Changes for the better or for the worse...

There seems to be a lot of changes going on in our lives right now.

Allen was promoted up a level at work from all of the hard work he has put in. I'm really proud of him- he was the only one out of everyone he started with to do this, and is ahead of many that have been there longer than he has.

Hayleigh's speech is reaching new heights every day. She has been talking in whole sentences more and more every day- amazes me what she has to say.

My belly is growing- duh, I know. But, Reid is growing bigger and bigger every day, changing every day, and we get closer to welcoming him home soon.

And there are things in the future and present around us constantly changing at the same time.

 One thing is certain, we will be moving again, when our lease is up- maybe even before that. Our landlords are okay, the house is tiny. I'm just sick of someone grouching about their appliances crapping out, and having to fix them, when it wasn't a problem when we first went to move in here. I'm not thrilled about bringing our baby home, to a home that is not ours. I've learned to get over this. I'm hoping that by next year we will know where we will be settling down for a good while- hopefully for the rest of our lives, and can start looking at homes to buy. Leasing has a few perks, but, for the most part is a pain. The whole can't paint, or do anything to the house when the home owner's paint job is awful bit is a little irritating to me. And the craftsmanship of installing the Pergo floors in this house is horrible. Little things like that drive me crazy- Allen and I know how to do this stuff to fix it, but it is not our baby, so we just let it be.

Family and friends... Family and friends seem to drift in and out of our lives- it's kind of funny to me on when this happens it is orchestrated in such a way that makes it kind of funny- for a few of them. The rest, ehh, what ever they want to do I guess. I realize that not everyone will be up front and center all of the time, and it's okay with me. I just don't want to be labeled in 20 years as the bad guy who kept them all away. I'm not keeping anyone away from our family except 1 person I know of, and that person has been cut out of our family for multiple reasons that both Allen and I agree on. It makes me kind of sad that family has to be this way, but we are not the Beaver family. I know there is no perfect family out there in this world, and that most families have the same problems that we do. I guess I just don't want anyone to miss out on our kids- I think they are the greatest gifts in this world. At the same time, I don't want people coming into our lives, being fake to them, just to justify that they are in their lives and care for them too. You are either 100% in, or you are out. No half assing it. The other thing I do take into account is that someone can love and care for you with all of their heart, but they may not show it the way you want them to. I know this, but history does have a way of repeating itself. Sometimes, you have to also take that into accountability too.

I know I'm hard for people to understand, in fact, Allen is the only one who gets me- which is a good thing. I'm guarded, open, friendly, and bubbly...but, I am also very PROTECTIVE of my things, and of my family. IF you decide to hurt any aspect of my world- my family, in any way, I can be the most hateful, grudgeful, spiteful person you have ever met. I do not forget things, but I can forgive to a degree. Just because I chose to let you stay in our lives, does not mean I'm happy about it. I know that somethings cannot be decided on by just be- some things are Allen's decision over mine, and since he is one of the most important people in my life, next to Hayleigh and Reid, I will let him make his call on things. I'm not going to be responsible for making a decision for him- that was ultimately his. - This is all making me a little irritable just thinking about it all, so enough for now.

Anyway, changes- I'm not a fan, but at the same time, I am. Without changes, we would not get to move forward in our lives to bigger and better things. Just like what I just wrote above- some of those bad things, can make room for better things to come into place in our lives. I have learned more and more every day, to just go with the flow of things. I cannot do everything, or hold everything together, and it is not at all my fault for not being able to do this. As long as I keep an open mind, and at least give everything a fair chance and try, I've done my best. People come and go in our lives, but we will always have each other - me, Allen, Hayleigh, Reid, will always be a family, and have the support of a few others along the way to keep us all a family.