A Curve Ball in a Rain Storm

      I know I've been quiet lately. I just don't know what to say about anything- maybe Hayleigh should just do all of the talking- no one would understand half of it, and everyone would be happy listening to her speaking her mind. The past few weeks have been hard, exciting, relieving, stressful, just a little bit of everything. I don't know what to think about different things going on right now, and not having Allen here by my side, makes this so much harder. We are all doing fine- Allen is celebrating his 29th birthday today!
We had Hayleigh's pictures taken last week- they went really well- almost too good! It was the best session we had ever had, and Hayleigh's pictures from this last session are my most favorite soo far! That is good and bad- good that they turned out soo nice, bad  that I have soo many really good photos to choose from! You can get a preview of them following this link: 
http://bensonphotography.zenfolio.com/p486538496/slideshow


     I am ready to be done with work - my last day should be around the 13th of next month. I know I will certainly miss it! Days like today, it is just a relief to be somewhere that can take everything off of my mind, and make me concentrate on my work. It is a nice break from reality anyway. In fact, I wish I could just go back now and work or hide for the rest of this week.


       Allen is doing well, and loves his job. We talk every day, and give each other the rundown of our day. We really miss him, but I know this is for the best, and we won't be apart for much longer. He really enjoys the work he is doing, and the people he works with- his job is solely based off of performance. If you are content where you are, you stay there as long as you are doing the job well, if you want to move up, you complete the training that is available, and you move up. The people who want to move up, do so quickly- Allen has met several people that have moved up the ladder quite a bit in the short 2 years they have been there- from putting in the extra time to complete new training. People don't just move up because they got a certain degree- it is the experience with the work, and the desire to complete the extra training opportunities that move them up. Smart in my opinion. Better than someone fresh out of school starting a job out over many more people who understand the job, not knowing a thing about the job they are over. Just because you read about it in a class room, doesn't make you an expert at it. I would hate to have a hair dresser that has never cut hair, but studied it, and got a degree in it to do my hair!


The curve ball of the day came from Allen. The new crew he was promoted to all lives in Grand Junction, CO. Since they all live in the same area, the company flies them to and from there on a charter plane at no cost. The flight would be a little over 2 hours, and would save us a lot of money from gas expense, and driving time for Allen. From Billings, MT, he was looking at a 4hr drive one way. So, since this is really a big possibility, my planning gears have had to change course once again. I am such a creature of habit, and once I have a plan, we stick to the plan. This has done nothing but freak me out today- I had a good understanding of the Billings area- what was there, and available- what to expect. Grand Junction area may be just as nice of an area too- it is just I have to start all over on my researching and planning now, and I really don't have the urge  to want to do it just yet.



Disclaimer: If you question if any of this was pertaining to something you have said or done- you must have a guilty conscience.  Don't question me or anyone else about it- but yourself. This is all from my perspective. This is me getting some things off of my chest, and I would appreciate the respect of my thoughts by just letting things be, and moving forward. We need people to be positive, uplifting, and supportive through this time of transition, and appreciate all that have so graciously taken that role to heart.


Sigh... that is what I've been doing for the past week..


There are soo many things going on right now, it just feels like we are in a tornado, trying to make it out without losing our marbles. 


   Today, has been kind of a sullen day for me- I just feel like I want to cry and throw up at the same time. I don't know if part of it is Allen not being here on his birthday, or just other things I am struggling with right now, but today just has been hard all around. I'm trying to keep a positive spin on everything, but it all just seems to keep piling up. Between the crazy happenings in our families, hurtful things that have been said, people just not being around, and getting overwhelmed with all of the packing I have left to do, I just don't want to go anywhere for a while. The one thing I am really looking forward to is a couple that is one of our close friends is having Hayleigh and I over to grill out this weekend. I am soo glad that things like that happen when you need them to. I've just felt lately like people are purposely ignoring us. The more I try to do, the more it seems like the faster those people run in the opposite direction. The more the days go by, the more people act like we have already moved, and are finding other things or people to fill in the time that we could share. It doesn't help when a certain family member said things that are degrading about Allen. They can think or hear what they only want to think and hear, I guess. I just don't understand how you can cut someone down and act like nothing they could ever do would ever be good enough. Now, don't get me wrong, we have had soo much help from our family, and we are grateful for it all, it just hurts that some things said can just make you feel not good enough. No one is perfect, even though people would like to think otherwise. Bad things happen to good people more that you think- it is not a person's fault they have had horrible bosses in the past. But, it is always the person employed fault, and not the boss. Never mind that the boss kept bouncing payroll checks, would not reimburse for services owed, they would not keep their equipment up, or you could never get them on the phone when you needed them. NO. It is that person's fault for making the employer aware of about problems they are having- and not kissing that employer's butt, no matter how wrong the employer was. But, in the end, they can believe what they want to because apparently they didn't get it at all. Allen is the hardest working, most loving husband, and father to us- and for someone to just act like he is lazy, mouthy, and doesn't do anything is completely appalling.


   The other thing that really bites my butt is that this same person is telling me that I need to watch what I do or say in front of my child- the very child they say the "N"  word around anytime a person of color is brought up, despite I forget how many times I tell them it is not acceptable. Do they not get that the "N" word is just as bad as profanity, if not worse. What Hayleigh does, is a refection of our parenting.  I want Hayleigh to grow up and make her own opinions about people, without having a racist thought about the person before she can get to know them. It is not right, and I do not care if it was acceptable 40 years ago, it is not acceptable now. People have the right to marry who they want whether they are black/ white/ orange/ or blue, gay, or not, old or young. Women have the right to vote, and should be treated equally along with everyone else in this country- not to be treated lesser just because she is a woman and not a man. It is 2012- not 1950, and I do not want Hayleigh growing up thinking what was acceptable in 1950 is acceptable now. We treat everyone equal. I know this will never be taken the right way- once again, people only hear, see, or remember what they choose to.


    Out of all of this, I am just sick of people having poor attitudes, trying to tell me how to parent my own child, say hurtful things, or just flat out pretend I am not around at all. We are all alive, well, and happy with how things are moving right now, and we just don't need the criticism from others who are no where near perfect. I don't feed Hayleigh junk food for supper, teach her bad words, put her health at risk. Don't criticize us because we are not health nuts, and tell us if we would do things differently, we could lose weight, because we are fat- when you are sitting in the same boat. Just keep it to yourself, and if we need help with cooking, losing weight, parenting, etc, we will call you. Unless you are God, and have the secret to life, and plans for our lives, let us live and learn. I know people have good intentions, but a lot of it has not been coming off in a bad way. 


     I said what was on my heart and mind- and I know I will be punished for it either way for saying it, but I would rather people know what I am feeling, then to pretend everything is great. If something is not right, I will not stand there, pretending it didn't happen, or that everything is just fine. Treat people how you want to be treated- period. Nothing like a pessimist to rain on your day.