About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Friday, September 18, 2015


I know...MIA, I know. There has been lots of changes in the past 4 months. Eva can roll over, we moved into a new house, I'm expecting again- yes you just read that right, Allen survived another layoff, and Hayleigh has started Kindergarten. Whew!!! That's a lot of changes.

One of the other changes I've been pretty quiet about and have had lots of time to think over it is a change in our family. I don't know if anyone else out there has ever had to disown part of their family, or their extended family, but that is something new we finally had to do in our household. I think when enough is enough, and you've had all you can take, it just naturally happens.

About once a month I get notified about more mud slinging. It's funny how some people can act like they care so much on social media, but behind closed doors, it's a completely different story. If you know me, and know me well, I'm very protective of our family, and everything in our little circle. If you had someone attacking your family, how would you handle it? It would probably depend on what was happening, and what all was involved right? For the past few months, I've been accused of being a spiteful, hateful, mean mother/wife that wants nothing more than to make others miserable. I've had so many mean and hateful things said about me from people who act like they know me, but are just mere acquaintances.

This all stems from a misuse of social media by a relative. I have one and only one rule for this person. ABSOLUTELY NO Sharing of my personal pictures of the kids on social media for this person. What does this person do every 3 months? Goes on a sharing spree because she wants pictures to appear on her personal profile page, not understanding that those pictures do not stay put there and will move. We would have a talk about not sharing, because this person would play dumb and act like they had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, and swear they would not do it again.... 3 months later, shared pictures.....

The problem I had with this is not that the pictures are on social media. This person friends everyone and their dog- people she doesn't even know. She really reminds me of the essurance commercial with the old lady taping pictures on her living room wall and going on about how easy it is, and not having a clue that's not how things work- you've probably seen it. If not, get on youtube and check it out. Anyway, a couple of years ago a person approached this relative in the hospital and went on and on about my kids. The relative had absolutely no idea who the person was, and how they could see the pictures... come to find out that person had been friended and was seeing pictures that had been shared, thus the sharing restriction was put into place. This whole forgetting and playing dumb has been going on for the last few years. The comments that would be put with the pictures had absolutely nothing to do with the pictures- full of weather reports, time, temps, trips to Walmart, etc... you get the idea.

This past May, the 3 month cycle came to an end and pictures were on a sharing spree yet again. So, instead of fighting this anymore, I decided to just block the relative, and act like my account was closed- end of the problem... or so I thought. WELL another relative decided to jump in and make it all her number one business as well. This person called me nasty names on social media, cussed me, and then proceeded to call my house, my cell, and my husbands cell like a crazed stalker. I went ahead and blocked that person as well- there is no point in arguing with a person who is so narrow minded they are unwilling to negotiate, and try to come to a solution to a problem, instead attacks and blaming and cussing.

We were going to give it all a few weeks to blow over and go from there. That was put on a halt when this person that went crazy made a post on social media that she had done the hardest thing she's ever had to do in her whole entire life and block her son on social media. How can blocking your son on social media be the hardest thing you've ever done???!!!! If you've been following, yes this person that had been attacking our family was indeed my mother in law. sigh... If you're lucky you are gifted with a great mother in law who keeps her nose out of your marriage, doesn't make snide remarks about you or mean jokes about you, she is supportive, and wants what makes her son happy. Not mine. She's hated me from day #1 along with the other person who was restricted from sharing- her adoptive mother, and also my estranged sil. They've tried to get my husband to leave me when we were dating, after my husband proposed, they all made snide remarks and tried to talk us out or rather him out of getting married to me. As you can imagine this has not been an easy deal- loving someone so great, and their family over stepping their bounds. There is a time to cut the cord, and as read during our wedding, the two shall leave their mother and father and become one. I think they both seriously were asleep for that part.

To go back and see where this is all going and to see why the decision we have made was made, I'll give as short of a briefing as I can. For the past 15 years and into our marriage there has been fights, bullying, snide remarks about our fertility, parenting, and everything that should not be said has been said to us. We've turned the other cheek and went on- for the entire time with no apologies made.

We wanted our kids so badly and struggled and waited so long for them. For some reason they fail to see this. My husband's half sister is included in all of this ( the estranged sil). So for the past 12-13 years some of these family members have endured physical and emotional abuse, and one has initiated it to her daughter that just happens to be the same age as Hayleigh. That is sick to me. Every time concern was given from us about both, it got swept under a rug like it was nothing to worry about. Apparently being beaten and abused is not as important as staying with your mother just because that person birthed you. Beating and cussing a 4 month old baby was apparently acceptable- I look at Eva that will be 5 months old this weekend and it makes me shudder and cry to think of calling her an fing *B and spanking her repeatedly. The abuse has went on and on with that child to the point to hand prints were completely left on her poor legs.

 The other family member has been emotionally abused in front of me, and I've heard countless stories about it all the night her husband was arrested for physically assaulting his sister the night Reid was born. This person has a rap sheet of assault and anger issues stemming back to when he shot his own son while missing his ex wife- went to prison over that one. The person who is married to the abusing guy still is and will not leave him probably because of the "church" they are involved with- trying to fix the issues themselves when none are trained licensed professionals. We do not care for him- he gives a bad vibe and with his given record, we really do not want him anywhere around our family.

The child abuser has also neglected her daughter- smoking in a car with her, doesn't give her proper fitting clean clothes, bathes, and a steady home, hopping from couch to couch, letting anyone watch her child while she strips at a local strip club that is shady.  There was a recent report that the little girl had head lice for over 2 whole weeks before it was taken serious enough to take care of it.

With just that stuff alone, we just cannot allow that around our family, especially our kids who we love and protect. I do not understand how a mother that has gone through cycles of abuse her whole adult life from bad relationships would want her kids and grand kids to be involved in another abusive bad relationship. It is her choice to stay- we've tried to help her out of the relationship, but she will not leave. What is just as sickening is her own daughter abusing her daughter. Not surprising from being brought up in a home with abusive relationships I guess.

Anyway, with all of the bullying on social media, posts being made about them being victims and how I am keeping the kids away from them unfairly, we just cannot allow it anymore. These people whine how they miss the kids sooo much, and would do anything for them, but have they once tried calling, or even sending mail or reaching out and trying to make nice to see them? NOPE. Instead, they have been attacking me for the most part on posts with all of their friends and their extended and adopted families jumping in like a pack of dogs smearing me and my husband. Do any of them even know us personally, or even know everything that has been going on? NO. But all are so quick to jump on the band wagon calling me a crazy stupid *B, and going on about my poor husband and the kids, and how my husband needs to grow balls and stand up to me when he made his own decision for himself.

 Would ANYONE in their right mind let people who are bullying, name calling, slandering, and living abusive lives around their family? I can answer that one... a big F* NO! I do not care who you are, but when you start attacking me or my husband or kids, you will NOT be included on anything in our lives. Is that bat shit crazy, or is that just called being a protective parent/wife/husband???? The thing that drives me the most bananas is the restricted social media person trying to guilt my husband into giving in... she's dying, or she just cannot live without seeing the kids, or you should call your mom because she still cares for you..... Yeah, she cares enough about you to attack your wife and you on social media. She cares so much for you that she gave you away when you was only 3 weeks old. SMH... it's all a big mess and this restricted person is chanting in on these bullying posts cheering her on, sharing pictures with her, and going on about prayers being answered. Where I'm from that's called being a two faced joker with a shit stirring stick.

I am at my whit's end with it all right now. We have enough going on with the economy trying to stay alive up here and my husband still have a job, this pregnancy, Hayleigh's school, and we are still not done unpacking into our new house. Last thing I want to do is have my husband who is worried enough about everything else to have this stupid crap to worry about- the restricted person does a good enough job at messaging and calling him while he's a work enough.

 All we want is to be left alone and just everyone move on. BUT... that cannot happen when they keep posting rants on social media attacking me/us going on they would tell us these things to our face, but they won't even attempt anything off of making a pity me post for attention. Bottom line is if you want to be a grandparent or aunt, act like one. Have respect for your son's marriage and for his family. Don't say hateful things, and most of all, do not attack them on social media. How hard is that???

So if you're wondering why I haven't updated the pictures on my blog, or what has been going on, there you go.... wading through shit and trying to get shit done...

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

FIrst O-town visit with the trio

Yes, I am very aware I am WAAAAAAYYYYY behind on my updating. My pregnancy flew by entirely way too fast, and I know a lot of catch up posts are in order so I can have Eva's birth story on here as well.

We are currently nearing the end of our visit here in O-town right now. I find myself missing home more and more each day, and trying to squeeze my time in with people I have wanted to see in person in what seems like forever into a few days and hours. sigh... it is what it is, and Friday is looking like I'm going to need an energy drink.

Something high on my list besides a few people I'm wanting to see is spending one on one time with Hayleigh and Reid. Those two haven't had me to themselves since I cannot tell you when. I'm planning on taking Reid to see Jurassic World on Friday night, and getting pedicures with Hayleigh as well.

Reid has been testing and testing me lately here- everything is different here, and he is trying to get as far as he can here.

The humidity here sucks. Just down right is awful- something I definitely do not miss one bit. I feel like such an outsider in some places. Some people we've lost our click with, others it is still going strong. Makes me sad, but it is part of life. I just know I don't fit in here anymore. I thought I really didn't fit in Williston, but after just a few days here, it was blatenly clear that we, or I do fit in back home more so than I do here. Funny isn't it? Out of all the places I miss right now, that would be Colorado, even though Williston has really become our home. I miss our friends we left behind there because our likelihood of traveling back there much is slim, even though I would love to just go back there. Basically I miss our family and friends here in O-town, but not the area, and I miss both the area and our friends back in Colorado. Williston I just miss our routine and it's home now.

Allen and I 've been talking about where to settle down. To buy a house, or not to. I think we've settled on not to buy in Williston for now- scares the crap out of us if it goes bust there, or everything moves- then we are stuck. We are wanting to check out Cody, WY though, but in all reality, our home will be where Allen's work is for the next 5-10 years. I know we went 9 years apart, and only 8 months together, but I really don't think we could go back to being apart again. If we had to - then yes, but want to, NOPE.

Back to our visit... it's been a pretty interesting visit to say the least. Some things have surprised me, some things never change, I've been emotional over other things, and finally ready to say goodbye to others. People we once clicked with, but don't now, I'm ready to let go of and just say goodbye for now, and others it absolutely amazes me how we are still able to still get each other even though we are miles away. Seeing our families getting older really saddens me in ways. Everything around here seems to stay the same except people are growing older. My grandparents I always have pictured in my head are growing a lot older. It is a real possibility every time we see them and say goodbye, it could very well be the last. My grandpa has really gotten forgetful - part of getting old. I told Allen after our visit that I didn't want to get old.

We did get Reid and Eva baptized during Saturday night's mass. It was very emotional walking up that same aisle I did growing up- I was the first girl server in that church and served for quite a few years there, my grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary there, I was baptized there, had my first communion & confirmation there, I've been in weddings and attended funerals there. Hayleigh was baptized there, and I prayed countless times for our family that seemed like it would never start there.  That is home for me. With each step we took up that aisle, my eyes were tearing up carrying Eva, walking along with Allen and our kids. The pitcher used to baptize the kids had once belonged to Grandma Weidner.. it felt like everything was just meant to be. Reid was not too sure of everything, and I was proud of him and proud of his Godparents we picked for him. We feel truly blessed to have them in our family for not just Hayleigh, but also with Reid. If I ever had any couple to look up to for inspiration on how to raise a family, it would be them.

While I am eager to get back home, I am not eager for time to keep running by so stinking fast. We get back, I have to start potty training Reid, and get ready for Hayleigh to start Kindergarten. I am not at all thrilled about either of those things, along with Hayleigh turning 5 years old next Tuesday morning. I just wish everything would slow down and be easier on me. I swear the older we get, the harder everything gets. I've quit thinking in 10 years I'll have this all figured out, we will have things done we want to get done, everything will roll out easy... in 10 years, Hayleigh will be getting her driving permit, and I'll be 42... I think I'm finally smart enough to realize now that nothing will get easier, and I'll probably still be having a midlife crisis then. Turning 35 seems like it will be hard, but I know 40 is coming and it will be harder to swallow. So, I'll just sit here trying to keep taking everything in, and enjoy it all while I can.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

What keeps me up at night before Benadryl kicks in.

With the added popping out of my bump lately, there have been other things popping up that worry me. Some I have no control over and I know I cannot do anything but ride them out but others I know I can do something about them and they leave me searching for the best choice.

#1 and foremost. OIL or rather the price per barrel. I know we are fine now but I worry about it going down- way down. Right now we are okay until April- conveniently the month I'm expecting Eva and the busy month above all. I just hope and pray everything gets steady and calm.

#2 our kids. They have been doing soo good. I haven't spent hardly any time away from them. We've been talking about getting a sitter BUT I'm picky and that's quite alright to be picky about who watches them. Some people I just sit and worry or cringe thinking about what they would do with our babies. I know non parents wouldn't understand this as much or as fully but those kids are my life or rather our life. I miss our Kim sooooooo much it isn't funny. She actually played with them, the time she spent was focused on them not on the bare minimum she had to do with them. She cared is the biggest thing and that is very hard to find- someone who actually cares and enjoys spending time with your kids. I worry about people not caring while I'm out trying to enjoy myself for a few hours. I feel guilty without them with us wondering how awful of a time they are having or how poorly they are taken care of while we pay for it. I'm worrying about going to the hospital and I'm half tempted to just take them with me. I know it's not ideal but it is what it is.

#3. Birth photos. I obviously cannot have the baby and take the pictures at the same time. Right now a clone would be the perfect answer to the child are and photography honestly. I'm looking at hiring out just the birth only. I'll get the recovery on after. I don't want Allen to have to take them and I think my mom will have to be doing the child care. She's not great at taking pics anyway so I do to want to make her nervous operating my camera. The biggest problem is I just cannot hand my camera to someone and expect the same as what I can do. It's not a point and shoot for one, and two taking pictures is not just something you just do. Your creativeness shines through on this. There is a big difference in positioning yourself right and settings you adjust. So I'm hoping to be able to hire someone that isn't an arm and a leg to help me out on this.

#4 keeping up around the house with meals, cleaning, and just taking care of everyone and thing. I've started not being fully capable of carrying baskets of clothes up or down our long flight of stairs. I'm nervous about falling since I can't hold the basket like I usually do. So I have to rely on Allen to help me with this now. The dogs have been driving me crazy-especially Ellie.

#5 I worry about Eva. All I want in the end is everyone to be happy and healthy. Reid was born into a scare - he wasn't breathing. The hospital staff did a great job of keeping calm and both Allen and I didn't fully realize what was happening until he was in the clear. I just sang a smooth non complicated labor and delivery. All of us happy healthy and go home just fine.

#6 I lastly worry about not only Allen's stress from his job but me bring able to handle everything on my end myself. It's a lot what I will be taking on, ANC I can't add a lot of it onto Allen's plate. I had a good cry to him last night about this. Ellis has been difficult on the potty in her crate and just chewing in general. Some days I really hate her. Yesterday was one of those days. I don't want to bed the mom that yells all the time about everything. So the shock collar will be coming out on Monday for Ellie.

Anyway, I'm trying to prepare and adjust the best I can for things to come and things already happening now.
I still feel like I've failed pretty much most days with what all I wanted to do or get done - mainly with the kids. But I know I'm doing the best I can and that's what matters most.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

26 weeks - Cue Body Pillow

So we've been trucking right along with this pregnancy. I'm already 26 weeks!! As about like click work I've started to get uncomfortable sleeping. I have more round ligament pain and someone's been having a tumbling session. The past 2 nights I've had to have my pillow and Benadryl to fight insomnia. My back hurts of course and its a 3 step operation turning in bed not even counting arranging pillow and blankets. Last night I had a heck of a time with my boppy pillow, trying to get it just right, then the sheet and duvet wouldn't cooperate and go over the top. I was panting and huffing catching my breath while Allen snored away. I ended up elbowing him to help me. He laughs and says you wanted this. I replied with no I wanted a baby, not to be uncomfortable. Funny how you forget how that part is when baby fever hits.

I've begun the kick count or rather kick watch to make sure Eva's moving like she should be. My belly looks kind of like a waterbed now. Ones our with a butt sliding across with a lump moving around then a shake from what ever she does in there. The kids are fascinated with it of course.

We go in a week from Friday for glucose test and ultrasound then we are set to go every 2 weeks for the next 2 months then a week by week basis unless anything changes.

I've started slowing down once again this week. I'm now getting worried about keeping up with everything- meals in particular since I just had about aonth span of having energy once again.

I know we will manage. I just hope that the oil settles down and goes back to normal. I really don't want to be moving anywhere especially right before Eva's born.

Remembering the Storm to Appreciate the Rainbow

So I've been getting pictures and everything rounded up to start working on Ms Eva's birth announcement video. I've been thinking about how I'm going to present this one, what things need to be in it, and I can't help but think of Charlie.

For those who just started following along last April, we found out we were expecting baby #3. Everything was going smoothly- I even managed to keep the secret from Allen that I had found out we were pregnant for 4 whole days. The kids and I arranged to pick him up at the airport and give him the big news all on video. Reids pregnancy announcement to him was over the phone and Hayleigjs was at 1:26am, so I wanted this last time to be special. I got an appointment made for 10-1/2 weeks for when he would be home again, so he could go to the first appointment for this baby since he missed both Hayleigh and Reids. As you can figure out right about now, that appointment was the closest to hell on earth I've ever experienced. It went south really fast. No heart beat could be seen. After many blood tests and just trying to get out of there, followed by more blood test, being blown off by my fill in OB, switching OBs and finally getting a D&C done, I found peace. As you've noticed, Ms Eva was called Georgie from day #1. With that pregnancy it was Charlie. We were planning on calling the baby Charlie if boy, Charlotte if a girl. Same with Georgie, but Allen wouldn't jump on the Georgina band wagon, so we agreed on Eva- I'm still trying to sneak Georgina in for the middle name with no success so far. Anyway for a while there I had nightmares about the baby we lost. The only thing that kept my head out of the fog was to focus on what we could do. I knew I couldn't sit snd wallow in the pit of depression over that baby we lost and I wouldn't let that one event be the end of us having kids- the decision would not be made for me in such a bad ending with what ifs. So, I talked Allen into actually trying for another- if it didn't work out within the next 6 months, then I could be at peace knowing we were done. I was told after my d&c the next 3 months would be the best chance of I had one. It took me over 6 years with treatment to get Hayleigh and 18 months with no treatment to get Reid. The baby we lost was 9 months. So I didn't have my hopes set sky high, but I would give it a real go at this- all in or nothing. A month after I had the go ahead from my OB, I got the faint pink line on a pregnancy test. I immediately called and woke Allen up because of how planning has worked out in the past. After that I flirted with the name Charlie again, and I started having nightmares and started bleeding. I stumbled upon watching God is For Real, and bawled on the part the boy tells his parents about his sister with no name. I could not let a baby I've never met not have a name, so Charlie is that baby's name. Since coming to terms with that I haven't bled any or had nightmares.

Fast forward to today, I still have a pit of worry in my stomach while trying to enjoy this pregnancy. We had the trisomy 18 scare and go back for follow up ultrasound on the 6th. Ever since Charlie my sense of cloud 9 no wrong can happen has been shattered even though I've witnessed my friends lose babies- in the beginning of their pregnancies or at the end of term. You never really get it until it happens to you and rocks you to your core. Anyway, Charlie will be remembered with Eva's birth to which I hope goes smoothly with no complications. It's just been hard thinking and celebrating how Eva's birth will be when Charlie did not get that. But if Charlie would have been born back in December, there would certainly be no Eva. I know you could never choose to not have any of your children no matter how long they were here, but it is bittersweet in being thankful for a storm you have weathered that did take one dream but brought you through to a rainbow of another new dream only because of that storm. So today, Charlie has been on my heart and Eva's been kicking and bouncing reminding me of my rainbow soon to come.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Grouchy Mama Bear

Tonight I'm trying something new, and posting from our ipad instead of the laptop. I need to vent tonight and I don't really feel like fighting the computer, so I'm doing the poke n type.

I haven't been in the greatest spirits or mood today. I got the info to get Hayleigh's pre-registrations one here in 2 weeks. Not happy about that at all. I've had people irritating me with mooching and weirdness, and I'm going to have to go grocery shopping solo next week - shoot me now. On top of all of that, we've been potty training Ellie still. I'm soooooo over puppies.

I'm just really not in a good mood and even Eva knows it from her protests or kicking and thumping me.

On a different note, I'm fed up with photography, yet kind of relieved or excited to be doing our own newborn/maternity pics this time around. I'm even getting geared up for a maternity boudoir session just for me since I can do this with just me and Allen in the comfort of our own home. I've been getting props ready, ordering new for Eva and studying up on editing and shooting newborns again.  On the fed up part, I'm glad I've stepped back from the business end and really I'm just done taking pics for others in general. There is soo much time and effort I put into it all that I really don't get back anything in return. Just easier to do just ours and save my time and stress with it all. I know it sounds not so nice of me but I just don't want to do it anymore. I've never had anyone go out of their way for me on things like this and I'm just sick of giving over and over again I guess. Someone else can take time to learn buy and edit in my opinion.

In the midst of being grouchy I guess you can call it, I did some much needed cleanup of my friends list on Facebook. There's people who aggravate me or drive me crazy and people who creep that don't say a word until I post something that really upsets me then they put their 2 cents into it against what's making me upset. Please just stay in your little muddy hole and don't speak like you have been doing for the past 4 months. Just continue to be a silent troll. That's what I wish anyway. My hormones right now can't take someone being opposed difficult putting their 2 stupid cents in with me right now without me ready to kill said person.

I'm slightly worried and stressed about oil right now which doesn't help the situation and if someone is opening their mouths about oil that is pretty much a stick of dynamite with me right now. Besides the oil talk there are people my husband works with I could really strangle some days as well. I'm just glad this week has ended on a better note than it started with. I kind of wish he didn't tell me as much as he does- which I've learned is a lot more than what majority of husbands tell, but if he ever has a heart attack or stroke because of the stress and stupid from work, I want to know who I need to go after. I'm Mrs Jack the Bear after all and if everyone thinks my husband is the mean bear I'm sorry to say they are wrong. Some days I think about my mom and how everyone fears her for what she would do if they really made her mad. I've come to the conclusion that when it would actually come to really doing something I'm either more hard headed than her or more spiteful to actually carry it out. Allen laughs and calls me little Sue when I get mad. Boy you can tell how grouchy I am tonight talking about my levels of meanness.

Ending on all of that, I think it's time for some much needed ice cream, cookies, and a good sad movie for me tonight with hopes of rolling out of bed tomorrow in a better mood.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Hanging on by a Thread and Baby Blues before the Baby

While lying here in bed in the complete quietness of both kids asleep in bed, no tv, and no snoring husband lying beside me, I've had the chance to spend some time tonight enjoying Eva. While watching my swollen belly move around like a waterbed, I sit here tonight thinking back to doing the same thing with both of my other babies. Before I was ever pregnant, I imagined pregnancy as this big comfy hibernating being I would become. Pregnant women look so comfy with their bellies poked out, comfy maternity clothes, just lounging and eating.... until you feel a hard jab from the tenant inside to your ribs that is...With Hayleigh I got to enjoy it all very much. That pregnancy lasted a good while and I felt so vibrant and uncomfortable, but most of all not ready to take the plunge into caring for a baby when the time came. Allen and I celebrated each kick, hiccup, and just really loved on my growing belly with our dreams of what would come. With Reid, I had 2 year old Hayleigh running around, and I tried to enjoy being pregnant as much as I possibly could. That pregnancy went by fairly quickly. Allen only saw me every two weeks, and we would enjoy kicks from him every night Allen was home.  Now, here I sit doing the same once again, knowing all fully this is the last of the bump, the last of the kicks, hiccups and pregnancy to enjoy. I find myself loving my maternity clothes more, my growing belly more, and just the full of life while feeling drained as much as I possibly can.

 My youth is slipping away faster and faster anymore, and it will not slow down. In less than a month, I turn 32 years old. I don't even really know what to say about it really except it just keeps moving faster and faster. I'm almost afraid to shut my eyes and wake up to being 40. I really just cannot believe I just typed that... 40. Forty is coming for me whether I'm ready or not. When I turn 40, we will have a 12 year old, a 10 year old, and an 8 year old. How the hell did that happen??!!!

Back almost 2-1/2 years ago, I was lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to monitors, drugs, and ivs, thinking to myself while laboring with Reid, "this is the last time I will have to do this"... that actually brought me more comfort than you will know. Afterward, it brought me great sorrow. I got angry about growing up- you could say Eva has been my midlife crisis as you will. Allen and I had agreed Reid was it, we were done- one boy, one girl..DONE.... Then, Allen got a mowhawk at work, one of my friends was pregnant, and I refused to give my youth up and say I was done. Lead me out to pasture like an old show horse.

My babies grew up way too fast. Hell, they are still growing way too fast, and I really do not like it one bit. When we started trying again, it was like I had a hold of my youth by a hair... by God, it was not leaving me yet. I was not done. Now I fully understand why the Duggars have 19 kids... it's hard to admit you are done growing a family, and to just move on and away from that stage in your life. When I got pregnant with Eva the first month after my D&C, I thought ha! take that old age! My body has finally figured out what to do and to do it right without having to be prompted with drugs and charts. But in that same moment of seeing those two pink lines, I knew that would be the last time I would have that rush, to be experiencing the excitement of new life to come, and that moment turned very bittersweet for me. Allen could care less how many kids we have- he would go to the ends of the earth with me, and a brood of 10 kids, if I really wanted to have 10 kids. He is happy when I am happy.

So, I sit here tonight, clinging onto 25 weeks with Eva, and knowing full well in 3 short months and a week or two give or take, it will all be gone. The special little kicks, hiccups, rolls, and the bump will all be a distant memory as we go into sleep deprivation once again with a newborn, and get Hayleigh ready for kindergarten. I will miss the snotty nose I get every.single.time I am pregnant, the big boobs, the uncomfortable parts that we all forget once we hold that sweet bundle of joy, and most of all that magical bump. That bump that makes you feel so motherly, womanly, sexy, and just full of life. Just wish my hair would be lovely like it was with Reid, but alas, my belly will be an empty shell of what brought life into this world, and my voluminous wavy curly hair will return along with the normal dreams.  Yet, life will never be the same again once Eva enters this world.  We will question what life was really like before her because you can no longer imagine or remember what life was like without her in it.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Preparing for Christmas with Grandma Sue's visit, and Our Visit to O-town, and Our Big Move

I just realized I completely missed Halloween or even to mention we moved 3 months ago as well. Well, to catch that end up, back end of September, right around the time of my 8wk appointment, Allen finally got promoted to Supervisor on his crew. That has been both a curse and a blessing. The blessing being we qualified for company housing- a townhouse or a regular house owned by Halliburton. We ended up with the townhouse- that was a big to do deal and moving was as well. We ended up choosing the townhome over the house because all utilities and cable, etc.. everything was included in our rent which at the end of the day was only $200 more than we were paying for our house we were renting in Colorado- but ended up being balanced out from Allen's rent of his company shared townhouse just right around the corner from us now. We are now saving over $1000 a month with this move, I no longer worry about Allen driving 14 hours or more twice a month, and we get to see him every day.

 There was an adjustment period of getting used to him being with us- the kids have been elated and so have I, but I no longer get my lazy days of cooking just mac n cheese or hot dogs for us for supper. I now cook a full meal every.single.day. Which is good- we all sit down together as a family every night instead of a week out of each month.

One of the bad things is we were not able to get Hayleigh enrolled in Pre-K up here. They are all full, so we have been working on the Pre-K stuff ourselves every day at home. Kindergarten shouldn't be a problem getting into.

 The move was a pain in the butt. Our landlords were MIA the whole month leading to our move after multiple attempts to get in contact with them to go over the final details. Our final walk through of the house was a nightmare- everything that had been blemished on the house  before we got it they tried to pin onto us, and despite the house being completely clean, nail free, carpets cleaned, etc., they still held almost half of our deposit for carpet cleaning and stupid little things even though they did not do any of those things for us before we moved in, and told us we got it as is. SMH...

Our townhome came fully furnished, and I mean everything down to towels, beds, bedding, etc... so storage has been a problem here even though we have more room. We are having to store 3 queen beds, a second table and chairs, love seat, and couch we are not using. They are in places all over the house- in the closet under the stairway, the garage, and Reid's bathroom to his room.

 The only downside to moving here has been Allen gets phone calls all the time from the other crew and his service leader. I have no idea just how the crew he came off of when we moved here functioned before him... well actually I do know- he was there for the 3 months prior and did everything then. The current supervisor is incompetent, and can not lead his crew so he calls Allen at all hours asking random stupid questions that he should know.

My mom made a trip up here for a week and a half long visit for Halloween and to help us get settled in 2 weeks after we moved here. We had a great time, and got the Christmas stuff up just after Halloween since she was here to help me- it is still up and fixing to come down this coming week- I hope. We ended her visit with celebrating Reid's 2nd Birthday just a week early, and saw her off. We are still not completely done unpacking- and hopefully that gets fixed this week as well when we get a storage unit.

We then had my doctors appt. which is on the Catch up with Baby Georgie post you can read all about, celebrated Thanksgiving with me fixing a whole Thanksgiving meal for Allen's crew, delivering it in a blizzard with the kids.

We also made a trip back to Illinois for Christmas this year as well. We left on the 20th of December, and made it in after spending the night in Eau Claire, WI on Monday the 21st. We had a nice busy visit, and mainly just got to see our family for the whole visit. I wish we would have had more time, but we honestly only got to sit and relax 2 nights while we were there the whole almost 2 week visit. We attended Christmas Eve Mass at my church from my childhood- to which I was disappointed in the no trumpets, no baby Jesus being brought up to the nativity, and no incense- its a big Catholic deal for special occasions. Going to mass still made my night- yes I did tear up when the choir sang O Holy Night. Eva kicked me during the whole service and the kids behaved like angels. Allen didn't even give me any dirty looks about being there as well. I bought a maternity navy blue dress just for the occasion to wear with my off white pea coat, and all was perfect in the world.

Christmas morning came, along with Santa Claus... had a good time helping my mom help Santa after midnight mass- was a first I had ever seen her helping Santa out. The kids got more than they asked for, and were on their best behaviors. Mom and I prepared Christmas dinner, and Allen went hunting afterwards and ended up getting a doe.

We also spent a day seeing Santa Claus at the mall- gag.... I would just about drive 13 hours to see our old Santa from the 2 years prior. We did our first build a bear experience, and it did not go as I had envisioned, but we made it out $80 later with two cute reindeer.

The rest of our trip we had Christmas with my mom's family at a party that ended with one of the littles going through their plate glass wall, we celebrated Christmas with my dad, and got together with other family members for the rest of the trip.

We ended up leaving a day earlier than we planned due to a weather system that was due to hit North Dakota. The plan was to stop that first night around Fargo, ND, but as we drove on we knew that system was going to hit sooner than we expected, so we drove the whole way in, arriving to iced over Williston at 4am. Allen got up before I did that same morning and checked the road conditions for the state, and they were all in red, and iced over. The kids did fantastic the whole trip - Hayleigh only had an accident on the way to Illinois. Our trip to Illinois ended up being only a 19 hour drive, but the way back was 22 hours- we had both dogs and the kids with us through it all. I have absolutely no desire to travel anywhere out of town for a while I know that.

We still have no idea when we will be visiting Illinois again- probably not until Fall if we are lucky this year. We have people asking us to come back in April or May, but Eva will be coming at the end of April, so there is no way in hell we will be traveling with 3 kids- with one being newborn anytime soon after she is born just so a few people can see her in person for a 3 day visit since Allen's vacations are already planned for this year. CRAZY to think we would do that in the first place. I swear I really don't know what people think we are, because we sure in the hell are not super heros, or crazy stupid to make a trip like that anytime soon, when none of them are even willing to try to travel to us.

Buzz Lightyear and a Spooky Cat

I even dressed me and Eva up at 13 wks with the x-ray shirt with a baby on bottom

Daddy got to see us off on our way for the trick or treat downtown- which was really a big hit!

Right before we took Grandma back to the airport
Setting up the tree a week before Grandma left

Our Townhouse

Matching Christmas PJs from Our Elf, during advent
These are only a few of the pictures I have- 90% of them I shot in Raw format on my camera and have yet to process them into jpegs.... lesson learned on that one- shoot both raw and jpeg for this kind of stuff.


Do You want to Build a Snowman?

Part of our advent activities for December was to build a snowman. Our Elf, Santa Baby and her pet reindeer, George, brought a snowman kit to the kids. Luckily we got a good snow to build a snowman with. The kids absolutely loved the whole process, and making snow angels. I made a point to get my butt out with my camera and actually take pictures for once, and ended up using the pics for our Christmas card this year.

Catching up with Baby Georgie

I know it has been a long time since I've been on here. We've all been doing fine- including baby Georgie. I finally had my first appointment with my OB on the 3rd of December- which was about all canceled. My OB I was assigned was out on an emergency, so they wanted to cancel my appointment after we arrived. I told them I needed to see someone since my last appointment was just with the nurse and financial advisor in October. They set me up with another OB there. I was prepared for just a normal regular belly check appointment followed later by anatomy scan ultrasound. I ended up getting another pap done, blood draw, and first round of glucose test done.

This whole pregnancy I've been pretty lean- I started over 10lbs less than where I had with my three previous pregnancies, but yet this OB that was the same size as me told me we should reschedule my anatomy scan for 2 weeks out since I was healthy in the middle. Yep, she really did say that.... I was 18 weeks 4 days at the appointment. I told her I was more lean than I had been with Hayleigh and Reid at that point, and we did not have any problems, and on top of that we would be out of state until the 3rd of January. She agreed to let me go ahead and do the ultrasound, and if we could not get good measurements we would then follow up with another scan when we got back.

The ultrasound went very well, kids behaved very good. We did get a good look at Georgie, the ultrasound tech was very nice. Everything looked great, and we managed to get 3D/4D images of Georgie, whom we found out is a GIRL we have decided to name Eva. I wanted to kick that OB in the ass after we got out of there- of course she was no where to be seen. We went home and announced Georgie aka Eva was a Girl from news of our Elf Santa Baby.

 A little over a week later, we had a Trisomy 18 scare. On the ultrasound, they found a cyst on her brain that is commonly associated with Trisomy 18. I had called my OB office after I was notified via email my lab results were in, but were not posted. I figured I had failed my first glucose test (they do 2 here- an early and a late one). I was not notified prior and did not feel like taking the same test back to back on monthly visits. I received a phone call back from the nurse and the nurse whom my husband is now upset with proceeded to give me the run down about Trisomy 18, and how we needed further testing. That was all she told me, so instead of doing an amnio I went with the simple blood test first to see what the results would bring back- if they were not good, I would follow up with an amnio. I went in that same day- this was approx. a week after my appointment and had them draw my blood. I was told it would take 2 weeks to get results back, so I was figuring on Christmas or after. I was really worried about it all since Allen's half brother after him was born with Trisomy 13. (different dad). I did a lot of researching about Trisomy 18, and found that the other markers for it were low growth rate, organs not developing correctly, etc. Eva was ahead of the mark on growth, measuring a week further out, and her organs looked perfectly healthy. I decided for the hay of it I would call the OB up before we left for our trip back to Illinois for Christmas, to see if they received the results. The receptionist was of no help- made a big deal about the nurse should have called me with results like that they received 2 days prior. So, there I sat for 10 minutes waiting for the nurse to call me back. There really should be a book or training for OBGYN ettiquite towards patients. The nurse called me back promptly, and told me the results were negative for Trisomy 18, and we were indeed 100% sure having another girl.

So, anyway, everything with Eva is going just fine. She's been kicking and squirming a lot, and does not like the fetal Doppler I have we use to check on her from time to time- usually kicking it off of my belly. And, I've also had Braxton Hicks contractions since 16 wks pretty intense some days as well.

I am now 24 weeks, 1 day with Eva who should be measuring between 1-1/2 to 2lbs right now. My next appointment is tomorrow at 1pm. I'm planning on asking for another scan to make sure the cyst has gone away, which in cases like mine over 90% of them do. The following are some of the pictures we have of Ms Eva. I'll follow this post up with a Christmas post over our visit back to Illinois.


kids announcing Evas a Girl


from my 8wk 4 day ultrasound Sept 30th

Heartbeat was 174 bpm