About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Knocking the Pedestal Out

I really hate writing things like this.
Things that make me really sad.

I know my family is split up. It's something that has taken me a LONG time to get over, lots of tears, and anger. I have finally come to terms that it was for the best, even though I could not see it for quite a while- going on 15 years this winter now.

I've seen other families like mine- one of the parents remarries, the kids hate the new step parent, and it all just goes apart from there. There have been others that can blend a family and you would never know that there had ever been hurt, tears, or divorce in that mix. I wish I had the latter of the two personally.

My family is the one where our relationship with our dad was pretty much gone after the first few years after the remarriage. It doesn't mean that we did not try, or attempt to keep a relationship with our dad. After all, after having kids, I wanted my dad to be a part of their lives, and thought that with the kids, it would kind of rekindle the fire.

Some people may be reading this that know me, and our family, and not understand how I can look at my dad like this, like I should be grateful to have my dad in our lives. Or that he is such a great guy, he couldn't possibly be like that- she's just burnt, and taking it out on the poor guy.


When I got married to Allen, we basically had to a year before we originally planned to because my dad decided to just get married, and it was either I live in the garage, or move out. I was moving out to the garage- trying to make it work. I come home the night that Dad had come back from his wedding/honeymoon that did not include my sister or I, to the whole garage full of my stuff from my room- just thrown out. From there, we planned our wedding in 30 days while I stayed with my mom. I didn't even get the chance I was willing to try to make. So, I walked down that aisle to marry Allen by myself.

Fast forward to 6 years from then, I was trying to move past what they had done. They were all included in what was one of the most important times of our lives- I was pregnant with Hayleigh. At the hospital in labor with her, I was on pain medication after giving in 9 hours later. I sat there feeling soo drunk, but pain free. I was goofy, and talking out of my head. My mom ended up making them leave after they had been doing nothing but making fun of me, and my mom thought it was getting out of hand. Of course I don't remember this, but Allen says it really happened.

Things went okay, until after Hayleigh turned a year old- Dad finally calls us and tells us he is done, he is sorry, and he is getting a divorce. Of course after telling my dad we loved him, and supported him, he changes his mind.

Things have yet to be the same. I now understand why some kids decide to distance themselves away from their parents after a divorce. When a parent doesn't put their kids first, and decides to just start a new family since it is easier not to make his bride unhappy, you can chose one of two things. You can sit there and try to suck it up, and make an effort for your parent who is not willing to do the same for you, or just quit trying.

We all want our parents to be proud of us- we want to please them. One of the greatest accomplishments in my life has been bringing our kids into the world. I would like to think that it would be something really celebrated by the new grandparent as well.

Well, after today, I finally got it. I finally just let it all go. It is not my job to keep anyone in our lives. I can put forth effort, but if the effort isn't returned, or it is just an after thought, then I have to cut my losses. I've been slowly coming to terms with this is the way things are, and to move on and be happy. I am happy- really happy. It just makes me sad to a point when my dad calls to see what we are up to, and I go over the plans for the next few weeks, which include a visit back in Illinois. Now keep in mind I talk to this man at least once every 2 weeks. I have told him things and he has acknowledged them. But when I tell him about celebrating Reid's birthday, and he asks if he is turning TWO.... I shake my head, and smack my forehead with my hand. NO it will be Reid's 1st birthday. I'm sure people I don't even talk to know this. Then after I correct him, he asks how old Hayleigh will be....are we even on the same planet? We talk a little longer, and he forgot Hayleigh was potty trained- has been for almost a year now.

I know that this is not very nice, but I've had enough. I'm sick of a lot of my mom's family still holding him up on  a pedestal when this is all going on, and he is telling them things about my sister and I he has absolutely NO CLUE what he is talking about. My kids deserve a lot better in their grandpa. I don't know who would openly say that it would not bother them that their dad cannot remember anything about his only 2 grandkids. He doesn't even know them, and to miss out on two great kids like Hayleigh and Reid is just sad.

It's not my fault, and I will not be the one with regrets one day.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Leaving the Cave

I swear time has been sprinting right by us lately. The day is already a new now, as it is 1 am as I type. I feel as though I have to ramble on and on about different things just to keep up on here. Pictures are falling to the wayside, as it is a pain to upload them on here, since I'm either on my iphone, or Allen's ipad most of the time anymore. This to me is quite funny because I hated his ipad when he got it last Thanksgiving, and I mean I HATED it. Now, I'm missing it while he is gone, and dreaming of getting one of my very own, or his handed down to me along with my new camera and other snazzy gadgets to come.
The past few nights have been exhausting. Reid is cutting 2 new teeth right now- both up on top. He has been really fussy and grumpy throughout the day. I've been giving him pain medicine and benedryl along with Hayleigh since the weather has been changing here, and our allergies are all flared up. Such a different baby Reid is than Hayleigh. They are both night and day as far as babies go. Hayleigh was my perfect little angel that slept through the night from 5 wks on, never fussed unless something was really bothering her, and was always a happy baby. Teething wasn't even an issue. We woke up and she had teeth.. that was it. Reid....my little Reid. Ummm... he is up at least once through the night still. Teething has been a challenge. He's not as bad as some other babies I've heard of had been, but he's difficult. His fussiness for not being able to do what he wants has been very difficult. When we go out to eat, or just in public, unless he is sitting next to Hayleigh in one of those car carts, he is moody. He has been trying to feed himself lately, and it is a mess. Complete mess. He is a very messy little boy. He tries to experience food all that he can I guess. You hand him something to eat, trying to put it straight into his mouth, he spits it out into his hands to study it. He then is mushing it with his hands, feeling the texture, then he attempts to put it back into his mouth, usually missing. I realize he will have to learn this all on his own, but the pile he is leaving for me to pick up at each restaurant is getting ridiculous.
Reid for the first time last night, asked for his ba ba. I almost cried right then. He is growing so fast, and I cannot slow it down at all. He is already almost 11 months old, and I'm not even close to having his birthday party planned, and I'm starting to wig out about it a bit. I am sure I will go into panic mode within the next few weeks and try to get everything ready. I still have no clue where we will be having it, since unlike Hayleigh's big first birthday, I'm kind of wanting something more small. I always get a little carried away with parties, so I'm sure I'll have a big party before I'm done...or parties I should really say. We will be doing one back in Illinois, and one here in Colorado, since Allen will be working during the Illinois one, and we plan on having his party here on his actual birthday when Allen will also be home.
Other than trying to keep the kids happy, I'm trying to keep me happy. I've been making friends~ YAY! We have been getting out of the house more than a once a week- that is real progress! I'm trying, trying really hard. I've got the doctor visits set up, and dance lessons scheduled to start for Hayleigh. I've been trying to get everyone up and dressed, and makeup on me as well everyday.. something to help keep the blahs away.
Christmas shopping has been in the works- little by little. I'm finding that Reid is very hard to shop for compared to Hayleigh. I swear his age is really a hard age to buy for- and I still have to buy or figure out what to get him for his birthday that we either don't already have, or he will actually like. I'm stumped right now. For Hayleigh's first birthday, we got her a cozy coupe in pink. There is a truck that I love, but I don't think he is ready for yet- Hayleigh didn't start using her car until she was almost 2. We just bought him an activity table, and moved his jumper out. He plays with a lot of Hayleigh's toys, so I just don't know what to get him without getting him girly things he tries to steal from his sister's room that are just neat to him. I think the whole appeal in the girly stuff lies within Hayleigh yelling at him in her doorway not to come in her room, and not to take her toys when he is already in her room.
In the past few weeks, we have managed to go on walks, to school playgrounds, to Fall Fest in Fruita, and I scored a like new play house for the kids for $50 that costs $200 new. Allen bought a dirt bike, and has been learning how to ride it along with finding new accessories for it as well. We've rented a few movies- The Croods has been our favorite so far. We have also had our second set of friends over to the house as well for supper. Last year we didn't have anyone over, so I'm getting excited about future cookouts and parties. Ohh! How could I forget we got our first light snow that didn't stick. But, we have been AC free for the past 2 weeks now, and have had the heat on for at night as well. It's been nice and chilly here- in low 30s at night and 50s-low 70s through the day... I LOVE IT! We also made our first trip to Montrose and through Olathe this past week to attend a cookout of one of Allen's old coworkers. We also went on a trip to Glenwood Spgs to meet up with my aunt and cousin, and got to see the caves and ride some neat rides. I brought home some souvenirs and the kids each picked out something as a gift from my aunt and cousin. Hayleigh picked out a cocker spaniel stuffed dog. She loves it, and has slept with it every night since getting it. It is her #1 toy to cuddle at night now amongst the many toys she fills the other half of her bed with. Reid got a moose hat that is simply adorable, and he loves to sit and pet his head with it on. We also got to attend one other house warming cookout with our friends- minus Allen after our Glenwood trip. We had a great time, and Hayleigh managed to hug and kiss everyone good bye before we left. I swear she is pure sugar somedays.
Anyway, I'll try to get on a computer soon, and get some pictures of the kids posted. We have been busy at least, and have almost 2 whole weeks before Allen gets to come back home to us. I'm ready for him to get here, since I've had a pumpkin patch trip planned for weeks now.