Watching that movie made me think about how precious our memories really are. Even if we have pictures, our memories are what make those pictures or things that much more special to us. I couldn't imagine waking up and not knowing who Allen or Hayleigh were, let alone how Allen and I feel in love, or anything that has happened to us in the past 13 years- and not ever getting those memories back. Even vise versa.... what if something happened to Allen? His memory gone... How painful would that be to just have those memories to yourself, while the person you have shared your heart and soul with for the past years doesn't even remember anything. We often talk about things that happened in our past, reminiscing about our youth, and important things that have happened to us...our first kiss, when we got engaged, married, the night we found out I was finally pregnant with Hayleigh, setting up her nursery, hearing her cry for the first time when she was born, bringing her home and being so worried, and just the little things that build off of those big things.
There are many things we don't think about- things we wish we wouldn't have done, to things that happened to us that made us the way we are now. What would you do if you couldn't remember any of that? What kind of a person would you be without all of those things that made you the way you are now- you could not remember happening? Would you be a better person, or a worse person? I know there are things we wish we could take back in life, but those are the things that build our character. We made choices in life, and have learned to life with those choices- good or bad.
One thing that sticks out to me the most in that movie was when the lead lady discovers that her friend had an affair with her dad, that was why she had left her family. Her mom was explaining to her why she did not leave her dad... "I chose to stay for all of the things he did right, over the one thing he did wrong." That is a very wise quote- that is the best way I could describe it. A good marriage is built and grown off of many things- good and bad. I believe to have a good marriage you have to be willing to love and accept the other person for who they are, no matter what happens. You can't just run from one bad thing that happens- I know there are exceptions to this- but, for the most part, you have to look past the bad things- and remember all of the good things, and see all of the good things that person does in your relationship, instead of focusing on all of the things they do wrong- or the things that drive you completely crazy. I believe if you can do this, then you can make it- both parties have to do this though, or it doesn't work. I think everyone goes though rough patches, to where they think they are crazy for staying with that person, and are ready to jump ship. But, if you can put that other person first, instead of focusing on yourself, and they can do the same, it will make that relationship that much more stronger, and suddenly those things that drive you crazy, don't seem so big anymore. I know Allen and I had to learn this by the 2nd year we were married. Everyone has to, no matter if you live with that person before you are married or not. Now, this doesn't mean you won't have fights anymore, but it will mean that you will fight fair when you do have an argument. I know we do now, and I believe that because of learning all of this is why Allen and I have such a solid relationship. You have to put your total trust and faith in that other person, and love them for everything they do right in life, or you don't have anything at all. That is what I believe the secret to a happy marriage is.
Anyway, now that I've preached about marriage, I can talk about our kiddos- the whining 2 year old, and the bun in the oven. Tonight, I didn't think I would make it to 9pm... well, as you can see, it is now midnight my time.... Hayleigh was difficult today, which makes me really wonder what this is all going to be like with a crying newborn and a two year old demanding my complete attention, yelling Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...... over and over again. It really does scare me. We did manage to get Tate's clothes hung up in his closet this evening. 72 hangers of the 90 I bought today we used....He has a ton of clothes, and that is not even counting what my mom has back home for him too. I got a pack n play ordered yesterday for him too- so now all we need is a crib, dresser, and the little things- after I win the swing I've been bidding on Ebay for the past two days on. The stroller, and high chair will wait a couple of months- like we will be going out much after he is born anyway, and he won't need a high chair until he is 3 months old. I really think we will just get Hayleigh a new booster seat for the table, and give him her high chair- it is neutral colors- so it will be fine. I'm just excited that we pretty much have most of everything we need, and we still have time until he gets here. We didn't start Hayleigh's nursery set up until I was 32wks along, and I'm hoping that we can have it all ready to go by the time I'm 30 wks this time. At least we don't have to get so much stuff this time around, since we have a lot already, but I'm more confident in what we need vs. what we don't need. There will hopefully be no running to the store for something we didn't know we needed, or think we would need this time around. I realize there might be a few little things that pop up, but I feel better prepared this time.
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| Tate's Closet |
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| Tate's closet looking into one side- it is the same on the other side- completely full!! |
I know there will be more sleep deprivation and craziness going on, but I think I can handle it, even if it scares me. I was scared to death when we brought Hayleigh home from the hospital- didn't know what we were supposed to do- sit there and watch her sleep??? I think this time I will at least be waking him up more to feed him, and try to relax and take care of myself more, instead of trying to do everything. I will ask for help- when I need it, and if anyone would like to come and visit, I will not be afraid to ask them for help with something, instead of trying to take care of a newborn, myself, a two and a half year old, and a house, and guests. I can't do it all. Everyone will have to realize that if they would like to be here with us to visit, there should be something contributed- they are guests, but we will not be able to host everyone and try to adapt our household to everything all at once. Even if it's just helping load the dishwasher, asking if they can watch Tate while I sneak a shower, or to take time to visit with Hayleigh, and make her feel important, it will all help. I realize now that hormones are crazy for me for the first week, and I hope everyone can understand this that stops in. It is very hard- everyone gets the baby blues at some point with all of those hormones going crazy, and for everyone to expect for you to be your regular self, and be well adjusted is just plum crazy. So, this time, I will not be afraid to ask for space to take care of myself and my sanity. I will speak up, and not just grin and bare it all, holding it all in. If everyone truly cares, they will understand, and the other mothers out there will understand. The most important thing I can do is to take care of myself first. If I can't do that, I will not be a good mother to our kids, a good wife to Allen, or just a good person in general- I would be less efficient, and more stressed over little things. I'm just glad I learned this, and I know to expect this- even though saying it will be much harder than doing it all.
I wish that I would have known then what I know now when I brought Hayleigh home from the hospital. No one really talks about baby blues, having to have an arsenal of pads in the cabinet that could keep a national disaster flood at bay, your boobs growing to the size of basketballs being rock hard, you leaking constantly, about let down when your milk is in, or when your baby cries, you feel that feeling, that breastfeeding really does suck the energy out of you, you feel like all you do is feed the baby, diaper the baby, clean the baby, try to sneak a nap and food, and then it all starts over again. Why is everything yucky or not so appealing kept secret??? Hormones, and all of the weird things happening to your body, feeling skinny, but being mushy top- and not being able to fit your clothes pre pregnancy- but looking goofy in pregnancy clothes...just how comfortable you will be just whipping out a boob to feed the baby because you are so tired- not caring who is there, and if they are there it is their own fault if they are looking. Being an emotional basket case- crying over the slightest thing.... Ahh the things you learn as a first time mommy and parent. I just don't understand why we don't tell each other about this stuff, and it is not in the books. I thought at the time Hayleigh was born, why didn't anyone say anything about this until now????? or even at all?? Losing your mucus plug before the baby comes- like egg whites - YUCK and I know TMI.... but, really!?? I would have loved to know that before it happened. Or laboring through contractions are worse than actually giving birth. And no matter how much you don't want anyone to see what is happening while giving birth, everyone sees it all... how can they not? I wanted a tent set up down there for Hayleigh, this time I want everyone to grab an arm and a leg and pull this guy out! At least do something besides sit there and watch me do all of the work. And YOU have to do all of the work of getting that baby out- if you don't have a c-section, and it is the hardest thing you will ever do physically. I think I could go on and on about what I wish I knew then, or what I'm preparing for this time around. I know that no two labors are the same, so I am hoping for an easier labor- less time in labor, a healthy baby born, and Allen there with me. Everyone healthy, & happy. So, if you are reading this and you will be a first time mommy, and you really want to know what happens- or what is ahead of you- drop me an email, and I can fill you in on all of the stuff no one talks about. I wish someone would have done that for me!
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