About Me

My photo
Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I'm going crazy just thinking about you baby

That is the soundtrack song of my life right now.. KC and JOJO's Crazy song, minus the break up. Just me going crazy.. The only part stuck in my head to this song is I'm going crazy crazy crazy, just a thinkin about you lately...

I have started to loose it this week. I was doing really good, not really worried about anything.. until now. I am just sick of being a zombie waiting to find out what the news is at this point. My dreams do not make ANY and I do mean ANY sense at all. They started last week with Michael Jackson trying to kill me, now, I couldn't even begin to tell you anything about what I had just dreamed! Does this get worse??? Stay tuned and we will find out! I sleep all day, but I do not really get "rested" because of the crazy dreams and the anxiety.

It seems like my days go as followed..
6:30am - go home from work
6:45am - feed Daisy and check mail
7am - however long I stay up... usually 10am surf the Internet, look at message boards, research everything I can on every symptom, etc., and watch shows on DVR recorded from prev. night, and Discovery Health Channel
10am or whatever time I stayed up till- go to bed, try to sleep.. wake up around 2-3pm and call Allen.. I usually call him every few hours to see how he is doing
2-3pm clean around the house, feed Missy and Toby, make lunch... wonder around the house anxious
6-7pm take shower,go back to bed, to try to get some quality sleep to no avail.
12am get up and get ready to get ready for work- reset alarm until it is 12:30am... then I get up get dressed and leave for work
1am - 630am work


This has been my schedule for the last few days.... I know I should do something to keep busy, but, I cannot mow the yard- huge de-stresser for me, I get bored doing anything else too...

I know sometime in the future I will look back on this and think whoa!! WHat the hell was going on in my head!?? Truth is I don't know right now! Hopefully the cloud will lift sometime soon.. or I might just be on it here in a week or so when we find out if we are preggers or not!

This is all probably just scrambled up, if you can follow this all, you are a whole lot better than I am right now!

Monday, August 24, 2009


Well, it seems like everyone is trying to help me not get my hopes up now.. I am okay! Just a bit emotional anymore. I just have a calm sense that this is going to work out somehow. I swear somedays, I "feel" like I'm pregnant... somedays, I think I am losing my mind, making up these "feelings" in my head, and making myself physically have them. Who knows? Right?

I rode with Allen this morning after I got off work to "help" him load pigs. I just stood by the gate on the outside and watched basically. He has gotten very protective of me. It's kind of cute really. If anyone knows me, it is very hard for me to let someone do anything for me. I just feel guilty and lazy. I can do it! Well.. I have backed off this.. I cannot think of just myself anymore, until we find out if we are expecting or not. Everything is still surreal.

On another note, I have been so dang gone hot! I run the air conditioners on full blast, I sweat like a pig when I sleep at night, and, I have the weirdest dreams!

I'm getting ready to lie down now for a nap.. I will get my sleep later on tonight when the sun goes down.. otherwise, I just cannot really REALLY sleep.

Well, baby M, or babies, I hope if you are in there, you are okay, and are growing and getting stronger everyday. Soon you will no longer be a secret... you will never know how much we love you!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

So, Do you FEEL Pregnant???

So, do you feel pregnant?? That has been the most popular thing I have been asked from this whole week. I don't know.. should I feel pregnant? I guess I do, but, I am still in denial of what we had done on Monday. It is still kind of surreal. When will I finally start saying.. I could be pregnant? I don't know exactly how soon to start feeling "pregnant". But, I have had false pregnancy feelings before, and I think that I am just not wanting to set myself up for a disappointment.

So, Tuesday, was the first day my boobs really REALLY started to balloon up and hurt. My lower stomach has hurt since Monday, but only really hurts now when I get to really moving around.. kind of crampy, but not like menstrual cramps, but kind of like a somewhat constant pain. Dizziness- I started feeling dizzy on Thursday, when I was out with Allen hauling pigs to Beardstown, and it just lasted a few minutes. On about Wednesday, I noticed that I can run the air conditioner in our bed room at full blast, and still be hot- raised body temp. I don't know if it is from me drinking more, but not excessively more, but I have to pee twice as much as normal- this could be due to my uterus swelling up. Last, I have small food cravings, this could be normal though.

So, lets count them up...
1. boobs swelled up and hurting -Allen loves this one
2.Crampy ache in lower back and lower abdomen
3. Dizziness
4. Higher body temperature
5. going to pee more
6. food cravings?
7. Nausea
8. Even though I did not list this, fatigue- I don't know if I really will notice this- I can always take a nap- it is my hobby.

My legs have been cramping up, even though I have been eating plenty of bananas,and taking my prenatals.. so I should be getting plenty of potassium.

The only symptoms missing are spotting, missed period, and a positive blood test.

I have a little bit to wait yet, a week from this coming Friday, is the day I am waiting for to take the test.. September 4th. Everyone has been getting soo excited and anxious, but me, I think. I know when it gets closer to test day, I will be a bit more excited, but, for now, I am just trying to relax and take everything in.

My in-laws are talking about being here for test day. I love them both, but I am really afraid of disappointing everyone, with a negative result. Then, who knows how I am going to react... I just would feel really guilty for anyone to make a special trip here, all the way from California, to see me a total wreck.. I am hoping that this does not happen, but, I would rather expect the worst, and hope for the best. It is strange though, I am not really worried, just kind of a sense of everything is going to be fine, and work out, is what I have really felt lately.

On a good note, I have been taking it really easy. I will not lift anything over 10lbs, Allen mowed the yard yesterday, and will be taking care of it until we find out if the IUI was successful. I am still taking my prenatals, and drinking plenty of grape juice, eating healthy, and not drinking anything with alcohol, or caffeine. I have also avoided anything with chemicals in it- strong cleaners, etc. Ohh, and I have been rubbing my tummy and relaxing as much as I can. So, I think that I have been doing everything possible to do everything right on promoting a healthy pregnancy, if I am pregnant right now.

It is funny, everyone who has been following us, is now not just wishing 1 baby on us, they are all wishing twins on us! Twins would be perfect!~ they all say.. done in one round.... But, I want to really be pregnant 2 times, not just one, so, if twins or how ever many do happen to be there, I guess our number of children we wanted to have orig. will possibly be going up. Who knows what the future holds? All I can do, is relax, and keep researching on the internet as much as I can stand.. researching is the first thing I do when I get home from work in the morning. Big Planner here!

Monday, August 17, 2009

THE Day!

Well, if you have been following all of this, you would know that today was THE day for our IUI (Intrauterine insemination). What is IUI you ask? IUI is a fertility treatment that uses a catheter to place a number of washed sperm directly into the uterus. The goal of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization. I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome)...I don't always ovulate, and Allen has a lower count, so without an IUI our chances of getting this done the "old fashioned way" are next to nothing.

So, Allen and I left the house at 6am this morning, after I hurried home from work early. We arrived at the doctor's office at 7:30am, and was first in line. The office opened up at 8am, and we signed in, along with the other nervous people - I think one other couple was doing a IVF cycle, because they had a cooler with them. Anyway, Allen had to go back first and do his thing. We both had to go back and sign the consent form for the IUI procedure, and Allen had to show ID- that way I couldn't just bring the neighbor, or delivery man in. Allen got a kick out of that- he said I could get him a UPS uniform, and he could be "the delivery man". Well, I went back to the waiting room, and let Allen be. When Allen came back out, he said he looked around the room they had him in, and there was a cabinet with a folder in it with old "fun bag" magazines, he said he just put it back and thought that was disgusting- didn't know what all was on those. lol.. anyway, he came back out to the waiting room, and we were free to go eat breakfast for 45 min., then we were to go back for my part.

We didn't even go eat anything, I guess we were just to nerved up about it to really eat anything, so we drove a big circle around Evansville, and just went back to the clinic. Well, Kara, the nurse practitioner I really liked, called us back and told us to look under the microscope. I was thinking something was really wrong or something.. why would we need to look at something? I looked and it was Allen's swimmers, just a sample of what she had prepared. I asked her if something was wrong, and she said no, just most people like to see them, to know how mobile and healthy they look. It was really neat to see, and know that they belonged to Allen. I know, gross, but it was pretty neat.

So, she instructed us to go into the room next to us. I had my instructions, and Allen just sat down, and observed. Kara come back in the room, and showed me the vial, containing Allen's swimmers. The whole procedure was a lot like a pap smear. The thing they use to do the procedure some what like the thing they use for a pap smear, but this one had a built in jack to open my cervix. Belive me, it was pretty uncomfortable. While this was all being done, Kara asked us if we did anything interesting over the weekend. I recapped the HCG trigger injection at Bush Stadium with my neighbor, Reagan, in the bathroom stall. Turns out that Kara is a really big Cardinals fan too, so that made me feel good, that this is really going to happen - how can it not without the stories we have now? Before she started, I asked what my follicles looked like, since the ultrasound bitch wouldn't tell us. Kara said that we had a couple really good ones.. NOT 5. That made us feel a whole lot better. Anyway, she then stuck the catheter up, felt like it was coming out my ear, but, I was okay. She injected the swimmers up, and then, took all of the equipment..aka jack thing, out, and lifted the table top up that turned into an elevated ramp thing for me to relax on for 20 min. She gave us the post IUI instructions... basically, I cannot do much of anything for a while. When the timmer went off, we were free to go.

20 min. came and went.. the whole time I laid there, I just kept thinking about how this did not really seem like we were really doing this.... we have been waiting for this day for a few years now, and it was finally being done! I kept thinking of our wedding day, how it was soo surreal, just like today. I was in disbelief that I had just went through all of this, and that from here on out, if everything works, we will be having a baby, or babies, next early summer! Of course, I am an emotional person, especially with all of my hormones being hopped up and bouncy - I thought I would cry or something through this whole appointment. .... Still waiting to cry.. It is just to surreal right now. I'll let you know when I finally do break down- it will probably be a week or so.

So, we left the clinic, and decided to get something to eat for lunch, but, this was 10:30, so not many places were open, so, we decided to eat at Long John Silvers at Mount Carmel, and take the senic route home. Funny, everything big we have done, Long John's has been the place we eat at.. maybe this is a good sign. We realized this after we left Long John's. I rode the whole way with the seat reclined all the way back... it hurt to laugh, or anything like that, and I had been making a few phone calls to let people know how it all went. My dear friend Mia, had me laughing about her trip to the pool with Holden... I had to make it a short conversation, it just hurt too bad to laugh.

Ater getting back to Olney, we had to go to the store to pick me up some fresh pineapple and grape juice, per advice from Jamie :)... We went home, and I hobbled the whole way into the house and down to the couch, where I remained until about an hour ago. I had to take Allen in to his truck, so he could leave out tonight, so he could pick up piggies tomorrow.

I am still crampy, my back hurts, and I move very slow... better to under do it, than to over do it. I'm not complaining, I am enjoying being sore for the first time, and I am refusing tylenol.. it is the only thing I can take. I want to remember all of this, no pain, no gain - right?

I'll have some pics and recap up tomorrow about the Cardinals game from Saturday. In the mean time, keep us in your prayers! It is all in God's hands now!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

It's MY Life!

Well, Saturday was an interesting day... It was my most emmotional day so far that is. Allen and I got up and left the house at 6am on Saturday morning, Allen stopped and picked me up some breakfast on the way to Evansville, to help settle my nerves. We arrived a half hour early, so we had time to sit and read, while we waited for the staff to arrive at the clinic. We went ahead on in, and signed in when they opened the doors.. This was Allen's first visit with me to this clinic. I got right in for my blood work. My blood pressure was soo low, it took over 3 min. from the time I was stuck, to get a vial of blood. They were going to check my estroegen levels to gauge how many follicles would develop into mature eggs.

So, I then went back with Allen for my ultrasound, to check the number of follicles I had maturing. The lady giving the ultrasound, was not very nice at all. She acted like I was taking her Saturday away from her. I doubt if she has ever went through any of this treatment personally...prob. a fertile myrtle! ugghhh! Anyway, the last lady I had perform the last ultrasound I had done, was really nice. Of course, she was helping fill in from Indy- just my luck not to get her again! The lady started the ultrasound, I asked her how many follicles was too many to have. She bluntly stated "We will discuss this after the ultrasound." She then turned the monitor away from me, and then went on to say that I had 2 follicles on my right side- she was on my left... so now you know how much faith I have in this lady. She also said that I had 2, or 3 on my left,(really my right). She thought there was a 3rd behind the second one on my (right). Anyway, she printed off the pictures of the ultrasound, not even showing them to me. Hormones are about to rip her head off right now, because I am feeling soo pushed off right now.

I got dressed, and then just walked out into the hallway, she never said where she would meet me. She then said that we should probably wait a cycle since I am sooo young and responded soo well to follistim injections, and they would lower my dose the next cycle, even though she knows that this is all expensive, and didn't want to bankrupt us with babies. UHHHHH!!!! What does she know about our finances????? I wanted to say, it is okay for you to just waste our money praticing then, since you knew I have PCOS, and with PCOS, I would respond better than others, why did you start me on a higher dose? - don't worry, I'm okay now- Anyway, she said with my age, this would be the RESPONSIBLE thing to do. I then told her we had been trying for over 5 years now- she then says, "ohhh, well that's going to help." She then asked what Allen's count was, I told her that the doctor in Effingham, told us that it was around half. This whole time- she is making the diagnosis- not the DOCTOR! Anyway, she says it is on the chart for 35 million- which was from 2 years ago. She then gets us out of the office, by me writing out the check for $494.00, and says she would call us in a few hours with my estrogen levels, to know how many follicles are likely to mature.

Needless to say, I left there a mess! One would think she would have the decancy to be nice, or, to just let my doctor talk to me. So, we rode home the whole way from Evansville with me sick, and upset. I just kept calling her a bitch the whole way home. We got to mom's to get the smaller needle for the HCG injection- for IF we got to do it. I gave her the recap, she was mad- she said she is not the doctor, and has no right to offer a diagnosis, and she shouldn't have said anything. So, after mom made me feel better, we ran home. I saw that the clinic had called just right before we got home, so I listened to the message. I was sooo upset, she told me that the level was too high, and the chance that all 5 would fertilize and mature would be 10%. I then called her back, acted like I had not heard the message, she then recaped what she had said on the message. I then asked her what the chances of multiples were right now... she could not give me a number, would not give me the estrogen level, or tell me the size of the follicles. I asked if it was my call to go ahead with the iui, we fully understood from the beginning what we were facing for risks of multiples, and were okay with it. She then changed her tune,and told me that fetal reduction could be a possibility. I told her we understood, and would deal with it IF we had to deal with it. I know that if it is a thing that has to be done, it has to be done. She then gave me the instructions on when to take my HCG trigger injection- which would have to be done at 8pm that night- while we were at the Cardinal's game in St. Louis. We were then all set for Monday morning. Whew! I know that is a lot to take in, but that was my start of Saturday!

I then, after I was okay again, called my mom, and told her we were on, and called Allen's dad, and his wife and gave them the recap. They are all soo excited. Ohh, Allen just had to tell his grandma and grandpa what was going on- (they only "like" me because Allen and I are married.) Of course, his grandpa says this is something we should "think about". PLEASE!!!!!! DO YOU THINK WE HAVE NOT THOUGHT ABOUT ANY OF THIS? HONESTLY!!!!!! sorry hormones coming out....

Long story short, we went to St. Louis with our neighbors, had a great time. Reagan gave me the shot in the bathroom at Bush Stadium at 8pm... Cardinals won! Life is Good! Let's just hope that everything else goes this good! I'll get on here later and recap the trip to St. Louis with some pics, since it is too long to keep rambling on about right now.

So, everyone hope for the best! We could be parents to be after tomorrow!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Butterflies- Make way for baby!

Well, today is the last day of my follistim injections. Yay! I don't know if my stomach has been getting more tender, or what the deal is, but, yesterday's injection hurt a little more than it usually does.

We had a long day yesterday. I rode with Allen to haul pigs to the processing plant, Smithfield, which is up around Galesburg,IL. Of course, I only took a two hour nap, so by the time we got home, which was around 8:30 last night, I was exhausted. Our neighbor stopped us at the door, and we went over to their house to visit. Yesterday was his birthday, and we are going to a Cardinals game on Saturday afternoon, to celebrate. So needless to say, by the time we got back to the house, it was 9:30.. I still had to take my follistim injection for the day. So, while Allen was taking his shower, I went upstairs to get ready for bed, take my prenatals, and my injection. By the time I went to take my injection, Allen had snuck up the stairs and watched me give myself the injection. When I was finishing, I looked up across the bar, and there Allen was smiling at me, and telling me he was proud of me. I guess I never noticed him sneaking up and standing right there, because I was focusing soo much on giving myself the injection on a spot that I had not stuck yet. It is funny, I have found that I have less sensitivity on my left side of my stomach.. I thought this was a little weird. Anyway, I am heading to bed, and Allen decides he wants something to snack on first,(he is off for the weekend and Monday). He fixes chicken noodle soup, and then he decides to let me go to bed while he eats downstairs. I through a small fit.. partially from being soo tired, and knowing I would have to get back up, and go to work at 12:30.
I got home from work this morning and just laid in bed all day- until about 2pm.. I was wipped out!

So, now after recapping all of this, we are contemplating what we want to get for supper- we are both starving of course! We are thinking Joes Pizza- a local pizza place by the high school we graduated from. Supreme pizza loaded down with everything except hot peppers, bosco sticks.. YUM YUM!!

It is kind of bittersweet, today being my last injection day. Everything has moved so fast, and we are already almost there! I am hoping that this will be the only injections I have to take, so I am looking at this like the close of a chapter... keep your fingers crossed! Tomorrow we go to Evansville for an ultrasound, and blood work. They will be checking my folicles and my LH hormone levels. I will then be instructed on when to take my trigger injection, and then we are off to St. Louis! I am already getting tired just thinking of how much running we will be doing tomorrow!

It is exciting to know that in just a few weeks we will know if this was all successful, and we will be parents! I am sure that this will be the longest two weeks of my life up until now!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Infertility is a pain in the butt- literally!

Well, today is day #4 on my follistim injections. Yes, I have finally gotten used to them. Today was the first day that it actually hurt. I don't know if it is that I have been bloating or that I just ate fresh peaches heated up with ice cream on top that made me stuffed, or what it was, but, today's shot actually hurt somewhat.

I have finally also started to notice some side effects of the drugs... I have a small breakout on my face, and I am a little sore in the lower abdomen. I know it is not from the injection sites, because it is on lower, and more in line with my ovaries. The other side effect has literally kicked me in the butt, or feels like it at least. Joint pain- in my hips and butt today! It feels like I have done squatt thrusts all day, in all reality, I have laid around the house all day, so I know that it is not the result of working too hard. At least I have not gotten any of the other side effects - unusual vaginal bleeding, fever, mood swings...etc... YET anyway.

I have two more follistim injections- Thursday and Friday. Then, Saturday morning, we go back for an ultrasound to check my follicles, and blood test, to check my LH levels, so the nurse can instruct us on when to administer the HCG trigger injection. Let's just hope that I am not an over achiever on this whole deal, and my follicles are over stimulated- if that were to be the case, we would not go through with the IUI procedure on Monday morning.

I know the chances are not high that this will be successful the first try, but everything feels right, as of right now. I have made myself not think of the "what ifs" with this weekend approaching. I need to be in the best state of mind for this to be a success. At least we have our age, and the known reason of infertility on our side. For us, it is just I don't ovulate all of the time, and have PCOS. Allen, on the other hand, as far as we know- from the last semen analysis, just has a lower count. When his analysis was done two years ago, the doctors at Effingham said that everything looked good- just he had a lower count- about half of what a "normal" fertile myrtle has. If that is the case, then our odds are pretty good. I just keep trying to visualize the whole process as a success. Mind over body - right? So, the best thing I can do, that I have control over, is keeping myself stable and content. I have been on the wonderful internet for the last month.. where would we have been 10 years ago without all of the sites and chat rooms on here? The success stories from the chat rooms on success on the first IUI attempt, have been getting my hopes up. It has to happen to someone, right? Might as well be me! We've paid our dues- 5 years trying... so we should be in the front of the line- according to me, and Lauren, my MIL, of course!

Well, I will report back tommorrow on what new and interesting finds I have. Allen should be getting in for a long weekend tommorrow evening. It will be nice to have him here to cuddle with at least. So, now I'm off to my favorite hobby for the time being... sleeping! Got to get up for work at 1am, so good night all!

I Would Die for That

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


It is funny how I hear about all of these women experiencing hormonal changes while they are taking infertility drugs, and how horrible it makes them feel. I haven't been in this good of a groove or mood for a really long time! I am currently on my last day of femara, and on day #3 of my follistim injections. It kind of makes me worry that I am not responding to these drugs, just like I had not responded to the mulitple doses of clomid I had taken over 2 years ago. On the other hand, maybe with me just being excited that something is actually going to be done has been making me excited and feel soo great too? I do not know, and it's not that I don't care, but I am really enjoying feeling like this! It is just like a calm has come over me and I just know everything is going to be just fine. I also have not let myself really worry about anything or stress about stuff just for the time being... until we get to take a home pregnancy test.

Yesterday was hopefully one of the last times I will be mowing our yard this year. Poor Allen will be in charge of mowing from this next week on, until we find out if the iui was successful or not. I love mowing our yard, as everyone knows, but I could sacrifice mowing for half a season if we even had the slightest chance of getting pregnant.

Ohh I have way too much time here to think of every little thing!

I took my second follistim injection last night. It wasn't as bad as the first one, but still the whole part of getting the needle stuck in my stomach part is hard. I had to keep telling myself, this will not hurt, over and over while I was sticking the needle into my skin. I know I don't even feel it, but the thought is still stuck into my mind that it will hurt.

Other, than the mowing, and the injection, the only other eventful thing that happened yesterday was I got stung by a wasp for the first time in probably 5 years. I did not even provoke that stupid thing- I walked across the porch, and it attacked, me... So, I went into the garage and got the wasp spray out and procceded to spray that mean ass and then I stomped a mud hole in his butt.

Lets just hope that these good mood vibes hang around for good!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Follistim Injection Day #1

Well, today has finally come... my first injection of follistim. I was very nervous about this whole deal. We decided that it would be best to record this monumental occasion on our camera, so I could remember and hopefully reaccount this all to our children someday. Let me just say that sticking the needle into my stomach was the worst part- the actual sticking part. Once I got it in, it did not hurt at all, going in, injecting the follistim, or taking it out. Tommorrow should be better- I know it doesn't hurt. There is just something about sticking yourself in your stomach that makes your inside say this is not normal.. I am going to stab myself. I am really starting to get tired out. I am on day #3 of my femara, and it has a long list of side effects... among them is tiredness, headaches, etc.. Anyway, the video of today's injection is at the bottom.. I hope all enjoy me whinning until I figure out that it doesn't really hurt!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Simple Saturday

Well, today is day two on my Femara... I start my follistim injections tommorrow. Yay! I am still really nervous about doing that. I feel like a complete retard- I went to take my first dose of Femara last night, and actually- luckily read the bottle first, and noticed I am to take 2 pills per day- not just 1 like what I was on clomid. I know, I know- I just have been soo nerved up that I never looked at the dose to take. I just knew I was supposed to take a pill every day. Well, I am still on schedule, I took both pills last night, so I have not messed anything up yet- keep your fingers crossed!

Allen and I went to Evansville today. We had to run a few errands and I decided that I would show him where we would be going next Saturday- that way if I am really grouchy and tired, he would know where to go without having me yell directions at him. I was really proud of myself today! I have been really mellow- I hope that these drugs have this effect on me! I did not stress at all, and I even drove half of the day too! Big step for me! We were even up and out of the house this morning by 6am! I am not at all a morning person either! It felt sooo good not to be bothered by little things, and I just really enjoyed our time together, and the beautiful day- even though it was 93 out today!

It has been very surreal what all is going on right now.. kind of like time is just paused for us to enjoy before the excitement begins. I really hope that I am not building myself up just for another let down. I know I said I was mellow today, but I did belt out some songs on the drive to Evansville- I am such a baby I swear! I had played some gushy songs- they made me cry, and laugh at the same time.. everything like that gets me going. I am just a really sensitive person on the inside... I don't know where I get that from in my family. Neither of my parents, or grandparents are like this... it is nice though- everyone knows how I really feel about everything one way or another.

Ohh well, feeling kind of tired now- it is a possible side effect of femara... it has just been a really long day today- I really hope I feel like this tommorrow too!

Friday, August 7, 2009

How we got here

Today is the start of my infertility drug treatment. This morning I received the package containing the drugs that will hopefully aide in creating the family that Allen and I have been waiting for, for some time now.

How did we get here?

Well, after Allen and I were married, we both knew that we wanted to start a family fairly soon.. we both wanted to have our family started before we turned 30. So, within a year of being married, we decided that I would go off the pill. What started as an exciting adventure, soon turned into a long journey with lots of speed bumps and road blocks. I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) last month, after finally seeing a fertility specialist, instead of my gynecologist who minored in infertility. PCOS is something that I will have to live with my whole life, it has no cure, and will have an affect over other parts of my life- not just fertility. 1 in 10 women have PCOS.

This whole experience has been frustrating for not just me, but, our family too. We have been lead on by a gynecologist that did not want to do anything but prescribe me clomid, which come to find out, I did not respond to. He offered procedures, but did not want to bill any of my insurance - for which my insurance covered. We parted ways a little over a year and a half ago with that doctor, and decided to take a break from this whole mess.

Then something special happened... Allen's dad reconnected with us, after years of road blocks. I finally got to meet my father in law for the first time, and completely feel in love with both his dad, and stepmom. With their visit, we grew closer, and the subject of grandchildren was brought up. After talking over all of complications of starting a family, I kind of got bitten with the baby bug once again.

Allen and I talked about trying for a family once again, and decided to try a different doctor. This time, I wanted better results, so I asked one of my friends, who is a phlebotomist at St. Mary's hospital, who she would recomend as a great fertility specialist. She quickly gave me the name of my new fertility doctor, Dr. William Gentry. She had high reviews for him, which in turn, gave me hope. Shortly after talking it over with Allen, I made the first appointment.

A little over a month ago, I started the process of trying to get pregnant all over again. I arranged for my best friend Mia, to go with me this time for support and company for the drive. I was amazed at how fast this new doctor worked, and at how nice his staff all was. I had a good feeling.... After that first appointment, I went back for a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) to be done the next day! A HSG is an x-ray of your fallopian tubes, uterus, and pelvis. The test will show if your fallopian tubes are open, damaged, or blocked and provide evidence of any structural problems inside your uterus (e.g. scarring, fibroids, polyps). I went to get the HSG certain that my fallopian tubes were blocked, or something was very seriously wrong.... Mia ended up being right once again. She went along with me again to get the HSG done, and was there waiting, when I came out into the waiting room beaming- everything checked out just fine! I started getting excited then, waiting for the doctors instructions on what we would be doing next.

I then got the phone call to which leads me to today. Dr. Gentry had scheduled me for an (IUI) intrauterine insemination procedure to be done, along with some testing prior to the procedure to be done. They quoted me the prices that my insurance would not cover, and ended up being half the price of the OB that I had seen previously. They told me to call back on day 1 of my cycle, and we would go from there. Day 1 finally came, I called Dr. Gentry, and they scheduled me for an ultrasound, to check my ovaries for cysts and to then prescribe my medications. My ultrasound checked out just fine, no cysts, so I was then prescribed Femera, Follistim injections, and a HCG trigger injection. I will be taking the femera, since it was found from my past experience with the last OB that I did not respond to the clomid he had prescribed.

Today, is the first day I am to start taking my meds.. femera being the first one, every day, followed by the follistim injections starting Sunday, every day for 6 days. I am then scheduled for lab work, and another ultrasound on next Saturday, the 15th, to make sure my follicles in my ovaries are not over stimulated. If my follicles are over stimulated, the IUI will not be performed, and we will have to wait a month to start the process all over again. If the doctors were to go ahead with the IUI if my follicles were over stimulated, I could end up like Jon and Kate plus Eight and be at risk for expecting a large number of muliples. If everything checks out ok next Saturday, then I will be instructed when to take my HCG trigger injection, and then return back on Monday, the 17th for the IUI to be performed. Two weeks later, I will be able to take a home pregnancy test. Even though this has been a lot of work, and hours of researching has been done via the internet- thank God we have the technology today- every minute is worth it if we get pregnant.

So, this all brings me to today... my prescriptions are all in hand today, and I will start preparing and hoping for the week to come! I know the medicine will make me an emotional basket case, and I will be in pain, but, if it all works out, and I can show my kids this someday and be happy we did it all. From now on out, I plan on keeping a day by day log of what or how I feel, along with pictures of our progress. Hopefully at the end of this yellow brick road, we will have reached our "Emerald City"... Parenthood!
My schedule for this month- when to take what drug, and appointment dates

If ANYONE is interested in seeing the same fertility specialist as I have, the weblink is below~