About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Blog Archive

Thursday, December 12, 2013

It's Good Enough in the Hole

Today has already started out rocky. It all started to waking up with a headache, then getting yelled at, screamed at, peed on, and it doesn't end there. We took a bag of clothes to a family in need this morning- something that should make you feel completely wonderful, but my balloon has been busted for the day I'm afraid. We got home and I checked the mailbox. We got a few Christmas cards, and 2 packages. One was Hayleigh's anywhere chair cover that I've been anxiously awaiting, the other a sweater for Missy. Neither one was the right size, and of course when I got online I found that I had been the one who ordered wrong. Oh, and it doesn't end there.

We just found out today that Allen will be only getting his one week off- making traveling back to Illinois impossible. Not only is it impossible, but Allen really doesn't want to spend his whole week traveling for just a day and a half to 2 days to relax for Christmas, and we are both at our wits end with having traveled back there 5 times this year, and none of our family traveling out here for us. Makes me feel real special. Traveling with 2 kids under the age of 3 is hard- so hard I don't think anyone really understands this especially since 4 out of the 5 of those trip were me solo. Flying has been the worst, but driving is tiring and the kids get stir crazy over the 19 hour drive one way. Not only is this all tiring, but it also gets expensive too, and Allen absolutely HATES me having to travel by myself, or that I'm doing all the traveling for everyone else. I understand that we moved here away from everyone else, BUT this is our home. Even IF I drove back with the kids by myself, and had Allen fly in, he would still only get 4 days with us for Christmas and I hate to see what airline tickets would even begin to cost now, and he is absolutely set on not traveling the whole week of Christmas to not get to enjoy it with the kids.

 I don't think many understand that we would love for them to come and visit us- Hayleigh would love to show her room off, and do things here since there are lots of things to do. But we sat here Thanksgiving with no family- just a few friends we have made here, and it will be the same with Christmas as well. It really would be nice for us to have our own Christmas in our own home.

I'm just ready to hide in a hole today. Nothing I have done lately seems to make anyone happy or seems to be good enough. I'm stretched beyond myself now, and I'm washing my hands of it all. I can only do so much, be so many places at once, and just be myself. If that is not good enough for everyone, they will just have to deal with it, because I'm tired of carrying it all on myself. I've sent emails with links to this since trying to tell everyone over the phone today would just result in people being mad and cranky with me. I really can't do anything about this all, I know how much it throws a kink in everyone's plans, but PLEASE for my sake of my sanity do not make this any harder on us than it has to be. The only thing we can do is to rearrange plans and move forward because I really don't want to spend the rest of the Christmas Season with people mad at us, and us sitting here trying to put on happy faces for the kids when our spirit isn't into it.

Monday, December 2, 2013

A Thankful Heart

Okay, it has been a REALLY LONG time, I know! I know! Since the time has passed, we have had a visit to Illinois, I have started using Plexus and selling it, Reid has turned 1 whole year old, Allen and I celebrated 10 years of marriage, and we have been preparing for Christmas. I know I missed ALL of November.

We have been soo busy, that the blog was the one that suffered. I've been looking and pinning soo much on Pinterest lately to make Christmas really great this year. I have crafts upon crafts for the kids to do, random acts of kindness in progress, and purchased our first Elf on a Shelf- plush edition one.

The kids and I have already been watching Christmas movies, baking cookies, and cleaning. Allen will soon be home in the morning, and it's like Christmas for me! We have really missed him, especially Thanksgiving. I have the Macy's parade recorded for him to watch with us- our tradition. This was the very first Thanksgiving we have ever spent apart. Last year Reid was just born, so we were able to be together since he was already home for Reid. Next year I believe if he is working, we will be bringing Thanksgiving to him. I thought of this of course the morning of Thanksgiving, otherwise we could have packed up and headed up to him.

We have our 3 Christmas trees up now, and the house is soo festive! This year I have been more at peace with things, and the Christmas spirit has really been strong for me. I'm getting excited over our random acts of kindness we will be doing. I have an infant coat with a couple of shirts on the Mom Swap page for our town, looking for someone in need right now. We donated to Salvation Army bell ringer at Walmart last night at Walmart when we went to leave. Of course Hayleigh and I had a talk with Reid- he's still young for this. Hayleigh and I talked about how other mommies and daddies of kids are having hard times right now, and don't have much food, warm clothes, and toys, and how donating the change we usually put in the piggy bank could help out, and help give Christmas to other kids and families. Makes me cry about it now as well as it did then. She was very concerned about other kids not having Christmas, and being cold and not having much food. Makes me soo proud of her for caring about others. I gave each of them the money we had saved, and we went straight up to the bell ringer. I first held Hayleigh up, and she put the money into the red pot, telling the bell ringer "There you go!" and he told her Thank you, to which my polite little gal gave him a hug and told him You're Welcome. I picked Reid up out of the cart, and helped him. He was very amused with what was going on, and both were happy to receive candy in return for their good deeds. Hayleigh the whole way back to the car was telling me about the mommies and daddies getting food, clothes, and toys. She was gabbing about Christmas for kids, and let me tell you I wanted to bawl right then. She has such a big heart! Reid was content with his new sucker and kept holding it up to me to show me it.

I swear, the older I get the more I cry happy and sad tears. I think I cry every day. I am soo proud of our kids, and how they treat others. It really breaks my heart to know that other kids out there the same age as ours are going without. Some are going without because they have a single parent that is working all that they can but cannot afford much. Some are obviously on drugs and neglecting their kids. All the same, it really makes me really sad. We saw a guy standing on the corner of a stop light, holding a sign in the cold rain close to dark. Hayleigh asked me what he was doing. I told her he was begging for money- that he was in need. Of course I couldn't stop and give to him with just me and the kids in the car. I feel sorry for these people, but I am not risking our family's safety. Maybe when Allen gets home we can order a couple dollar menu sandwiches and give those out with him with us.

I am very Thankful for everything we have, the warm nice home to stay in, warm clothes to wear, and the food in our pantry. I am glad our kids are growing up being thankful and giving as well.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Knocking the Pedestal Out

I really hate writing things like this.
Things that make me really sad.

I know my family is split up. It's something that has taken me a LONG time to get over, lots of tears, and anger. I have finally come to terms that it was for the best, even though I could not see it for quite a while- going on 15 years this winter now.

I've seen other families like mine- one of the parents remarries, the kids hate the new step parent, and it all just goes apart from there. There have been others that can blend a family and you would never know that there had ever been hurt, tears, or divorce in that mix. I wish I had the latter of the two personally.

My family is the one where our relationship with our dad was pretty much gone after the first few years after the remarriage. It doesn't mean that we did not try, or attempt to keep a relationship with our dad. After all, after having kids, I wanted my dad to be a part of their lives, and thought that with the kids, it would kind of rekindle the fire.

Some people may be reading this that know me, and our family, and not understand how I can look at my dad like this, like I should be grateful to have my dad in our lives. Or that he is such a great guy, he couldn't possibly be like that- she's just burnt, and taking it out on the poor guy.


When I got married to Allen, we basically had to a year before we originally planned to because my dad decided to just get married, and it was either I live in the garage, or move out. I was moving out to the garage- trying to make it work. I come home the night that Dad had come back from his wedding/honeymoon that did not include my sister or I, to the whole garage full of my stuff from my room- just thrown out. From there, we planned our wedding in 30 days while I stayed with my mom. I didn't even get the chance I was willing to try to make. So, I walked down that aisle to marry Allen by myself.

Fast forward to 6 years from then, I was trying to move past what they had done. They were all included in what was one of the most important times of our lives- I was pregnant with Hayleigh. At the hospital in labor with her, I was on pain medication after giving in 9 hours later. I sat there feeling soo drunk, but pain free. I was goofy, and talking out of my head. My mom ended up making them leave after they had been doing nothing but making fun of me, and my mom thought it was getting out of hand. Of course I don't remember this, but Allen says it really happened.

Things went okay, until after Hayleigh turned a year old- Dad finally calls us and tells us he is done, he is sorry, and he is getting a divorce. Of course after telling my dad we loved him, and supported him, he changes his mind.

Things have yet to be the same. I now understand why some kids decide to distance themselves away from their parents after a divorce. When a parent doesn't put their kids first, and decides to just start a new family since it is easier not to make his bride unhappy, you can chose one of two things. You can sit there and try to suck it up, and make an effort for your parent who is not willing to do the same for you, or just quit trying.

We all want our parents to be proud of us- we want to please them. One of the greatest accomplishments in my life has been bringing our kids into the world. I would like to think that it would be something really celebrated by the new grandparent as well.

Well, after today, I finally got it. I finally just let it all go. It is not my job to keep anyone in our lives. I can put forth effort, but if the effort isn't returned, or it is just an after thought, then I have to cut my losses. I've been slowly coming to terms with this is the way things are, and to move on and be happy. I am happy- really happy. It just makes me sad to a point when my dad calls to see what we are up to, and I go over the plans for the next few weeks, which include a visit back in Illinois. Now keep in mind I talk to this man at least once every 2 weeks. I have told him things and he has acknowledged them. But when I tell him about celebrating Reid's birthday, and he asks if he is turning TWO.... I shake my head, and smack my forehead with my hand. NO it will be Reid's 1st birthday. I'm sure people I don't even talk to know this. Then after I correct him, he asks how old Hayleigh will be....are we even on the same planet? We talk a little longer, and he forgot Hayleigh was potty trained- has been for almost a year now.

I know that this is not very nice, but I've had enough. I'm sick of a lot of my mom's family still holding him up on  a pedestal when this is all going on, and he is telling them things about my sister and I he has absolutely NO CLUE what he is talking about. My kids deserve a lot better in their grandpa. I don't know who would openly say that it would not bother them that their dad cannot remember anything about his only 2 grandkids. He doesn't even know them, and to miss out on two great kids like Hayleigh and Reid is just sad.

It's not my fault, and I will not be the one with regrets one day.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Leaving the Cave

I swear time has been sprinting right by us lately. The day is already a new now, as it is 1 am as I type. I feel as though I have to ramble on and on about different things just to keep up on here. Pictures are falling to the wayside, as it is a pain to upload them on here, since I'm either on my iphone, or Allen's ipad most of the time anymore. This to me is quite funny because I hated his ipad when he got it last Thanksgiving, and I mean I HATED it. Now, I'm missing it while he is gone, and dreaming of getting one of my very own, or his handed down to me along with my new camera and other snazzy gadgets to come.
The past few nights have been exhausting. Reid is cutting 2 new teeth right now- both up on top. He has been really fussy and grumpy throughout the day. I've been giving him pain medicine and benedryl along with Hayleigh since the weather has been changing here, and our allergies are all flared up. Such a different baby Reid is than Hayleigh. They are both night and day as far as babies go. Hayleigh was my perfect little angel that slept through the night from 5 wks on, never fussed unless something was really bothering her, and was always a happy baby. Teething wasn't even an issue. We woke up and she had teeth.. that was it. Reid....my little Reid. Ummm... he is up at least once through the night still. Teething has been a challenge. He's not as bad as some other babies I've heard of had been, but he's difficult. His fussiness for not being able to do what he wants has been very difficult. When we go out to eat, or just in public, unless he is sitting next to Hayleigh in one of those car carts, he is moody. He has been trying to feed himself lately, and it is a mess. Complete mess. He is a very messy little boy. He tries to experience food all that he can I guess. You hand him something to eat, trying to put it straight into his mouth, he spits it out into his hands to study it. He then is mushing it with his hands, feeling the texture, then he attempts to put it back into his mouth, usually missing. I realize he will have to learn this all on his own, but the pile he is leaving for me to pick up at each restaurant is getting ridiculous.
Reid for the first time last night, asked for his ba ba. I almost cried right then. He is growing so fast, and I cannot slow it down at all. He is already almost 11 months old, and I'm not even close to having his birthday party planned, and I'm starting to wig out about it a bit. I am sure I will go into panic mode within the next few weeks and try to get everything ready. I still have no clue where we will be having it, since unlike Hayleigh's big first birthday, I'm kind of wanting something more small. I always get a little carried away with parties, so I'm sure I'll have a big party before I'm done...or parties I should really say. We will be doing one back in Illinois, and one here in Colorado, since Allen will be working during the Illinois one, and we plan on having his party here on his actual birthday when Allen will also be home.
Other than trying to keep the kids happy, I'm trying to keep me happy. I've been making friends~ YAY! We have been getting out of the house more than a once a week- that is real progress! I'm trying, trying really hard. I've got the doctor visits set up, and dance lessons scheduled to start for Hayleigh. I've been trying to get everyone up and dressed, and makeup on me as well everyday.. something to help keep the blahs away.
Christmas shopping has been in the works- little by little. I'm finding that Reid is very hard to shop for compared to Hayleigh. I swear his age is really a hard age to buy for- and I still have to buy or figure out what to get him for his birthday that we either don't already have, or he will actually like. I'm stumped right now. For Hayleigh's first birthday, we got her a cozy coupe in pink. There is a truck that I love, but I don't think he is ready for yet- Hayleigh didn't start using her car until she was almost 2. We just bought him an activity table, and moved his jumper out. He plays with a lot of Hayleigh's toys, so I just don't know what to get him without getting him girly things he tries to steal from his sister's room that are just neat to him. I think the whole appeal in the girly stuff lies within Hayleigh yelling at him in her doorway not to come in her room, and not to take her toys when he is already in her room.
In the past few weeks, we have managed to go on walks, to school playgrounds, to Fall Fest in Fruita, and I scored a like new play house for the kids for $50 that costs $200 new. Allen bought a dirt bike, and has been learning how to ride it along with finding new accessories for it as well. We've rented a few movies- The Croods has been our favorite so far. We have also had our second set of friends over to the house as well for supper. Last year we didn't have anyone over, so I'm getting excited about future cookouts and parties. Ohh! How could I forget we got our first light snow that didn't stick. But, we have been AC free for the past 2 weeks now, and have had the heat on for at night as well. It's been nice and chilly here- in low 30s at night and 50s-low 70s through the day... I LOVE IT! We also made our first trip to Montrose and through Olathe this past week to attend a cookout of one of Allen's old coworkers. We also went on a trip to Glenwood Spgs to meet up with my aunt and cousin, and got to see the caves and ride some neat rides. I brought home some souvenirs and the kids each picked out something as a gift from my aunt and cousin. Hayleigh picked out a cocker spaniel stuffed dog. She loves it, and has slept with it every night since getting it. It is her #1 toy to cuddle at night now amongst the many toys she fills the other half of her bed with. Reid got a moose hat that is simply adorable, and he loves to sit and pet his head with it on. We also got to attend one other house warming cookout with our friends- minus Allen after our Glenwood trip. We had a great time, and Hayleigh managed to hug and kiss everyone good bye before we left. I swear she is pure sugar somedays.
Anyway, I'll try to get on a computer soon, and get some pictures of the kids posted. We have been busy at least, and have almost 2 whole weeks before Allen gets to come back home to us. I'm ready for him to get here, since I've had a pumpkin patch trip planned for weeks now.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

A case of missing everything...

Pretty sad when I have to go back to my blog to see what I even wrote not too long ago, because I've forgot what I've said on here.

Insomnia will do that to you I guess... I've had it for the past 2-3 weeks. I don't know why, but I just lay there in bed. I finally moved a tv with a dvd player into our bedroom last night, and watched my all time fav movie, Father of the Bride I & II in bed. It was nice- lights dim, nice breeze coming in through my windows, crickets chirping in the night, baby screaming....wait, what??! Yeah, that would be Reid, still not sleeping through the night wanting a night cap- that's what I'm calling his night time 1-2 am bottles. He just wants to suck away on them and pass out into sleep- wish I could! Sleep that is!

So, I worked on the kid's closets yesterday, we ran errands today, and dealt with dog poop in the house. GAG! It is by far the WORST smell EVER!!! Missy must have had some chicken salad thanks to one of the kids last night, and it finally hit her when I conveniently went to get Reid out of his crib from his nap. She missed the kitchen floor by 3 inches, pooping liquid dog shit onto my carpet.. Sorry for the "s" bomb, but it put me into a level of pissed off instantly. It will probably take 2-3 days for that smell to leave the carpet- hopefully airing the house will help. Made me gag, cuss, and ready to take a bleach bath. We also got to stop by some friends of ours house, and get a little visit in. It's nice having someone else we know here now. The kids played- Reid stood by himself for a whole 30 seconds in their front yard. We followed that with a trip to Walmart, then home with both kids tuckered out fast asleep.

Reid has another tooth poking thru his gums ready to break through anytime now. He's growing soo fast, and I'm completely not ready for his 1st birthday that is now less than 2 months away...

Hayleigh got a nice bruise on her check last night falling in the tub onto a toy- it ended up being not as bad as I thought it would be- Thank God!

I finally got our pictures scheduled for our family pictures out here, and Reid's 1st birthday pics back in Olney, along with doctor appointments. I even had to order a new Mommy calendar for helping me remember appointments, since my memory is MIA right now. I swear I looked all over the house for my now missing engagement ring- still have not found it- but managed to find a hard hat sticker for Allen that has been missing since we moved back in July... I'm still missing several shirts, the ring, and a charger and battery for my porter cable power tool set. I need to get on the ball with my jig saw before it hits a cold snap here.. I did however to help this order a new charger, so now I can charge our 1 battery for our set of tools. Aggravates the hell out of me not being able to find stuff!

I plan on over hauling our kitchen tomorrow, and getting the lawn a nice mow, then going on a cleaning spree, and relax as it will be cooling off here yet again.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Being a SAHM and Oilfield Wife

I've had a lot of things on my mind lately, and I just get a lot of time to myself to think about it all- especially like right now... It's 11:30 pm, the kids are both in bed, and Allen is back up at work tonight.

I'm sure some of you would love to know what I do all day. "She has plenty of time to just lounge around", "Must be nice to afford to stay home", the list goes on and on of what I have heard, or what I hear about what society thinks the stay at home mom does.

Yes, being a stay at home mom is really nice, and having the house to myself 2 wks at a time without having to fix a big supper every night since my husband is away at work. BUT, I still to this day miss working- my time with adults. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE getting to spend all of my time watching our kids grow, hitting milestones, etc, but sometimes, especially days that I don't go outside of the house- like today- it was raining all day.. those days make for hard LONG days. The kids get crabby and stir crazy from not being able to go outside, we play hungry hippos, hide and seek, watch some movies with popcorn, etc, and I try to clean. I realize that getting to stay at home with the kids is a really great thing, and I really enjoy it, but some days just get really, really lonely.. It only happens to me when Allen is away at work, and I am here in the house by myself with the kids. When Allen's here, we are out and about 24/7, and I have the company of another adult. When Allen is gone, it is 2 whole long weeks just me and the company of a 10 month old that loves to scream, and a 3 year old little girl who is now obsessed with flying like Peter Pan. So, at the end of the day, I don't have someone to walk in and help me clear my head, to unwind with, or just to have the company of another adult. My schedule runs around the kids, not that of my spouse that is getting off of work, so it is the job that keeps going on and on, that never ends for me.

The topic has come up about me going back to work if it's so hard, or to do something that I can occupy my time with and bring in an income. The truth is I would LOVE to be a nurse, but our schedule won't allow it. I could put in the time in school, and get a job nursing here, BUT with Allen gone at night and for 2 wks at a time, there is no one here to be with the kids- go to their things they will be involved in with school and outside of school. I would most likely start out on nights, weekends, and holidays... I'm not taking that time away from the 2 most important little people in my life. Even if I waited for them to start school, I'm still not going to do that to them... miss ball games, school events.. I can't do that to them. My mom pursued her career into being a paramedic when I was in 6th grade. While it was fulfilling to her, and still is, I cannot tell you how many time me and my sister sat there and cried when she would have to leave to take call, or a transfer, or just go in. She missed many games, track meets, holidays, etc... We felt like we came after her job. I don't want that for my family, so even though it is something I would LOVE to do, I LOVE my family more than that dream.

The other job I would be really happy with that would fit around our schedule, and I can use the perks at home would be to become a photographer. That is what I'm gravitating towards more now. I love taking pictures of the kids- to me you can't have enough pictures, and those pictures should not come from you going broke paying for them. In our area, there is no one that does pictures under $100 with a cd. Their prints are sky high- they are charging at least 20 times what the print actually costs, with a hefty sitting fee along with those prints. I want to do a great job, meet new people, and not get rich off of it, but not go broke over it all either. We have been shopping for a camera, and I believe I know which one we will be getting me. I've been pinning on Pinterest like a nut, and reading all that I can about what I need to learn and know as a photographer with a DSLR camera, since I obviously won't be taking pictures from my cell phone. So, I guess my dream next to being a nurse on the maternity ward would be to be there helping capture those precious moments for someone else if I can't be there to help them though it on the medical side. I know there will have to be a little adjusting to enable me to be able to do that, but I'm sure I can find a way, and not have it take me away from my family.

So, for now we do crafts, work on our ABCs and counting, and just having fun playing around outside on walks or in the backyard. When Allen does get home, we spend all the time we can together, even if we are out running around almost every day. We have our date nights now, that are a complete breath of fresh air to us- and me especially. Not having to feed and care for the kids 24/7...getting a 3-4 hour break and being able to eat my own food without having to share, or feed, or take someone to the potty are great! Those little things make me a much better mom, and wife, especially since our time is limited with Allen's schedule. They allow me to get some time to unwind, and think more clearly on what we want for our family.

Anyway.... lots for our future coming and with me keeping the kids and the family my top priority. There are many things I'm nervous about right now, and things that are in the air that I know will come down soon. For now, I'm working my hardest on being the best mom I can- because that is why after all I am here with our kids every day- to give them the best upraising I can while Allen is not here with me. I know everything will work it's way out. All that I can do is to make a little time for myself, get some adult conversations in via phone, or in the check out line at Walmart, or catching up on hollywood gossip in a People magazine.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Catching up, Mom Advise, and Dates

It's been a busy week here already, and I know I've been MIA on here as well. I started another private blog for Hayleigh, and after announcing I had done so, I wished I wouldn't have said a word about it at all on Facebook. To me, I was passing on something I thought was a great idea to other mothers out there, others thought I was going to keep a private journal of every crazy detail that goes on in my extended family. I honestly got the idea from Good Luck Charlie- the series on Disney Channel. I have no idea how open of a relationship I'll have with Hayleigh in 10 years, and there are topics that are not so comfortable to be handled in person- the talks I'm dreading. SO, I thought hey, wouldn't it be nice if she didn't want to hear some things come out of my mouth, she could at least read what I thought about it all.. I want to teach her about guys/ men, love, relationships, family, and just things it seems like I have just learned I want her to be ahead of me on. For some reason panties were pulled all in a wad, and it was taken way out of context. I will be making another blog just for Reid as well sometime soon. Instead of writing letters that can get lost, this is a way I can save things for both of the kids- for just in case or for just some Mom Advise along the way.

In other happenings, Allen is on his week of vacation now, and is out hunting Elk and black bear for us. I'm holding down the fort here, trying to get my mom's birthday box sent out. We still have 2 projects to make for it yet. This week, I am also getting Hayleigh signed up for her dance/gymnastics classes.

Ohh yeah! Almost forgot the very exciting news- we finally found a babysitter, and had our first date night out this year!!! Our sitter did a fabulous job with the kids, they both were smitten with her, LOVED her, and didn't want her to leave. Hayleigh was all cuddled up on the couch with her when we got back home. I had asked what the  going rate of a sitter was, and found I was a tad high, but after coming home to both of the kids, we decided that our sitter did deserve what we wanted to pay, and with paying more, hopefully she would be more inclined to come back.

On our date out, we went to Red Lobster, had a very nice dinner, then followed up with shopping kid free at Cabelas for the rest of Allen's gear.

There is soo much more I would love to say, but I don't want to be taken out of context again. It's starting to feel like that game Relay... what you started out saying sounds nothing like what was passed down along from person to person. Facebook for me might well be on the chopping block. While I like keeping up with my friends on what is going on, I don't like loosing control of my pictures or posts- which seems to be happening now, so we shall see if I keep facebook or not.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Hayleigh and Private School

So, as of lately I've been checking on which school we will be sending Hayleigh to next fall. We could have sent her to Preschool this year, but opted out for various reasons... We just moved back here, we were planning on sending her to Preschool back in Illinois earlier this year to St. Joe, but since we decided to move back, I was at a loss for where to send her. I know she is learning quite a bit at home- we are working with her every day. Allen and I have discussed where we wanted to send Hayleigh now that we are here to stay. I of course wanted to send her to private school, along with Allen. We both feel that the smaller class rooms would be a good thing.

There are a few private schools here in Grand Junction- 8 to be exact. There are no non-denominational ones. So, that pretty much blows the door wide open on where we will be most likely sending Hayleigh- Holy Family Catholic School. Both Allen and I are on the fence on the whole religion bit as far as school goes. I was raised Catholic, but I went to public school, as did my sister. Our public schools here I'm afraid teach towards what is on the testing more so as to how to problem solve. The public schools here unlike little Otown do get to celebrate the seasons as well as Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc... back in Otown, that has pretty much been thrown out. I think Allen and I basically want the best education possible for our kids, while having a normal school life. We got to have that normal school life- we celebrated all the holidays, and were just kids. I know some people will read this and think I'm bananas, but they are kids- having one night of trick or treating getting to dress up as something you would like to be when you grow up, or as some character you admire to us is helping build them for their future. They learn that they can be who they want to be- any goal in life is attainable. That is what I see in Halloween. We don't do the whole dressing up as dark evil stuff- no devils, bad things. We didn't do that when I was little.

Anyway, getting off topic. The whole hang up has been on just how much we will have to contribute to the church. I don't have a problem contributing to the school, but I don't want to be told how much to donate, how often we must attend mass. Ideally we would start attending once we decided that the kids would go there, but I doubt if it would be on a every week basis. The good thing about Catholic Mass is that there is a Saturday service, and a Sunday service.. Allen is never home on Sundays- BUT any of the religious step stones are on Sundays, so he might have to leave to go back to work late on some Sundays, if this is the path that we choose.

It really scares me to be sending Hayleigh to school already. Since we are not doing Preschool this year, we are getting Hayleigh enrolled into gymnastics or dance, so she can at least socialize with kids her own age. We are just wanting the best opportunities for academics, sports, and any other activities that schools can offer. Being out here means even more for Hayleigh and Reid. What blows my mind the most is that we have been getting more bang for the buck here. Having Reid here in a very nice hospital with a NICU cost $8000 less than having Hayleigh in little Otown with no NICU, our wellness checkups are the same with services they provide, so why should school be any different? Holy Family is almost 1 grand less than St Joe is in Otown. I really don't understand it all, but there it all is. I am just really happy to have a few months to get a jump on school for next year for Hayleigh.

Monday, August 26, 2013

List Making Cinderella

A glimpse into our past 3 weeks~ Yard sale, Hair Cut, Reid's 9mth pics, Otown curse, Bringing Missy home, Colorado - Home At Last!, Clothes My Mom Hoarded and sent back with us with a mountain of groceries, Kids playing in the yard, Hayleigh playing the Kinnect Disney Dance game, Halloween Up, Fruit Loops in a canister just for our Fruit Loop, My supper/lunch last night, and peach cobbler
Here we are- another week with Allen back to work. At least this time we will be staying home since the last first week of Allen being back to work entailed us traveling back to Illinois and not coming back until right before Allen come home.

I can truthfully say I am now burnt out on the drive back for now. When we made it home, I had such a ahhh it feels sooo great to be home! The kids we also equally as happy. Both were going everywhere all over the house- Reid quit crying immediately and was crawling everywhere laughing.

We were all ready to get out of the car, and get ready for Allen to be home. I can't remember if I posted it on here or not- the Otown curse.... every time we go to leave Otown to head back out here- something happens. The time before last it was the alternator and the batteries, this time it was the back glass.... Sigh... Yes, so add that to the list of many things I had to get done before Allen got home.

I unpacked like a crazy woman.. trying to get ready for our house guests, and for Allen. Allen managed to sneak in early before I had everything done. Sad thing was I had cleaned the house just before we left- worked all Sunday and Monday morning on it- and it was still not up to par for me. I was on the phone/online- getting things taken care of. I had the back glass scheduled for Monday afternoon- well, they had their count wrong in the warehouse, so Tuesday morning, the people to fix the back glass were here. You want to talk about a mess! I vacuumed and vacuumed until the excursion was clean Sunday- we went grocery shopping, then on Tuesday, I had to take all the duct tape make shift back glass down. Surprisingly it worked well, but come to find out- MAKE A MENTAL NOTE LADIES.. you can go to any auto shop, and get a clear tight plastic cover made for this instead of using duct tape. Allen found out after the fact we made the duct tape wonder...

Anyway, got the back glass replaced, our company left, and we kind of just floated on the rest of our week.

Of course, Saturday night came and I was coming up with things I wanted to get done for the next few weeks before Allen got home- to keep busy. He will be with us for 2 whole weeks this next time- he's taking vacation to go elk/bear hunting. While coming up with a list, we try to get our extra little bit of family time in before Daddy leaves. I even give Allen his first at home hair cut- we bought our own set of clippers. I did a good job, but was soo busy cleaning up the hair and trying to get the kids in a bath to take pictures. Allen helped tuck them in after we spent all evening putting Halloween stuff up and playing on the floor. Yes, you read that right- Halloween stuff up inside the house. I have a lot, and I want it to be worth while to put it up before taking it down. Anyway, off track again.. We got a new kinnect game for Hayleigh- a Disney Dance Party game with all her favorite Disney shows/movies songs all in one. She wasn't so hip on dancing, but watching me and the kids on the game dance. She then found our stash of Disney sing along movies, and it was on- they are all VHS.. do we have a VCR? Nope... So the hunt was on for a VCR. It was thankfully a short hunt, with the kid's Great Grandpa Bob coming to the rescue! He got it sent out to us, and it should make it to us by Thursday.

So, my lists.. I come up with one every time Allen gets ready to leave- trying to keep busy, and take care of stuff that needs done. I am thinking that my list is way longer than I need it to be, but as always, I'll keep adding to it.

Yesterday, I got the excursion back in the garage- waiting to hear back from our landlords on what they want to do about fixing the garage door- the bracket that connects it to the arm of the opener just popped off- the door is a brand Lowes sells, and this seems to be a very common problem. You would think they would figure out glue and small screws will not work on this method. Anyway, excursion in garage- check, vacuumed, did laundry, cooked both supper/lunch in one with a peach cobbler, got sheets/bedding all washed and clothes put away. I think that was pretty much it.

Today, I got the dishes all put up and done, trash out to the curb, vacuumed again, started with cleaning out the fridge- ended up cleaning behind it and behind the stove.. ONE word... NASTY! Not anymore at least!~ Fixed left overs for lunch- put more clothes up, got 2 more loads of laundry done- one left to go, and cleaned the bathrooms.

This week I have yet to update the kids' baby books, get their appointments scheduled with their ped, my appointment scheduled with a dermatologist here so I can start up on my shots for my psoriasis again, go to the store, clean out the excursion- started phase one of that today, clean out the garage and rearrange it again, finish painting Hayleigh's headboard, refinish and paint our bedside table and touch up Hayleigh's bookcase and our dresser, spray and pull weeds, give Missy a bath, change out more pictures on the wall, take our pool down, get out my fall yard decor, make a tree skirt for my halloween tree and halloween shirts for the kids, dust, and paint the front door... I think I got about all of it anyway... I need to work on some crafts with the kids and get some homemade gifts made up for approaching holidays and occasions, along with keep working on my Christmas gift stash.

One thing I swear is that I am even more busy just staying home now.. I think I'm finding more to do around the house to keep me extra busy.. with the kids, I'm getting ridiculous.

We were going to go and have a pool day here this week, but the weather has been rainy and it is cooling off- so I'm afraid we have missed our chance. Maybe we can hit the indoor pool in Fruita yet- hoping for tomorrow.. My list can wait another day....

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

This Time Every Year....

When August comes every year, I start to get kind of emotional, and tend to go back to reading my first posts on here before the kids- back when we were trying soo hard just to get pregnant. I think it's all part of being grateful for how far we have come. On the 17th, it will be 4 years ago since our first IUI attempt. Four years ago today, I posted this video that I have re posted several times. It never seems to fail to make me cry- even though we now have kids, and we are completely happy and in love with both of them. My heart aches for the other thousands of couples out there that are now in the shoes we were once in. 

Even though our first attempt at IUI was unsuccessful just like many others are not for other people, we did manage to survive through it all, and did end up with our own sweet little family after it all. These days, I reminisce back to before the kids, to the bittersweet time when we were trying for all we were worth to just get a baby. I miss those days in a way- funny, but I would love to live those days all over again, knowing what was in store for us. I would love to see those 2 pink lines for the first time all over again, and go through that miscarriage from the first IUI over again, knowing Hayleigh would soon be a reality. Just to hold Hayleigh again for the first time... 

It is amazing that we didn't have to go through all of the treatments all over again for Reid.. He just happened against all odds. Both kids are our miracles- one planned and longed for, for so long, and the other a complete shock of a surprise of what we wanted and were getting ready to start planning treatments for. Back after Hayleigh was born, I figured we would have to go back and start all over once again. I in a way wanted that, thinking our kids would be mean to each other someday and say I was planned, and Mommy and Daddy wanted me. I also thought I would feel bad because we had such early ultrasound pictures of Hayleigh, and not of Reid. Hayleigh we have from 5 wks along with her, Reid starts at 8 weeks- the same time I was discharged from the infertility clinic with Hayleigh. At least both of them were born into loving arms of parents who really longed and wanted them both. While my views on infertility will stay with me for my lifetime, I hope that both Reid and Hayleigh don't have to go through it all as well someday. I would wish infertility on my worst enemy and best friend, and I know that sounds wrong. BUT, I am the mom I am today because of it. I try not to take things for granted with the kids, I think sometimes to myself to suck it up- the "me" before kids yelling at me to do better for them. Because of our experience I'm a better mom, and with the way society is today- all the teen pregnancy, single parent pregnancies, etc, it would be good for our society to experience that. Maybe then, the birth of a baby, or even a pregnancy would be seen as a miracle instead of a burden. 

I know a lot of people are out there hurting now- watching everyone and their dog get pregnant and have babies like it's nothing. Those people going on about how easy it was, while you are trying everything you read that could possibly help you get pregnant. Trying to smile for others while holding someone else's newborn baby...IT's hard! 

Even though infertility is not a life threatening disease, it is a very hard thing to battle. Expensive, emotional, and exhausting. 

To all the hopeful future parents out there- hang in there. Even if it feels like you are in a dark hole all by yourself, you're not. There are many others out there struggling just like you out there. 

Otown Visit Part One

We're still here in Otown. Plans have changed a little bit. Instead of leaving out Saturday morning, we will be leaving out on Friday morning. We have company coming Sunday evening, and I didn't want to just get home, have to immediately go grocery shopping, cook, and unpack all at once. So now, we can have a day to get ready for our guests, and for Allen to get in on Monday morning as well.

Time has flown by here once again. We have been having a good time. We managed to put together a last minute yard sale here of the kids' Fall and Winter baby clothes. That was soo hard for me to do... tagging those sweet little clothes, then watching strangers walking off with them. We ended up selling half of the Fall/Winter clothes in the end, and loaded up the 4 boxes of what was left in the excursion to sell back home when we get back.

Reid has been crawling EVERYWHERE, and getting into EVERYTHING lately. He has loved exploring all that he can of Grandma's house, and can crawl the hallway in 10 seconds now. He's a little speedster!

Humidity has been awful here, and so has the mosquitoes too. Hayleigh and I have bites all over us.

We took a little trip up to Oblong yesterday, and ate lunch at the same cafe we always do. We also stopped in at the Village Stitchery, and I picked up some new braided coasters for the house and Halloween fabric to make our tree skirt for the Halloween tree. They had lots of cute stuff, but I don't want to take tons of stuff back with us. We then went over to Harmon's drug store, and picked up more Halloween decorations as well. I made it back out with the start of my Christmas shopping as well. I got Hayleigh one of her first presents, so I can start checking off of my lists now. I picked up some cute spider candle holders, a spider web candle holder, and a few ornaments for our Halloween tree as well.

Today, we are going blue berry picking, and will hopefully be bringing home some blueberries, peaches, and chowder back with us to share with Allen.

We just have a few days left, and I want to relax all that I can before we leave, but visit with a few more people too. It just never does seem like we have enough time to do what we want, but that is the way it always seems to go.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Gentlemen ....Lady, Start your engine!

I don't know really what to say. Allen came home last week, we had a GREAT week, and he left to go back up to work. I've gotten the whole house unpacked- including the garage, and the trailer loaded with stuff going back ready to go hooked up as I type. I haven't been really in the mood to talk all that much- I guess someone deflated my balloon on that one.

Something has happened here lately. I don't know really how to describe it, but I guess that the only way I can put it is we are now home. I don't have an overwhelming desire to go back to Illinois to visit. I miss our family and friends, but I'm just in the mood to stay put right now. I don't know why it is that when I want to just sit still and chill for a bit, it is the time I have to be running 20 different directions. Tomorrow, I will start the 19 hour trip back. 19 hours in the excursion, pulling the trailer with the kids in tow, by myself.... Yay Raw!~ Sooo Excited!!! Not really. I guess I'm just burnt out of the drive in the stretch of Kansas and the other side of Denver from here. Not really looking forward to the drive between Denver and here either, all the mountains... Good thing I don't smoke...

My mood is just ehhh right now. I'm ready to do a few things back in Illinois, and I really am looking forward to seeing people, just not driving. If it wasn't soo expensive to fly, I would so be on that for October's visit. HOPEFULLY we will be in the homestretch tomorrow evening right at this time, nearing Otown.

I am praying for a safe- non expensive trip back to Illinois and back, coming back to all my flowers still alive and the grass not 2 foot tall. That is all. Ohh, and for the kids to do soo well again. They so far have been great travelers! So, here is my driveway right now....

Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Mowhawk and What?

I am still up tonight- it is 12:30... I have a heavy heart, and I would love to spill it all out on here, and get it off my chest, but I have other things on my mind that I can spill instead.

It's funny how one random thing can open a flood gate of feelings, and new decisions. During Allen's last rotation before we moved, his coworkers got the brilliant idea to cut each others hair at work. To all get mowhawks.... He at least called me to inform me and ask if it was okay to get one- like a good hubby should. I don't know why it made me soo stinking mad. I love his hair the way it is, and I know it is just hair, and it will grow back. I am not a mowhawk fan. I started bartering with him, trying to sway his decision on the whole matter. It ranged from I'll get my hair cut- he is very opposed to this, to losing special privileges, to getting my nose pierced- which that one floored me he actually was all for that. I finally whipped out something buried deep down. Something I had secretly been considering, but was awaiting the right moment to say something. My heart has been heavy on this for the past few months. I've waited to see how I would feel before even saying anything, making sure it was something that I really would want to do. In a moment that felt like I threw my heart out and had an out of body experience, I told him, Fine, I want another baby. There, I said it. He got quiet, then squeaked Really? I said matter of factly, YES. That was it- my big bomb that I tried pulling off as a joke in a way that kind of really came across as being honest. I finally told him to get his stupid hair cut, in fear he would be taunted from the Prudy wife at home telling him what he couldn't do. I stewed over that hair cut for hours that day. He finally sent me pictures, and I tried playing tough cookie with him about it, and ended up making him feel bad for getting it done- my goal. But then I felt bad for him feeling bad, so I shot myself in the foot. Finally after cooling off, waiting on the Excursion to get the oil changed, he sends me some texts. He told me how much he loved me, and then asked if I was serious about the whole baby bit. I said Yes, because I was still protesting a little bit. Mind you this is on the eve of us leaving Illinois. I was already nervous about pulling a trailer by myself with both kids over 1000 miles away. I knew deep down I could do it, but there were a few that kept doubting me.

Anyway, we ended up going to the fair. Allen was down in the dumps because I made him feel bad, and he was really missing us- nervous for me for the trip ahead too. We finally got to talk on the phone again. I told him the hair cut was fine, it's just hair, and I was sorry for making him feel bad about it all. He then asked about the baby bit again. He asked if I was really serious. I told him that I had secretly been thinking about it. Feeling like we were not complete- like one of us was still waiting to get here. I told him I have to be crazy for thinking that after having the colicky baby from hell- Lord only knows what we would get next time... an over 10 lb baby with even more issues. He laughed and told me I wasn't crazy. He had been thinking the same thing too for the past couple of weeks. He missed the baby bump like I had. What's funny is that when we first got married, we agreed we both wanted 3 kids. It didn't matter what we had as long as they were healthy and hopefully we would have at least a boy and a girl. 10 years later..... it's starting to surface again, after swearing we were done. Now, Reid was not planned - the big free surprise, and after having him without having to go back to an infertility clinic was a blessing. I doubt if we would go back to one now even still. But, the fact still remains we are not sure what's in store for us. While I can name at least 10 reasons not to have another one, I can come up with an equal number on why to have another.

 I know there are probably 2 people out there that I know of IF they read this, thinking, Great! Go ahead and have another, just so you can stay home while Allen works his butt of. To you people I say if you are reading this, I would in a heartbeat go and get a job if Allen asked me to. I have volunteered soo many times to, and he has told me no every time. I plan on having an income coming in by the time the kids are in school- hopefully before. But, I am not taking advantage of my husband and sitting home on my ass doing nothing. I take care of this family whether I am contributing financially or not. What we have and the way we run our marriage works for us. I do miss working outside the home. I miss having that guaranteed break, but I LOVE spending my days taking care of our kids and the household duties I can do to make it easier on Allen. I LOVE that I can stay home and teach our kids new things every day, and watch them grow and do new things. I wish Allen could do it to, and I would gladly tag in and let him stay home for 6 months, or even every 3 months, then trade off again, just so he could witness everything as well.

Anyway, I've been going though the kids baby clothes, getting them ready to take back to Illinois in a few weeks with me to store at my mom's house- this in it'self doesn't help any either. We are not getting rid of any of the clothes- saving it back for my sister, or the maybe baby that could happen in our family yet someday. When that day does come that we can say we are certainly done, I will start getting rid of the rest of the baby stuff. I just don't want to jump in and say no more, then down the road a few years, think we made a mistake. So maybe baby, maybe not.. Only time will tell on if we will add another chapter in our lives once again.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Two in Diapers - How We Got Out...

So, several of my friends are in the midst of potty training their toddlers now, with some trying to get this task completed before the new baby comes.Two in Diapers is not fun...ask me how that goes... I was there for a month.

We are obviously not there anymore. Hayleigh has been potty trained since Reid was a month old, and hasn't had to have a diaper for night time for the past 4 months. On two hands, I can count accidents she has had, but that is pretty much it- 10 or less.

I think the biggest part of the whole potty training bit that makes it or breaks it- prolonging your kiddo in diapers is... YOU.. That's right, you. It all depends on how seriously you take it all. The biggest key to it all in my opinion no matter what method you do is consistency and being strict about it all. If you are not putting your foot down, making it not an easy time for your toddler to wet their pants- making life hard at that moment, and if you stay consistent with working with them, I believe you can achieve success. A part of achieving this is you need to stop diapers cold turkey. Like a band aid - rip that puppy off. Pull ups in my opinion give toddlers an easy way out- they can wet themselves, no big deal. They are after all another form of a diaper. The child cannot feel themselves wet themselves in those things. I think they are really a big waste of money. Now, you might use them at night until your toddler can make it through the night with no accidents for a month- that was our key. Once you hit that, the diapers go completely away.

I dabbled with putting Hayleigh on the pot before Reid was born, and she didn't have a care in the world about it. She like flushing the potty, but that was it. I was sitting there scared to death that I would have two in diapers, and I did... It was like a big assembly line to me. Change the newborn, then change Hayleigh. Diapers to me are the easy way out. You go on a trip, you are not constantly stopping, or just going out in public. We make at least 1 stop to the bathroom when we go out, regardless if Hayleigh just went right before we left. It is annoying, but I am happy she is potty trained. Anyway, back to dabbling..  it scared me. I thought how in the heck do you get a toddler to sit on the potty and actually learn to go on it? It's not like training a puppy- smack them with a newspaper while yelling no, does not work with a toddler. I'm pretty sure child services would be called to your house if you actually did that.

I started researching what worked for people and what did not out there. The one the stuck in my mind, and still does was a mom and her little girl. The girl would regress at night when she wore pull ups. When she wore underwear, she was fine. The mom finally sit down and asked her why? The little girl told her because she could when she was in pull ups, so she did. That right there did it. I read so many different ways, and my nurse while I was having Reid told me the same deal. There is a book out she had read, but same concept. Go without any diapers, and stay home for a week- work straight on it. She told me how she wanted to give up, and there was mess after mess the first day. But, but the third day, it was much better. I was still scared to try this all.

What finally clicked with me one day was how I broke Hayleigh from her paci and from her bottle- COLD TURKEY. I finally got fed up with it all- the paci. She caught me in a hormonal mess one night when I was hurting from pregnancy pain from Reid. Hayleigh always slept with a paci. ALWAYS. Well, one night I didn't feel like searching the house top to bottom for a flipping paci. I told her if she couldn't find one, then it was tough cookies. She maybe cried for 5 minutes, I went in and did the not so great thing, but I yelled at her. I made it tough on her. I told her if she couldn't find her paci, the paci was gone. Mommy was not running to the store for a new one. She would have to make it through the night without. I got up a few more times, stressing my point. You know what happened? She forgot all about the paci by night #2. So, I realized from thinking back to that, I had to make things uncomfortable or hard for her.

One day, I was determined to do this. I brought her out to the living room, because I was not about to live in the bathroom. My mom suggested giving her lots to drink, then sitting her on the pot every 20 minutes. Well, the bad thing about this for us was she would sit, and not do anything... 5 minutes later- she would pee her training pants. I finally at my wits end- mainly due to colicky baby, decided to strip her pants off, bring that potty chair in the living room, put a towel under it, and make her sit on it until she peed. The pattern I found was she was peeing during her shows. She would get so into them, she would forget what we were doing. Day one of this, I had to bribe her with candy that she picked to sit on the potty. For every time she peed, she got a good gob of candy. I made it a great thing. If she peed her pants, she got her butt smacked once and a good stern talking to- I made it really tough on her. It was hard for me, but I kept on it. Day two came, and we were doing better. She would sit on the potty, but I had to really shell out the candy for sitting on it and for going on it. Day two I thought to myself that this would be the way it would be for months, and I was ready to say screw it, and put her back in diapers. Taking care of a newborn at the same time was crazy, but I did it. Day 3 came, and it was like someone flipped a switch. She was sitting on the potty through her 20 min shows on Disney Jr, and after them, she was dumping her pot in the toilet. I did not teach her to dump it. She did it all on her own when I told her to wait a minute because I was in the middle of cooking, and here she come packing her pot insert and heading straight to the potty to dump and flush it. After seeing that, I was one of the proudest moms in the whole world! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

 After that, we kept up with naked bottoms  for a few weeks, gradually moving to underwear. Hayleigh had problems getting them pulled down, then back up. We finally moved to underwear though, and managed to venture out and about, making several potty breaks, and limiting drink intake for her. We kept on her strong. For every accident she had, I did not say it's okay- unless it was my fault on not getting her to a potty quick enough. I didn't listen to her a few times. For those I told her it was not her fault. The others though, she got a smack on her butt, and me talking stern to her about how we do not pee our pants.

I felt like I was being a mean mom though the whole deal, but we can't be our kid's friends all the time. We have to be their parents, and make them do things for their own good, whether we like it or not. Hang in there Momma, it will get better. I realize that I have had it easy with Hayleigh. I have a few friends that started their babies out at a year, and guess what?? They are still not out of diapers. Some kids take longer, but if you hang in there, and stick to your guns, be determined, stay consistent with them, I PROMISE you will be out of diapers! Find what works for you and run with it to the potty!

Monday, July 22, 2013

Settling Down

So, it's been a while... a good 3 weeks at least. I know, I know... shame on me! I've been busy of course! I moved the kids with a 14' trailer we borrowed of a friends, and drove ourselves to Denver to meet Allen for him to drive the rest of the 4 hour trip in. After pulling that trailer by myself, I am convinced I can do just about anything. I'm glad that my husbands and our friends had a lot of faith in me because there were lots of people who did not.

We are now all moved in. I just pretty much have the garage to go through and start on babying the yard. I've been on weed patrol today, and I'm beat. Yesterday, we ventured out to the Walmart closest to us, and I managed to pick up a swimming pool for the kids, and sidewalk chalk- all in a scheme to keep them busy and happy in the back yard while I deweeded the landscaping.

The inside of the house I am pretty much happy with the way I have it so far. I'm now to the point of the unpacking that is not fun anymore- the non decorating part. I like the layout of this house better than the Fruita house, but I miss the health of the back yard of the Fruita house. I think that is all really miss about that house. I love having carpet again- I hated hardwood floors. Hayleigh busted her lip on the 4th of July last year dancing on it. It was a pain to keep clean- everything slid across the floor and under the couch and tables.

Hayleigh is now also graduated into a big girl bed. She is in her very own full sized bed! She has been doing great so far on it, and has not run to my bed scared in the middle of the night- like I had thought she would do after co rooming with me for the past few months.

She has also started to go potty all by herself now too! YES!!! I am soo proud of her! Reid has also started to take multiple naps through the day too. Once in the morning, and once in the afternoon. Praise God!! Now, if only Hayleigh would take a nap in the afternoon, I would have more time to myself besides the night owl hours.

We are now on a mission to all lose some weight- or get in better shape. Allen has joined a gym, and I've started walking with the kids every evening. We have to walk to the mailbox everyday now, so out comes the double jogger with the kids in tow. They both really enjoy it, even though it has been kind of hot. We enjoy meeting the new neighbors, and kind of getting a feel for our new neighborhood too.

Other than all of the unpacking and keeping busy, I haven't had much time to really think about much of anything else. I wish some things were better than they are, I hope for some things to get better. For this moment I think I can really say that I am happy. I think the biggest relief is to be back to our own schedule, and own place once again, and not in limbo.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

One of THOSE kind of people

Today, it finally dawned on me... I am one of those kind of people. What kind you ask? WELL.... There are people who collect stuff and there are people who could care less about stuff and live pretty basic. I realized today after packing to go back out to Colorado that I have indeed collected quite a bit of stuff. Geesh! I am now having to tow a 14' trailer behind the excursion on our way back out now.... Yeah.... I know.

Now, to clarify MOST of the stuff is clothes- the kid's clothes, and more toys, and my mom's couch and love seat, and an entertainment center I found here I loved, and a 4' tall stuffed giraffe. I know the giraffe part is a little silly, BUT... it is the exact one I wanted for Hayleigh when she was born and got it 75% off, so I had to get it! ( I went through a giraffe phase when I was pregnant with her. It's a wonder her nursery was not done in giraffes)

So, here we are 3 days until we leave, and I am praying that everything fits in this trailer and in the back of the excursion. Luckily, we will be coming back a month later, and I can always pick up anything I could not fit, and again if needed for Halloween as long as I come back as planned.

So, yeah, I am a collector of stuff. I'm always looking for something we can use/need...more toys for the kids, clothes for them, stuff for Allen and I... I really need to stop. My Christmas tree is already overloaded... I have to put 2 up to get all my ornaments up. I can decorate a whole house for Christmas with everything I have..I have gone bananas on the Willow Tree figurines, and I still have a few more I would love to have- my curio cabinet my dad built can only hold so many... ugghhh! What is a girl to do?

I am also getting bad on pictures too.. IF I put up all the pictures I wanted, we would have every wall covered like a shrine to the kids in the house. That is bad... I guess I just need to invest in digital large frames that I can have them rotate pictures every now and then.

At least I guess I get it honest... my dad hoards guns, and reloading stuff, my mom is holidays, and I am a mix of the both and then some. I have 2 large totes of hunting apparel for just me, and I probably will not get to even go for another year or two.

You don't even want to know about baby clothes... I have yet to sell any of Hayleigh's, or Reid's for that matter, or even my maternity wardrobe.

I foresee a huge garage sale in our near future! I know the baby clothes will be condensed. I will be going through them and keep the meaningful ones in our cedar chest, and be sending the totes back to my mom for my sister to go through. Anything she doesn't want for the future someday will get sold. I honestly don't know if I can let go of those little clothes! I get really emotional about them when I see them, and smell them all. All smell of dreft baby detergent.

Yes, I confess, I am a hoarder with some OCD thrown into the mix. God help me!

So, what to do? I'm praying that I can get over the baby stuff, and move on. I've got to get rid of this baby fever first, and one of us <cough Allen> has to get fixed first. I don't want to get rid of the baby stuff and find out we are having another!

Anyone else have this problem out there? I hope I'm not the only one!!!

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Hayleigh's 3rd Birthday

Hayleigh turned 3 years old at 6:28 this morning. I have to tell you that all day yesterday, I watched the clock thinking back to what we were doing 3 years ago at that time. I thought that with time that birthdays would get easier, but they do not. I long to be back in that hospital room, holding Hayleigh again for the first time. I don't know quite why, because she is here with us now, and is growing and playing with us and Reid.

I've been a hot mess of tears and sobbing the past day now. I even caught Allen crying on the phone this morning because he is at work, and not here to hold Hayleigh and give her hugs and kisses on her birthday.

While 3 years seems like a long time, at the same time it seems like it was just yesterday that everything happened.

I'm an emotional mess today, and I am well aware I have a few months until it's Reid's 1st birthday too. The hot mess train will be back around the horn soon enough. Right now I am happy and grateful for our family we have right in this moment, and I'm trying to enjoy it all the best I can. I know I will be longing someday to be back here, singing Itsy Bitsy Spider with Hayleigh and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as she is asking me to sing with her again and again.

If you missed her birthday video, here it is once again.

Happy Birthday Hayleigh! You will never know just how special you are to us! 

Monday, June 10, 2013

Hayleigh turning 3...Mommy Wisdom

As you can see I put the yearly birthday video out early this year. I couldn't wait to get it online, and we are busy for the next few weeks, so I made myself sit down and finish it tonight.

My mother n law commented that Hayleigh shouldn't be three years old already on the 30th of this month, but alas, it is so. I sit here thinking about everything. Where we have been, where we have yet to go, and how life was before Hayleigh & Reid. I finally found the words to describe what I feel about being a mom. There was no life really before my kids. I didn't really Live live, or really breathe. It felt somewhat like I/we were on auto pilot. We did live, but take for instance, holidays... Christmas is completely different with kids. Everything is new again, and magical...like it was when I was little. Everything in general is new again. When you grow up, you see everything muted compared to when you was a kid. Now, I see things kind of like when I was a kid again... clouds are now shapes and animals.. they are things! The belief that everyone is a princess through Hayleigh's eyes, makes me feel better about myself- I have found my prince afterall. Just seeing those little eyes light up over something soo small that anyone would just over look, like a dandy lion.. used to be my sworn enemy in my yard, now they are FLOWERS... and Hayleigh is right, they are pretty yellow flowers. Talk about a lot less stress for me and the yard.

Anyway, when you become a mother, or a father, that first breath your baby takes, is a new breath for you- you are no longer just <insert name here> You are now a Mommy or a Daddy! You are now a hero, best friend, healer of boo boos, you name it, you are the best of it in those little eyes.

That's how I feel. A simple kiss can make a boo boo all better, and when I'm having a completely miserable day, all it takes is for those little eyes that I love to look up at me while little arms are wrapping around me giving me a hug for no reason but because they love me for me.

I know that these days are very limited. The days of being hero, best friend, best at everything in their eyes. It makes me really sad that the time has been flying by faster than what it did before they were even here with us.

So, I guess what I have to say is don't take anything for granted. Something as little as a baby clapping for the first time- (Reid did this past weekend) something as new like that is exciting once again because you took the time to say it was, even though it's just clapping any other time. Celebrate any little thing you can, because it will someday all be gone. Those little things will suddenly be the big things that you remember and love soo much in life.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Making a Will and Guardianship.... I am certain one of the hardest decisions of my life....

Do you know where your kids would go if you were to pass on? That has be a dilemma for Allen and I ever since Hayleigh was born. Do we have anyone picked out? NOPE.... I guess we are kind of picky when it comes to who would be in line to raise our kids should both of us not be here to do it.

Allen and I are needing to get our will completed. I realize that the probability that we would need someone else to raise our kids is not likely at all, but it is still possible.  It kind of feels like we are the couple on Life as We Know It, trying to find someone to take our kids if we die.

We want someone who would instill the same morals and values that we both have in our kids. Someone that would be able to keep up with them, and be there for them like we would have been. It really is hard to find someone that has similar beliefs that we do... trying to match religion, discipline, morals, standards, etc... it's just a lot.

The goal is to have a will in place by the end of this year, and have this all sorted out... I HOPE we can accomplish that. I at least know that the kids would be okay with our life insurance plans we have in place if something does happen to us to say the least.

If you have a will in place, and have found people you would like to take your kids if you and your spouse should pass, how did you pick that person, and why? How hard was it for you to come to the decision? We are just at a loss of who to pick, or what to even do if we can't agree on someone.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Three Years Ago Today...What I was up to...

Three years ago today, we had a close version to my dream baby shower for Hayleigh that I think I dreamed of more than my actual wedding day. I think that day will forever live in my mind as one of the best days in my life- or will rank pretty close to the top 10. Despite all of the hiccups we had with last minute details, and another family member scheduling their shower the same day, it was still a great day. My ankles were cankles then- wish they would have been like they were when I was pregnant with Reid. I was swollen and a hot hungry mess after running for last minute things that had to be JUST RIGHT for super prego mama..me.

While I had envisioned the baby shower from Father of the Bride Part II- imagine that... I was told no to storks, and the fabulous cake they had. I was even told no to a stork in the yard as well... ugghh! A girl can only dream! Anyway, it was the last step in preparing for Hayleigh to make us mommy and daddy. What's sad is that I cannot even type that without getting teary eyed about it.

I cannot believe it has already been 3 whole years today since that day. I celebrated with two of my close friends who had battled infertility with me- both at different points. If we would have known how everything would change then on after, I think we would have wanted to freeze time right then and there for just a bit to enjoy things before the bumpy road ahead. Like me, one of my friends had went to the same fertility specialist I have listed on my page here. I got pregnant with twins- lost one, she got pregnant with triplets, and lost one shortly after this picture was taken. My other friend had one healthy and happy little boy, and currently has another on the way, while the friend who had twins lost her baby girl two weeks after being born prematurely, and now has her little boy she loves and cherishes. We all had different experiences, but what brought us all together and made us friends was the one thing we hated most in this world... and here we all were- PREGNANT!

Love these two gals~ 

I never did get to have a sprinkle shower for Reid, and I know I didn't need anything for his arrival, but I really missed having a celebration for him coming to the world too.

Ohh, to go back to that day, and live this month all over again... I would in a heart beat go through it all over again and again... all of the new things a first time parent/ parent to be experiences. All the things Allen and I worried ourselves silly over... I laugh now at, and sit here letting Reid eat- or attempt to eat the grass outside in the yard. Things are definitely different after your first baby is born, but I don't think I have ever been any happier than I am now as I sit here listening to both of my babies laugh together.

Wordless Wednesday...FAMILY

As you can see we had some family pictures taken a week ago. It was hot- my hair is flat, but we are Happy HAPPY happy! The other pictures are of Hayleigh and Reid earlier this summer, and I just love them- captures them both just how they really are- sweeties~ 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

End of a Wonderful Week

Today, I'm not feeling at all great. Allergies/sinuses have hit us all. Allen started with them the other day, and I should have taken notice with all the rain and wind, and just took some zyrtec, but did I...NOPE. Reid has actually been sleeping today- he's just as drained as I am feeling now, I am sure. Hayleigh despite having a slightly runny nose has been running 110mph all around, but has let me at least rest.

This past week flew by way too fast as usual. I'm anxious for this week to be over, and to HOPEFULLY have some news by the end of it. If I do get any news, I am pretty sure I will be doing cartwheels, or attempting to do them anyway. I have my hopes up already, but I know I will probably be waiting, because when does anything actually happen as fast as you want it to when you are already anxious? I just know after spending 5 whole weeks away from my husband, and best friend, it was really hard to see him leave this morning when I left him at the airport. HOPEFULLY this will be one of the last times of having him fly out, and leave us... I can only HOPE. If anyone out there prays, please think of me!~ I could use all the help I can get!!~

It seems like the past month has been solid pictures of us and of the kids. I know when we finally get settled, I'm really going to have a really hard time picking out which pictures to hang up, and which ones to store. I LOVE them all, and I guess if I had it my way, I would have every wall covered with pictures of our family. We worked soo hard for it, and I just want to show it off as much as I can I guess.

Hayleigh will be 3 in less than thirty days.... I cannot tell you just how much this makes me want to cry. This past week we all went out to Chinese. It was good, but I left there kind of mad. They charged us for a 3-11 year old child buffet. I wanted to scream she's NOT 3 yet!!! I'm trying to hang onto her being little as long as I can, and it just seems like everything in this world is trying to steal it away. ( I didn't say anything- we just paid it, and left it at that)  I'm still working on Hayleigh's yearly birthday video, and the song I have picked has made it soo hard to work on it. It has gotten to the point that I cannot listen to it without tearing up. I'm a big sap and I know it...BUT at least I'm not near as bad as her Daddy. Every night this past week, Hayleigh laid in bed with us- right between us. Daddy is a big Ole softy, and Hayleigh knows this. I get a kick out of Hayleigh getting in bed with us/me.. She comes up with her army of bedtime buddies, and hands them up one by one, saying their name as she hands them up. It usually goes like this.."Bear, Minnie, Pig," and pointing to herself, "Hayleigh."  She takes advantage of Allen all of the time. She is very clearly Daddy's girl, and is not afraid of expressing this in my presence. This makes me feel a little bummed, BUT I can't really say much, because Reid is a total Mama's boy, and my day will come with him.

Other than all of that, it has been pretty busy around here, especially with Allen home. I'm just hoping that the next few weeks fly by, and I can get Allen the Father's Day present I am hoping for. It will involve a camera and both kids cooperating- I hope! I'm wanting to write on the bottoms of their feet, We (Heart) Daddy. I found it on pinterest, and I have been saving it for a few months now. We shall see!

Friday, May 31, 2013

Our Week with Daddy~

Our week started out with Allen flying into St. Louis on Monday. He had been gone for 5 whole weeks, mainly to find us a place to live out in Colorado. That in itself is a sore subject still. Anyway, when Allen landed and called to tell me he was on the ground, I watched for him to come through security like a stalker. I had a couple of stupid people come and stand in front of me while waiting - they hogged a table at Starbucks earlier, and for that they annoyed me from the get go. Allen came out before who ever they were waiting for, and of course, I bolted right to him, holding back because I was afraid of knocking him over. I was smart and parked on the highest upper level lot they had there, which was just outside the door of the Arrivals on Southwest terminal- so worked PERFECT! We talked about everything, and hurried back home to a fish fry that his grandparents were putting on. My mom had the kids- Reid spent his first night away from me with Hayleigh, and she managed to get the kids there right before we pulled into the drive. It still gets me how Hayleigh reacts to seeing her daddy when he first gets home. She always gasps, and squeals Daddy!

One of my favorite pictures of us- makes me smile and want to cry all at once -
wish it could always be like this 

Our lil Family- Hayleigh's telling Allen a big story here 

Reid with his Great Aunt and Uncle Kay and Gary 

Hayleigh and her cousin Xena- love Hayleigh in the background...

Allen and his grandpa with Reid- don't my boys look so sweet!? 

Well, we got back, rounded the kids and all their stuff up, and took off down the yard to the party. I cannot tell you just how happy I was to have my whole little family there. Allen had Hayleigh, and I had Reid. Allen packed Reid around, and they were just two peas in a pod. Allen could not believe just how big our ham has grown, and how heavy he is! We visited with all of his family, and finished up the fish fry just before it started to Rain. We spent the night catching up with the kids then after, and called it a night.

Tuesday, we spent the day going on a drive. I LOVE going on drives for some reason, and we ended up down in Wayne County, looking for where they had started fracing- couldn't find it of course, so we just made a big loop, and headed back to the house.

The rest of the week of course has been a blur. We are getting pictures taken tonight- from rescheduling them from yesterday from the rain. Allen is flying back out on Sunday morning EARLY..we have to leave at 3 am to get him back to Evansville.

While I cannot say just what is happening right now- no, we are not having another baby, planning on having another baby, etc...even though the crazy thought has passed through my mind a few times every now and then; this "idea" would be a complete 180 from what we have or are doing right now. I'll just leave it at that. I am soo excited that the idea is even a possibility, and I'm scared at the same time it won't happen. Because of the way I feel about this, I'm not saying a peep about it until we know if it is even possible. I know it would change a great many things for the better, has lots of perks, but like everything else has several draw backs. I hope to have news soon, but I'm figuring it will be a few weeks before we know anything anyway. sigh.... I'm ready to just jump and do it all now!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Booster Seats, Pictures, and Books

I haven't really felt like writing lately- I've been in more of a reading mood. For Mother's Day, I got the Fifty Shades trilogy, and just finished it. I have to say I really loved it. It was quite different from what I thought it would be, and exceeded my expectations as well. I have a few other books to read yet, and I really am just bummed that I'm done with the Fifty Shades... I feel in love with the characters, and I think that's the way it is with a good book- you don't want for it to end.

We had Reid's 6 month pictures taken a week ago, and got a preview of one of his the other day. I LOVED it! Especially since he was no smiles that day- made us really work for them!

Our Lil Ham- He really isn't this chunky, but is kind of squished up in that crate.
He couldn't sit straight up in it, so he is kind of hunched up in it. 
Anyway, other than the pictures and reading, I've been getting geared up to get Hayleigh into a new car seat/ booster seat. It isn't plastered all around on the appropriate age/size that a child should be switched from a car seat to a booster seat, but it is clear for nipping out the booster seat- which is 4'9 and 50 lbs. Well, after much research, it is 4 years of age, and 40 lbs to move from a car seat to booster seat, AND when their shoulders are over the height of the shoulder straps in their car seat.   Also, one thing I did not know those quick straps that lock into your car- if equipped are not rated for over 35lbs. So you have to use the seat belt to buckle the seat down- which is what we are doing now.(Our Excursion does not come with those quick straps) I cannot tell you just how many people I see that don't either follow this, or care. It makes me sick to see this when kids are just so innocent. It doesn't take but 1 second to change your life, and when I'm on the road driving with my kids in tow, I want them to be safe- as safe as possible. I think most parents would agree that they would die for their kids, as I would. Would it be okay if you were in an accident and that $20 booster seat didn't help keep your child safe? I would pay any price just to know that my children would be better protected, instead of just saying that they will be fine with the simple booster that they are not ready for.

I am looking at the new Britax Pinnacle 90 Booster Car seat. It has the option to use it like a car seat- using straps, then when she gets bigger, we take the straps off, and just use the seat as a booster, and buckle the seatbelt through the guide posts on the seat. This seat will be Hayleigh's last seat. It will take her all the way to not using a booster seat at all.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Saying No to the Dress....

So, I don't know what brought this on, but this last week, I wanted to buy myself a dress. Something that fit well, made me look and feel sexy- but not over the top, just a nice date night dress. For the past month, Allen and I have been apart. I've been planning a date night for us for when he's on his week off now for sometime.

I tried finding a dress online, but I wanted to find one in person, so I could try it on and know it fit well before I would shell out the cash. Well, I decided on not one, but two trips to Evansville to the mall this past week. Back to Back... The first trip went ehhh... I think I tried on twenty some dresses. I finally settled on one I thought looked good- I was not in love with it. I ended up buying a pair of cowboy boots to go with, and called it a night. I showed Allen a picture of it, and he told me it just looked okay. That sent me into a night of hormonal mood swings that I'm not proud of. I felt like crap. I decided that the dress was going back the next morning.

The next day, I took the dress back, and was on a mission to find the dress once again. I tried on probably 10 more dresses, and gave up. I settled for a set of shirts that I fell in love with. I feel comfortable in them, they are different from the many shirts I already have, and I can mix and match them with many other things I already have as well. I bought them in Maurices, and I have to just say I love that store. They now have full figure manikins out front of their store with the smaller ones. I have bought my silver jeans and capri pants in there, and they were soo helpful on finding me what I wanted. Allen loves my new shirts as well, and I am happy. Not originally what I had in mind, but in the end I think I came out with a better deal.

I am pretty sure I am done with dresses for now. They just do not fit or compliment me right now. I have some dresses in mind I would love to have, but I cannot find them anywhere, so until I can find one in person, the dress hunt will be put on hold. I'll post pictures later of the new shirt set- when Allen and I get our date night soon to come.