About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Blog Archive

Tuesday, July 31, 2012


Nesting was one thing I didn't really experience with Hayleigh. I was so worn out from working nights at UPS, that I just didn't get into it much. The other side of that was Allen told me not to do much of anything, since we had to work hard to get Hayleigh on the way, I was NOT doing anything to possibly hurt the pregnancy.

This time around, umm what he doesn't know about won't kill him right?? I realize I'm on no travel restriction right now, and I am to take it easy- per Anita's orders. I haven't been doing a whole lot of deep cleaning yet, and what I have been doing, I'm doing in moderation. I do a little and stop, do a little and stop... you get the idea.

I've been putting off cleaning day for a few days now, and I cannot take it anymore. The wood floors are ughh, sticky in some spots from Hayleigh's juice, and dirty because if you don't clean them damn near every day, they get gross. The kitchen is a mess, and our bathrooms are a mess. Since everything is a mess around here, except for my bedroom, I've decided to start going through stuff again, and reorganizing, and re-configuring stuff. When I get in one of these moods, I tend to make a mess getting everything so so, and it is just easier to clean once, after I get done moving stuff around, throwing other things out, etc. I hate nothing more than to have to clean something twice in one day.

Today, I started with looking at Hayleigh's play room, Reid's future room. Hayleigh has toys strung out everywhere, and I was all ready to tackle cleaning the toys, and putting them all back up, organized- making sure all parts were all together. First, I was going to spray paint- well touch up her toy basket. It's an old bassinet, just like my Grandma Weidner's. I found it at Salvation Army, in the front window, and had called on the way to work for them to hold it for me until I got off, to come and pick it up. I ended up spray painting it brown, and took the legs off of it to use as a toy basket, until we had another baby, and would then use it for that. Well... Hayleigh has too many toys, and if I were to use the bassinet as a bassinet, I would have a toy problem, so I opted for a new pack-n-play, and have given the bassinet for Hayleigh and Reid to use for toys. Anyway, back to touching the bassinet up.. I could not find the spray paint for it- anywhere! Makes me soo irritated when I cannot find something I'm looking for, and thought I knew where it was. After looking all over, I decided to not paint it or worry about it, so the paint would just show up. I went back into the play room, and decided to start in on it. I paused though for just a minute, looking at the stuff, and looking in Hayleigh's room....


I decided to start trying to make the toys fit somewhere else, little by little. I moved Hayleigh's rocking chair out of her room, and put it in the corner of our bedroom- I'll be using it for Reid soon anyway. I then got a blanket out, and put it under the toy box-after emptying it out, and drug it from Reid's room, into Hayleigh's room next door. I had it up against the wall at first, then decided I could fit more IF I moved it to next to Hayleigh's bed. (This is when my juices really got going on this) I then took Hayleigh's baby doll bed, and put it in the room, next to the toy box, and wall- fit like a glove! A little cluttered, but, at least the stuff was not in the living room, or in our bedroom. I moved other little things around, put the rest of the books Aunt Teresa and cousin Ruth had brought for Hayleigh up in her bookshelf, and sorted out some baby toys to put back for Reid. I felt bad doing this- those are Hayleigh's things, and I realize she is done with them, but I have a problem with this. The things still went up in Reid's closet though. (I have not been able to get rid of ANY of Hayleigh's old clothes. We were saving them for Baby #2, but that was a bust, so they will be making their way back to Illinois to my mom's house to wait for my sister to someday use) 

You get the picture, divide and conquer! There are still some things left in Reid's room- Hayleigh's cars, her shopping cart, the bassinet toy basket, and her table and chairs. The pink polka dot curtain will have to come down- I got it from Pottery barn, and am not about to order 3 more to fit Hayleigh's room she is in now, because we will not be in this house next year, and that curtain was $50. 

Next, I'm off to reorganize Reid's closet AGAIN.. I have stuff in there that I need to send back home, and I need to get the rest of Hayleigh's toys put back up. After that, I'm off to reorganize our closet, then off to the garage- AGAIN... I know my time is limited, especially on how much I can do, and I don't foresee me being able to do this stuff in 6 more weeks. It will be a chore to keep up with Hayleigh, and keep the house clean as it is. SO, that is what I call nesting. I want to get everything cleaned- kind of like a Fall Cleaning, organized, and put up where I can find everything. I have a whole list of things for me to do, sitting here on the counter, and I am hoping to get it all done before the end of September. 

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Mr. Sandman, Bring me a NORMAL Dream

Okay, right now, I am still half asleep, so please forgive any grammar, spelling, etc. If I don't write this all down, I'll forget about it.


In the past month, my dreamland has went kind of crazy. Of course, I dream of Reid a lot...what he will look like, how big he will be when he is born, etc. So far, my dreams of Reid have had 2 things happen in every dream.

 One, he is born way early, and is very big. I believe the last dream I had about him, he weighed 10lbs 8oz..ughhh! I have no idea why I dream he comes before we can get our 3D ultrasound done, but labor is really easy from each of those dreams. That must be me worrying about delivering a BIG baby. 

The Second reoccurring thing in my dreams of Reid is we forget the Via Cord kit. One dream we never did get it, the second we had it and left it at home. By the time I think of this all in my dream, it is of course too late to do the Via Cord, and I am mad. I even woke up one morning really mad at the snotty Massachusetts butt hole from Via Cord I talked to, two weeks ago. I had called to tell them I still had not received my kit- the website does not say anything about waiting to send it out. He informed me that they usually don't send it out until you are 28wks. I think I'm calling them again tomorrow, and telling them I want the kit now. I've been stressing about this so much in my dreams that it has been making me nervous. 

The dreams with Reid kind of scare me. He is always early, always big- I just know he will be a big baby, and we forget the Via Cord kit. Never once do I dream of Allen missing him being born, or Hayleigh hating Reid after he is born. The poor baby doesn't even get any clothes- he is usually only in a diaper or naked. In one of the dreams I had we didn't have the kit, he was big, but I didn't know what he weighed, Allen's grandma was wrapping him up on a cafeteria table in newspaper, covering his face- like he was a package. In another, we got home with Reid, I went to change him, and had apparently not changed him since he was born. Well, I opened his diaper up and went OMG. He had a HUGE weenie- for a baby, Allen was so proud of it, he wanted to show everyone, and we forgot to get him circumcised. Don't ask me what the heck I'm thinking to dream this crazy stuff up, because I don't even know.

Besides the dreams of Reid, there are so many other weird ones- some I cannot even begin to tell you what happened, because I don't even know. I found one dream really crazy about a centaur- half horse, half man, along with a lady that had cow udders in the same dream. The centaur could stand on just his back two feet too. I want to say I think the lady was half cow... IDK. There was some very weird stuff going on between them- I'll just say that the centaur had 2 members. The funny thing I found from that dream was that I was not alone in dreaming of a centaur doing weird stuff. One of my friends had a dream when she was pregnant with her little boy about a centaur too. I don't even know where in the world that dream came from, but I woke up thinking WTH, and laughing. Some dreams I cannot remember, I wake up mad at Allen. I dreamed one night that Reid was pushing so hard you could see his body pressed against my belly so much you could make out his whole body. I am sure the night I dreamed that, was the night that he pushed on my ribs- woke up completely sore in my ribs on the right side. Last night, I didn't go to bed until 3am- I finished Breaking Dawn, then went to sleep. I'm pretty sure I dreamed of the book.

Anyway, you get the picture. Very weird dreams is all I get anymore, while getting up 2-3 times atnight to go to the bathroom, and check on Hayleigh. The sad thing is 99% of the time, I watch tv with Hayleigh- we watch Disney Jr, and Nick Jr. I've been watching Christmas movies, and just regular stuff like that- nothing on the X Files, or anything like that. I'm surprised I haven't dreamed of Mickey Mouse, Handy Manny, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, or anything like that. I realize most people don't write about what they have dreamed- or the crazy happenings, but I know someday, I will read this post, and laugh remembering those crazy dreams- I still remember some of the ones I had when I was pregnant with Hayleigh. I forget somethings that happen, and it's nice to go back and read all of what happened, going Ohh Yeah! I remember that!  

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Last Baby???

I was recently asked it Reid will be our last baby. I can truthfully say YES! When Allen and I first got married, we had originally agreed we wanted 3 kids- a houseful if you ask me. After trying for quite a while to get our family started, I would have been content with just one. While pregnant with Hayleigh, I LOVED it, I could do it over and over again... without any other little ones running around that is. While delivering Hayleigh, I commented a few times that anyone that goes through that more than once is crazy.. SO now I'm crazy. Of course, all of the bad memories, or I mean pain memories pretty much leave your mind once you hold that newborn baby in your arms, and you forget all about how bad it all was to an extent. Now that I'm approaching 30 years old in a little over six months, ummm I don't think I want to be pregnant after this. Don't get me wrong, even with this pregnancy being a total surprise, and not at all when I would have planned to get pregnant, it has been a very easy pregnancy with a few exceptions.

One, Reid is quite a pusher- he gets in my ribs, and and makes my days every once in a while miserable already.

Two, I would have never have planned to be pregnant while trying to move cross country. Granted, I didn't have to lift anything- that was nice, but I felt bad I couldn't do more. Another note to that, having to transfer all of our doctors, and try to pick up a new ob in the middle of a pregnancy is completely stressful. I miss my midwife back home, while the one I have now is alright, it's just not the same. Bigger hospital, bigger town, and no idea what to expect from this place.

Three, I was just SURE we would have another girl, and we would get to use Hayleigh's clothes over again- planning another pregnancy for the new arrival to be born the same time of year. Yeah, that didn't work obviously, and really back fired on me- no girl, but a boy, and a fall/winter baby, instead of a summer baby. I wanted to wait until Hayleigh was 3- go back sometime next year, but as you can plainly see from the big bump on my middle section, that did not happen.

Four, while I didn't experience morning sickness- just indigestion once again, everything has went really smooth except my teeth have been extremely sensitive, and we have to go see the high risk doctor now for a follow up ultrasound. I realize the situation is not that bad, but in my mind, having to see the high risk doctor is not something I look forward to doing. I'm restricted from traveling over 2 hours away now- I hate being told I can't do something.

Five, I have no one here with me to help me out when Allen is gone. None of my family or friends live close by- they are all 14 hours away. So, if I get to where I need a break, or help with Hayleigh, I don't have that option to get someone to watch her for me for a while. It is me on my own, which I can do it by myself, but it would be nice to be close to family sometimes. I'm such a homebody, that I don't really feel like going out much. I get tired, Hayleigh is two, and it wears us both out into complete crankiness. Also, we will be moving when our lease is up next year, and I'm not sure where to, so I don't want to get to comfortable here, making friends I will have to say goodbye to months away.

On the flip side to all of this, we did not have to go through fertility treatments again. One of my friends that went to the same specialist we had, is going through it all again. I can honestly say it was a lot easier for us just having a surprise, instead of dragging Hayleigh back and forth 2 hour trips one way a few times a week to try to conceive again. We are also having a boy, so everything this time around is completely flipped from what we had before.

Don't get me wrong, I am completely happy- I get to stay home with Hayleigh now, and will be able to with Reid as well. I know things will be hairy- no help for me most of the time, but not having to leave two kids to go back to work, and taking them to a sitter, will ease my nerves too.

ANYWAY, I got off topic. Reid will be our last baby. I originally wanted to be done having kids by the time I turned 30, so we could enjoy them, and be able to keep up with them more. I have been researching birth control options, since what we were doing- nothing, doesn't work anymore- obviously, and I don't want to have a newborn baby, and get pregnant again. We are happy with two kids, I am confident I can handle two kids, and we feel that is a way better number of kids for us than three would be. I think I would pull the rest of what hair I would have left out with three kids. One boy, one girl... DONE. I've considered getting permanent birth control done- not being operated on- kind of like IUD birth control- but it doesn't just last 5 years, it is a permanent thing. The appeal to that is for me not to have surgery. Allen is too big of a baby to get operated on- even if it is an outpatient thing, so I will do it. SO, after Reid gets here, at my 6wk follow up appointment, I will be getting on Mirena. It will give me 5 years to make absolutely sure we are content with 2 kids, and I just feel like 30 is too young for me to make a permanent decision.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Week One Recap

So, as I had previous stated when Allen left, I could just feel these next two weeks were not going to be very good ones. Allen was upset when he had to leave, and I was too. I cried taking him to the airport, and coming back from the airport, just me and Hayleigh. I was trying to be optimistic about the two weeks we had without Allen here, even though deep down I could just feel it all coming on. 

Sunday afternoon, we got home from the airport, and I got a few loads of laundry done. Hayleigh and I just lounged around the house, I fixed supper for us, and we watched a movie together. 

Monday, I cannot believe I cannot hardly remember what went on, but I remember getting up early to set my alarm to make sure I got the trash taken out, then realized after I talked to Allen, it was Monday, and not trash day Tuesday. Hayleigh and I went outside and played later that afternoon, and we took a nice nap - her in her bed, and me in my bed. I then got to talk to the photographer that evening about taking our maternity/family pictures, and Reid's newborn pictures. We talked for over an hour, about what we wanted to get accomplished, and just about our selves in general. It's nice to get to know someone before you meet them. I put Hayleigh to bed, and began pinning ideas for the shoots on pinterest. Hayleigh ended up getting up and sneaking around the house while I was doing this 4 times. Scared the crap out of me! Anyway, whenever she is caught, she runs to her bed, jumps in, and plays possum- like she never left her bed, and she is asleep. If you look closely at her though, you can see her grin behind her paci. 

Tuesday, I got the trash out, kind of just hung out around the house. Checked the tracking on my last packages I'm waiting on- Reid's shoes and Cardinal's jersey came that day. We talked to everyone from back home, then the trouble started. I got bit hard by Toby, our min pin male. He bit me when I was trying to put him in his crate to fix supper. I didn't know the door was closed on the crate- Hayleigh must have closed it. Anyway, Toby would not get away from the door. I tried waving him away, and telling him to get back- that's when he bit through my finger- all the way through the finger nail. I ended up running to the kitchen to get the wound clean, and in the process, he followed me into the house- Hayleigh had seen the whole deal. She was bawling, Missy was running around scared, and Toby was just running around the house- with me yelling at him to get into his crate. I was afraid he was going to bite Hayleigh, or something. I finally got him back into his crate, left Missy out for the night, and tried to find something to do with him. With Reid coming, and Hayleigh being 2 years old, I then worried about him biting them someday if one of them just happened to trip and fall on him, or were to get a little rough with him. I couldn't take that chance. I finally got a hold of Allen- he agreed something needed to be done- finding a new home for Toby. 
Wednesday, after talking to an animal control officer, I decided it would be best for me to try to find Toby a home myself. If I were to take him to the shelter- they would have a home for him immediately, according to the officer, but it would cost me $150.00. I decided after that to give Craigslist a try. Within 15 minutes of posting my ad, I had a long waiting list of people wanting to come and look at Toby, if the person in front of them did not take him home. I ended up getting phone calls and texts all day. Finally, I got Toby together, we loved on him, gave him a bath, and got him ready to meet some potential new families. The first person showed up about 5:30, with her mom. I could tell from when I first met them, they were Toby's new family. Toby and Missy did great with them, I sent one ornament with Toby's picture home with them, and told them when I got to go through the Christmas stuff, I would dig out the other ornaments I had for him, and send them to them for him. I held Hayleigh up to Toby, and she patted him, said "Bye Bye Toby"- made me want to cry. Then, she waved bye to the two ladies, and they left. They had maybe been out the door for 1 minute, and Hayleigh began to bawl, pointing at the door, saying, "Toby" over and over again. Broke my heart. I remember animals when I was little being taken home to some other family- mainly kittens, since my mama cat had three litters a year. Made me sad thinking about how sad I was then, and what Hayleigh must be feeling. I just got rid of her dog. But, it was something I had to do. I gathered Hayleigh up, went to the living room, and put in Toy Story, to distract her, and get her mind off of Toby. Needless to say, she loves Toy Story, and she forgot all about Toby being gone. We ended up finishing the evening off with mowing the backyard, programing the sprinklers, and talking to Allen for 45 minutes. I let Hayleigh stay up until 10pm, I put her to bed, only having to track her down one time from getting up, and spent an hour of some quality me time catching up on my Dallas on the DVR. I then, decided it was time to go to bed, and couldn't sleep, so I started reading on my Breaking Dawn book- I have yet to finish. After reading for an hour, I decided I was tired, and went to sleep. I was up and down all night. Hayleigh was crying in her sleep, and I've been having to visit the bathroom now at least twice through the night. So, this morning, Hayleigh and I slept in until almost 10:30- we were both tired! 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Probiotics and Strep B

Today, Dr. Gray's office called to schedule the ultrasound for Reid's heart. They couldn't get me in any earlier than when Allen would be home- so we got the appointment for the same day as my regular baby appointment. For the ultrasound, we will be going to the hospital- and Dr. Gray, who is the high risk doctor, will be doing the ultrasound, and hopefully not finding anything wrong with Reid. With all of this going on today, I've been researching other things- Strep B infection with pregnant women. I tested positive for it when I was pregnant with Hayleigh, and have been looking into what I can do to keep from having it again this time. Here is an briefing on what it is, etc:

What is group B streptococcus?

Group B strep (GBS) is a kind of bacteria that many people harbor in their intestinal tracts. The bacteria may also inhabit (or "colonize") your vagina as well, and be passed on to your baby during labor and birth. 
Approximately 10 to 30 percent of pregnant women carry GBS in the vagina or rectum or surrounding area. While GBS is generally harmless in healthy adults, it may cause stillbirth and serious infections in babies.
Sexual transmission of group B strep is possible, but group B strep is not considered a sexually transmitted infection because your genital area may be colonized by bacteria you carry in your own gastrointestinal tract. It's also not the same as group A strep, the bacteria that usually cause strep throat.

I asked my midwife about this on my first visit with her, asking what my chances were to having it again, since taking antibiotics can help lead to this since they destroy all bacteria. She told me to check into taking probiotics- that research from Denver University had shown for it to help decrease chances for testing positive to it. 
So, here I am ready to get all kinds of vitamins ordered- I can get the stuff from Walmart, and studies have also shown to increase dairy intake, and to eat yogurt daily too. I already have some yogurt here, and plan on eating it like there is no tomorrow, since I've had to be on antibiotics twice now- once for my teeth, and another time during this pregnancy for sinus infection. I don't want to be in the hospital for 3 days again, like I was with Hayleigh, so I will be doing everything in my power to try to prevent this, since I will be tested in approximately 8-10 wks from now. 
I also thought this was interesting, since I have psoriasis, and psoriasis is linked to the immune system- if you have a weaker immune system, or suppressed immune system, it doesn't flare up quite so much. Makes me wonder if my psoriasis had anything to do with having tested positive for Strep B last time.. I guess until we know for sure, I'm just going to try all that I can to keep my digestive track healthy!
Probiotics are believed to protect us in two ways. The first is the role that they play in our digestive tract. We know that our digestive tract needs a healthy balance between the good and bad bacteria, so what gets in the way of this? It looks like our lifestyle is both the problem and the solution. Poor food choices, emotional stress, lack of sleep, antibiotic overuse, other drugs, and environmental influences can all shift the balance in favor of the bad bacteria.
When the digestive tract is healthy, it filters out and eliminates things that can damage it, such as harmful bacteria, toxins, chemicals, and other waste products. On the flip side, it takes in the things that our body needs (nutrients from food and water) and absorbs and helps deliver them to the cells where they are needed.
The idea is not to kill off all of the bad bacteria. Our body does have a need for the bad ones and the good ones. The problem is when the balance is shifted to have more bad than good. An imbalance has been associated with diarrhea, urinary tract infectionsmuscle pain, and fatigue.
The other way that probiotics help is the impact that they have on our immune system. Some believe that this role is the most important. Our immune system is our protection against germs. When it doesn't function properly, we can suffer from allergic reactions, autoimmune disorders (for example, ulcerative colitisCrohn's disease, and rheumatoid arthritis), and infections (for example, infectious diarrhea, Helicobacter pylori, skin infections, and vaginal infections). By maintaining the correct balance from birth, the hope would be to prevent these ailments. Our immune system can benefit anytime that balanced is restored, so it's never too late.

Letter from Baby to Mommy about breastfeeding

Okay, I've been thinking of this post a lot lately- made me cry...what doesn't??? Anyway, I would have pinned it on pinterest, but I'm afraid it would be taken down sometime when I would really want to read this. It is from the Leaky Boob, and is a really good letter from a baby to mommy about breastfeeding.

Dear Mommy,
Thank you so much for breastfeeding me!  You probably already know that your milk is designed especially for me, and is better than anything else you could feed me.
I know that right now, you feel like your friends who aren’t breastfeeding their babies seem to have an easier time of things.  Those other babies sleep soundly and longer between feedings, they drink so much, and they don’t fuss to eat all the time like I do!  I can tell you’re getting a little bit frustrated, and I hear all the advice you’re getting … my grandma says you weren’t breastfed and you turned out just fine, my daddy says he feels like he can’t do anything to soothe me, and that lady with the cold hands that you call “doctor” gave you a can of something that she says will help me grow faster.  You’re tired and frustrated because taking care of me just seems too hard, but please mommy, before you give up this yummy breastfeeding thing, let me explain some of my behavior to you.  It might help you feel better.
First, if you and I were separated after I was born, for any reason (maybe it was hospital protocol that I be left under a warmer, maybe you were recovering from surgery), I’ve got some catching up to do, because I probably lost more weight than my friends who got to stay close to their mommies.  It’s OK … I’m really good at letting you know when I need some more calories, but it’s important that you let me breastfeed lots and lots, even if my grandma says “he just ate!!”  In my first few days, the nurses at the hospital might tell you I’m hungry and your body can’t make enough milk for me … but mommy, that colostrum from your breasts is some awesome stuff!  It’s packed with protein, which binds to any bilirubin in my body (elevated bilirubin causes jaundice in more than half of newborns) so I can poop it on out.  It’s also a great laxative, which makes it easy for me to get all that black, tarry meconium out of me and we can move on to the seedy, yellow-brown poops that are much easier to clean off my sweet tushie.  Now, the colostrum is really thick and sticky, and I’m so small and still figuring out how to move my tongue, and we’re both still trying to get comfortable together, so it might take me 20 minutes or longer to suck out just ONE TEASPOON (5-7 mL) of that liquid gold.
But it’s OK, mommy!  You know, there is really nowhere I’d rather be than in your arms, hearing your sweet voice and smelling you  — even though you haven’t had a shower since before I was born, you’re just delicious to me.  And something else you should know about me … even though I have a really cute “Buddha belly” that looks all chubby, the capacity of my stomach on the day I’m born is just 5-7 milliliters – that’s the size of a small marble!  You’re the smartest woman in my whole world, so I know you see the connection here!  The amount of colostrum in your breast is exactly the capacity of my tummy!  My stomach walls on my first day of life are very rigid and won’t stretch; this is why, if anyone tries to feed me with a bottle, I’m going to spit most of it back up again, even though I eagerly suck at it.  See, mommy, I only have two ways to send and receive information from my brand-new world – I can cry, and I can suck.  I can’t see much, and all these sounds are so much louder than when I was inside you, and I can use my hands to help me orient myself on your breast, but crying and sucking are pretty much how I make sense of everything.
From the Heart Photography - Tiffany Hileman
I know it seems really confusing, mommy, that I would want to suck and suck and suck even though my tummy is full.  When I suck, lots of great things happen for both of us.  I keep my own digestion moving by triggering the involuntary digestive muscles in peristalsis – moving the contents of my stomach along because I’m still moving my mouth and tongue, which are the beginning of my digestive tract.  When you let me do all this suckling at your breast, I can very easily regulate how I suck, depending on why I’m sucking at any given moment.  You can probably feel when I’m suckling nutritively and swallowing lots of milk, and when I’m kind of relaxed about it, feeding sort of like I’m savoring a bowl of ice cream … you know how sometimes, you scrape just a tiny bit onto your spoon, because you want it to last a long time?  To me, you’re better than ice cream!  But on a bottle, it’s impossible for me to suck and not get whatever’s in there, and that’s confusing to me, so I might keep sucking because that’s what my instinct is telling me to do, or I might realize my tummy hurts (because even on day 10, my stomach capacity is only a ping pong ball) and I’ll cry and cry because all I really know is crying and sucking!
A word about these instincts I feel … I really can’t help it, mommy, that I want to suckle so much.  It’s just how I came out, and there doesn’t seem to be much that I can do about it.  Please believe me, I’m not trying to trick you!  In a few weeks, this need lets up a tiny bit, but for now, suckling is my M.O.  But, do you want to know something really cool?  I’m not the only one who benefits!  When I suckle at your breast in these early days, your body actually activates prolactin receptors!  Isn’t that amazing?  In my first two weeks, the higher I make your prolactin levels go (my suckling triggers a prolactin surge in your body), the more of these receptors get activated in your breasts, and the higher your potential milk production will be for as long as you choose to breastfeed me.  That’s one reason your lactation consultant tells you to wait on introducing that bottle or that binky– this prolactin receptor thing only happens for the first 10-14 days.  After that, the prolatcin surges when I breastfeed are much smaller, so the more receptors there are to gobble up what prolactin is there, the more easily you’ll make all the milk I need.
Besides prolactin, there’s oxytocin, another hormone I activate when I am at your breast.  Oxytocin is part of what makes you so addicted to me!  It’s “the love hormone” and it helps you feel relaxed and content when we’re breastfeeding.  Go ahead, mommy, exhale and relax!  It’s OK!  Oxytocin release is triggered by nipple stimulation, not necessarily milk removal (though when things are going well, my stimulation of your nipples usually means I’m removing milk!).  Now, I know this might sound a little awkward coming from your baby, but I need you to know something about oxytocin.  There are only three events in your life that trigger oxytocin release: nipple stimulation (like when I’m breastfeeding), labor (the oxytocin released during childbirth stimulates uterine contractions, which is why nipple stimulation might be suggested when labor stalls, and also explains why sometimes, after you breastfeed me, you feel an increased expulsion of lochia and maybe some cramping), and … orgasm!!  Isn’t neat that the same hormone plays a part in making me, birthing me, and feeding me, and it’s a hormone that makes you feel GOOD to do all three?
Mommy, I know you are trying your very best for me and you’ve been worried about whether your body can satisfy my appetite.  I know you’re used to being able to measure everything, and your breasts don’t have markers on them to tell you how much milk I got.  Maybe you used a breast pump, and that confirmed your worries that there isn’t much milk there – but mommy, please understand that a good pump can mimic me, but your body wasn’t designed to have all these wonderful hormone surges for a cold piece of plastic with a noisy vacuum motor.  You know that feeling you get when you hold my warmth and weight, smell how delicious I am, and nom nom nom on my fat cheeks?  That feeling helps you make milk!  That feeling is part of the whole system that was designed to make you need to be close to me, just as much as I need to be close to you.  And mommy, I know you’re very busy, and important, and there’s so much you used to do before I came, and I know right now, it feels like you’ll never do those things again, and our house is getting messy, and maybe that scares you.  But please know, every moment you spend holding me, every time you gaze lovingly at me, and every hour you spend breastfeeding me in these early days is so important to me, because you’re all I know.  I love daddy and grandma and all of our friends, but I’m designed to be happiest and least stressed when I’m with you.  Can you wear me in a sling or soft carrier after I’m milk-drunk?  I really like listening to your heart beating while I sleep, and you are warm and soft and smell so good.  That space between your breasts is perfectly sized for my head, and there’s nothing I like better than the feel of your skin against mine.  Well, maybe there is something I like better … I love it when you sleep next to me after we’ve been breastfeeding.  Oh, mommy, when you nurse me while lying down, you relax and your milk flows so nicely, and I feel like you’re so happy to be with me, and I’m very special to you because you don’t have to run off and do something else as soon as I’ve let your breast go.
And mommy, I have a promise to make to you.  I can’t say for sure when it will happen, but there will come a day when I need you a little bit less intensely.  My feedings will get more organized, my weight gain will stabilize, and sometimes, I’ll even like when my daddy or grandma or other loving person holds me.  But today, I need you.  You’ll always be my number one, even after we’re done breastfeeding, but I will learn, like you did, to defer my needs and to trust others to meet them once you and I get a good thing going.  Thank you so much for all you’ve done for me so far. Until you start giving me an allowance, I hope my good health, sweet smiles, coos, and giggles will sustain you!

Many thanks to the hundreds of readers that shared so many beautiful photos of their newborn babies.  There is just a small sampling here but you all have incredible photographs of your beautiful babies.  Thank you for being willing to share and to all the photographers of these precious images!

Diana Cassar-Uhl, IBCLC and La Leche League Leader, has written articles for the La Leche League publications Leaven and Breastfeeding Today, and is the author of the La Leche League tear-off sheet Vitamin D, Your Baby, and You.She is a frequent presenter at breastfeeding education events. Excited about her work toward a Master of Public Health, Diana hopes to work in public service as an advisor to policymakers in maternal/child health and nutrition. Diana, mother to three breastfed children, has served as a clarinetist on active Army duty in the West Point Band since 1995. Diana enjoys running, writing, skiing, and cross-stitching when she finds herself with spare time.  She also writes at Normal, like breathing

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Baby Talk

So, today, I can't seem to get in gear doing the house work that I need to do to keep busy. I've been okay now- better, and settling back into our routine. Right now, I'm attempting to get Hayleigh to take a nap in her bed with her toddler rail on- so no containment, unless I get out her brother's new pack n play... She's no longer a baby, and we will be gaining a new one and starting all over again in a few short months.

The weeks fly by so fast- it's hard for me to comprehend that I am now a big fat cow- all belly, and this lil guy, who we now have named Reid, will be coming out soon. He is kicking right now, as I type this, and I just remember back to when Hayleigh was born how much I missed it! I can honestly say I really enjoy it all- except for the part of him trying to crawl up under my ribs, and hang out. That HURTS!!! I woke up the other morning with sore ribs on my right side- kind of like when you've had a bad cold, and are sore from coughing so much. I just cannot wait for Hayleigh to really feel a good kick! Allen has felt some- milder ones, but has also felt the pushing this guy puts on.

I can honestly say that I am positive that once Reid is born- he is the last one. I've been struggling to keep up with Hayleigh, and everything else- it just keeps getting harder and harder. I miss our families and friends, and realize how much easier it would be with them close by, but at the same time, I'm such a homebody, I like my quiet time to myself. I just know deep down, that if we had another baby- well, forget about the having the baby part- being fat pregnant in the middle of summer again- No Thanks! I don't know if I could do it again. I doubt my abilities to make it to November with Reid- and I'm only carrying one... just one baby. How do these other women with multiples do it??? Some nights, or afternoons, I get so run down tired, Reid is pushing for all he is worth into my side, I'm chasing Hayleigh around, trying to keep up with Allen out and about, stores or buildings get stuffy, I can't breath..then their is the 96 degree weather we have had for the past week. UGGHH! Makes me feel like I can't do it some days.

We got a special treat on Friday. My Aunt Teresa, and cousin Ruth, came to visit us! We went out to eat at Red Robins, and then I talked myself, and them all into going out to the fair here, to see the animals. WHEW! It was HOT! I ended up telling Allen I was stupid for saying we should all go out there, but, I wanted to do it for Hayleigh. Give her a chance to see the animals, and ride a few rides. Well... the rides thing was a bust. Hayleigh had to be 38" tall to ride two of the rides- and she is 36" tall.. and the carousel- height requirement was 42" no adult to hold child, and no pregnant women. Struck out on that one! Anyway, we walked all around- I finally had to get a drink- I was getting way too hot. I sat down in the shade at one of the booths fully prepared to give someone a piece of my mind if they asked me to move. When I went up to the booth to order a drink, they couldn't give it to me fast enough- my ears were ringing, I was seeing white spots, and getting really yucky feeling. I grabbed that drink and chugged on it, then sat down when I found Allen. After that, I was okay. Hayleigh then got to ride the ponies- the only thing she could ride. Allen walked with her around, so I could stay out of the sun, and rest. We shortly left the fair- Teresa had brought lots of goodies for Hayleigh, which included a small bicycle with training wheels- I plan on getting Hayleigh out on it tonight, pushing her around. It's nice to have an aunt who really cares enough to bring us some of the things that they are no longer using- Hayleigh really enjoys it all- and loves everything- including the purple high heels they had brought from the last visit.

So, after a day at the fair, and everything else, I have deemed that I am done with being pregnant after this. I am sure though, that after Reid gets here, and I forget all of the bad things or hard things about labor, and pregnancy, I'll get the fever again- but this time I'm not going to mess around. I am getting an IUD put in- that way it is not a permanent fix, but, we will not have another April Fool's Day surprise, like we did with Reid- which we thought would never happen.

Other things to babble on about... I got my breast pump out, along with the new kit- plugged the puppy in, and made sure it still worked. Allen was so funny with it- put the shield up on his cheek and proclaims, it worked! Little things like that make me happy- going through baby stuff. I used to sneak into Hayleigh's room before she was born, looking at it all- cherishing it all. I'm doing it all again with Reid's stuff too. I put it all up, and organize it all- then go in and look at it. I try to imagine him using it, or us using it all. I cannot tell you just how tempted I've been to set up the pack n play- but I have it up in his closet for now. Allen and I just used our Gymbucks on Saturday to get him even more clothes. I really wanted him to have a few things Allen got to pick out- so everything we got with the Gymbucks, is what Allen had picked out for him- minus the little brother outfit I had found, and said it was a must- Allen liked it anyway.. I'm ready to get the bottle sanitizer out and get the bottles all set up in it, cleaned, ready to go- start nesting pretty much! I know this stuff needs to wait, because I'll have to clean it again before Reid gets here, and I'll have plenty of time to play with it all when he is here.

Hard Day

Today, is not a very happy day. Hayleigh and I just got back from taking Allen to the airport- I cried the whole way there and the whole way back. I've gotten a lot more emotional the past week- I'm pretty sure that the having to go back for another ultrasound did me in. It doesn't help that this morning, before we left to take Allen back to the airport, Allen took Hayleigh's crib rail off of her bed, and put the toddler rail on. Hayleigh loves it- me.. well, she's a big girl now, and not a baby anymore. That was something that had to be done. It was getting hard for me to put her in her crib at night, with my growing belly, and she has climbed out of it once already two weeks ago, and has had me scared she will get hurt trying to get out of it again. So, now, I have a big girl here with me to start up potty training again this week with, and Allen is on his way back up to North Dakota.

 Tomorrow, the doctor's office is supposed to call and set up an appointment for the ultrasound- not looking forward to that, even though I've told myself we get to see Reid again, and all of the good perks to it. All I can think of is the bad things. I'm just hoping that they will let me schedule the appointment for when Allen is home again- I don't think I could handle all of the stress of the appointment, and trying to corral Hayleigh all by myself.

I'm going to try to keep busy for the next few weeks- get my first order from my Etsy shop shipped out this week, get the house cleaned, maybe even disinfect all of Hayleigh's toys? I don't know. For some reason, I just know these next two weeks are going to pass by really slow, and they will be stressful. I just have that feeling anyway.

Last night, was my first night of not being able to get very comfortable sleeping. I was extremely bloated, and just could not find a comfortable position. My ribs are sore- from Reid crawling up in them, and it is just getting to where I'm really almost ready to meet this guy- healthy. Not being able to get comfortable last night scared me- I'm guessing we still have 14wks or so left to go- and that is with Reid coming early too. I don't know how I'm gonna make it mostly by myself here, taking care of Hayleigh, but just going grocery shopping anymore is getting harder and harder to do. Most of the problem, I am sure of is that it had been really hot this past week, and that just makes it even harder for me to breath and get around. So, for the next two weeks- if we do not have to leave the house, we are not going to.

Today's just a really tough day for me- we will be okay, and I'm planning on cleaning, doing laundry, and keeping busy for this afternoon.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

And the Winner Is......

Well, after prompting Allen to pick a name for this little guy, before he becomes "Tate" even after he is born, I finally got him to give his answer on what he wanted his name to be.... So, now Nana Rose can be happy she can now get stuff personalized, and so can I. And, I won't go crazy from people asking what his name will be, or trying to keep that a secret- which I don't get. His weight and day he is born will be a secret from us all- so why have any other secrets?  
  Drum roll...... 

Reid Allen McCann

So, now that our little guy has an official name, I will have to stop calling him Tate for a bit, and just use it as his nickname after he gets here. I'm just happy to have Allen pick his name out, and happy to have agreed on a name we both liked together!~

Friday, July 20, 2012

22 wk appointment, the wait, and nerves....

I've been waiting to post how our doctor appointment went on this last Wednesday. Tate and I made it to 22 wks Wednesday, and went in after having to reschedule the appointment to that afternoon, instead of the following Tuesday appointment, the receptionist had mistakenly set us up for. Everything had been crazy up until we got there- Allen had to change Hayleigh's poopy diaper for me, since I had burnt my thumb pretty bad on a hot pot on the stove and had it on an ice pack. We got called back, and I headed straight for the scale- gained only 1lb back- so I'm still at 5lbs under what I started at. and just 4.2 total lbs gained back so far, without trying to watch what I'm eating. We went on back to the room, and got my blood pressure taken- it was high for me 128/70- really high, and I would imagine it had a lot to do with how my day had been going. (I had liked to have broken my neck after burning my thumb, tripping over the cord to the vacuum earlier, and had been a klutz since) We sat and waited- I had been chugging water down all day from headache and my teeth hurt. Anita finally came back, said I looked great- no swelling in my wrists or ankles, no problems. She got the fetal doppler out, and Tate was squirming everywhere- he kicked the monitor every 10 seconds. She tried and tried to get his heartbeat rate- never did tell me what it ended up being, because when we were listening, and could actually hear it, he would kick- and she got concerned, thinking she heard him throwing in an extra beat to his heart. She asked if it had showed up on the ultrasound a few weeks earlier- we told her no. She said it is quite common, and cures itself by the time the baby is born- not to be alarmed.....umm hmmm... and told us she would talk it over with the high risk doctor- Dr. Grey and maybe have us come back for another ultrasound, just to check it all over again. Until then, no traveling over a few hours from home, just to be safe- and keep me near my doctors here. But, she said if she didn't call us by the next afternoon- no news was good news. So, after all of that, we go over what we will be discussing at the next appointment- glucose screening, preregistering at the hospital, taking a tour, our via cord stuff, and the 3d/4d ultrasound scheduling. That's a lot to take in.

We go home, and I'm worrying about it a little- Allen is trying to keep me calm and under control. Everything was fine- we had talked it over and thought he was kicking instead of an extra heartbeat- because it was a very distinctive thud coming over the monitor- not the same heartbeat sound. But, I sit here, thinking did she hear something we didn't hear??? Yesterday, there was no phone call- so I thought, it was nothing, and we were right.

Last night I didn't sleep too well- I shot up out of bed at 2:30am to Tate being up in my ribs, knocking the wind out of me. Got settled down again, and was up again at 6, to a major leg cramp, having to stand up to get it to go away. After all of that, we slept in just a little bit, and finally made our way to breakfast and Mickey Mouse in the living room. Then, my phone rings when I am on the house phone with my mom. It's Anita.... she wants to have us come back in to go through another ultrasound with Dr. Grey- to take it easy, not stress about it, and not travel far away from here, just take it easy.... So, Mom hears all of this, and any plans I had of going home to visit are put on hold once again.. I'm now just waiting on a phone call from Dr. Grey's office to schedule the ultrasound for in a few weeks- when I'm 24 wks along, and hopefully when Allen is home.

I'm okay.. just a little frazzled. I think that was the cherry on top of my day. I've been doing really good not stressing about anything much- keeping calm and collected- very good for me. This has just sent my hormones into a little shock. Everything I've been worrying about is just magnified a little bit more. I've been tearing up off and on- I know it won't do any good to worry, but who can go on like nothing is going on after all of that? I immediately think of the worst case... I know it will all be okay. He will be okay. I guess it's just the little things- trying to keep everyone happy- I really want to come home, but now, it might not be an option for a long while. I'm afraid of disappointing everyone- our family and friends. I know they all miss us, and Hayleigh very much, but there is only so much I can do. I know that I shouldn't worry about everyone else, but I guess it is all because I care about them all so much- I don't want to hurt them. Things will be fine. I know it.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


Today, we are 22 weeks- me and Tate anyway. The weeks have been starting to fly by, and he will be here before we know it! Last night, Allen and I kind of sat down on the couch, and I was going through baby boy names- just to give Allen some more ideas, even though I'm about 80% sure Tate's name will end up being Reid Allen McCann. Reid means red haired- and after finding out it meant that, it kind of just stuck out like a beacon to me, that is what his name should be.... it is Allen's choice, so I'm letting him decide, and not pushing the issue. Yesterday, we stopped in to Sportsman's Warehouse, to browse, and walked out with nursery decor for Tate's nursery. Before walking out, there were puppies for sale by the check out- 6wk old Australian Shepard/blue heeler mix puppies. They were /cute- but LOTS of hair, and they would shed like there was no tomorrow. Plus, no matter how much Toby drives me crazy, I can't just get rid of him, and I really don't want to potty train a new puppy, and Hayleigh all at the same time either...

Trophy heads for Tate's room, and a stringer of rainbow trout- Whitetail deer, black bear, moose, and long horned ram

While shopping in Sportsman's Warehouse, Tate was in full swing- very active! He liked to have killed me. He does not kick but very little in my lower belly, but PUSHES for all he is worth, stretching already up into my lower ribs, and knocking the wind out of me too. I have been thinking, there is NO WAY he is already big enough to be doing this, or shouldn't be that high already, but, I've already started to get heartburn quite often, and the leg cramps have officially settled in- I've jumped out of bed the past three morning, standing up and getting the cramps to go away. He is a big boy, and after talking to Nana Rose about him, and his daddy, it is very clear, I have a mini Allen I am growing right now. I'm just waiting for him to stay up in my ribs like his daddy did to his Nana, and not come out of there, until made to do so. When  Rose was pregnant with Allen, he stayed balled up and up in her ribs- cracking and bruising them. Yay for me!! When he was born, the skin on the bottoms of Allen's toes was worn off from putting his toes between her ribs, and kicking and rubbing them constantly. While shopping yesterday, Allen kept asking me if we needed to leave, and I kept telling him "No". What difference would it make if I was sitting down at home or standing up walking around- he was going to keep on a going no matter what I did.. I even poked my belly a couple of times telling him to knock it off. Like that would help!

The rest of the day went alright- we went out to eat, and then back home. Allen had to replace out router- it finally clonked out on us yesterday. He ended up running back to town, while I laid Hayleigh down for a nap, came back, and guess who had waited on him in Best Buy?? That same chick that was hitting on him the last time he was in there. Apparently, she could not locate our account this time by phone number, so had Allen set up a new rewards account and had to give out all of his information again... he thinks she wanted his number... I do too. lol.. Anyway, after 2 hours later, he was home, router is up and going, and our printer- which was the start of the issue before we found out the router was going bad, was up and going too. Now, no more problems- hopefully! Allen mowed the yard, and I watered the tomatoes and flowers. Hayleigh ran all over the yard, having a hoot. It was perfect outside- 75 degrees out there with a breeze last night- just great! 

Last night, Allen got to feel Tate kick for the first time! I mean really good kicks! We both laid there in bed with Allen's hand on my belly, with mine on top of his, waiting for Tate to kick, after he threw one kick before that. It is really sweet how it makes Allen's eyes light up, and seeing him smile feeling what I've been feeling by myself for the past weeks. He sat there and kicked for around 5 minutes, then stopped. We ended up going to sleep- I didn't sleep very well at all. I think from the last few nights, I am already getting to the point of being up through the night. I had a headache, and a toothache- from drinking too much pop. The acid drives my teeth completely bonkers. I know better, but here I am still slugging it down. I dreamed of Tate- or going in to my doctor's appointment at 35 weeks, being dilated to 2- like I had with Hayleigh, and both me and the doctor actually agreeing that Tate would be here around the same time Hayleigh had come- just after 37 weeks. I think it is wishful thinking, or dreaming on my part... Allen will be home that week, and that is also Halloween week too. From the way Tate has been pushing around already- and measuring over a week and a half ahead of schedule, I am sure I will be very uncomfortable by then, and READY for him to come out. I would bet that by the time he does get here, any baby fever I ever thought I would have later, or feelings of not being done having kids will be completely out of my head. 

Today, we don't have much planned to do- besides Allen helping the friend move, and the doctor appointment. I'm just excited our new pack and play will be here Friday- hopefully, and I did manage to win the swing I had bid on, on Ebay for $81.00 with shipping- brand new in the box! I ended up saving us over $50.00 on that. So, Tate is being taken care of!~ 

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Secrets of Marriage and the things no one tells you about having a baby....

Tonight, I got to watch The Vow- so if you haven't seen it, go watch it, then read this. Potential Spoiler Alert!!!! Anyway, if you are still reading this, either A. you don't care about the spoiler, or B. you have seen the movie. The Vow was really good! It's not my most favorite love story movie, but it was still really good. I just wish that they would have ended the movie a little different, but since it was based off of a true story, and the lead lady does not end up getting her memory back, it ended the right way.

Watching that movie made me think about how precious our memories really are. Even if we have pictures, our memories are what make those pictures or things that much more special to us. I couldn't imagine waking up and not knowing who Allen or Hayleigh were, let alone how Allen and I feel in love, or anything that has happened to us in the past 13 years- and not ever getting those memories back. Even vise versa.... what if something happened to Allen? His memory gone... How painful would that be to just have those memories to yourself, while the person you have shared your heart and soul with for the past years doesn't even remember anything. We often talk about things that happened in our past, reminiscing about our youth, and important things that have happened to us...our first kiss, when we got engaged, married, the night we found out I was finally pregnant with Hayleigh, setting up her nursery, hearing her cry for the first time when she was born, bringing her home and being so worried,  and just the little things that build off of those big things.

There are many things we don't think about- things we wish we wouldn't have done, to things that happened to us that made us the way we are now. What would you do if you couldn't remember any of that? What kind of a person would you be without all of those things that made you the way you are now- you could not remember happening? Would you be a better person, or a worse person? I know there are things we wish we could take back in life, but those are the things that build our character. We made choices in life, and have learned to life with those choices- good or bad.

One thing that sticks out to me the most in that movie was when the lead lady discovers that her friend had an affair with her dad, that was why she had left her family. Her mom was explaining to her why she did not leave her dad... "I chose to stay for all of the things he did right, over the one thing he did wrong." That is a very wise quote- that is the best way I could describe it. A good marriage is built and grown off of many things- good and bad. I believe to have a good marriage you have to be willing to love and accept the other person for who they are, no matter what happens. You can't just run from one bad thing that happens- I know there are exceptions to this- but, for the most part, you have to look past the bad things- and remember all of the good things, and see all of the good things that person does in your relationship, instead of focusing on all of the things they do wrong- or the things that drive you completely crazy. I believe if you can do this, then you can make it- both parties have to do this though, or it doesn't work. I think everyone goes though rough patches, to where they think they are crazy for staying with that person, and are ready to jump ship. But, if you can put that other person first, instead of focusing on yourself, and they can do the same, it will make that relationship that much more stronger, and suddenly those things that drive you crazy, don't seem so big anymore. I know Allen and I had to learn this by the 2nd year we were married. Everyone has to, no matter if you live with that person before you are married or not. Now, this doesn't mean you won't have fights anymore, but it will mean that you will fight fair when you do have an argument. I know we do now, and I believe that because of learning all of this is why Allen and I have such a solid relationship. You have to put your total trust and faith in that other person, and love them for everything they do right in life, or you don't have anything at all. That is what I believe the secret to a happy marriage is.

Anyway, now that I've preached about marriage, I can talk about our kiddos- the whining 2 year old, and the bun in the oven. Tonight, I didn't think I would make it to 9pm... well, as you can see, it is now midnight my time.... Hayleigh was difficult today, which makes me really wonder what this is all going to be like with a crying newborn and a two year old demanding my complete attention, yelling Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...... over and over again. It really does scare me. We did manage to get Tate's clothes hung up in his closet this evening. 72 hangers of the 90 I bought today we used....He has a ton of clothes, and that is not even counting what my mom has back home for him too. I got a pack n play ordered yesterday for him too- so now all we need is a crib, dresser, and the little things- after I win the swing I've been bidding on Ebay for the past two days on. The stroller, and high chair will wait a couple of months- like we will be going out much after he is born anyway, and he won't need a high chair until he is 3 months old. I really think we will just get Hayleigh a new booster seat for the table, and give him her high chair- it is neutral colors- so it will be fine. I'm just excited that we pretty much have most of everything we need, and we still have time until he gets here. We didn't start Hayleigh's nursery set up until I was 32wks along, and I'm hoping that we can have it all ready to go by the time I'm 30 wks this time. At least we don't have to get so much stuff this time around, since we have a lot already, but I'm more confident in what we need vs. what we don't need. There will hopefully be no running to the store for something we didn't know we needed, or think we would need this time around. I realize there might be a few little things that pop up, but I feel better prepared this time.

Tate's Closet 

Tate's closet looking into one side- it is the same on the other side- completely full!!

 I know there will be more sleep deprivation and craziness going on, but I think I can handle it, even if it scares me. I was scared to death when we brought Hayleigh home from the hospital- didn't know what we were supposed to do- sit there and watch her sleep??? I think this time I will at least be waking him up more to feed him, and try to relax and take care of myself more, instead of trying to do everything. I will ask for help- when I need it, and if anyone would like to come and visit, I will not be afraid to ask them for help with something, instead of trying to take care of a newborn, myself, a two and a half year old, and a house, and guests. I can't do it all. Everyone will have to realize that if they would like to be here with us to visit, there should be something contributed- they are guests, but we will not be able to host everyone and try to adapt our household to everything all at once. Even if it's just helping load the dishwasher, asking if they can watch Tate while I sneak a shower, or to take time to visit with Hayleigh, and make her feel important, it will all help. I realize now that hormones are crazy for me for the first week, and I hope everyone can understand this that stops in. It is very hard- everyone gets the baby blues at some point with all of those hormones going crazy, and for everyone to expect for you to be your regular self, and be well adjusted is just plum crazy. So, this time, I will not be afraid to ask for space to take care of myself and my sanity. I will speak up, and not just grin and bare it all, holding it all in. If everyone truly cares, they will understand, and the other mothers out there will understand. The most important thing I can do is to take care of myself first. If I can't do that, I will not be a good mother to our kids, a good wife to Allen, or just a good person in general- I would be less efficient, and more stressed over little things. I'm just glad I learned this, and I know to expect this- even though saying it will be much harder than doing it all.

 I wish that I would have known then what I know now when I brought Hayleigh home from the hospital. No one really talks about baby blues, having to have an arsenal of pads in the cabinet that could keep a national disaster flood at bay, your boobs growing to the size of basketballs being rock hard, you leaking constantly, about let down when your milk is in, or when your baby cries, you feel that feeling, that breastfeeding really does suck the energy out of you, you feel like all you do is feed the baby, diaper the baby, clean the baby, try to sneak a nap and food, and then it all starts over again. Why is everything yucky or not so appealing kept secret??? Hormones, and all of the weird things happening to your body, feeling skinny, but being mushy top- and not being able to fit your clothes pre pregnancy- but looking goofy in pregnancy clothes...just how comfortable you will be just whipping out a boob to feed the baby because you are so tired- not caring who is there, and if they are there it is their own fault if they are looking. Being an emotional basket case- crying over the slightest thing....  Ahh the things you learn as a first time mommy and parent. I just don't understand why we don't tell each other about this stuff, and it is not in the books. I thought at the time Hayleigh was born, why didn't anyone say anything about this until now????? or even at all?? Losing your mucus plug before the baby comes- like egg whites - YUCK and I know TMI.... but, really!?? I would have loved to know that before it happened. Or laboring through contractions are worse than actually giving birth. And no matter how much you don't want anyone to see what is happening while giving birth, everyone sees it all... how can they not? I wanted a tent set up down there for Hayleigh, this time I want everyone to grab an arm and a leg and pull this guy out! At least do something besides sit there and watch me do all of the work. And YOU have to do all of the work of getting that baby out- if you don't have a c-section, and it is the hardest thing you will ever do physically. I think I could go on and on about what I wish I knew then, or what I'm preparing for this time around. I know that no two labors are the same, so I am hoping for an easier labor- less time in labor, a healthy baby born, and Allen there with me. Everyone healthy, & happy. So, if you are reading this and you will be a first time mommy, and you really want to know what happens- or what is ahead of you- drop me an email, and I can fill you in on all of the stuff no one talks about. I wish someone would have done that for me!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Happy Girl

Well, it has been a while since I have been on here. This week we had special visitors- Mimi and Papa Jack. They got to come and visit with us for a few days. We had fun going to the Monument, the mall, and dinosaur museum here in Fruita- it was very interesting! We also had fun eating out as well, and watching my belly warp into a lop sided ball.

The dinosaur museum- in the walnut pit, finding dinosaur bones!

Papa Jack & Mimi with Hayleigh by Independence Pass at the Monument

Looking at the Gar fish at the dinosaur museum

Me, Hayleigh, Tate, and Mimi at the Monument- you can see the Independence Pass rock to the right of Mimi's arm

Digging for bones! 

Tate decided he wanted to stretch out on my left side, creating a big bulge on that side. He has also been pushing and stretching- not a lot of kicks. What kicks I do feel are very light. He is just not a very lively guy. He is comfy in there, and happy as far as I can tell. He has been stretching so much now, it feels like he is elbowing my side- kind of like a cramp in your side- hurts somewhat, and I can just imagine what is in store for me in 8 more weeks.

Today was like Christmas in July- we had 5 packages show up today. One from the UPS man, and 4 from the Postal carrier lady. One big box was from Nana Rose- full of goodies for Tate, Me, Allen, and Hayleigh. Hayleigh got a new potty chair- Minnie Mouse that talks, so now hopefully we can get this potty training on the forward march. There were tons of clothes Rose had been hoarding for a boy- before we knew Hayleigh was a girl, blue Tommee Tippee bottles, bottle warmer for on the go, Thank you cards that we ohhh soo cute, hats, snap extending bottoms ( snaps that go on the crotch of a onesie to help lengthen them, and extend the use of the clothes), hooded towels, receiving blankets- one of them was from when Allen was a baby, breast milk storage bags, a cute bathtub picture frame... you can imagine how much was in there! Hayleigh got a very special gift besides her huge Minnie Mouse doll- a blankie that was crocheted by Nana- very sweet! She loves it already!

Hayleigh's new blankie and Minnie- both Hayleigh approved for nap time! 

After opening the box, and digging out all of the goodies, Hayleigh was plum wore out! So, I sorted through everything, washed clothes, and decided to snap a picture for Nana to see that Hayleigh enjoyed opening the box!

Tonight after Hayleigh had taken her nap, and I had crashed on the couch from exhaustion, I sat and watched Hayleigh for a bit. I don't mean just watch her run around, but I really just watched her, and thought. I was thinking a lot about how I wondered what she would look like when I was pregnant with her, who she would be like, etc. I often thought about those kinds of things before I even got pregnant with her- I wondered how many kids we would have, and what they would look like too. Hayleigh looks nothing like I ever imagined she would. She is sweeter than I could have ever imagined- just better all around. The different things she gets from Allen and I, makes me laugh. She and I are not at all morning people- her daddy is... She likes to sleep with her feet poked out of the blanket- I want mine to be fully covered- Allen does not. She has a short little temper, to which both Allen and I are guilty- me most.. Listening to her talk, and giggle, and sing, melts my heart, and makes me smile. I never imagined those things to be like that. This all makes me really anxious to see how Tate will be. I know now that what ever I have pictured, will not even be close to in comparison to what he will really be like. But, if I had to place bets, I would say that he has a lot of his daddy in him. He is a very mellow baby- laid back and relaxed. He likes when I eat, because he eats. He doesn't do a whole lot of bouncing around in there, compared to his big sister, so I am hoping he will be a very easy baby like Hayleigh was for us. I also imagine he will have either the same color of hair as Hayleigh, or a little bit more red in it, just like Allen, with hazel eyes. Hayleigh's eyes have both finally adjusted to being hazel- but one is still just not all the way there. I don't know... I'm picturing a big baby boy coming our way! Anyway, I know that no matter what I have in my mind that I have pictured or imagined, will not do Tate justice either, just like with Hayleigh. I am sure he will take my breath away, just like Hayleigh did when she was born.
So far, this pregnancy has went pretty smooth. We marked 21 weeks yesterday, and will be seeing the baby doctor next Tuesday, to see what progress has been made. I know soon enough, this little guy will be here, and our arms and hearts will be full. I have been so mellow along with Tate- he has a lot to do with it, and I just hope I stay this mellow after he is born- I'm gonna need all the help I can get! I think part of the mellow, is that I'm at peace with the world right now. Some things still get to me, but I am able to let them go a lot easier now, than I used to. My complexion is coming back- THANK YOU Tate! My ankles haven 't swelled yet..but I know it is coming! My belly is getting bigger and bigger, and I just love how a pregnant belly looks- in private, or with clothing over it. Such a special thing! I think I can see things a bit better now, than I have been able to- I don't mean eyesight, but things that are going on. I can get a better grip on them. I still wish that some relationships were in better shape than they are, but I realize at least I am satisfied that I have given my best effort for them. I really miss my family- our families, but I feel like the time we spend talking on the phone, or on the computer is more special now. We listen more to each other, and enjoy each other's company more- not taking it for granted like in the past. I like being able to spend all of my time with Hayleigh now, and wish I could have done it from the start, like Tate will get. I remember going back to work after Hayleigh was 10wks old was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do- I can't imagine how hard it was for Allen to leave us and return to work, but I really do enjoy our days spent together, and I do look forward to returning to work in the future, when they are both in school, and I can go back to working part time. Other than that, I'm just plain old HAPPY. For the first time in a while, I'm not stressing over little things so much and controlling it, and it feels great! So, tonight I will end this on I am happy with my life- happy with my marriage, and grateful for my kids, family, and friends.