About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Infertility a Good Thing?

Yesterday afternoon, I realized that 2 months from now, Hayleigh will be turning 3 years old. Then while watching The Little Couple, I found myself going back to before Hayleigh was here with us. We were filled with great anticipation. We were getting ready to be parents for the first time! While the road to getting to where we were back then wasn't easy- I don't think I had ever been so grateful in all my life. Before then, we would have done anything to become parents. I wanted to be a mom - somebody's mom, so bad I couldn't stand it. Yet, there we were getting ready to meet one of the most important little ladies we will ever meet in our lives... Hayleigh. Back then, I always wondered what our kids would look like, how many we would have. Now that the puzzle is complete, I look at both of our kids and think that I never dreamed they would look or act the way they do- they are both more beautiful than I dreamed. Hayleigh has my curls that I had at her age with a variation of Allen's hair color, and his eyes. Reid looks like Allen soo much it's not funny, but he got my eyes and we are thinking my hair color too, now that some is finally growing in.

 Sorry this is getting rambled- I get this way when I get gushy over our kids. 

Anyway, I can still remember what it felt like to feel that hope. I don't think that the feeling ever does leave- here we are 3 years later, and I am still in denial that we are here with 2 kids. Allen and I even still lay in bed at night, or just catch each other every now and then, and ask each other if we can even believe we are here. 

My blog originally started out with our trials of trying to become a family, is now mainly just about our family completed and the day to day life of a mom. Even though we did not have to go through it all again for Reid, I still remember what it felt like to feel despair, wanting a baby soo bad- just wanting to see those 2 pink lines just once, and not thinking it would ever happen. I still have all of my injection supplies, packets, and instructions for both of our IUI cycles. I keep them in our cedar chest so I can someday bring it all out to show our kids how hard we fought for them- how much we wanted them. I haven't forgotten any of it. 

This was us- the day we had our final ultrasound before our first IUI cycle. August 09'  I had to get an injection in the new Bush Stadium at a Cardinal's game, in the women's bathroom at exactly 9pm, to make me ovulate 48 hrs from then. My ovaries were the size of golf balls then- if not bigger from the drugs I was on. We had no idea that the cycle we were all geared up for would fail, and leave me heartbroken. I still look back and treasure that weekend, it was special to me because it was the beginning of our journey to becoming Mom and Dad. 
My first round of drugs I was soo excited to get - it was like Christmas in a messed up sort of way when  the package showed up at my door step.
This was almost 3 years ago- Me & Hayleigh 
I know some people are just starting to go through all that we had endured a little over 3 years ago. They have no idea exactly what they are in for, what they will lose, and what they will gain. The experience is something I wouldn't ever trade for anything in the world. Most people who undergo infertility treatment say they would never wish it upon their worst enemies. Well... I would. Going through all of the ups and downs of it all, losing friends, gaining a few others that I would have never guessed I would has given me much to be thankful for. I am a better mom I believe from the experiences infertility has brought me. I am more patient, grateful person and a better wife now thanks to infertility. Our marriage was also made stronger because of infertility. We learned to be more supportive of each other- putting the other first. We both learned to be more understanding, and open as well. Because of the experiences infertility has brought us, our marriage has endured other life experiences along the way better than what it had I believe. So, to me infertility has ended up being a good thing..granted I'm the one sitting here with a happy ending while some are not as lucky. 

Because of our happy ending to infertility, I can now say, it was worth it all- everything we lost or gained, worth every bit of it. We came out with so much more than just becoming Mom & Dad. So if you are there, just starting to jump into the jungles of infertility treatments, I wish nothing but the best for you. Just remember to savor it all- the good with bad: the injections, countless ultrasounds, lab work, nausea, and heartache of a failed cycle.. Because no matter how bad it all was, those memories will soon become some of your most precious memories, all because they were the beginning of you becoming Mom & Dad. 

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