Sleepless and Coloring Eggs with Kool-aide

It is now 1:13am. I cannot sleep! Allen is due to fly in tonight!!! I cannot wait for that one. It has been a looooonngg 2 week hitch this time too. We are still juggling our stuff, and still in limbo, but have a game plan. You know I'm all about having a set plan. I don't like not knowing or having an idea in my head of what to do, or what is going on. I know... I'm kind of a control freak. I worry a lot- probably too much about random stuff.

Take tonight... I swear when I went to put Reid into his 3-6 month sleeper, it had shrunk! How has it happened that 3-6 months is getting snug on our little..well not so little man??!! So, like anyone would do, I started to freak out about him not having hardly any sleepers now. Boom! I was on ebay, the online yard sale site on facebook, gap, old navy, gymboree, JC Penny, Kohls, Children's Place- comparison shopping. I ended up ordering from Old Navy and Kohl's. Kohl's had a few better deals, but Old Navy's stuff was more what I wanted for Reid to wear. I also ended up getting Hayleigh a dress on Kohl's website too and a few pjs for her too- she's growing like a weed! I'm planning on using the dress for 4th of July- and have a plan for some cute accessories for it that we already have. I also bought and bid on a few things off of ebay. I got a new pj Old Navy set for Hayleigh for $5 with shipping, bought a sweater for Hayleigh that is a Gap, and a Gap swim top with a hood for Reid. Both kids will end up having way too many clothes- but at least they will have plenty of clothes to get them through to winter.

Like I said up above, we have a plan, and I cannot discuss that just quite yet. I know that it will be hard, and if anyone wants to tag in, go right on ahead.

We colored Easter eggs today with Kool-aide. The eggs actually did turn out more vibrant.

Anyway, I had a nice evening sitting with Hayleigh watching tv, and shopping. Hearing her go "that's cute!" makes it all that much more fun.

Here are some photos from the weekend:

Trying Not to Have Babies for the 1st Time in My Life

Funny how most of my adult married life, I spent most of it trying to get pregnant. Now that we are past that time in our lives/marriage, I'm at the opposite end of that spectrum for the first time. I wish I knew we wouldn't be able to have more kids- that would be soo easy! BUT, I don't want to be 40 years old with a new oops baby on the way again. Sad to think that something we spent so much time and money on trying to achieve is now what we are spending time and money to not have happen after all of those years.

After Reid was born, I went back to my post pardom appointment and talked to my midwife about different options for us. Allen getting fixed just isn't an option at this time because of the amount of down time he will need and he just cannot take off for a couple of weeks, or go on light duty for it either for now. I went ahead and opted for the Mirena, since I didn't want to have to remember to take a pill every day, or get fixed, undergoing surgery for that too. A couple of weeks after I had my initial post pardom checkup, I got the Mirena put in. I did do some checking into it, and for the most part everyone I talked to that had it LOVED it. There are a few things that no one tells you about or talks about though until AFTER you get it... When I was at the appointment, getting it put in, the nurse told me as long as I could reach in and feel one cable string, I was golden. Cable String??!! WTF is that! Well, it was already in, and too late to ask about that- but they have to leave these cable strings in where they can reach them to extract it when it is time for it to be removed. UGHH! I am also have bloating, weight gain- I'm afraid to even look, breaking out on my face, and cramps like I experienced with taking fertility shots to make me produce follicles. Needless to say, this thing is coming out a week from today!

I did read all of the possible side effects this thing could do to me- the usual ones... so I didn't bat an eye about it. Now, 99% of everyone I talked to that had this thing didn't have a period after having it put in. Me... let's just say that it wasn't wondering when I would ever bleed, it was when am I not bleeding? OMG!! WHO would want to live like this? And, another thing....those cable strings... YEAH.... Well I will just say that my husband HATES them. They poke him like a tooth pick or needle. No one said much of anything about that one either. After that first happened to Allen, he was ready for me to go back and get the thing ripped out. It has basically reeked havoc on every aspect of my life right now in one way or another.

Anyway, I know this post was a little TMI but, I wish I would have known then what I know now about it all.

Dodging

I realize I haven't been on here much at all. I've kind of been dodging writing about what all is going on, mainly because it's nothing I really want to write about. Things are in limbo here, and it's driving me completely bat S**t crazy! Sorry, but that is how I feel right now.. almost at my whit's end. I swear that we have been back and forth, and back again on what is going to happen, or on what is going on. I have a lot of love hate relationships right now, and all I want is peace and quiet along with space to myself.
We are currently still staying with my mom- HOPEFULLY in a month we will be settled or be settling into our own place. The subject of our own place is the thing that is going back and forth and is the whole limbo deal right now. I'm mainly just ready for my routine to be restored, and not to feel so frazzled out anymore. There are some things that have been decided that I cannot say yet- but a big fat ugly storm is coming, and I would just rather bury my head in the sand right now, and wait for someone to pat me on the shoulder and tell me it's all over, and go on with my happy self. EHHHHT! That's not going to happen. My world is upside down right now, along with Allen and the poor kids, but I know I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and things will be much better soon!

Reid turned 4 months old yesterday! 4 MONTHS already!! Makes me want to cry sometimes, but no matter how sad I get over both him and Hayleigh growing up more and more, the more excited I get over the new things we are able to do. Next year, Allen and I are planning on taking them to Disney World. I'm really thinking it will be a just the 4 of us kind of thing. I think we would be able to enjoy it all a little more relaxed than if we had family with us.

Last night, I attempted to go on a night on the town by myself. I have been chomping on the bit to see Oz the Great and Powerful... well, after my mom canceled on me last minute on babysitting the kids, I made arrangements for Allen's grandparents to watch the kids. NO Problem right? WRONG....After 35 minutes into the movie, I get a call. I had my phone on vibrate for just in case... well, Reid had been crying and screaming for the past 45 minutes - basically 20 minutes after I left him happy go lucky. Allen's grandma was trying everything to make him happy, and to calm down, and told me to call back in five minutes to check back. Well, I did, and had to leave the movie. Poor guy was constipated. I ended up having to give him a few enemas, and that made everything all better. It's funny that since we have been back in Illinois, and Reid has had the chance to show everyone his upset side, they understand how I felt all by myself for 2 weeks at a time with both kids, and don't think having a glass of wine a night was so terrible after all. Now, Reid is not like that much anymore- but he was last night. Hopefully I can see the rest of that move on Sunday while I leave both kids with my mom.

I just know that in the upcoming few weeks, there will be hell to pay, and I'm not at all looking forward to it. I'll keep everyone updated the best I can.

On a good note, here are a few of the pics from Reid's 3 month pictures that we had taken from Jessica at Jessica Benson Photography~

Home and Making Memories...

So, it's been a month since I've been on here, and I thought I would catch y'all up on what we've been up to. Well, first things first... we moved back home. While I cannot tell you just how we arrived here on this decision- lots of debating over it all, we are in fact back to stay. For how long? Well, that is something I can't answer just yet either, but it will be at least a few years. I'm getting our house ready now for us to move into, and getting ready to make the trip back to Colorado to get our stuff.

I've been quite busy lately- with trying to get the house ready, ordering carpet, laying tile, getting Reid & Hayleigh's pictures taken... busy, busy, busy!

Today, after ordering $255 worth of pictures, I found that I had something I wanted to say about capturing memories. Allen and I had agreed that if we were to stay out in Colorado, one thing was for sure, I would be getting my own camera to take our own pictures. For one, it is too expensive out there to go every few months to get pictures taken. When you consider having to pay a $150 minimum sitting fee BEFORE booking, then with prints starting out at $35 a piece for 5x7- it really becomes ridiculous. That is what I ordered today- all 5x7 prints from one of the photographers we used out there. I ordered them that way, so they can go on the wall, and I won't go completely broke off of buying them too. What I find ridiculous about the whole deal is that I did some research, and found out just how much a professional lab charges for pictures. I have an account with 3 different ones now. It all boils down to highway robbery. Now, I know pictures are something to invest in, but just how much should they cost?? Take our maternity and newborn pictures we had taken- they cost a $200 sitting fee- I got a deal on that for booking them together. So, I already had $200 invested in pictures without getting any pictures in hand. Then, the prints started out at $35 a piece. So- I would have about $500 per session worth of pictures to pay for if I got all that I really wanted- which would be 20 5x7 prints total. At the lab they cost around $5 per 5x7- about the same cost as shutterfly. So, while I'm paying $35 for 1 5x7 print, the photographer is making around $30 off of ONE print. ONE PRINT!!! This not only makes me sick, but of course I was disappointed with the newborn session. We did not get any good family pictures at all. Part of the package deal is that the photographer talks with you and has you create a board on pinterest to get an idea of what you want to get out of your session. Well, I can tell you that it wasn't even close, and now I cannot do it over. I couldn't do it over anyway after they were taken, because I did not get to look at the proofs until almost a month later. This was another thing I really did not like out there- with the two photographers we used. Turn around time. It was awful. I guess I'm spoiled with our photographer back here is all it comes down to. I pay a $40 sitting fee- to which I always tip her an extra $10. Our proofs are up within 1 WEEK for us to see. I pay $10 for an 8x10 and $15 for an 11x14, so after putting in my order yesterday with her, I spent less, and got a whole lot more on prints. Plus I got the high resolution disc of all of the proofs for $75. Why am I ranting about this? I cannot honestly tell a difference between the quality of work. They all use the same caliber of cameras, but one is way cheaper. You could blame the areas, but still. If we were to stay out in Colorado, I would be taking my own pictures because of one thing. If you can look me in the face, and sleep well at night, while well knowing you are charging me what you are charging for prints and making that much off a print all while talking to me at the session about saving money, you are no better than a politician to me. I will not be back. Take 1 month to give me proofs to look at after charging a $200 sitting fee- that is ridiculous! Our Christmas pictures went the same way with the other photographer. We didn't have to pay a sitting  fee, but the session started out at $45 for 1 pose. While we had a great time with Santa, and we did get beyond what I thought we would get, and we did get to pick out the prints right then and there, the turn around time was awful. I got half of our prints a week later, and the other half 2 weeks AFTER Christmas, after spending the extra $120 on pictures that were intended to be Christmas gifts. Needless to say I was hot. I know that if I would have known the turn around time would be similar on both photographers, I would have had the one that did our Santa pictures do the rest of our pictures. She was more experienced with the whole newborn scene, and I wish we would have had some better pictures like she takes. I know some of you are thinking, then if those two were so expensive, and had such bad turn around time, why didn't I use someone else that was cheaper and had better turn around? This is simple... there is no one out there that is cheaper or has a better turn around time... there are no photographers like what we have around here in our area out there. People will pay and wait out there, so there has not been a boom of photographers out there like there has here. I cannot tell you just how grateful I am that my Mother N Law was visiting and took lots of great pictures for us. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have much for Reid if it wasn't for her.

My other question about all of this is would these same photographers be happy paying the amounts they charge for prints or sitting fees? My guess is no, since they do their own.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say about pictures. Make them affordable, have a quick turn around on them with a great quality, get the poses your clients want, and you will have happy happy happy customers! Just ask Jessica who takes all of our pictures.. she is now booked up for Fall, and most of the year from doing all of this. She always captures the poses that I'm looking for, and makes sure we all have a great time while doing so. Sometimes it is NOT the high cost photographer that is the better choice! I have pictures from all three photographers on my blog here- the 2 from Colorado, and Jessica. You tell me if you can tell the difference between what costs more to have taken...

A Rundown of the Past 2 weeks Headache and Heartache

So by now, most of everyone knows we are back in Otown...sigh... There have been many changes going on lately- too many for my liking. I'm a creature of habit, and hate change. This all started off with our rent house we were moving to. The people from whom we were to rent from while they moved up to North Dakota- funny I know, had arranged for us to rent their house for 2 years, until they moved back to retire. Great plan... then the wife took a trip, and saw North Dakota- Williston area. She decided she really did not want to live there and not want to move up to North Dakota. Now she knows why we do not live there. This all took place 1 week before our move. ugghhhh! So, to keep from making a rash decision on another rent house to be locked into for a year, we decided to put stuff in storage. Then, came the crazy plan- to move back to Otown, so I could have more help. I'm sure I screamed this at Allen in a moment of desperation. Sleep deprivation, colicky baby, boxes everywhere... you get the picture. We got everything moved to storage- I had to throw away my wrapping paper and a few other things... it was it or something else to get everything to fit into our 10x25 storage unit. I still cannot believe that both and only Allen and I moved everything- with 2 year old and 2 month old in tow. We then drove 15 hours straight through back to Otown, arriving at 4am on Friday morning...with a 2 year old and 2 month old in tow. I realize I'm stressing the 2 yr old and 2 month old part, but I feel like super mom because it went a whole lot easier than I thought it would. The past week has been a complete blur. Trying to catch up with everyone, and figure out just what end is up and what end is down. I'm still not sure what we are going to do. The help I want or need, I cannot get. This is all due to the times I need the help the most, it is late at night, or while everyone is at work. Also, Reid is a total Mama's boy, and doesn't want anyone but me- so me getting help is a little far fetched. I know Allen does not want to live here at all. He wants to go back to Colorado Springs area, so this is all still up in the air. I do really miss Colorado, but I miss everyone back here as well. BUT, Allen is the one sacrificing his time with us to work in North Dakota, so I can stay home with the kids, so I don't want to make him live somewhere he hates for when he is off of work. I really don't know what will happen.

Most of my family has meet Reid by now. I had issues this past week with one in particular.. my dad. It took him 5 days to see us, and meet Reid. Dad was only 5 minutes away from us, and could not manage to break off to say a quick hi. I cannot tell you just how much this disappointed me. Reid and Hayleigh are the only grand kids between my sister and I, so you would think this would be a big deal....first grandson. Then, when he did meet him, he didn't even want to hold him. He couldn't wait to hold Hayleigh all of the time when she was a baby, and Reid was even in a good happy mood.  I expected my dad to be a bit more excited over Reid, especially when he wanted both my sister and I to be boys soo bad back when we were born. There are a few other issues going on there, but my heart aches for poor Reid. When we found out he was on the way on April Fool's day last year, a few people were completely not happy over it, and he has not exactly gotten the royal treatment his sister did from some. The poor boy has no chance. He is my miracle baby- Hayleigh is as well, but he was our surprise miracle- FREE miracle. I just don't understand how you could not get excited to meet such a sweet little boy, with the cutest little smiles and laugh.

Favoritism has been a big thing back here too. Obviously between Hayleigh and Reid with other people, but also of Hayleigh over her poor cousin, Xena, as well. I'm trying my best to not treat my kids differently. My sister was babied between us- I was a horrible baby like Reid, and my sister was the easy baby like Hayleigh. Well, a few people have been just flat out favoring Hayleigh over all others. It is not fair, and I'm not going to support it at all. We teach our kids to share their toys and everything, so why can't we enforce this? I hate that things are the way they are, but it's not up to me to fix everything. Just because a toy is Hayleigh's or was something for Hayleigh to play with, does not mean that Xena or Reid cannot play with it. I do not want a spoiled brat that thinks she is above everyone else, so don't enable it. I'm sure this will all be taken out of context, and I will be eating my shoes over this. Some will argue that this is not going on, but it is.

All I know is that I'm fighting for equal treatment for both of my kids, and their cousin. If everything gets put up when Hayleigh is not around, and not brought out for Xena or Reid, then some of the things we have at other places will just have to be taken elsewhere. They are not to just be stored away- they are to be used.

ANYWAY... enough with the headache...

Hayleigh is potty trained!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the 3 day naked weekend did it! She still has a few accidents, but for the most part, we are there! Now, she only wears a diaper at night to bed. I recently purchased a new deal that goes in her car seat- for just in case accidents. It's called a Piddle Pad. It says it can hold over a cup of liquid, so we will see!

Also in current news, I've had to stop breast feeding Reid. Makes me very  sad. I worked soo hard to make it work, but I'm afraid that my psoriasis has been getting so bad that I need to start my meds up again for it, so I have to forgo the nursing. My psoratic arthritis has been kicking back in bad lately, and I don't want to ruin my joints over being able to breast feed. I purchased my first container of formula today, and felt awful about it. I feel like I've failed. I realize that it is not the end of the world, but after not being able to breast feed Hayleigh from supply issues, and being able to actually keep up with Reid this time around, it makes this very hard.

We also gave Reid his first rice cereal last night as well. He is quite the little pig, and LOVED it! I managed to pump quite a bit today before giving myself my 1st shot of Humeria, so I have some breast milk for Reid's cereal.

Today, Hayleigh managed to lock me out of my mom's house. I went out to take her car seat cover to put it back on the car seat just 20 foot from the front door. Hayleigh had an accident in it the other day, and I had washed it, and had the new piddle pad to put on as well. Well, Hayleigh checked to see what I was doing, and pushed the door open. I told her to get her butt back into the house. Boy did she! She managed to accidently lock the screen door. I had no way of getting into the house. My cell phone was also in the house, so I couldn't call mom for help. Mom got called into work anyway, so I was screwed. I tried talking Hayleigh into getting the door unlocked... after several unsuccessful attempts, I jiggled the door enough- not much, to manage to break the lock lever on the door. Needless to say, Hayleigh was in BIG trouble when I got in the house. She had left her underwear lying in the living room, and was running around the house half naked. We got ready for church, and hurried to church as soon as my mom got home. Both kids did great! Reid didn't even cry once. We went out to eat Mexican afterward, came home to a whole new list of boo boos I won't even go into.. Hayleigh turned into a complete klutz as soon as we walked into the door.

Anyway, we have been extremely busy. I'm trying to figure out just what we are doing, and praying we know by my 30th birthday... not looking forward to that one at all, and I'm sure my mom is not either. I just hope and pray that everything falls right into place soon!