Baby G

I've been feeling a lot better lately about my last ultrasound- hoping to see more this coming Thursday which is also my mom's birthday too. I've been back on the baby name debate, and had started to reconsider using our name we had picked out for the last pregnancy, Charlotte Cecilia Rae. I think that name has now been laid to rest. People may think it's silly, or stupid for my reasoning, but this is my beef with that name. That name was for that baby. When I thought about using that name again, and really started to contemplate it, I started spotting this pregnancy. I don't know if any of you have seen the movie or read the book, Heaven is For Real, but I have. The part that struck me the most in that movie was when the little boy was in heaven, an older little girl came up to him and wouldn't stop hugging him. He asked her what her name was, and she didn't have one. (I'm bawling right now as I type this). Anyway, the little boy's parents had a miscarriage before they knew what gender the baby was- it was early on. I could go on and on about how that breaks my heart, but I won't, and how the movie goes on after that, but you will have to read the book, or watch the movie for yourself. Anyway, all I can think about is this little being up in heaven with no name, and us giving her name to another baby. I can't do it. I'm not going to go on and on about our baby Charlotte- we don't even know what the baby was, but I do know that name that was reserved for that baby, will not be used for this baby. I want that baby to at least have a name up in heaven even if they do not have anything showing they were here for how little of time it was. I feel bad I threw out almost everything- the pregnancy tests, the balloons from that pregnancy. But, I did save the announcement cards I had with my final blood draw. I just could not bear to have those things I tossed to remind me of something that ended so terrible. This time, I tucked the tests away in the cedar chest along with Hayleigh and Reids tests, and all my charts and treatment stuff. I already have a new name picked out- it just keeps coming to me- kind of like when you try on your wedding dress, you just know that it's the one. I just have to convince my husband of this name now, but I think we can compromise on it. This baby, I can already picture in my mind. I see a little girl with brown hair- I might be proven wrong on hair color, but I see a sweet little girl with brown curly hair. Either way, this is my Georgie baby- so fitting as to the antique baby doll my sister and I fought over my mom had I called baby George. So Georgie is going to make it, we will get to meet them, hopefully her next Spring. And I already have her middle name picked out as well, I will save as a surprise, but the initials also spell something just like Hayleigh and Reid's both do- I have goosebumps!