About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

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Thursday, October 25, 2012

Basket Case

The closer we get to Reid getting here, the more emotional I get. The other night I was looking up what astrological sign Reid will be- Scorpio. Hayleigh is a Cancer, and she fits the description to a "T". I found that funny, so I looked up my sign, Aquarius. What I read finally made sense to me, why I think so much about everything, trying to understand everything.. apparently that is what we Aquarius people do. I found that pretty interesting. Makes me kind of wish I was a Pices instead sometimes. I tend to over think things or dive into them so deep, there is no going back. I really have a problem trying to understand people, and why people are the way they are... why??? I cannot control other people, and I have no idea why I even bother.

Being emotional now, has made this really nice~ makes me even more emotional over things that I have completely no control over. I wish some things were different, and I am usually fine with things, until I see the picture of a few different people, or hear their names. Because of those people, and the choices of another individual, things are a complete mess. I realize sometimes I just have to let it go, because apparently things were not good enough, or worth it to one individual. I tried, and pleaded my case, and they chose to just keep things the way they are. I guess what makes me the most upset over all of this is that that person chose those people over us. Over Hayleigh, Reid, Me, Allen, my sister, etc. They gave everything they had to them- money, time, and things that they will never be able to get back that are completely priceless. I don't know if that person loses sleep over any of it- I don't. Just makes me really sad is all. Tonight, it just hit me, and I'm trying for all I'm worth to keep it from upsetting me.

That same person still checks in with me every week or so, I don't know if there is regret driving those calls, or what is exactly behind them all. All I know is that I can be the best person I can without them, and try to be the best mom to Reid and Hayleigh, and keep moving forward. Living for the past, or in the past will get you nowhere.

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