Knocking the Pedestal Out

I really hate writing things like this.
Things that make me really sad.

I know my family is split up. It's something that has taken me a LONG time to get over, lots of tears, and anger. I have finally come to terms that it was for the best, even though I could not see it for quite a while- going on 15 years this winter now.

I've seen other families like mine- one of the parents remarries, the kids hate the new step parent, and it all just goes apart from there. There have been others that can blend a family and you would never know that there had ever been hurt, tears, or divorce in that mix. I wish I had the latter of the two personally.

My family is the one where our relationship with our dad was pretty much gone after the first few years after the remarriage. It doesn't mean that we did not try, or attempt to keep a relationship with our dad. After all, after having kids, I wanted my dad to be a part of their lives, and thought that with the kids, it would kind of rekindle the fire.

Some people may be reading this that know me, and our family, and not understand how I can look at my dad like this, like I should be grateful to have my dad in our lives. Or that he is such a great guy, he couldn't possibly be like that- she's just burnt, and taking it out on the poor guy.

WELLLLLLLL... NO.

When I got married to Allen, we basically had to a year before we originally planned to because my dad decided to just get married, and it was either I live in the garage, or move out. I was moving out to the garage- trying to make it work. I come home the night that Dad had come back from his wedding/honeymoon that did not include my sister or I, to the whole garage full of my stuff from my room- just thrown out. From there, we planned our wedding in 30 days while I stayed with my mom. I didn't even get the chance I was willing to try to make. So, I walked down that aisle to marry Allen by myself.

Fast forward to 6 years from then, I was trying to move past what they had done. They were all included in what was one of the most important times of our lives- I was pregnant with Hayleigh. At the hospital in labor with her, I was on pain medication after giving in 9 hours later. I sat there feeling soo drunk, but pain free. I was goofy, and talking out of my head. My mom ended up making them leave after they had been doing nothing but making fun of me, and my mom thought it was getting out of hand. Of course I don't remember this, but Allen says it really happened.

Things went okay, until after Hayleigh turned a year old- Dad finally calls us and tells us he is done, he is sorry, and he is getting a divorce. Of course after telling my dad we loved him, and supported him, he changes his mind.

Things have yet to be the same. I now understand why some kids decide to distance themselves away from their parents after a divorce. When a parent doesn't put their kids first, and decides to just start a new family since it is easier not to make his bride unhappy, you can chose one of two things. You can sit there and try to suck it up, and make an effort for your parent who is not willing to do the same for you, or just quit trying.

We all want our parents to be proud of us- we want to please them. One of the greatest accomplishments in my life has been bringing our kids into the world. I would like to think that it would be something really celebrated by the new grandparent as well.

Well, after today, I finally got it. I finally just let it all go. It is not my job to keep anyone in our lives. I can put forth effort, but if the effort isn't returned, or it is just an after thought, then I have to cut my losses. I've been slowly coming to terms with this is the way things are, and to move on and be happy. I am happy- really happy. It just makes me sad to a point when my dad calls to see what we are up to, and I go over the plans for the next few weeks, which include a visit back in Illinois. Now keep in mind I talk to this man at least once every 2 weeks. I have told him things and he has acknowledged them. But when I tell him about celebrating Reid's birthday, and he asks if he is turning TWO.... I shake my head, and smack my forehead with my hand. NO it will be Reid's 1st birthday. I'm sure people I don't even talk to know this. Then after I correct him, he asks how old Hayleigh will be....are we even on the same planet? We talk a little longer, and he forgot Hayleigh was potty trained- has been for almost a year now.

I know that this is not very nice, but I've had enough. I'm sick of a lot of my mom's family still holding him up on  a pedestal when this is all going on, and he is telling them things about my sister and I he has absolutely NO CLUE what he is talking about. My kids deserve a lot better in their grandpa. I don't know who would openly say that it would not bother them that their dad cannot remember anything about his only 2 grandkids. He doesn't even know them, and to miss out on two great kids like Hayleigh and Reid is just sad.

It's not my fault, and I will not be the one with regrets one day.