An Inspiration to Us All

"When a baby is born, you should cry,when someone dies, you should rejoice."
-Florine Antonetta Weidner

Hayleigh was 1 week old when we took her over to visit Grandma for the first time. Grandma and Hayleigh share the same middle name, and I'm grateful that Grandma got to meet Hayleigh while she was still in better health.

This was taken when Hayleigh was 2-1/2 weeks old It is the first picture of all 4 generations of us. Grandma was always really proud of her grandchildren.

Hayleigh's first Christmas. This was the last Christmas that we spent with Grandma- she was not well the following Christmas. Hayleigh was so intrigued by both Grandmas being there with her. Hayleigh was almost 6 months old there. 

This is the last time I got to see Grandma, and the last picture we have together.
 Grandma turned 90 years old that day, and as you can see she had went down hill
 in the past year leading up. I know she was tired of carrying on here.
 I also had just found out that I was pregnant with Reid in this picture too.
Hayleigh was 1 year and 23 months old here.

My mind is reeling back 23 years ago or so to me being 6 years old, waking up, and going into the living room early Sunday morning. My mom was in her room, crying on the bed, and my dad was going in and out of the room, and trying to get stuff going that morning. My sister and I walked into my mom's room, and asked her what was wrong. She turned to us, her eyes full of tears, and said, "My dad just died." 

That is a memory that will stick in my mind for the rest of my life, along with today.

About an hour ago, I was lying on the couch, watching Toy Story with Hayleigh, and my mom called. She wanted to let me know that Grandma had just passed away, and that she was on the way out to her house because she is one of the few in charge of her final arrangements. 

At first it didn't really hit me. Not until I sat and thought about it for a minute, and let it all sink in. One of the ladies that I had most admired in my life is now gone. We were already set to go back a month from now, and I wanted to see Grandma for the last time, and get to tell her all about Reid, and sit and visit with her as long as we could. I am thankful that Grandma's final wishes have been upheld, through all of the trials that have happened, and she can now be at peace. I know the fighting among everyone will probably not come to a stop for a little while more, but at least the end of it is in sight. I highly doubt if our family will be gathering together for holidays anymore. It is sad, but it is the way things are now. 

The only thing that upsets me now, is that I didn't get to see Grandma one last time again- but I knew this already somehow.  I just felt it, the last time I did get to see Grandma would be the last. I know it is probably weird, but I have absolutely no desire to hurry back now to make it to the final arrangements. I would love to be there for my mom, but, other than that, I would rather not see most of the others. Things that have been said and done over the past few years have changed the way I look at some of them, and I don't want to go back to be angry. When we do get back, we will just go see Grandma in her resting place, and remember the good times we shared with her, and not add any more bad memories to the mix.

I am eternally grateful that Grandma did get to meet Hayleigh, even if she won't get to meet Reid- she will at least be watching over us, smiling. Grandma loved babies- her grand babies. I have learned a lot from that lady- I always compared her to Mother Theresa. She always seemed to know all, and understand all. She gave without asking for anything in return, and saw the good out of all people. If she ever did see anything bad, she didn't say anything. She knew how much she meant to many of us, and I know there is no need to worry about not telling her just how much she meant to me- she knows. 

I grew up Catholic, many of you are aware of that. Even though I struggle with religion most days, the main point being the church's position on infertility treatment, I still cherish many things I shared with Grandma through the church. I was the first girl server in our church, and Grandma was very proud of me for that. Every night after serving at church, Grandma would come up to me, give me a hug, and tell me I got another star on my halo. Most of my favorite memories of Grandma were often after church on Saturday nights. We would always go over there to eat supper with her- Jack's pizzas with a cheese platter that she would cut up. Before we would eat, after getting there, we would have pimento cheese spread, or ham salad sandwiches, hot ham sandwiches with tons of Miracle Whip to eat as soon as we got there. She would make up at least 3 pies- usually a coconut cream pie, cherry pie, and peach pie, and have a stash of cookies and Little Debbie snacks on the counter. On the corner of the counter, she had a huge candy basket full of the good candy- she would always get us some little brown sandwich bags out and have us fill them up with candy before we left. No wonder we loved her so much- she fed us like little pigs, and sent us home hopped up on pop, candy, pies, and Little Debbie snacks. She had the best homemade pickles too. Sometimes, we would eat over on Sundays, and her fried chicken was always the best with her mashed potatoes and homemade noodles. Our family, no matter how big it was would get together for every holiday or just because. I miss Christmas and Thanksgiving at her house back when Grandpa was still here. The house was always packed, but everyone had a great time. She would always be smiling every time we saw her. She never forgot any one's birthday, and always had a present with a card. In the card, she would write the same thing inside it every time. 

The Wizard of Oz was always a special thing with me and Grandma. I was always scared of that movie. We would get to watch it over at her house, after church sometimes when it was on, and talk about it all. Even then, Grandma didn't have a bad thing to say about the wicked witch of the West. Halloween was always a big deal. Grandma would decorate her house up, and had the best candy in the world. She would always say, take as much as you want.Allen and I did not get married in a church- we got married in a bed and breakfast. Grandma was one of the few that was just fine with this. 

I know Grandma did a lot of special things for everyone she knew and loved. I may not have inherited my Grandma's patience and understanding of everything, but I have a great person to look up to, to try to work on those things. At least I can remember her for who she was- an incredible woman that I will always admire, and be proud to share her middle name and have had the chance to pass it along to Hayleigh in her honor too.