want to show it off as much as I can I guess.

Hayleigh will be 3 in less than thirty days.... I cannot tell you just how much this makes me want to cry. This past week we all went out to Chinese. It was good, but I left there kind of mad. They charged us for a 3-11 year old child buffet. I wanted to scream she's NOT 3 yet!!! I'm trying to hang onto her being little as long as I can, and it just seems like everything in this world is trying to steal it away. ( I didn't say anything- we just paid it, and left it at that)  I'm still working on Hayleigh's yearly birthday video, and the song I have picked has made it soo hard to work on it. It has gotten to the point that I cannot listen to it without tearing up. I'm a big sap and I know it...BUT at least I'm not near as bad as her Daddy. Every night this past week, Hayleigh laid in bed with us- right between us. Daddy is a big Ole softy, and Hayleigh knows this. I get a kick out of Hayleigh getting in bed with us/me.. She comes up with her army of bedtime buddies, and hands them up one by one, saying their name as she hands them up. It usually goes like this.."Bear, Minnie, Pig," and pointing to herself, "Hayleigh."  She takes advantage of Allen all of the time. She is very clearly Daddy's girl, and is not afraid of expressing this in my presence. This makes me feel a little bummed, BUT I can't really say much, because Reid is a total Mama's boy, and my day will come with him.

Other than all of that, it has been pretty busy around here, especially with Allen home. I'm just hoping that the next few weeks fly by, and I can get Allen the Father's Day present I am hoping for. It will involve a camera and both kids cooperating- I hope! I'm wanting to write on the bottoms of their feet, We (Heart) Daddy. I found it on pinterest, and I have been saving it for a few months now. We shall see!