Remembering the Storm to Appreciate the Rainbow

So I've been getting pictures and everything rounded up to start working on Ms Eva's birth announcement video. I've been thinking about how I'm going to present this one, what things need to be in it, and I can't help but think of Charlie.

For those who just started following along last April, we found out we were expecting baby #3. Everything was going smoothly- I even managed to keep the secret from Allen that I had found out we were pregnant for 4 whole days. The kids and I arranged to pick him up at the airport and give him the big news all on video. Reids pregnancy announcement to him was over the phone and Hayleigjs was at 1:26am, so I wanted this last time to be special. I got an appointment made for 10-1/2 weeks for when he would be home again, so he could go to the first appointment for this baby since he missed both Hayleigh and Reids. As you can figure out right about now, that appointment was the closest to hell on earth I've ever experienced. It went south really fast. No heart beat could be seen. After many blood tests and just trying to get out of there, followed by more blood test, being blown off by my fill in OB, switching OBs and finally getting a D&C done, I found peace. As you've noticed, Ms Eva was called Georgie from day #1. With that pregnancy it was Charlie. We were planning on calling the baby Charlie if boy, Charlotte if a girl. Same with Georgie, but Allen wouldn't jump on the Georgina band wagon, so we agreed on Eva- I'm still trying to sneak Georgina in for the middle name with no success so far. Anyway for a while there I had nightmares about the baby we lost. The only thing that kept my head out of the fog was to focus on what we could do. I knew I couldn't sit snd wallow in the pit of depression over that baby we lost and I wouldn't let that one event be the end of us having kids- the decision would not be made for me in such a bad ending with what ifs. So, I talked Allen into actually trying for another- if it didn't work out within the next 6 months, then I could be at peace knowing we were done. I was told after my d&c the next 3 months would be the best chance of I had one. It took me over 6 years with treatment to get Hayleigh and 18 months with no treatment to get Reid. The baby we lost was 9 months. So I didn't have my hopes set sky high, but I would give it a real go at this- all in or nothing. A month after I had the go ahead from my OB, I got the faint pink line on a pregnancy test. I immediately called and woke Allen up because of how planning has worked out in the past. After that I flirted with the name Charlie again, and I started having nightmares and started bleeding. I stumbled upon watching God is For Real, and bawled on the part the boy tells his parents about his sister with no name. I could not let a baby I've never met not have a name, so Charlie is that baby's name. Since coming to terms with that I haven't bled any or had nightmares.

Fast forward to today, I still have a pit of worry in my stomach while trying to enjoy this pregnancy. We had the trisomy 18 scare and go back for follow up ultrasound on the 6th. Ever since Charlie my sense of cloud 9 no wrong can happen has been shattered even though I've witnessed my friends lose babies- in the beginning of their pregnancies or at the end of term. You never really get it until it happens to you and rocks you to your core. Anyway, Charlie will be remembered with Eva's birth to which I hope goes smoothly with no complications. It's just been hard thinking and celebrating how Eva's birth will be when Charlie did not get that. But if Charlie would have been born back in December, there would certainly be no Eva. I know you could never choose to not have any of your children no matter how long they were here, but it is bittersweet in being thankful for a storm you have weathered that did take one dream but brought you through to a rainbow of another new dream only because of that storm. So today, Charlie has been on my heart and Eva's been kicking and bouncing reminding me of my rainbow soon to come.