About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

It's Good Enough in the Hole

Today has already started out rocky. It all started to waking up with a headache, then getting yelled at, screamed at, peed on, and it doesn't end there. We took a bag of clothes to a family in need this morning- something that should make you feel completely wonderful, but my balloon has been busted for the day I'm afraid. We got home and I checked the mailbox. We got a few Christmas cards, and 2 packages. One was Hayleigh's anywhere chair cover that I've been anxiously awaiting, the other a sweater for Missy. Neither one was the right size, and of course when I got online I found that I had been the one who ordered wrong. Oh, and it doesn't end there.

We just found out today that Allen will be only getting his one week off- making traveling back to Illinois impossible. Not only is it impossible, but Allen really doesn't want to spend his whole week traveling for just a day and a half to 2 days to relax for Christmas, and we are both at our wits end with having traveled back there 5 times this year, and none of our family traveling out here for us. Makes me feel real special. Traveling with 2 kids under the age of 3 is hard- so hard I don't think anyone really understands this especially since 4 out of the 5 of those trip were me solo. Flying has been the worst, but driving is tiring and the kids get stir crazy over the 19 hour drive one way. Not only is this all tiring, but it also gets expensive too, and Allen absolutely HATES me having to travel by myself, or that I'm doing all the traveling for everyone else. I understand that we moved here away from everyone else, BUT this is our home. Even IF I drove back with the kids by myself, and had Allen fly in, he would still only get 4 days with us for Christmas and I hate to see what airline tickets would even begin to cost now, and he is absolutely set on not traveling the whole week of Christmas to not get to enjoy it with the kids.

 I don't think many understand that we would love for them to come and visit us- Hayleigh would love to show her room off, and do things here since there are lots of things to do. But we sat here Thanksgiving with no family- just a few friends we have made here, and it will be the same with Christmas as well. It really would be nice for us to have our own Christmas in our own home.

I'm just ready to hide in a hole today. Nothing I have done lately seems to make anyone happy or seems to be good enough. I'm stretched beyond myself now, and I'm washing my hands of it all. I can only do so much, be so many places at once, and just be myself. If that is not good enough for everyone, they will just have to deal with it, because I'm tired of carrying it all on myself. I've sent emails with links to this since trying to tell everyone over the phone today would just result in people being mad and cranky with me. I really can't do anything about this all, I know how much it throws a kink in everyone's plans, but PLEASE for my sake of my sanity do not make this any harder on us than it has to be. The only thing we can do is to rearrange plans and move forward because I really don't want to spend the rest of the Christmas Season with people mad at us, and us sitting here trying to put on happy faces for the kids when our spirit isn't into it.

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