Waiting.....

Waiting.. I think this has been the theme of my life for the past few years now. Up until last summer, I had been waiting to get to meet Allen's family on his dad's side. We were waiting for something to happen in our lives... mainly get preggers on our own- fat chance of that happening in 5 years, but, I was still waiting and hoping. Then, last summer, we started waiting to find out what the problem was with not having any kids of our own yet, and finally go to a specialist instead of an OB/Gyno. After I was diagnosed with PCOS, and started moving on forward with the many trips to Evansville, then we were waiting for results. I would take my fertility drugs follow my chart to a "T", just to wait and find out how we did at the many ultrasound appointments- all of which I do not miss going to! Then, we would go in for the IUI, and wait almost 3 weeks to find out if we were preggers or not. After our first failed cycle, waiting to get to start our second IUI. Going through the second IUI, and waiting once again those 3 pesky weeks to see if it worked. Then, I was waiting for those pink lines to pop up, which the wait for that test to give me an answer did not take long, it was after I woke Allen up, and we had to wait to tell anyone. Waiting yet again! After the blood test, and my HCG levels were high, then, I was pacing the floor, waiting to see how many babies we had- a possibility of up to four then. Then, there were 2 babies, and I would wait until we could go back and see them again on the ultrasound, and wait to get released from the clinic in Evansville. We only ended up with one baby after that, and I was waiting for each appointment to make sure that our baby grew... waiting for the 3 month mark to finally breath. Made it to the 3 month mark, and then, waited to find out what we were having, finally found out we were having our precious little girl, soon to be named Hayleigh. Then, I was waiting for those first kicks and squirms. Now, I am waiting once again... waiting to get to the baby shower, waiting for us to go and pick up the furniture, and waiting to finally meet this little girl, and bring her home.

So, now, I am still waiting.....

my first round of meds

my first chart for my first IUI cycle that ended up failing

our results from our 2nd IUI - as Allen said that morning at 1am, that is a def yes!

Baby M 5 wks- twins, but couldn't get a clear pic of the 2nd baby

Baby M 7 wks- found out just one baby

Baby M 9 wks - discharged from Evansville

Pic of her face looking right at us
Baby M 21 wks - Girl!

Soon to be Hayleigh Anotonetta McCann

Our house waiting for our family right now....

What is sad, is that I had done a lot of waiting just to get preggers, and some people never do have to wait, instead, it is thrust upon them, or little effort has to be made for it to all work out.

What spurred this was looking at my facebook, and all of the other people in my life right now. I think majority of the women I know right now are preggers. I guess one could say something is in the water right now, but, not for everyone. There are a few people still waiting, just like I was. One of them should be finding out soon if her last visit to the same clinic I had went to was successful or not.. this is her 4th round- I only had to have 2. She has been waiting even longer than I have. Another, is just getting started with the whole roller coaster ride of infertility, starting lower meds for now. But, together, they are still waiting, along with thousands of other people, hoping to just get the chance to be a parent sometime soon. I know some people that had waited, and waited, and that chance never came to them.

Life I guess should be spent waiting, and enjoying the climb, rather than running around with one's head cut off, trying to reach the top as soon as possible. Now, granted, we all have to kick it up a notch every once and a while. If we hadn't kicked into gear, and went to the fertility specialist in Evansville last year, we would still be in 1st gear, waiting to even get started on our family. I guess, what I am saying is that we shouldn't try to blaze through life and climb it like we are on a race, but, at the same time, we shouldn't stall, just sitting in one place either. Sometimes, I know I want to focus on waiting, instead of enjoying the climb up that mountain of life, but, when I just sit back and relax every now and then, and enjoy where I am at for the time being, it makes that wait not soo bad. I guess with all of this rambling, I have had too much time to sit and think about waiting for everything.

The only reason I think that I have been thinking about all of the waiting, is that I know I will not have as much time to think about waiting here very soon, and, I am getting limited on how much I can actually do right now. I have energy, but, what energy I have gets burned soo quickly that I have usually just started getting into something, before I have to take a break. I really think in my mind deep down I have a checklist of what I want in my life...

1. find a great guy and get married......check

2. spend some time just the 2 of us and buy a house... check

3. spend time fixing up the yard and the house..... check

4. get pregnant and start a family........ check

5. ???? watch my family grow.........

6. grow old together and enjoy life........

Now, I know my list is quite a bit more detailed than that, but, I think we all have goals or a checklist that we are waiting to check off a milestone, amongst the little check points in our lives.

We just have to learn to enjoy the wait between each check point in our lives a little more.