About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Wagons West!

Well, after many weeks of thinking, talking, and planning, I think I can finally say what we have decided  for our future. One thing is clear, we do not have a future in our hometown or even in the area around it. There is nothing here to sustain us, or to grow with. Allen has been job searching now for 6 months. He was laid off of work from the farmer he worked for, for over 2 years, had them sign a letter stating he was laid off of work, and then had to fight for unemployment for months, only to be shut out after appealing all that he could after they kept denying him unemployment. We have struggled to understand how someone could want for a person or family for that matter not to be able to survive, and approve the unemployment. After all, Allen and I have both worked our whole adult lives, and have not and will not make it a job out of living off of unemployment. It is something we pay into and should be there if we should ever need it. I don't I don't think I have ever really said that on here, but that has been soo stressful for us. Some people have told Allen to just find a job, any job, but why work somewhere just to pay half of a check to gas, and another chunk to a sitter for Hayleigh, and then just barely get by? Allen wants to stay at a job and retire from. We want to provide Hayleigh and any other future children with the best future, and life we can give them. Unfortunately it is not in Olney.

 I know many people are upset about us relocating. Trust me, this has made us sick for the past months. We are planning on relocating to Billings, Montana this June, if not sooner. Allen is planning on going up at the end of April- mainly because of weather, and time to get arrangements made at home. I know this will be very hard for us to do- leaving all of our family,friends, just EVERYTHING behind. I'm so nervous about having to find all new doctors, starting new insurance, and not to mention a new home.

To be quite honest, I cried when I finally realized that Hayleigh's pediatrician would not be her doctor much longer- he was there from the start, and he was my pediatrician too. I cried about lots of things, some silly, some not. I have cried over not having our future children at the same hospital, in the same hospital room- I dreamed of this, or over when we first looked at our house with the real estate agent, I could see us bringing our baby home to this home when we pulled into the driveway. I cried over holidays to come- will we be able to be together with our family, to future birthdays for Hayleigh. I've even cried over my lawn, and the countless hours and labor I put into it, and have been trying to come up with a solution on how to take a few plants that are really special to me, like Hayleigh's butterfly bush she got when she was born. I mainly cried, and still cry over our family not being close to see Hayleigh, to let her spend the night over at her grandparents houses, or spending time with Aunt Magen, and Uncle Brad, or Hayleigh's godfather, Garrett.

 I'm scared about not having my routine, my same old job, just everything. Yesterday was my 5 year anniversary at UPS, I was given a plaque and given gratitude for working there this whole time, and right now sit staring at the plaque, wondering what I want to do for my future. I have been researching schools near Billings, and thinking this might be my best chance to finish my degrees that I have put off. I worry about where Hayleigh will go to school at- I've had that planned since the day she was born, holidays at home, and Hayleigh's future birthdays. How will everyone be together for all of this?  I realize that these things we are having to start over with are big changes, but we can do it, and some will not be as bad as I think they might be. There are planes, trains, and automobiles, and Internet, this is not saying good bye and never seeing anyone again.

It has been a dream of ours to live in Montana, back in 05-06' we had the chance to travel the country- Allen drove a truck, and I am soo happy we had the chance we did. Throughout the traveling, there were soo many places we were lucky enough to get to see- and there was nothing tying us down. When the chance came to go out west with the company Allen was driving for - we got to make a few trips out west. Let me just say it completely took our breath away. BEAUTIFUL. We got to travel through Idaho, North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Oregon, Washington, Colorado, and Wyoming, and MONTANA, on one trip in the middle of the fall out there. We decided right then and there, that if we could ever live anywhere, it would be Montana. Well, six short years later, we have that chance. There is opportunity that we cannot ignore there. There is hope for us to have a life we want to have not only for us, but for HAYLEIGH.

I feel like we are pioneers in a way, going on the Oregon Trail, or something of that sort, but kind of mixed in with the trail of tears at the same time- because a trail of tears is what we will be dragging behind us all of the way out there.

One of our couple friends with a little boy that is just a few months younger than Hayleigh, are planning on making this jump with us. They are about like us- they see no future in our area, and are trying just like us to make a better life for their family, instead of struggling here. At least we will have each other to lean on and keep company when it gets tough being away from the only place we have all ever lived- and grew up around.

So, the question of will it work? Allen has spent a month researching the area we are moving to, and it is very promising. If everything works out the way we think it can, we can provide for our family and not have to worry about everything we are now. Having an argument over something silly would be nice instead of having little arguments over not having enough money to cover bills, things we need, and just being stressed out and agitated from that would be soo nice! Right now, we don't have anything to lose, but much to gain from this. Our family comes foremost. We cannot sit here just barely getting by, if that, just to keep everyone happy we are close by.

Tomorrow, (Friday), I am really dreading.... I have to tell my mom when I drop Hayleigh off with her the news... I hate making everyone feel like we have been scheming this all the whole time, and want to get as far away as possible. I hate the feeling of thinking I will cause a lot of heartache and loneliness for people. I hate that Hayleigh's room at my mom's house will be empty with no Hayleigh there every week to play in it, while my mom watches her for me while I'm at work. I hate that we will not be able to just go out and have dinner together with our family just because it is Friday night, not just because it will only be when we are in town. I HATE all of that, but, I HATE not being able to make a living for my family the most. So, when you see us around, if we are acting excited about moving, it is what we HAVE to do- we have to be positive about what could come, and not think about the negatives. I saw a quote today that made me feel better about this whole thing, it said, "there is a crack in everything, that is how the light gets in."

Time will only tell if this will all work or not- all we can do is HOPE for a better tomorrow.

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