About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Blog Archive

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

28 wks check up and Glucose Screening

Today, I had the wonderful privilege of getting my glucose screening done at my 28 wk check up. I got the lucky draw of getting the nasty fruit punch version of it instead of the orange, like I had been hoping for. The drink was not too bad at first, but, kept getting stronger and stronger, so, I chugged it down when I got about half way done with it. I then got to go down and wait and have my regular check up.

I weighed in~ gained 1 lb, so I am now up to 13lbs total for this pregnancy, which Sandy and the nurse were very impressed with- no more getting grouched at! I am right on track with Hayleigh, which is great. She is a very feisty little thing! She had been moving around quite a bit before the appointment, and as the hour after I drank that fruit punch from hell drink, she got even more rambunctious. Sandy had to follow her back and forth across my tummy to get her heartbeat. That Girl just didn't want to hold still! I had Sandy set me up a 4-D ultrasound order, scheduled for May 14th at 8am- Allen and I are both off, so this will be nice! Other than that, Sandy went over how to time contractions, preterm labor, and all of that good stuff, and said she would see me back every two weeks now... I kind of sat there shocked we were to this point already! So, my next appointment is May 11th at 9:30. 

So, then, I finally got to go back up to the lab, and get my blood drawn. I don't know about most people, but, I usually favor one arm when blood is to be drawn from me, which is my right arm.. this time I told the tech to just go ahead with my left arm. I am hoping this does not throw off my lucky streak with my right arm. I know it has nothing to do with anything remotely of making my test come back fine, but, I am just funny like that I guess.

Everything looked and went fine today, I guess they will be calling me before my next appointment if I did fail my glucose screening test. Hopefully that does not happen, but, we will see! I ended up leaving that whole appointment today kind of freaked out, and with a packet of papers to look over. One thing is for sure, Hayleigh will be here soon!

Monday, April 26, 2010

28 weeks, Final Stretch

Today we finally closed the books on the Second Trimester, and moved on up to the Third and final lap. This has been a pretty good pregnancy so far, and I am hoping that we can finish this all out this way too. This weekend was a pretty interesting one. We had such a great weekend, with a few not soo good things that went along with it. I ended up leaving work early on Friday morning, after getting sick from indigestion. I thought it was just something I ate earlier, but, I would be proven wrong later. Allen didn't get in until Saturday morning early, so, we ended up running a few errands, and then going home to relax for the afternoon. It was soo great to get home, and get some stuff done around the house, then relaxing downstairs in the family room, taking a nice nap while it rained. We finally decided to get up and fix supper, I had bought some strawberries and angel food cake for us to have for desert, so, I started fixing up the strawberries, and Allen started preparing the ribeyes for the grill. Well, somewhere in this, I was cutting strawberries, and Allen needed where I was standing to get in the drawer to get a steak knife for the steaks. Somehow, I didn't stand far enough away, and Allen fumbled the knife, and it ended up stuck in my big left toe! Needless to say, I didn't move, Allen had to pull the knife out of my toe, then it was a whirlwind of trying to get a towel to wrap my toe in, and get band aides. Three band aides later, and Allen looking like he was about to have a melt down, we got my toe to stop bleeding and got everything under control. Poor Allen just felt soo bad about dropping the knife, I told him it was okay, I was alive, and Hayleigh was alright. We were both okay. Supper did end up being really good, despite the accident in the kitchen, and we spent the rest of the night relaxing down in the family room, watching movies.

Sunday was spent sleeping in to the rain, and then taking a trip to Terre Haute, IN for a sporting clays shoot for Allen to compete in. We had a really great time, Allen placed first in his class, and the weather held up long enough for Allen to shoot. We were planning on going past Babies R Us after we had supper, but, after having such a filling meal, and with it being evening already, we decided to head back, and go back in the next few weeks to get our crib set ordered, and finalize our registry. The trip back home was rainy, I didn't even take a nap, even though I was completely worn out. We finally got back home after 8pm, and started rounding stuff up and getting everything ready to start the work week once again. I wish I could say that was everything that went on for Sunday, but, it wasn't. I ended up getting sick from indigestion once again. Tums and rolaids have not helped any once again, and my appetite has diminished once again. To top everything off, I have my glucose screening tomorrow morning. I have been dreading this day for a long time now. Since I have PCOS, I am higher risk for gestational diabetes. The one thing that has eased my mind is my weight gain so far. I have been keeping it all under control, without really trying to watch what I eat. So, with all that has went on, I was fairly happy when I read my 28 wk update this morning. According to it, if I stay on track, I should only gain around 11 more pounds. Now, I am not obsessing over the weight gain, I have just been trying to keep it all under control. If I can come in, gaining around only 11 more pounds, I will be under my goal of 30 pounds. So, we will see how this all plays out.

So, drum roll please... Hayleigh at 28 weeks this week.
How your baby's growing:

By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.

How your life's changing:

Quick Clicks

Third trimester prenatal visits

Inside pregnancy: Weeks 28 to 37

Carpal tunnel syndrome during pregnancy

Gas during pregnancy

Childbirth classes

You're in the home stretch! The third and final trimester starts this week. If you're like most women, you'll gain about 11 pounds this trimester.

At this point, you'll likely visit your doctor or midwife every two weeks. Then, at 36 weeks, you'll switch to weekly visits. Depending on your risk factors, your practitioner may recommend repeating blood tests for HIV and syphilis now, as well as doing cultures for chlamydia and gonorrhea, to be certain of your status before delivery. Also, if your glucose screening test result was high and you haven't yet had follow-up testing, you'll soon be given the 3-hour glucose tolerance test. And if the blood work done at your first prenatal visit showed that you're Rh negative, you'll get an injection of Rh immunoglobulin to prevent your body from developing antibodies that could attack your baby's blood. (If your baby is Rh positive, you'll receive another shot of Rh immunoglobulin after you give birth.)

Around this time, some women feel an unpleasant "creepy-crawly" sensation in their lower legs and an irresistible urge to move them while trying to relax or sleep. If this sensation is at least temporarily relieved when you move, you may have what's known as restless legs syndrome (RLS). No one knows for sure what causes RLS, but it's relatively common among expectant mothers. Try stretching or massaging your legs, and cut down on caffeine, which can make the symptoms worse. Ask your caregiver if you should try iron supplements, which can sometimes relieve RLS.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Nursery Part I

This is one of the first purchases for Hayleigh's nursery room.. thought it fit us quite well. I ordered it in white lettering from http://www.thoughtsthatstick.com/  It was not at all expensive either- which surprised me, with it measuring 22"x22"

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Wordless Wednesday... ODE TO MY MOWER!

Now this is the factory picture of my mower... my real one is put up for now, thanks to Allen. It is funny that you realize just how much you really do love something until you cannot use it! I love my John Deere push mower. It has caster wheels on the front, so you do not have to pick up the front of it to turn, and it mulches, bags, and will through the grass out if desired. I have mine set on mulch, and set to about as high as it will go, to choke out the weeds, and promote healthy grass. Ohh how I love to mow.. my yard that is. Funny how Allen is thinking of putting down new grass this fall. Anything to make Mama happy I guess. My theory is if you don't stripe your yard, you are not making it smile back at you, and do not really REALLY love to mow your yard.. as you can see below, I do! A little OCD about it, but, it looks great to me!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

To the Special People out there watching over me.....

I really want to send out a very special thank you to my friends and family out there.. especially my Mother-N-Law out in California. I had been really stressing out about trying to get everything done from planning the baby shower, that is now a little over a month away, to getting the nursery set up and ready. The nursery still has plenty of time to be finished, but, the shower is drawing closer and closer everyday. A few of my friends who have rode the same roller coaster of battling infertility came to my rescue, even though I haven't had to have them do much of anything yet, and my Mother-N-Law, Lauren, lifted I cannot tell you just how many bricks off of my load yesterday. The shower is pretty much planned now. There are still a few little things that need finished on it, but, for the most part, it is squared away. I know I can count on those special friends to come to my aide for the rest of the stuff, if I need them too! I cannot express how much better, and happier I am now, knowing there is one less thing to worry about getting done in the month ahead. I just want for everyone to know just how much I appreciate having them in my life right now, sharing this wonderful, experience in my life. No matter how hard this has been, you have all stuck right by my side. A good friend that will be there for you no matter what happens in your life is very hard to come by. And it is just a blessing to find friends like this. I know a few other people will agree with me, that when you go through infertility, you tend to lose some friends, but, the great thing is that you find or still have the few friends that will be there every step of the way for you. I am soo happy I have you all there through thick and thin... You are my life savors! I appreciate all that you do, so does Allen, and Hayleigh too! Thanks for being there for me!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Check and Check...

The finished product of my baby shower invite... This is the one thing I wanted the most to be special for my shower

 Well, I have 1 thing almost off of my list... the Baby Shower invites. I am sooo exhausted trying to co-plan the baby shower...  well, okay, mainly me, since my mom is soo busy working. At least we have the Parish Center booked, so that is at least one less thing to worry about! We haven't even hardly started on the nursery yet, and I am just trying to keep all of these balls I am juggling in the air from falling. I have soo much going on, I think that if I blink, Hayleigh will already be here and be a year old. I did accomplish one thing at least... I have pretty much booked my maternity photo session, and have the photographer on stand by for the newborn pics as well. I am planning on having Jenny from http://www.shutterbugkeepsakes.com/ do the pics, plus she will come to my house too, even right after Hayleigh gets here, so, I do not have to get out running around, trying to get her pics in before she is 3 months old. I am really wanting to try to keep up with the pictures for Hayleigh, even though I haven't soo much for Allen and I. Hayleigh took soo much to get, I don't want to miss having her full first year without having hardly any pictures for her to have later on. Since I am soo overwhelmed lately, I will give you the run down of WHY I am sooo overwhelmed...

1. glucose screening on the 27th- not looking forward to that
2. get the baby shower stuff organized, planned, and ready- you don't even want to see my list for that
3. work, work and work... it has been crazy since we have switched districts again.. new bosses, and new crap to deal with- thank God my last day there is supposed to be July 2nd- if everything goes as planned, with me returning the 3rd week of October.
4. Trying not to miss all that is going on with my growing belly- I want to cherish it all
5. keep the yard looking good.. it's not as great as I keep it, but, I am trying to help Allen out with it, without him getting upset about what I am doing- so I am limited to mowing the very back yard with the rider and maybe the fenced in part of our back yard with the rider.
6. keep up on the dishes and laundry, and try to get my house organized- that is the biggest one right there!
7. spend enough time with Missy and Toby- I love them both sooo much, I really do not want them to feel like they are just pushed aside.
8. get the nursery done!!!!!!! - Need I say anymore on that one?
9. Try to relax, and sleep! I am soo busy anymore, that sleep is my one luxury right now.
10. prepare myself for this whole labor and delivery bit...we are not taking any "he he ha ha" classes- my dad's words right there. We still have to take a tour of the hospital maternity wing, and get preregistered.
11. prepare my insurance through my work for after Hayleigh gets here.
12. Take care of my friends and family- I hate having to limit what I do with everyone, I have friends going through infertility treatments, and family just trying to relax and enjoy the time before Hayleigh gets here, that my time has been very limited to do with this.
13. Support my husband, and his sporting clays shoots. We spend at least one day out of the weekend for him to shoot sporting clays- I realize I can be getting stuff done around the house while he is off doing this, but, we do not have a whole lot of time to spend together, so most of my stuff just has to wait.
14. Deal with stupid drama caused by stupid people- wish I could bean people with a wiffle ball bat with beads in it
15.. anything else I forgot, which my memory is pretty much shot right now anyway
16. Try to laugh about anything that goes wrong

27 weeks... rounding the corner of the last of the Second Trimester

Today, Hayleigh and I have made it to 27 weeks! I am soo happy we have made it this far! I will say that this keeps getting harder and harder, the further along we get into this adventure, but, really worth it all! I think Allen and I are learning how to multitask more and more each day, deciding what is really important for our growing family, and what can just wait. We have soo much going on right now, that some things are just being pushed aside. We have less time it seems like anymore to just sit and relax, and our weekends seem to always get booked up by Wednesday anymore. Time sure is flying by soo fast, I just wish we could touch the ground just a little bit more than we have been. Taking care of everyone else lately has been exhausting, since we don't have that much time to ourselves anymore.. I hope that people can understand that we are trying to do the best we can right now. I worry more and more about when Hayleigh comes, who I will or will not let near her. I thought this was kind of silly at first, but, if you had waited for 5 years for this little girl, wouldn't you be a little bit more protective of her too? I like that right now, she is in my belly, and no one can touch my belly without me authorizing it first. When she finally does get here, I worry about people dropping her, and just not listening to me period, about who I do not want around.... there is more to that right there. I guess that I just worry and know that I cannot protect her from all of the wrong in this world. I know I will make sure that she understands wrong from right, and understands that certain things are just not okay in this world, or in society. Deep down I know everything will be alright.. she will have a very loving family to say the least.
Anyway, on a good note, she has been kicking all of the time now.. non-stop.. really good sign of a healthy baby girl! She has been picky lately on who she will kick for... Allen comes home, she won't hardly make one thump when he is near me. Ohh well, I am sure she will be putting on a show pretty soon for everyone. I swear I felt her foot slide across my belly last night already.. so, I am sure we are not too far from the neat shows of limbs poking through my belly.
Well, I guess since I am running out of steam here, here is Hayleigh's progress for the week:

Week 27 of Pregnancy

Your baby moves on to a whole new growth chart this week, while your swollen feet and ankles may need a growth chart of their own!

Your Baby in Week 27 of Pregnancy

For a baby, it's time to trade in the old crown-to-rump measurement for a new head-to-toe standard. So what are your baby’s stats this week (which, coincidentally, is the end of the second trimester)? Fifteen inches — more than a foot long — and triple (or even quadruple) what it was in week 12. Her weight is creeping up the charts as well, coming in at just over two pounds. More big news: Your baby may recognize your voice by now, so feel free to serenade your belly (start learning those lullabies!).

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Pregnancy Promo... Uddercovers

I just got my Pregnancy magazine yesterday, and had to share a promo I found, and actually took advantage of. The website is http://www.uddercovers.com/ They are giving a nursing cover away of your choice.. valued at $32.00, while supplies last. You just use promo code "pregnancy" when you go to check out. Shipping is $9.95 to be paid by paypal or credit card.

Now, given, I have never breast feed in my life, I thought this might be useful, since I am planning on trying to breastfeed in the future. I just thought I would share this with people who might be interested. The one pictured below is the one I have ordered.

Our Maria Udder Cover is marked with our signature Udder Covers™ logo. Contrasting shades of lilac make for a sexy refined pattern.

Made of 100% breathable cotton

Stainless steel d-rings allow a fully adjustable neckline

Machine washable

Rigid neckline bows giving you direct eye contact with baby yet our sizing keeps you completely covered while breastfeeding


As you can tell, I have been a little bit on edge lately. Things that are going on around our lives right now, are just way out of wack..but, it does no use to say anything about what is going on, when the problems are ignored, so, I will just write about what is driving me nuts lately....

Right now, I really despise people on welfare and wick, or public aide, who do not even need it, or are capable of getting jobs and actually in need of it. Some people really do need it, but, there are thousands out there right now, who do not. I really cannot stand these people who do not want to even try to give their kids a good life, they just want the kid there for the extra money they can get from the government, when there are people out there that still have no children of their own, and would make great parents. It seems like good morals, and good work ethics, are not being taught to the younger people of America anymore.

I also despise the people who make the excuses for the people out there that are up to no good, every little thing they do, is like they have won the Nobel Peace Prize or something... we do something great, it is just like we took out the garbage or mowed the lawn... ohh hoo hummm.. Quit trying to throw a blanket over the problem and act like it isn't there, or just because they are something to you, does not justify what they have done. It is not right. When you keep babying these people, they can never learn to stand on their own two feet and face their problems. The reason why they cannot stand on their own, is because they have never been told something is not okay to do in their life, or feel any shame for something they have done.

I just don't understand how when you try to do the right thing all of your life, and live as good as a life as possible, you are criticized, or it is never good enough. If you lead a path of one bad decision, after another, with no way of making a U turn in life, it is excepted as a good attempt in life. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't... or Nice guys always finish last. What message does this teach our children?? Well, it is okay, "so and so" is just like that. This all  teaches them that it is okay to not even try in life. It teaches them that being a jobless, homeless, leach is perfectly acceptable in life. It does not teach them that if you do not do these things in life, you should be ashamed of yourself. All this does is creates a cycle... the future children have no chance of being taught right from wrong, or good morals, humility, and anything even about feeling shame.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am sick and tired of trying to live the best life I can possible, helping all that I can, and not even being recognized for it, while the people who don't care what they do in life, using everyone in their wake, can be the hero. It is not my fault they are a dead beat, so, don't knock me for not being like that, calling me "stuck up".  I feel like a broken record now, repeating myself over and over, but, this is all a lost cause I am sure... the damage has already been done a long time ago.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Marco Polo with Hayleigh

I just wanted to get this written down, since it has not made it on my pregnancy calandar, and I really really wanted to be able to remember this someday.

Yesterday was a great day! I got 5 hours UNINTERRUPTED sleep through the afternoon! But, before I finally got to where I would lie down to sleep at noon, I ended up playing with Hayleigh. This has by far been the neatest thing so far! I had been blogging, and on facebook, trying to get the ZZZZZZs to settle in, and I just happened to sit back in my chair at the table in the kitchen, and put my hands on top of my belly. I feel odd just letting them do anything else anymore. Anyway, I no more than put my hands down on my belly, and Hayleigh kicked my hand hard. I wasn't applying any pressure, so, I thought she was really getting active, I would just feel around and see what she was up to. Well, I moved my hands to another spot, a few inches away from the last spot, and just sat them on my belly. KICK! Right under my hand again, and hard too! I kept repeating this all over my belly, and she followed my hand every time! The kicks were hard enough that I could really see my belly moving too! I know these kicks will progress more, and get harder, but, I just thought that this was soo neat, because she was reacting with me, kind of like we were playing Marco Polo or something. I can really feel her moving around a whole lot more everyday, and I think that is what part of my insomnia is to blame for. I just get in bed and settled, and she will start in. I think I am still just in awe that this is happening, and I just sit there with a huge grin on my face, thinking how great this is to actually be experiencing this sensation! I just keep thinking back to last year, and how excited I would be then if I knew what I was doing right now, so, I cannot sleep, just to feel those kicks and hiccups, just for my last year me. I know that doesn't make much sense, but, I know this will all be ending soon, and I just do not want to take it for granted, and enjoy as much of it as possible.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Wordless Wednesday... Where did the ZZZZZZZs go?

These are my pillows on my bed, where I just cannot get any sleep anymore.. INSOMNIA has set in officially now.. I sleep for maybe an hour at a time, wake up and stare at the clock, before I roll over and try to sleep once again. I cannot wait until I can once again sleep on my back, and actually sleep without moaning and groaning, and whining like a puppy dog, as Allen puts it. The moaning and groaning and whining all started when I first started to actually feel Hayleigh move, and has progressed from there. She is now waking me up with kicks and squirms, and I make noises when she is waking me up, which is now all of the time, except from when I snore now. So, now I guess that Nature's joke is on me now, preparing me for a baby by limiting my sleep, so I will be used to not having much rest when Hayleigh does get here. The Joys of Pregnancy!

My Decision

After talking and thinking about what to do with my blog, I have come to a decision. I have decided that like I have said before this is my blog. I have made it for me, and for me to gush, vent, or cry about stuff that goes on in my life. I made it for me to make my opinions out loud, this helps me keep from letting stuff pile up on me like a ton of bricks. I have added a disclaimer to the top of the blog, that is new. Like it states, I am not forcing anyone to read or agree with what ever I may write on here. This is all my 2 cents, and if someone does not like what I have to say, they can stop reading my blog. I will never put anyone's real name on here, without their consent, and will not spell out exactly who is involved to protect the people I am writing about and their personal lives on here. I am very happy with my decision to keep the blog like it is, and not have to mark it private or make a separate blog, just to write what I really feel down. Just remember... this is what I think..and I think alone. Now, granted sometimes Allen may or may not agree with me, so just remember if you have a problem with anything that is on my blog, contact me via email or phone, if you have my phone number. Thank you everyone for understanding this, and I hope that the people who do not agree or understand this can just respect that this is my blog. Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Painting the Truth..

Disclaimer: Okay, I have been working on this blog post for a few days now, trying to think of what I want to do with my blog... Between working overtime this week at work, to sleep insomnia, and the non-stop kicking and moving of this little girl, I have been completely exhausted. So, if this sounds like I was not in the best mood when I wrote this, it is coming from 8 hrs of good sleep since Saturday for me, along with trying to get all of my other errands done along with this too. Work has been driving me nuts, people have been driving me nuts, the dogs, and lack of sleep have just all gotten to me. So, here it goes.....

I wish that I could be more graceful sometimes, and just smile and let things roll off my back, but, that is not the person God made me to be. I wish that I could just let stuff go, venting about it, and for people just to realize that, my opinion is my opinion, and that is just what I think about things... but, people don't. There are so many things that go on in my life I would love to just spout off about, but, I can't. Why???? Because, I am not the only one who gets the feedback from what has been said. My husband does. I am really thinking of turning my blog into a private matter just so I can go back to what this blog was really started for, or start a new one, and have it for my 2 cents, and have it available by invite only. But, this blog was really made for one thing.. FOR ME. For me to be able to write about my feelings and about what all is happening in my life, battling infertility, and life. I hate having to worry about what other people think. I do not disclose names of the people that should be left private on here. After all this is my blog. There are soo many great things that do happen in my life that I would love to gush over and let the whole world know about, along with the things that upset me. After all, I am only human, and pregnant with raging hormones and now lack of sleep. I really am getting heartburn over all of this just as I type this right now, but, things in life are just flat out not fair.

Because of the things that go on in my life, I really do question my faith more than I probably should. It just is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself. I find myself going over that quote by Eleanor Roosevelt quite often.. thinking of the people who are not willing to bend for me, but, are asking for me to bend over backwards for them, even though they may not even realize they are doing so. I really wish there was a manual for divorced families on how to get along. I hate being made to feel like I have to "chose" a side, even though it has been 10+ years since the divorce. I hate having to act like one is better than the other... come on you are our mom and dad.. our ONLY mom and dad, why do we have to chose between you? Why is it that when something is given to us, no matter what the occasion, or for what ever reason the gift was given, that it turns into a resentful competition? Why is it that you cannot even stand to be in the same room together, and do it for us? Did you ever really just think of me, or my family to be, before you acted like that, and just swallow your pride, or forget about what happened a long time ago, no matter who was at fault? I understand that this is all a new thing, not like the past, when everyone's parents were still married, but, please for our sake figure this out without dragging us in the middle of everything. If you cannot find it in yourself to do it for us, think about this little girl coming into the world in a short amout of time from now, and how you would like for her to see things in this world.

I realize that there are some people who do a lot for me, but, I really hate it when they hold it up over my head, like I am in eternal debt to them. Believe me, I am really really grateful to have you in my life and to have your help. I also hate it when people tell you or your spouse that you really don't want to do something, or question if you are really any good at something, even though it is something that makes you happy in life. We are supposed to build our loved ones up, not smack them down. Dreams are there for us to try to reach, don't rip them away from us! I know when Allen and I got engaged, we were young...19 years old. I can tell you from our first kiss, I knew Allen was the one I would spend my life with,I felt it. When we got engaged, no one was happy about it. NO ONE. After all, what did they all expect? We had dated for 3 years, known each other since the 4th grade, and were good friends for the whole year before we even started dating. So why was it such a big deal that we wanted to get married? We both had jobs, and could take care of ourselves after all. Yet, there are people all over the world that do things "backwards" to me anyway, and nothing is ever said about those people. I still to this day resent a whole lot that was said to us, and wish that people could have been more happy for us, and told us they were. There were some that tried to talk us out of even getting married the day after we were engaged. There were no congrats to us then, which really made me worry about when we were going to tell everyone that we were pregnant, even though we had been married for 6 years, and together for 10 years. I did not want a repeat of what had happened over 6 years before that. To my surprise we did have a lot of congrats, and everything went smooth for a while. Things have moved on now, obviously, and I guess now everyone can rest, knowing that our marriage was a good thing, and we have a happy and fulfilling marriage that gets stronger every day. We have been building our marriage up slowly, but, surely, now finally getting to start our family. I do want to say that I am grateful that we had all of the time that we did together before jumping into parenthood. Not a whole lot of people have to wait 5 years after getting married to start a family. But, to each his own.
There are things in life that really frustrate me, that I know I have no control over, and know I shouldn't be upset over, but, there are certain things that do get to me. I know one thing I am not alone with is my issues with becoming a parent. I have a few friends that have rode on that infertility roller coaster and know exactly how I feel about this. I guess that unless you have to work for something soo special, you really don't realize how special something is. I know that we are most likely more grateful for Hayleigh, than some people would be about having a child they did not wait years to get. I guess that it is all about living the experience. Unless you were there, you wouldn't understand. There are other things in this world that I just don't get, that really makes me question my faith too. I don't understand how in this world we can put someone on the moon, and still need a place like St. Jude's Children's hospital. Why is it that there are all of these children growing up without parents, either because they are foster children, or their parents just flat out do not care enough to be with their kids, and yet, there are people out there that would give a child a great stable home, would make great parents,but, cannot have children of their own? Why anyone could kill a baby through abortion, because they were either not careful, or the pregnancy is an inconvenience for them. I don't understand how or why in this country someone can work their whole lives and not get anything for it, but, the people that do not work, get a check for staying home and not working. After all, even though I work part-time, I work everyday, and there is money coming out of my check every week to go to someone who could physically be working, but, would rather stay home and just collect a check. I do not understand why the people that I work with, reward or baby the people who do not want to work yet pile it all on the people who do, do the work. But, these things happen.

There is a whole list of other things that get to me, probably just the same as a lot of other people, but, I would be here all night listing them off, I am sure. Anyway, you get the point. Some things just hit closer to home, and I just cannot talk about them on here because some people do not share the same views as I do, and cannot respect my opinion on my blog.

So, the dilemma is still out there.. separate blog, or private blog... you tell me what you think I should do, since I am having a hard time deciding for myself.

Please leave me a comment with your 2 cents, so, I can decide what to do with mine...

Monday, April 12, 2010

26 wks.. Hayleigh- you will never know how special you really are!

We have made it to 26 wks today, and I could not imagine life any other way than it is right now. Hayleigh kicks constant now. I know when we finally get to meet her, I will really miss having these kicks and hiccups going on in there, even though it feels soo funny right now. I had a doctor's appt today. Everything went great.. I have only gained 2 lbs in the last 5 wks, so, that is great! I have gained a total of 12lbs according to my chart, which my goal is still 30 or less pounds for the total pregnancy. I am really proud of this. Some days it feels like all I do is eat, eat, and eat, and then being too exhausted to do much. Other days, I feel skinny, even though I'm not, and full of energy. Even Sandy was cheering me on, on my weight gain, after last appointment's scolding. Hayleigh's heartbeat on the fetel monitor ended up being 165 bpm. When Sandy was trying to take it, she was squirming around, and even kicked the fetel monitor in Sandy's hand. I felt it, and made a whooh sound, and Sandy commented on how she had just seen that kick, and how she had directly kicked the fetel monitor in her hand as well. She also commented on how active Hayleigh was, which is really a great sign for a healthy baby! I just hope she likes sleep after she comes. After the usual, I was sent on my merry way, and actually remembered to schedule an appointment  BEFORE I left. (After the last appt, I forgot, and we just left... but, we also just found out what we were having too!) I go back in 2 weeks for my glucose screening, which to say the least, I do worry about. I just hope to God, that it comes back okay. I have heard all about the second screening, after you fail the first, and I don't know if anyone would want to see what will come from that... not eating from midnight on to about 8am... no thank you! So, for now, set for Tuesday, the 27th of April.. 28wks along, to do the screening.

One thing that I cannot say enough, is that how happy I am to be bringing this little girl into the world. Everything is becoming more real, with every kick and move, she is getting stronger everyday! I just want to let this little girl know,  you will NEVER know just how special you really are to us, especially me! You are one of my dream come trues! With everyday that passes, I dream of who you will become, and what kind of a person you will be. I am sure that the acorn will not fall far from the tree. I just hope you have respect for others, and yourself among all, have the heart to help anyone in need, you have a appreciation for anything, no matter how big or small, good morals that everyone can see that you live by, and above everything, have love to share! You have taken sooo long to get here, we had to special order you straight from God, so, no matter what anyone tells you, you are a very, very special little girl! We could not be any more proud of you already! I promise to help you reach all of your dreams, try to make all of your wishes come true, and let you be your own person, and not criticize you for doing what makes you happy in life. You are a miracle!

The recap from the weekend: This past weekend was both great, and not so great. I'll have to do a whole blog on the not so great later. Allen mowed the front and back fenced in parts of our yard, and STRIPPED them both! I am sooo proud of him! He even broke out the weed eater and blower, and did a great job, trying to keep everything like I usually have it. I did get to mow too! I know, I know, not too great of an idea. I ended up mowing our very back part of our yard on the rider. I was surprised I could fit on it! Anyway, our very back part of our yard has no trees, and is completely flat and smooth. Mowing ended up taking me twice the time, since I went as slow as a turtle, jamming out to my stiletto radio as I went around the yard. I made sure and consulted Sandy about this all before I actually did it. Just as long as I took it easy, and did not go beebooping around and mowed no more than what I had in the very back- about 2/3 an acre, I would be just fine, as long as I stayed out of the heat too. Needless to say I was in total bliss, and totally relaxed after that. Kind of like I was mowing deprived in some ways I guess you can say. I ended up getting burst of energy and fixing two big dishes of cavatini for us too. Our weekend ended up being very productive, but pretty good to say the least.

I guess, I had better save the rest for my next post, otherwise, I will be here all night!

Baby Girl M.. Hayleigh's developments of the week:

Week 26 of Pregnancy

Major excitement: Your baby opens her eyes! On the flip side, you might wish yours would stay closed so you could get some sleep.

Your Baby in Week 26 of Pregnancy

What's up with your baby? She now weighs a full two pounds and measures nine-plus inches. And this week, her eyes, which until now were developing under fused eyelids, start to open. Of course, there's not much to see in there, but if your baby spots a bright light (or hears a loud noise) near your belly, you may notice an increase in fetal activity. (“Hey, I'm in here, Mommy! Where’s the party!”) What accounts for that response? Her brain is more developed and sophisticated

Your Body in Week 26 of Pregnancy

If a full night's rest has become elusive, welcome to the (sleepless) world of pregnancy insomnia. Between heartburn and leg cramps, bathroom runs and that big beach ball (with its protruding navel!) beneath your nightie, it's no wonder your body's having trouble calming down and drifting off. But there are lots of tactics to try that should help keep you in bed (and asleep!) instead of pacing the floor; these include daytime exercise, a daily dose of fresh air, and limiting fluids before you hit the hay.
Week 26 Pregnancy Tip: Baby's Movements in the Womb

Feel like you're carrying the Karate Kid with all the kicking going on? Your baby is actually practicing all kinds of movements that will eventually be used in life on the outside — including pedaling against your belly, a sort of prewalking skill. As your baby's nervous system becomes more developed, the movements will become much more coordinated. And as the baby gets bigger and stronger, the movements will become much more powerful…and occasionally, even painful to you. If your baby lands a good one, that tiny left hook might hurt — a lot. Another trick she may try — stretching that leg out so far that the foot becomes lodged between your ribs (ouch). Next time you come under attack, try changing positions or doing some stretches of your own. You can also gently push your baby back with your hand when your knee-jerker jerks a little too hard. You just might be able to send your slugger back into the corner of the ring!

Friday, April 9, 2010


Waiting.. I think this has been the theme of my life for the past few years now. Up until last summer, I had been waiting to get to meet Allen's family on his dad's side. We were waiting for something to happen in our lives... mainly get preggers on our own- fat chance of that happening in 5 years, but, I was still waiting and hoping. Then, last summer, we started waiting to find out what the problem was with not having any kids of our own yet, and finally go to a specialist instead of an OB/Gyno. After I was diagnosed with PCOS, and started moving on forward with the many trips to Evansville, then we were waiting for results. I would take my fertility drugs follow my chart to a "T", just to wait and find out how we did at the many ultrasound appointments- all of which I do not miss going to! Then, we would go in for the IUI, and wait almost 3 weeks to find out if we were preggers or not. After our first failed cycle, waiting to get to start our second IUI. Going through the second IUI, and waiting once again those 3 pesky weeks to see if it worked. Then, I was waiting for those pink lines to pop up, which the wait for that test to give me an answer did not take long, it was after I woke Allen up, and we had to wait to tell anyone. Waiting yet again! After the blood test, and my HCG levels were high, then, I was pacing the floor, waiting to see how many babies we had- a possibility of up to four then. Then, there were 2 babies, and I would wait until we could go back and see them again on the ultrasound, and wait to get released from the clinic in Evansville. We only ended up with one baby after that, and I was waiting for each appointment to make sure that our baby grew... waiting for the 3 month mark to finally breath. Made it to the 3 month mark, and then, waited to find out what we were having, finally found out we were having our precious little girl, soon to be named Hayleigh. Then, I was waiting for those first kicks and squirms. Now, I am waiting once again... waiting to get to the baby shower, waiting for us to go and pick up the furniture, and waiting to finally meet this little girl, and bring her home.

So, now, I am still waiting.....

my first round of meds

my first chart for my first IUI cycle that ended up failing

our results from our 2nd IUI - as Allen said that morning at 1am, that is a def yes!

Baby M 5 wks- twins, but couldn't get a clear pic of the 2nd baby

Baby M 7 wks- found out just one baby

Baby M 9 wks - discharged from Evansville

Pic of her face looking right at us
Baby M 21 wks - Girl!

Soon to be Hayleigh Anotonetta McCann

Our house waiting for our family right now....

What is sad, is that I had done a lot of waiting just to get preggers, and some people never do have to wait, instead, it is thrust upon them, or little effort has to be made for it to all work out.

What spurred this was looking at my facebook, and all of the other people in my life right now. I think majority of the women I know right now are preggers. I guess one could say something is in the water right now, but, not for everyone. There are a few people still waiting, just like I was. One of them should be finding out soon if her last visit to the same clinic I had went to was successful or not.. this is her 4th round- I only had to have 2. She has been waiting even longer than I have. Another, is just getting started with the whole roller coaster ride of infertility, starting lower meds for now. But, together, they are still waiting, along with thousands of other people, hoping to just get the chance to be a parent sometime soon. I know some people that had waited, and waited, and that chance never came to them.

Life I guess should be spent waiting, and enjoying the climb, rather than running around with one's head cut off, trying to reach the top as soon as possible. Now, granted, we all have to kick it up a notch every once and a while. If we hadn't kicked into gear, and went to the fertility specialist in Evansville last year, we would still be in 1st gear, waiting to even get started on our family. I guess, what I am saying is that we shouldn't try to blaze through life and climb it like we are on a race, but, at the same time, we shouldn't stall, just sitting in one place either. Sometimes, I know I want to focus on waiting, instead of enjoying the climb up that mountain of life, but, when I just sit back and relax every now and then, and enjoy where I am at for the time being, it makes that wait not soo bad. I guess with all of this rambling, I have had too much time to sit and think about waiting for everything.

The only reason I think that I have been thinking about all of the waiting, is that I know I will not have as much time to think about waiting here very soon, and, I am getting limited on how much I can actually do right now. I have energy, but, what energy I have gets burned soo quickly that I have usually just started getting into something, before I have to take a break. I really think in my mind deep down I have a checklist of what I want in my life...

1. find a great guy and get married......check

2. spend some time just the 2 of us and buy a house... check

3. spend time fixing up the yard and the house..... check

4. get pregnant and start a family........ check

5. ???? watch my family grow.........

6. grow old together and enjoy life........

Now, I know my list is quite a bit more detailed than that, but, I think we all have goals or a checklist that we are waiting to check off a milestone, amongst the little check points in our lives.

We just have to learn to enjoy the wait between each check point in our lives a little more.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Wordless Wednesday... What the Easter Bunny Brought Grandma

Pretty Pink bag for such a Sweet Little Girl!

This is what the "Easter Bunny" brought my mom this year... She said she did not want candy or anything like that, so, I thought this would be just as sweet! My mom LOVES the color PINK, so, I had to get this. I had found this on Ebay quite a while ago, and had saved it for when we found out what Baby M was. I already have 2 diaper bags, and since my mom is soo independent with her own stuff, I thought this would be something useful for her. The diaper bag is pink/lime green, and has Hayleigh embroidered on the belly of the bag in the curlz font. You can get the bag in about any color combo, with different fonts for lettering also. If anyone is interested in purchasing one, the diaper bag was $28.00 which is not too bad, with free embroidery. The seller I got it from, did not have an Ebay store, so, you will have to search for it. The seller was happymonograms.

Monday, April 5, 2010

25 wks...Patience and Contentment Please!

Well, I have made it to 25 weeks today with Baby Girl M, and I physically feel great. The other part of me has been kind of..well.. emotional. Patience is a virtue that I currently do not possess, or is very limited to certain groups of people. I guess some groups of people have just been getting to me lately, and my patience for them is pretty much gone before the day even gets started. The two main groups I have had a problem with are the elderly and a few people at work. Everyone else can breath knowing that they are spared the wack of a stick from me... for now.

Some of the elderly have just been driving me plain bananas. I guess the whole "I won't change or make things easier for you and be difficult, because I can, and I am old" card has finally hit the fan. I cannot stand the way they stare, since they are just sitting around and watching everything go on outside, since nothing is on tv. My mom's neighbor is guilty of this. He sits in his front window with binoculars, and watches the neighbors. He finally got up and told my mom about a month ago, that it looked like she was going to be a grandma.... duhh! I guess watched like that really makes me uneasy. Yesterday, Allen and I were almost in an accident with an old lady who was about 75- 80 years old... talking on her cell phone.. yes, a cell phone, and driving, well...trying to drive at the same time. She could not make the turn onto the street we were turning off of without stopping completely and re-gripping the wheel before she took off again. Never once did she put her phone down. I really don't get it. Just because you have had your drivers license for 50+ years, does not mean you are a professional driver. There are lots of other things I see driving that these older people are doing/not doing.... running red lights, stop signs, not getting over and staying in the middle of the road, not paying any attention to the on coming traffic, and pulling out in front of a car, whipping a car around like they are trying to qualify for a Nascar race, and then driving like they are in a parade after whipping out onto the road.... uggh the list goes on and on. I know these things have been going on all along, but, for some reason, I am really seeing them more now. I guess after riding with someone like this, and observing it from another vehicle both really get me worried. I worry about when Hayleigh gets here, what if one of these people actually does hit us, and hurts us? Not, only me, but, what about someone else's kids? I just worry more about this every day it seems. I just do not want to be involved in an accident with someone that should not even be driving - or have even passed their driving test, and had actually hurt me, Allen, or Hayleigh. I am really afraid of what I would say to that person.

 I guess, the closer Hayleigh gets to being here, the more protective I seem to get of her. Some things I used to think I would be okay with, now, I am not quite sooo sure. Can some people really take care of her the way I would want her to? Will they actually pay attention to her? Strap her car seat in correctly, and drive safely with her? Will they respect my wishes, and hold themselves to the standard that I would hope they would meet with taking care of Hayleigh. I realize things will not be perfect, and I shouldn't stress out about these things, but, thinking about what could happen, really makes me want to just stay home and work from home. I know I would go stur crazy, but, sometimes, I really think I would not care. After all, we have waited a very long time to even get to where we are, I am just worried that something will happen, and we will lose everything we have longed to even have. I know that these feelings are mine and Allen's alone in this. I realize everyone close to us will love Hayleigh, but, they also did not have to go through everything we did just to get her here, and that makes her soo much more important to us than it would to someone else. Until you actually experience infertility, and deal with everything that comes along with it, it is very hard to understand.

The other set of people that bother me any more, are a few people that I work with, which I will not even get into the whole run down on that. I am home and not at work, so, I am okay. At least I can escape from work through the day, and not think about it. The older people thing is everywhere, and that is just something I cannot forget about as easily. 

Now, that I have vented all of that, I really do feel a little better, but, I know these things will either get worse, or not even change at all.

On a good note, I have finally figured out what a baby hiccuping in your belly feels like. This morning it finally dawned on me that what I had been feeling every once and a while, was Hayleigh hiccuping. I guess it is just one of those things I was second guessing this whole time. Kind of just like when you first feel your baby move, and wonder if you really did or not, was it gas, or was it my imagination? I have also been relieved about my sugar/ glucose reading. I had been taking it a few times last week - last night was my third trial at this. After a meal and waiting 2 hours, my reading came back 112. That is a whole lot better than it was a few days ago. Made me breath a sigh of relief. I had been worrying about developing gestational diabetes this whole time. Since I have PCOS, I am at a higher risk for developing gestational diabetes, and with all of the fruit I eat, it really makes me worry sometimes. I do not go in for the glucose test until week 28.... coming up really really soon now! So, hopefully, I can keep this all leveled out, and not have to worry later on about it.

On the ending with a good note, I gues it will end on Hayleigh's developments for 25 wks.

How your baby's growing

Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. Her weight — a pound and a half — isn't much more than an average rutabaga, but she's beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat. As she does, her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she'll start to look more and more like a newborn. She's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture.