About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Something to Smile about

Okay, I promised myself I had to write something good, and cheerful this week. This week has been hard,  people have been moody, I've missed Allen like crazy, and I've really felt alone for the most part, and have worried soo much that heartburn has been set in almost every day. But, I've got so much accomplished this week. I am proud that I am making headway, and here is the list to prove it!
1. I've made progress on my sinus/allergy sickness. After feeling like I was in hyper speed sleeping from taking Allegra D- I stopped and have felt much better. I think the reason I've been soo tired the past few days is all due from hardly sleeping at all while on that medicine. Plus on it is I am not hacking, spitting, blowing my nose, or peeing my pants from coughing soo hard I almost throw up. TMI I know.

2. I have 5 houses or so for Allen to call and go look at next week when he is off work, and goes to Grand Junction to check it out. I am a little more excited about Grand Junction area more than I was the Billings area, mainly due to I found more houses available to rent in GJ, than in Billings.

3. I attacked the closet under the stairway, and WON! We have a HUGE closet under the stairway that is in the entry of our house (Bi-level house). Anyway, it was full- and I do mean FULL of Hayleigh's old baby clothes, clothes from my Aunt, a few swings, and that was pretty much it. When the door to the closet was opened, I had 1 foot of space to put a trash can in, to hold the dog's food -(to keep Hayleigh out of it). Now, I have everything down to 4-5 plastic totes, and have sorted out of the old clothes, and baby equipment/toys stuff to put in my first garage sale for this Saturday morning.

4. I got Hayleigh's last wellness checkup scheduled, and her first series of shots scheduled. We waited until she was almost two and talking- I've talked about how important this was to us before, but I wanted to get her measles, mumps, rubella shot in before we moved.

5. I actually got to mow part of the yard- not the whole thing, but I'm getting there. It was soo nice to actually get some yard therapy in last night.

6. I've officially pinned my last day of work to the 20th, and have put my notice and resignation letter in. I'm scared about not working for the next few years, but kind of relieved in a way not to have to get up at 5am for a while. I know Hayleigh will still have us up early, and she will be starting preschool soon, so the "sleeping in" won't last long.

7. Spent time with friends and family. I can actually say I've had the chance to sit and visit with a few friends, and some family this past week for at least an hour a piece. I cannot tell you just how good this feels. When I get home from work, Hayleigh is usually cranky, and ready for nap, so I've gotten used to taking a nap with her- not a good thing. Now, I have to have a nap too! Anyway, the rest of the afternoon is spent procrastinating packing stuff, and doing much of anything but relaxing, or doing laundry. I can't help I'm more of a night owl. But, when I'm not doing something, I start to get blue... I'm sad Allen is not here with us- this weekend he has been gone for 4wks, and will be gone for 4 more wks before we get to see him. I'm sad about moving- Jason Aldean has a new song out called, "Fly Over States". It gets me teary eyed every time. Just not having something to really occupy my mind or time gets me this way. I really need to pack stuff up, but I just don't have the heart or energy to do it right now. I've even gotten to where I can't listen to many songs on the radio, or even my George Strait cd without tearing up, missing Allen. It has been HARD- and I do not know how army families do it, you just have to do it. I keep thinking of 4wks from now, when we do get to see Allen, I keep picturing me running to him, and plowing him down to the ground. He is my best friend, and no one can fill that spot. He will always be my best friend, I just wish that some of my other "best friends" out there could be there for me just as much as he is. I know that moving will cut a lot of my ties with my friends. For some, it already pretty much has- and this really makes me sad. Every time I hear Tracy Lawrence's song, "You Find Out WHO Your Friends Are", I sit and think to my self just how very true that song is. Movies also make this whole problem worse than the songs do.

8. After having a really stressful day with everything fighting me, I did manage to get Hayleigh's picture order in. I've been putting it off to get all of the orders from everyone, and also because I just have not felt like doing it. It's kind of like putting up seasonal decor- I have to be in the mood to do it, or it just does not go like I want it to.

So, this week has ended on a good note to say the least. My sister and her boyfriend will be here tomorrow evening to visit with, we will eat at Joes, and the garage sale will hopefully be a success on Saturday, then on Sunday- I GET TO SLEEP IN!! Hayleigh will be spending the night with Grandma Sue, and I have been looking forward to a peaceful night to myself all week! So, tonight, I will get Hayleigh to bed, have a nice glass of wine to calm my nerves, and get some sleep tonight for one of my last 3 Fridays at UPS.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A Curve Ball in a Rain Storm

      I know I've been quiet lately. I just don't know what to say about anything- maybe Hayleigh should just do all of the talking- no one would understand half of it, and everyone would be happy listening to her speaking her mind. The past few weeks have been hard, exciting, relieving, stressful, just a little bit of everything. I don't know what to think about different things going on right now, and not having Allen here by my side, makes this so much harder. We are all doing fine- Allen is celebrating his 29th birthday today!
We had Hayleigh's pictures taken last week- they went really well- almost too good! It was the best session we had ever had, and Hayleigh's pictures from this last session are my most favorite soo far! That is good and bad- good that they turned out soo nice, bad  that I have soo many really good photos to choose from! You can get a preview of them following this link: 

     I am ready to be done with work - my last day should be around the 13th of next month. I know I will certainly miss it! Days like today, it is just a relief to be somewhere that can take everything off of my mind, and make me concentrate on my work. It is a nice break from reality anyway. In fact, I wish I could just go back now and work or hide for the rest of this week.

       Allen is doing well, and loves his job. We talk every day, and give each other the rundown of our day. We really miss him, but I know this is for the best, and we won't be apart for much longer. He really enjoys the work he is doing, and the people he works with- his job is solely based off of performance. If you are content where you are, you stay there as long as you are doing the job well, if you want to move up, you complete the training that is available, and you move up. The people who want to move up, do so quickly- Allen has met several people that have moved up the ladder quite a bit in the short 2 years they have been there- from putting in the extra time to complete new training. People don't just move up because they got a certain degree- it is the experience with the work, and the desire to complete the extra training opportunities that move them up. Smart in my opinion. Better than someone fresh out of school starting a job out over many more people who understand the job, not knowing a thing about the job they are over. Just because you read about it in a class room, doesn't make you an expert at it. I would hate to have a hair dresser that has never cut hair, but studied it, and got a degree in it to do my hair!

The curve ball of the day came from Allen. The new crew he was promoted to all lives in Grand Junction, CO. Since they all live in the same area, the company flies them to and from there on a charter plane at no cost. The flight would be a little over 2 hours, and would save us a lot of money from gas expense, and driving time for Allen. From Billings, MT, he was looking at a 4hr drive one way. So, since this is really a big possibility, my planning gears have had to change course once again. I am such a creature of habit, and once I have a plan, we stick to the plan. This has done nothing but freak me out today- I had a good understanding of the Billings area- what was there, and available- what to expect. Grand Junction area may be just as nice of an area too- it is just I have to start all over on my researching and planning now, and I really don't have the urge  to want to do it just yet.

Disclaimer: If you question if any of this was pertaining to something you have said or done- you must have a guilty conscience.  Don't question me or anyone else about it- but yourself. This is all from my perspective. This is me getting some things off of my chest, and I would appreciate the respect of my thoughts by just letting things be, and moving forward. We need people to be positive, uplifting, and supportive through this time of transition, and appreciate all that have so graciously taken that role to heart.

Sigh... that is what I've been doing for the past week..

There are soo many things going on right now, it just feels like we are in a tornado, trying to make it out without losing our marbles. 

   Today, has been kind of a sullen day for me- I just feel like I want to cry and throw up at the same time. I don't know if part of it is Allen not being here on his birthday, or just other things I am struggling with right now, but today just has been hard all around. I'm trying to keep a positive spin on everything, but it all just seems to keep piling up. Between the crazy happenings in our families, hurtful things that have been said, people just not being around, and getting overwhelmed with all of the packing I have left to do, I just don't want to go anywhere for a while. The one thing I am really looking forward to is a couple that is one of our close friends is having Hayleigh and I over to grill out this weekend. I am soo glad that things like that happen when you need them to. I've just felt lately like people are purposely ignoring us. The more I try to do, the more it seems like the faster those people run in the opposite direction. The more the days go by, the more people act like we have already moved, and are finding other things or people to fill in the time that we could share. It doesn't help when a certain family member said things that are degrading about Allen. They can think or hear what they only want to think and hear, I guess. I just don't understand how you can cut someone down and act like nothing they could ever do would ever be good enough. Now, don't get me wrong, we have had soo much help from our family, and we are grateful for it all, it just hurts that some things said can just make you feel not good enough. No one is perfect, even though people would like to think otherwise. Bad things happen to good people more that you think- it is not a person's fault they have had horrible bosses in the past. But, it is always the person employed fault, and not the boss. Never mind that the boss kept bouncing payroll checks, would not reimburse for services owed, they would not keep their equipment up, or you could never get them on the phone when you needed them. NO. It is that person's fault for making the employer aware of about problems they are having- and not kissing that employer's butt, no matter how wrong the employer was. But, in the end, they can believe what they want to because apparently they didn't get it at all. Allen is the hardest working, most loving husband, and father to us- and for someone to just act like he is lazy, mouthy, and doesn't do anything is completely appalling.

   The other thing that really bites my butt is that this same person is telling me that I need to watch what I do or say in front of my child- the very child they say the "N"  word around anytime a person of color is brought up, despite I forget how many times I tell them it is not acceptable. Do they not get that the "N" word is just as bad as profanity, if not worse. What Hayleigh does, is a refection of our parenting.  I want Hayleigh to grow up and make her own opinions about people, without having a racist thought about the person before she can get to know them. It is not right, and I do not care if it was acceptable 40 years ago, it is not acceptable now. People have the right to marry who they want whether they are black/ white/ orange/ or blue, gay, or not, old or young. Women have the right to vote, and should be treated equally along with everyone else in this country- not to be treated lesser just because she is a woman and not a man. It is 2012- not 1950, and I do not want Hayleigh growing up thinking what was acceptable in 1950 is acceptable now. We treat everyone equal. I know this will never be taken the right way- once again, people only hear, see, or remember what they choose to.

    Out of all of this, I am just sick of people having poor attitudes, trying to tell me how to parent my own child, say hurtful things, or just flat out pretend I am not around at all. We are all alive, well, and happy with how things are moving right now, and we just don't need the criticism from others who are no where near perfect. I don't feed Hayleigh junk food for supper, teach her bad words, put her health at risk. Don't criticize us because we are not health nuts, and tell us if we would do things differently, we could lose weight, because we are fat- when you are sitting in the same boat. Just keep it to yourself, and if we need help with cooking, losing weight, parenting, etc, we will call you. Unless you are God, and have the secret to life, and plans for our lives, let us live and learn. I know people have good intentions, but a lot of it has not been coming off in a bad way. 

     I said what was on my heart and mind- and I know I will be punished for it either way for saying it, but I would rather people know what I am feeling, then to pretend everything is great. If something is not right, I will not stand there, pretending it didn't happen, or that everything is just fine. Treat people how you want to be treated- period. Nothing like a pessimist to rain on your day.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

A little bit of everything

I have soo much to say, but don't know really where to start. This week has been hard, and kind of surreal. Allen has now been gone for a whole week. This has been good and bad. Good that I got caught up on everything around the house, and can now finally start packing some stuff up, and getting other stuff ready for the city wide garage sale next month. I think this past week I've cooked more than I could ever remember, and loving making new dishes and experimenting with new recipes- even pre ordering  a new cookbook, "The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Food From My Frontier." 

We got all of the Easter stuff up, and have even made eggs with our names on them for the fridge. We are planning on dying eggs next weekend, when my sister comes home- so she can help Hayleigh with it, and I can sit back and enjoy watching. 

The bad- Allen not being here- both Hayleigh and I really miss him, and I kind of hate having the whole bed to myself now. We haven't even been downstairs for the past week, except to put the dogs in their crates, feed and give them fresh water, and to do laundry. Hayleigh and I have just kind of adopted snuggling on our bed, watching tv in there instead. 

Allen is transitioning very well- we skype every night on the computer- I really think it makes it soo much easier to be away from each other with seeing each other on the computer. He has been very busy, now getting moved into his 1st man camp, and learning more and more every day. 

This next week will be even harder I'm afraid- I am going back to work, and the time changes this weekend as well. At least we got our original sitter back that has watched Hayleigh since she was 3 months old. I had lost soo much sleep over this- where Hayleigh was to go. I even contemplated taking a leave of absence from work so I could watch Hayleigh. But, thankfully that did not have to happen. We have had a lot of great friends step up, and refer us to some really good people as well. Our sitter just happened to call the last minute, and happened to have a spot until school is out in May- PERFECT. I doubt if Hayleigh will still be going by then- probably until mid-April would be my guess. But, what a sense of relief that was! Hayleigh knows the sitter and her family well, as well as the kids that go there, and the surroundings, plus it is on my way to work as well. I am soo thankful for this. 

Hayleigh now finds it is necessary to find any pot of mine with a plant in it in our house, and dig dirt out of it, only to try to vacuum it up with her mini toy dyson vacuum. Of course, she always retreats when I come around, and leaves her vacuum running by the dirt mess. She wants to clean up stuff- just like her mommy. She also now tries to help me fold laundry, and do the dishes- in fact if you want to know where she is hiding, just turn on a water faucet, and she comes running. 

Baths.... Hayleigh now demands baths as many times a day as she can- turning into a little mermaid... I now cannot even take a bath or a shower when she is awake- she pounds at the door yelling "no" and "Honey", trying to get me to open the door, and let her in the tub with me. 

Trouble...when Hayleigh now gets into trouble, she tries to tickle you and laugh, making the trouble disappears. This usually happens when I catch her doing something she knows she should not be doing- digging in pots, grabbing stuff off of tables- EASTER DECOR... sigh... terrible twos..

Potty Training.... I am now armed and ready to fully take on this whole potty training bit, it is just where to start. We have let Hayleigh get comfortable with her potty- I just don't think she likes sitting on the floor- and to be honest, I would rather her go in our potty- less mess. So, I am really thinking of putting her potty insert into the seat of our bathroom upstairs, and make our downstairs potty mine, and other guest's potty. Her potty doubles into a step, and I think this will work a whole lot easier than using the small potty setup. I have found a toilet seat on pinterest- it has a built in seat for small children, that flips up with the lid, leaving the adult seat down. Very interesting. As far as Pull Ups go- the first pack I bought, will be the last. They are nothing but diapers without velcro straps. This past week, I purchased training pants, with the rubber pants shield that goes over them. My mom also had some, so we now have a really good supply of them. I realize this means a lot more laundry, BUT, Hayleigh will know what it feels like to dirty her pants, and hopefully not like the feeling, making potty training much easier and faster. I understand accidents, and know that when we go on long trips, diapers might have to be substituted instead. I believe the longer we dabble with it, the longer this will all take. Our goal is to be potty trained by end of summer, and paci free, and bottle free by the end of next month. We would be bottle free now, if Hayleigh would actually drink milk more. She hates it, and I have to force her to drink it- she will not drink it out of a sippy, and we are working now on a transition sippy/bottle for that. It just really worries me she is not getting enough milk, and that is why the bottle issue has not been pressed very much. 


We finally got enough snow to go outside and play in this past week- and I managed to snap a few pictures before my camera battery died. Hayleigh had a lot of fun, and kept saying "SNOW," soo cute! She also really enjoyed playing in it, until I made her make a snow angel, and after lack of nap, and after 15 mins of intense playing, she decided it was time to go back inside.  

Sunday, March 4, 2012

A Day at the Park

These photos are from our visit to the local park from Wednesday. My mom accompanied Hayleigh and I since Allen was sick with the flu. Hayleigh enjoyed everything but the swings- and loved hugging the Mickey Mouse thingy majig. All in all it was a nice day outside- upper 60s. We even shared a snack of bananas, picked up sticks, and chased squirrels.