We paid for that

I know the picture is not clear at all- I took it with my phone, after realizing that my chip for my camera was just sent in Allen's grandparent's laptop that the UPS man just picked up yesterday. 

Pregnancy Brain!!! 

Anyway, I was staring at the finger prints all over the tv. No matter how fast or often I clean them, they still reappear just as fast as they are cleaned. We paid for that. That is the thought that registered in my brain while staring at them. I still have not cleaned them- yet. For now, I'm just enjoying them. Sounds weird, I know. So, while thinking of this all, I was thinking back when we were paying for all of this- these fingerprints we have here now 3 years ago.

 August 7th, 2009 was the first day I started taking fertility drugs to attempt to get pregnant. Well, 3 years later, here we are. I have a two year old sweet little girl taking her nap in her room right now, while I'm sitting here savoring the kicks and movement I am feeling from Reid right now. I know I say it all the time- just how incredible the difference of a year- even 3 can make in a person's life. I had no idea what I was missing out on, until now- looking back. I'm grateful that these last years mean more to me now, than they probably would have- had we not experienced any of the heart aches that come with infertility. I will say that it is certainly nice that we did not have to go back through all of the doctor visits, and fertility drugs this second go around- that was on my mind for plans for next year, not now anyway. But, what we were given with Reid, makes me feel like my body hasn't completely failed me. I used to joke that I need drugs to make my body work normal- fertility drugs, drugs for my psoriasis. With Reid on the way, it proves to me that it hasn't been fighting me the whole time now, just part of the time. I got off easy on the fertility band wagon, two rounds of IUI and fertility drugs, and BINGO. 

There are many out there that go through YEARS of that kind of thing, with no results. I am eternally grateful for our short wait. Could you imagine the stress, or just hormones that would be going crazy for that long, and trying to keep it all under control. For you fertile people, just imagine being PMS 24/7. Bloating, fatigue, body aches, head aches, cramping, and moodiness. Add in the extra dose of needles, pill popping, blood draws, and doctor visits a couple of times a week, paying for it all, and there you go! That is just a glimpse of part of what it would be like. The emotional parts that go with that, no one can describe well enough for anyone to truly understand, without going through it all. 

I cannot tell you how happy I am not to have to buy any more pregnancy tests! I should have invested in stock in them all about 8 years ago! Now, I'm focusing on growing a healthy baby boy, and what to do after he gets here as far as not having any more surprises, since our family will be complete. 

Anyway, the "we paid for that" part. When Allen and I are out and about, or I'm at home alone with Hayleigh, and she is driving me crazy, I hear that phrase. "We paid for that." Allen will chime in. I always reply with an "I know, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world." We paid for it all with not just money, but with lots of time, spent waiting on it all. So, when Hayleigh is making a juice mess- spitting juice out of her mouth like a fountain onto the just cleaned floor, water is being splashed out of the bath tub, soaking everything, I'm losing sleep from her not wanting to go to sleep, and cleaning up a new mural she has made on our walls- I remember we paid for that. The funny thing is that all of those things that drive me crazy seem to disappear when I hear her say, I love you Mommy, or when she comes up to me and grabs my leg giving me a big hug for no reason.

We paid for that.