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About Me

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Western North Dakota , United States
My husband, Allen, and I are high school sweet hearts. We started dating Sep.99'- I kind of followed Allen home one day, and never did leave, is Allen's story. November 02' we were engaged, and on November 22,2003 - we were married. Having been married for 6 years in 2009, marked the 5th year we had been trying to start our family. With the referral of a Fertility Specialist from a friend, our IUI attempts ended up being a complete success despite my doubts. We welcomed our sweet little girl, Hayleigh into the world on June 30,2010 at 6:28am after 37wks and 1 day of gestation. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 in long. We found out that we were Baby #2 on April Fool's Day- a complete surprise! Reid Allen was born 11/13/12 3:24am 9lbs 8.2oz 21", after 38wks 5 days. Our 3rd baby, Eva Jane, was born on April 19, 2015 after suffering a pregnancy loss June of 2014. We are currently anxiously awaiting baby #4 due 2 days before Eva's birthday, so we are having Irish Twins! Our family is so blessed and happy to be growing!

Friday, August 6, 2010

To Be or Not to Be... that is the Question

I hope everyone finds this entertaining... my battles that I have with myself, that I just happen to drag Allen into. This is all CRAZY I am warning you, but, it is a real reality of WHAT IF....

It is funny how you can go through life trying to prevent something, then go to wanting it to happen, and then back to trying to prevent it again. BABIES. It has been since Janurary of 04 that I went off of the pill and never did go back on it until now. A part of me just wants to shuck the stupid things out the window, the other is scared to think if something did happen on it's own this time, I would be stuck at home by myself most of the time with an 11 month old and a newborn next year. Scarry to think huh? I cannot tell you just how many people have told me to throw those pills away, and if it happens this time without having to go through all of the doctor visits, ultrasounds, shots, and that stupid dip stick deal again, it would be a great thing for us. Tempting as this is, I have things holding me/us back, and things screaming GO FOR IT in the back of my mind.
IF We did get pregnant right off of the bat again:
1. Hayleigh will not have our full attention, or a fair first year with us.
2. I would be stressed beyond belief trying to take care of the house, yard, 2 dogs, and a baby while pregnant.
3. Just how much would this all cost?
4. I don't think Allen and I would ever get time alone ever again.
5. Hayleigh is worth more to us than doing that to her.
But...
1. NO SHOTS AND CRAP
2. FREE to Get Pregnant this time
3. Done having kids by the time we would both be 28- goal is 30.
4. Hayleigh and sibling would be close in age, maybe get along better
5. I loved being pregnant, and can see just why the Duggars are addicted to having kids.
6. We already love Hayleigh more than anything in the world, just think if there were two of them to love.

Yes, I know this is silly, but, I love to play what if game all of the time. Going off of the pill, getting pregnant on our own, makes me feel scared in some ways. I am afraid that IF we have just 1 more, we cannot just stop with just 1 more, and be like a cat lady collecting cats, or like the Duggars collecting babies. Some things in this world are just too precious to take for granted, or cheat... like Hayleigh's first year. So, we are still for the time being, or until Hayleigh gets over 6 months old, staying on the stupid pill... For now that is.
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1 comment:

  1. Kathy HAugust 6, 2010 at 10:16 AM

    I think you and Allen wanting another baby is natural but at the same time spending time with Hayleigh is important too.

    A womans body needs time to "rest" from another pregnancy too soon (whether natural or otherwise).

    Everything will work out, even with a possible 2 babies, 2 dogs, a house and a yard (Oh yeah and a husband). Mothers just have a knack for taking whatever life hands them. Look at your Mother, Grandmother, Aunts and friends -- God gave women something special to be able to handle it all. Not saying it is easy but what in life is.

    You and Allen will know when the time is right again--so don't worry--you have done enough of that in the last 30 days all for it to turn out wonderful.

    Trust your instincts and just enjoy your life and Hayleigh

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