My Prerogative of Life

I know it has been quite a while since I've gotten to write on here. Work has been extra busy, and it seems like the weekends pass with the blink of an eye. A bit of a recap for everyone... Hayleigh will be 6 months old on Thursday ALREADY!! She can roll over, walk backwards and FORWARDS in her walker now, walk with someone holding her hands, eat baby food with no problems of her tongue getting in the way, and is now reaching out to everyone instead of crying. I cannot believe how fast time has flown by.

Christmas was great! It made me very happy, and very sad at the same time. I cannot tell you the joy I felt buying my daughter her first Christmas present. I bawled in Hallmark, picking out cards to give out, reading all of them that I could. I know some people in there thought I was a bit emotional, but, I cannot help it. We got a white Christmas to boot too! 3 inches of fluffy white snow on Christmas Eve. Hayleigh got to try out her infant sled we had got her on Christmas day in my mom's yard. It is amazing just how different it is to go from a family of just Allen and I, to having Hayleigh in the mix. Everything has been more special, and some people have actually grown closer to us with having Hayleigh here.

Christmas shopping this year was actually enjoyable for once. I think we got the closest to getting it right this year out of all years. Allen and I received way more than  we asked for- Christmas was mainly for Hayleigh this year, not us, but, it was still nice that some people actually remembered us too!

With New Year's right around the corner, I find myself with every passing year, trying to understand people more, and trying to be a better person, ending up usually disappointed with what I find, and sometimes a little surprised with how things turn out. I have found that to me Christmas time is a really good time to get a good gage of just how people really feel about you. It is the thought that counts to me, instead of the amount spent on presents. Some things I just shake my head at, and say to myself, really? But, I do find myself being very grateful for the other times someone goes out of their way to make something special, or really takes the time to make you feel special. I guess you just learn to appreciate the people who really listen to you throughout the year that remember what you said way back in the beginning of the year. There are always a few people who really try, and then the ones who just slap together a few things and say "tada!" It is not the fact that I am not grateful for being given a gift, but, the fact that we really took the time to think about and get something special for someone, and them in return giving you something you just had lying around the house.



Every year I find myself depressed over getting my hopes up that someday a certain select few will finally open their arms and actually accept us as family, instead of inviting us over for left overs of a Christmas Get together, while their other family is leaving after having their "real" Christmas. I know I love the quote Eleanor Roosevelt gives- No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but, it is pretty darn hard to ignore a billboard sitting right smack dab in front of your nose, and not notice it, or let it get to you. It just really makes me feel like I am not really a part of my own family sometimes. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am just waiting to finally "fit" into my own family.

What gets me the most is that now that I have my own little family, I would never want anyone, not even my own daughter, to feel like she is not welcome, or an after thought. I want her to know every day just how special she is and always will be, no matter what happens in life. She will always be our baby.