11 Weeks and Looking back on a great year 2009!

So, to start off, 11 wks today! Big milestone for baby M! I can't believe that next week I will be 3 months! It seems like a lifetime since October when we were going through our last cycle of IUI! Things have been settling in... Allen and I have been thinking more and more about what is to come next year, and enjoying what little "alone" time- just the 2 of us we have left. Six months is not a long time. It has began to make me a little worried about how fast this will all go. In six months, it will mark a year since I started going to Dr. Gentry in Evansville... how mind boggling it is to me to think back if I had known last year that this would be to come this coming summer, I don't think that I would believe you.

Anyway, 2009... 2009, has been one of the best years of my life to say the least. Allen and I have been together 10 years this year, happily married for 6 - lucky number 7 next year! Parts of our family are growing and coming together into place. I feel like 2009 is the last year of my life.. I am growing into a whole new one next year that will change completely forever. I know weird of me to get all mushy gushy, but, I can't help but think of these things now. I don't think that our marriage could be any stronger now, and my heart feels completely open and happy for once. I am not so sad about things now, about being left out of the race of life.. our lives are coming together.

We had a great Christmas this year, I don't think that there was anything that I wanted and didn't get for Christmas this year. I got way more than what I asked for that is for sure.

My wish for 2010, I would say will be good health, happiness, and prosperity for everyone.

10 weeks!!

Well, I haven't been on here in a while... I finally started to get some energy back, so I figured I would get on here and get everyone up to date. Yesterday, I finally made it to 10 weeks. It has been flying by soo fast now! I got released from Evansville last Monday, after hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time with Allen. It is such an amazing thing to hear..your own baby's heartbeat! The heartbeat was 172 beats/min... Mom swears girl.. but, I am feeling deep down like this will be a boy. The baby was dancing around, waving it's arms around as we watched on the monitor. It is funny that sometimes I kind of "forget" about being pregnant. I just think I guess that this is just a phase that will go away sometime soon. I guess I am just still in denial, even though we have known for over 6 weeks now. I wonder how long it will take until it finally sinks in that this is really happening and it is not just a dream.



Baby M 9wks- moving all around, and finally heard the heart beat for the first time!

I had my first regular ob appointment last Friday. I am going to Olney.. I know, not my first choice, but the hospital that was closest that I wanted to go to is now out of network for my insurance, so, I am seeing Sandra Poland, the midwife at RMH. She will work out just fine, I wanted someone that would be there for the WHOLE experience. So, for my first regular OB appointment, they went ahead and did the HIV test, and every other test for everything else, and a pap smear to boot.. I felt like a car getting a tune up... having 5 vials of blood taken felt like getting my oil changed. Everything looks great yet. I expressed my concern with Gestational Diabetes since I have PCOS, and I am at a higher risk of developing it, so I got information on that and had my glucose checked too. I got to leave with lots of booklets and magazines, which I still have not completely went over yet. I think the most interesting part of the appointment was when Sandy was asking about our experience with the fertility clinic in Evansville. She was really interested in what all was involved and how much it all cost.

My last two weeks have consisted of morning sickness, feeling like I was hung over with a headache, and now emotional roller coaster and cravings like no other. Now that the emotions have rolled in, it seems like now that I get upset over everything a little easier, the more ridiculous stuff rolls in.

I really had something big hit me yesterday that just completely made me speechless at first. Now, I guess we will have to wait and see what happens from here, but, I just cannot believe just how incredibly wrong it is. All I will say is that babies are not dogs, you can't just find them another home when you get sick of them, or don't have time for them. The situation is just really against all that I stand for. Having a baby should be something made from love, not just want. There are ways to prevent getting into a situation like this. I just don't understand why anyone could ever want to bring a baby into this world with no stable home, job, relationship, or even health insurance. And, to add injury to insult, wonder why some people think badly of this person, even though their actions are a direct reflection of who they really are. This is just something I really have a hard time swallowing, without seeming like a self absorbed bitch to the people involved with this. I am just a blunt person.. I just don't like dancing around stuff. Soo, we will see what happens I guess. It is all in God's hands.

7 wks!!

Baby McCann at 7wks!




Well, we have finally made it to 7wks! I had another doctor's appointment on Monday morning. At least I did not have to go alone for this one! Allen and my mom went along, and I have to say it was very strange in a way. I had to do an internal ultrasound- I really don't like them and this was like the 10th one. We get back in the room for the ultrasound, and I have to strip.. both Allen and my mom just stand there looking at me.. I am about to start asking for some music and some dollar bills at this point it is soo ackward. So, we wait, and wait, and wait... finally, Dr. Gentry comes in with the ultrasound tech I absolutely cannot stand! They find the first baby right off the bat with no problems.. I ask about the second, so they search, and search, but cannot find it. Dr. Gentry made his second apperance since I had started going to the clinic in July, it was really weird to see him. I just really missed Tarrah, my usual gal I have there, she was on a day off for once. Anyway, Dr. Gentry said that with twins, it is very easy to lose one, especially when they both try to attach too close to one another. So, we zero in on the one baby. I can hear Mom and Allen sigh, we are all disappointed.. especially my mom. We sit and watch the baby's heartbeat, and they then try to get it up on the speaker so we can listen to it. The heartbeat was just not loud enough just yet, all they kept bringing up was my heartbeat, according to the stupid tech lady. I ask about my ovaries.. at the last appointment, I was instructed no intercourse, no meds. No intercourse because there was a chance I could get pregnant again is what they told me. This time they say that my left ovary is swelled some, but that is because of all of the hormones, and I probably conceived from that ovary. I ask about intercourse, and remind them what was instructed at the last appointment.. Stupid says, ohh no, you cannot get pregnant once you are already pregnant... BULL! I have seen stories on tv and on the internet. And, to top that off, she says the only we were to avoid intercourse after the last appointment was for my comfort.. What a crock!! I told them at the last appointment that our 6 year wedding anniversary was that weekend.. I could suffer if it was up to me! I swear I really really hate that lady!

Anyway, I go back in two weeks, and then I should be released. SO, now for the hunt for the OB.. I still have no idea where we will be going.. Effingham is out of network for my insurance as of this year, so that shoots my plans for that. My mom is really pushing for Olney... I just really do not know about that.. there are some things that cannot be said with out really getting into mud boots to discuss about the reason I do not want to go to Olney, but, I just don't.

Today is the first day I have felt good... usually I lie around all day feeling "hung over". I have yet to get sick, so hopefully I am about out of the clear now.

We are still kind of bummed about not having both babies on the way.. but, after all that we have been through, one is a great blessing to have! We still do not know if this will be an only child now, or if we will try again someday.. only time will tell.

I just hope that our families can get together and be good.. I don't need any other "kids" to watch that is. I am sure that everything will be fine, it is just a lot harder with both of our parents being divorced, and those parents not speaking to each other, or being civil... I wish that they could see things from our perspective to say the least. We have to be careful not to look like we "favor" someone over everyone else.. it is just like walking on eggshells to me.