Telling Daddy Baby #3 on the way

Running a Baby Farm

There is a big difference when preparing for baby #3 compared to baby #1. With baby #1, you need everything. Even all of those fancy new gadgets, you need it all. Everything catches your eye when you go shopping, you comparison shop everything and read and research everything you can. The nursery is complete and ready for baby by the time you hit 21 weeks- a week after you find out gender of baby. Baby #2, you read those magazines at the doctors office, you drag out your old stuff thinking you need some new. You go out and buy stuff without researching every bit about the stuff, and are happy with your decisions. You do not buy all the fancy gadgets, but maybe one thing, maybe upgrade a few of your items, and are happy with what you have. You get the nursery set up for the most part- not really worrying about it a week before you have baby. Baby #3, you make a list of what you need to replace and that list is not very long at all because you still have most of the baby stuff left from #1 & #2. You don't plan on the baby's nursery even being done up because they will spend the first two months with you in your room, so what's the point of getting it ready to sit. The changing table stays in your #2's room, since he is still in diapers, just rearrange the diaper basket organizer and you're set.

It is soo funny how excited and anxious I was when I was pregnant with Hayleigh to now. I pretty much know what is coming now, compared to my first time of reading about the changes in pregnancy and celebrating every mile marker. I am ready to get to where we feel kicks, and hiccups, but I know once those start, they will be over soon after and I will start being uncomfortable- especially while trying to sleep.

I'm not really worried about how the kids will adjust this time around- since yes, there will be two other kids at home to bring the baby home to. I'm not expecting them to be excited, or really know what is going on, but I know Hayleigh will have a better grasp this time around. I kind of dread taking both of them to the doctors office this time- Hayleigh was kind of hard when I was pregnant with Reid, but I'm pretty used to it now. I was talking to Allen about this last night, should we take the kids with us to our first baby appointment, or not. We decided to go ahead and take them with us. Even though they probably will not pay attention to what is going on, we will be videoing the appointment, and I want our whole family to be there. This is now the way our lives are- chaotic at times but full of life. Five years ago, all I wanted was this- having a house full of noise, laughter, and to just be a mom most of all. Here we are now with a house that looks like a tornado hits it every day- I clean it up at least three times through the day, there is usually screaming, crying, but most of all laughter coming from two little kids that are having so much fun playing together. There are also lots of snuggles on the couch, and requests to hug me tighter with I love yous. Even though it does get quite crazy and loud here, I really would not trade it for anything and I know it will get even louder in less than nine months now.

The only thing different this pregnancy so far is my hormones.... OMG! It feels like you could flip a switch and I can change moods like that. I don't remember being this emotional or moody with either Hayleigh or Reid, but I'm sure I was to a degree. So I try to do things that help lighten that mood up whenever I can. For example, I sit here now, elbow deep in baby clothes from both Hayleigh and Reid, sorting through newborn stuff, organizing it all. I dug out Hayleigh's white knit baby sweater that had some stains pop up, and I have it treating now. Luckily for me, I couldn't bare to part with my maternity clothes, so out they came last night, and got a good washing. Going through those things makes me giddy and happy. The pregnancy books and DVDs also made their way back out as well, welcomed back like an old friend. They are nice to watch and read to more of reminisce and make my mood lighter, rather than  to learn anything new. The only other thing I have managed to get out of the garage is my Grandma's bassinet. That bassinet was the same one I borrowed from my Grandma when Hayleigh was born. It was a tradition among the grand-daughters to use it for their new babies. Grandma passed before Reid was born, so the bassinet was put into her estate sale after he was born so I didn't get to use it for him. I managed to make sure I was there when they were auctioning off the bassinet and got not only a great deal on something so precious to a lot of my family, but a heirloom I was hoping to pass onto Hayleigh and Reid to use someday. Now, I'm lucky enough to get to use it one more time, and I cannot tell you just how happy that makes me to know a part of my Grandma will be here with us for this baby as well. With that bassinet I can see Grandma beaming about another baby on the way- Grandma loved babies so much and they loved her. Babies were always calm and happy when my Grandma held them- myself included that would NOT let anyone hold them unless they were my Mom or my Grandma.  So, I guess I get a sense of calm when I see that bassinet because of Grandma even though she is no longer with us, a part of her is here with me- all the way out here with us.

Life Happened

I do remember saying that we were done with kids, but isn't life funny. Allen and I had no intentions of having anymore, but if one popped up before he made supervisor and he got in to get fixed, it would be okay. Well... that is where we are now sitting. A BUN IS IN THE OVEN...

It's funny when we first got married, we both agreed we wanted to have 3 kids. After Hayleigh was born, and I got pregnant with Reid and we found out he was a boy, we agreed 2 was enough. One of each. Now, here we sit dreaming of what this baby will be when it gets here. I would have never have thought that this would happen. It took us 6 years of trying then having to go to a fertility clinic and do not 1 round, but 2 rounds of fertility treatment and drugs. Back then we could have ended up with 4 babies on each of the rounds of IUI we went through that we got Hayleigh out of. Now, here we are on our third pregnancy, the second one without having any help and I feel partially on the fence now. Like I've said before- the infertility camp has always been my home. Now, I've kind of been booted out of that said camp in a way. I'll still be one of those people that had to fight for our first baby, but I believe that maybe since we did have to go through all of that for all of those years, maybe God decided that was enough on helping mold us into parenthood, and that our next pregnancies would come along a lot easier.

 I am sure that this will be the LAST baby we have. I've had crazy dreams, I'm hung over feeling in the morning, and just tired pretty much, but thankful for what we have. Growing up, my sister and I always wanted a little brother, or just another sibling- that never did happen of course. So, I sit here now thinking of how Hayleigh and Reid play together, and how one more to that mix will be so much more fun.. a lot more work, but worth it all. They will have someone else to help them both along in life, to be there for them, to share secrets with because now we will have either 2 girls, or 2 boys. I'm hoping that they will be best friends, even though I know that is a little much to ask for, but I hope they are all at least close.

From the feeling I get and the chart that was right for both Hayleigh and Reid, I feel deep down this baby is a girl. I hope I'm right, but I just feel like I already know this baby already, and who she will be somehow. Allen and I have already agreed on 1 name, while we are still trying to build a list, but I feel like this is baby, if indeed is a girl, will be our little Charlotte. I remember Hayleigh was kind of the same way- we had her name from day one pretty much as well too. In a few months, we shall see if I'm right, but I've already dreamed about her, and I'm soo excited to see if it all comes true.

Being a Grown Up is NO FUN!

After finally deciding that we are going to after all send Hayleigh to preschool now, I have been in a constant state of panic. The school we are planning on having Hayleigh attend kindergarten on up was already booked in one day when I checked with them. I found the Catholic lite school- the Lutheran one here in Junction and they did have openings. After getting Hayleigh's name on the list for the 14'-15' school year, I was both relieved and scared at the same time.

I don't know who is going to be the most sad over all of this- her or me...or Reid..

She will be going only part time- M-W-F, and only for 3 hours a day. I am sure every other Mama out there has felt the same with their first born too. I'm scared for her- I would rather just keep her here at home with me but alas she would grow up too sheltered and non socialized so that's out. I worry abut her getting into trouble, having a hard time sharing, and just being scared without me or Reid there with her. I am sure she will be just fine, but I can't help but be scared for her. Will she be at the same level as all of the other kids- or will she be behind or advanced? I really am not ready for anyone else to be in charge of my baby. I'm not ready for someone else to be the all knowing person in her life, and I'm not at all ready for her to be excited to get away from me and have friends besides me, Reid, and Daddy being her main squeezes. Next thing you know it will be Mommy go away, I'm fine. I feel like George Banks in Father of the Bride when Annie tells him she is getting married. I still see her as our little baby girl- not old enough for school! I don't want to be that parent that is questioning the teacher, especially if and when we get a note sent home about her getting into trouble.  Sigh.... I know I shouldn't worry about it all but it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.

The thought that really made me sick tonight was that she will start in August!!! That makes only 3-1/2 more months of our daily routine of not having a care in the world about much of anything else. My baby will be growing up and flying from the nest in less than 4 months. As if her turning 4 the end of June wasn't hard enough... I swear! I don't have a clue what Reid and I will do without her mothering us around- I'm sure we will find ourselves spending more time at the parks and library.

Sigh... being a grown up does nothing but get harder and harder, and these kids just keep growing up faster and faster. Both need to knock it off!

I am sure when Hayleigh's first day of Pre school comes, I will be a hot mess after leaving her at school. Until then, I'm going to hoard her to myself all that I can, trying to hang onto my baby as long as I can. I would love to rewind our past 4 years together and start them all over again. Just seems like yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital after what felt like forever to get her, now I'm having to let her go. Years from now, we will look back at this like it wasn't a big deal, but today it will have to be a big deal for us.

If anyone finds something to slow down time, please throw it my way. It's going by too fast for my liking and it scares the hell out of me.