The good, the bad, and the weird..

This is going to be a jumbled rambling mess. I've been trying to think of different things to say, that I have to say. I guess I will start this all off with one of the highlights of my week.

Tomorrow, I will be 18 wks....ALREADY!!! A week from tomorrow, we will hopefully leave the doctor's office knowing what we are having, and will have a pretty cool DVD of the ultrasound, a home video, and lots of pictures from the ultrasound of our newest member of our family. Things I've forgotten to mention about this pregnancy: ummmm for those who want a good laugh, keep reading :)
First, I feel like Sasquatch... or like Tim Allen playing Santa in the first Santa Clause movie. I'm getting bigger, even though I've done nothing but lose weight this time, and I'm hairy.... I shave every day, and  look like I haven't shaved in a week by the next day. I have hair on my neck & belly, that has been getting plucked and waxed, and about fainted when I saw where else I was getting hair the other night, while studying myself in the bathroom mirror. My middle of my back now has a patch of hair that is just in the middle of my back running down my back bone- just like under my belly button has. Since reaching that patch on my back is out of the question, it is on my "honey do" list for Allen to wax when he gets home. Gross! you're telling me! I KNOW!!! I kind of feel like Jenny McCarthy right now- and her book, "Belly Laughs". Now, besides being hairy, not gaining weight, bigger ta tas, I've been breaking out like a teenager, and crave lemons loaded with sugar & salt. My hair on my head is different this time too. Last time, it was very thick, and I hardly ever lost a hair... this time, it is still naturally thick, but, I'm losing hair like I do not pregnant, and it is flat. I was blaming the area here on it and on my face- with a drastic change in humidity to almost nonexistent.... I guess a month later I can rule that one out. Anyway, I hope you all had a good laugh about that. My belly- Mount Baby McCann is growing each day. I feel like a fat roly poly now. When I lie down completely flat, I cannot see over it. I just see belly. I am happy though, after going back in past blogs- while pregnant with Hayleigh, I was just the same on size, but I weigh 8-10lbs less now than I did at this same point then. Anyway, everyone seems to think this baby is a girl, I really don't know. I'm kind of hoping for a boy- one of each, but I will be happy with either- I'm thrilled to have the chance to be having another right now, and for FREE. Well, getting this one was free, so it kind of knocks the price of what it took to get Hayleigh in half... paid for two, and now got two. That's how I justify it anyway. Kind of like when the first round didn't stick, this was an I owe you thing, I guess. I'm just ready to get to going on the shopping, and getting a name settled on. If it's a boy, it will be simple.. Tate Allen McCann. I guess- that is the only name we have right now, and it has meaning. This kid is most likely 90% potatoes, hence tater, or Tate.

Other things happening... Hayleigh's swim lessons are going well- well the first half of them are, then she is wanting to do what she wants to do, and gets mad if we don't..which we are doing lessons, so we don't do what she wants to do. We got library cards today, and checked out a few movies, and books- which I need to start reading. I picked up an interesting one- life without kids... I know that will not be me now, but just something that kind of made me off guard. I don't really know what we would be doing now without having Hayleigh here, but it does make me wonder what would have been if not for her. Anyway, I also checked out What to Expect When You are Expecting- I have it here somewhere, but now have 3 wks to find it before that one goes back. I also picked up a book about being the perfect wife- something for kicks I guess.

Weird things I realized tonight while Hayleigh and I watched We Bought a Zoo. It made me cry. What doesn't anymore? Sitting there watching the movie, I realized something. Scary movies don't scare me anymore, not like sad movies do. Not to the degree anyway that the sad movies do. Someone coming to my door dressed in a Halloween mask, that has been killed over and over again, to get revenge on me  is not likely to happen. I have a couple of guns here, and I'm pretty sure I know how to use them quite well. Either Allen or I dying and leaving Hayleigh to be raised by just one of us, or neither of us- that scares me to no end. I have nightmares about that, or something happening to her. That could happen in all reality, and to be honest, if something did happen to both Allen and I at the same time, I really don't know who we would want to take and raise Hayleigh. I have an idea, but, I'm sure no one would be happy about it. All I can say is that the someone- or couple are people I have looked up to my whole life, and have admired. They have a strong marriage, and have raised a very responsible, and great kid. That is what I would want for Hayleigh and this baby, if we were not here to raise them. Anyway, back to the movie, just sitting here thinking about all of that made me cry, and made me wonder what I would do, or what Allen would do, if one of us was gone. Makes me worry about joking about there is no divorce in our marriage- one of us has to die, because we said till death do us part. I have quit joking about that, and I'm scared to death that our marriage will end that way, instead of us hating one another, or falling out of love. Anyway, I now cannot any longer watch the movie, Life as We Know It.... can't do it, but I could watch any scary movie you put in front of me. I think that is why at night, after Hayleigh's asleep, I turn the tv to the surround sound with my ipod hooked up to it, with my iTunes playing, while I'm online. I'm afraid of watching another movie that will make me cry and have nightmares about our lives. Heck, even the Blind Side on the DVR last night had me crying too.... I know there are kids out there right now, that don't have food, a place to live, or parents that care about them... why is it that these people are given the gift of having tons of kids, while good people that can provide and would be great parents are not??? Still bothers me to no end, and makes me cry.

Enough of all of that, but more crying. I have Hayleigh's 2nd year slide show done, and ready to upload to YouTube, and have started with Baby McCann #2's announcement one too. The announcement I've been working on makes me cry, and I guarantee it will make other people bawl too. I just cannot wait to add more to it! It is my favorite one soo far.

Umm... other than that, nothing else really going on right now, except for me being ready for this week to be done and over with. I'm ready for Allen to be home- we have a busy week planned for when he is home. Swimming lessons, gender appointment, celebrating Hayleigh's 2nd birthday- Thank God he will be home for that, I don't think I could handle that one by myself. Anyway, lots of running around like chickens. And, also trying to get new driver's licenses again... and shop for Hayleigh's birthday present.  I'm sure by the time I blink and turn around, this baby will be here, and I will be freaking out once again about not having a will drawn up for us. We have got to get that one done!!!