Telling Daddy Baby #3 on the way

Running a Baby Farm

There is a big difference when preparing for baby #3 compared to baby #1. With baby #1, you need everything. Even all of those fancy new gadgets, you need it all. Everything catches your eye when you go shopping, you comparison shop everything and read and research everything you can. The nursery is complete and ready for baby by the time you hit 21 weeks- a week after you find out gender of baby. Baby #2, you read those magazines at the doctors office, you drag out your old stuff thinking you need some new. You go out and buy stuff without researching every bit about the stuff, and are happy with your decisions. You do not buy all the fancy gadgets, but maybe one thing, maybe upgrade a few of your items, and are happy with what you have. You get the nursery set up for the most part- not really worrying about it a week before you have baby. Baby #3, you make a list of what you need to replace and that list is not very long at all because you still have most of the baby stuff left from #1 & #2. You don't plan on the baby's nursery even being done up because they will spend the first two months with you in your room, so what's the point of getting it ready to sit. The changing table stays in your #2's room, since he is still in diapers, just rearrange the diaper basket organizer and you're set.

It is soo funny how excited and anxious I was when I was pregnant with Hayleigh to now. I pretty much know what is coming now, compared to my first time of reading about the changes in pregnancy and celebrating every mile marker. I am ready to get to where we feel kicks, and hiccups, but I know once those start, they will be over soon after and I will start being uncomfortable- especially while trying to sleep.

I'm not really worried about how the kids will adjust this time around- since yes, there will be two other kids at home to bring the baby home to. I'm not expecting them to be excited, or really know what is going on, but I know Hayleigh will have a better grasp this time around. I kind of dread taking both of them to the doctors office this time- Hayleigh was kind of hard when I was pregnant with Reid, but I'm pretty used to it now. I was talking to Allen about this last night, should we take the kids with us to our first baby appointment, or not. We decided to go ahead and take them with us. Even though they probably will not pay attention to what is going on, we will be videoing the appointment, and I want our whole family to be there. This is now the way our lives are- chaotic at times but full of life. Five years ago, all I wanted was this- having a house full of noise, laughter, and to just be a mom most of all. Here we are now with a house that looks like a tornado hits it every day- I clean it up at least three times through the day, there is usually screaming, crying, but most of all laughter coming from two little kids that are having so much fun playing together. There are also lots of snuggles on the couch, and requests to hug me tighter with I love yous. Even though it does get quite crazy and loud here, I really would not trade it for anything and I know it will get even louder in less than nine months now.

The only thing different this pregnancy so far is my hormones.... OMG! It feels like you could flip a switch and I can change moods like that. I don't remember being this emotional or moody with either Hayleigh or Reid, but I'm sure I was to a degree. So I try to do things that help lighten that mood up whenever I can. For example, I sit here now, elbow deep in baby clothes from both Hayleigh and Reid, sorting through newborn stuff, organizing it all. I dug out Hayleigh's white knit baby sweater that had some stains pop up, and I have it treating now. Luckily for me, I couldn't bare to part with my maternity clothes, so out they came last night, and got a good washing. Going through those things makes me giddy and happy. The pregnancy books and DVDs also made their way back out as well, welcomed back like an old friend. They are nice to watch and read to more of reminisce and make my mood lighter, rather than  to learn anything new. The only other thing I have managed to get out of the garage is my Grandma's bassinet. That bassinet was the same one I borrowed from my Grandma when Hayleigh was born. It was a tradition among the grand-daughters to use it for their new babies. Grandma passed before Reid was born, so the bassinet was put into her estate sale after he was born so I didn't get to use it for him. I managed to make sure I was there when they were auctioning off the bassinet and got not only a great deal on something so precious to a lot of my family, but a heirloom I was hoping to pass onto Hayleigh and Reid to use someday. Now, I'm lucky enough to get to use it one more time, and I cannot tell you just how happy that makes me to know a part of my Grandma will be here with us for this baby as well. With that bassinet I can see Grandma beaming about another baby on the way- Grandma loved babies so much and they loved her. Babies were always calm and happy when my Grandma held them- myself included that would NOT let anyone hold them unless they were my Mom or my Grandma.  So, I guess I get a sense of calm when I see that bassinet because of Grandma even though she is no longer with us, a part of her is here with me- all the way out here with us.

Life Happened

I do remember saying that we were done with kids, but isn't life funny. Allen and I had no intentions of having anymore, but if one popped up before he made supervisor and he got in to get fixed, it would be okay. Well... that is where we are now sitting. A BUN IS IN THE OVEN...

It's funny when we first got married, we both agreed we wanted to have 3 kids. After Hayleigh was born, and I got pregnant with Reid and we found out he was a boy, we agreed 2 was enough. One of each. Now, here we sit dreaming of what this baby will be when it gets here. I would have never have thought that this would happen. It took us 6 years of trying then having to go to a fertility clinic and do not 1 round, but 2 rounds of fertility treatment and drugs. Back then we could have ended up with 4 babies on each of the rounds of IUI we went through that we got Hayleigh out of. Now, here we are on our third pregnancy, the second one without having any help and I feel partially on the fence now. Like I've said before- the infertility camp has always been my home. Now, I've kind of been booted out of that said camp in a way. I'll still be one of those people that had to fight for our first baby, but I believe that maybe since we did have to go through all of that for all of those years, maybe God decided that was enough on helping mold us into parenthood, and that our next pregnancies would come along a lot easier.

 I am sure that this will be the LAST baby we have. I've had crazy dreams, I'm hung over feeling in the morning, and just tired pretty much, but thankful for what we have. Growing up, my sister and I always wanted a little brother, or just another sibling- that never did happen of course. So, I sit here now thinking of how Hayleigh and Reid play together, and how one more to that mix will be so much more fun.. a lot more work, but worth it all. They will have someone else to help them both along in life, to be there for them, to share secrets with because now we will have either 2 girls, or 2 boys. I'm hoping that they will be best friends, even though I know that is a little much to ask for, but I hope they are all at least close.

From the feeling I get and the chart that was right for both Hayleigh and Reid, I feel deep down this baby is a girl. I hope I'm right, but I just feel like I already know this baby already, and who she will be somehow. Allen and I have already agreed on 1 name, while we are still trying to build a list, but I feel like this is baby, if indeed is a girl, will be our little Charlotte. I remember Hayleigh was kind of the same way- we had her name from day one pretty much as well too. In a few months, we shall see if I'm right, but I've already dreamed about her, and I'm soo excited to see if it all comes true.

Being a Grown Up is NO FUN!

After finally deciding that we are going to after all send Hayleigh to preschool now, I have been in a constant state of panic. The school we are planning on having Hayleigh attend kindergarten on up was already booked in one day when I checked with them. I found the Catholic lite school- the Lutheran one here in Junction and they did have openings. After getting Hayleigh's name on the list for the 14'-15' school year, I was both relieved and scared at the same time.

I don't know who is going to be the most sad over all of this- her or me...or Reid..

She will be going only part time- M-W-F, and only for 3 hours a day. I am sure every other Mama out there has felt the same with their first born too. I'm scared for her- I would rather just keep her here at home with me but alas she would grow up too sheltered and non socialized so that's out. I worry abut her getting into trouble, having a hard time sharing, and just being scared without me or Reid there with her. I am sure she will be just fine, but I can't help but be scared for her. Will she be at the same level as all of the other kids- or will she be behind or advanced? I really am not ready for anyone else to be in charge of my baby. I'm not ready for someone else to be the all knowing person in her life, and I'm not at all ready for her to be excited to get away from me and have friends besides me, Reid, and Daddy being her main squeezes. Next thing you know it will be Mommy go away, I'm fine. I feel like George Banks in Father of the Bride when Annie tells him she is getting married. I still see her as our little baby girl- not old enough for school! I don't want to be that parent that is questioning the teacher, especially if and when we get a note sent home about her getting into trouble.  Sigh.... I know I shouldn't worry about it all but it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.

The thought that really made me sick tonight was that she will start in August!!! That makes only 3-1/2 more months of our daily routine of not having a care in the world about much of anything else. My baby will be growing up and flying from the nest in less than 4 months. As if her turning 4 the end of June wasn't hard enough... I swear! I don't have a clue what Reid and I will do without her mothering us around- I'm sure we will find ourselves spending more time at the parks and library.

Sigh... being a grown up does nothing but get harder and harder, and these kids just keep growing up faster and faster. Both need to knock it off!

I am sure when Hayleigh's first day of Pre school comes, I will be a hot mess after leaving her at school. Until then, I'm going to hoard her to myself all that I can, trying to hang onto my baby as long as I can. I would love to rewind our past 4 years together and start them all over again. Just seems like yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital after what felt like forever to get her, now I'm having to let her go. Years from now, we will look back at this like it wasn't a big deal, but today it will have to be a big deal for us.

If anyone finds something to slow down time, please throw it my way. It's going by too fast for my liking and it scares the hell out of me.

Starting off on the Right Foot

One of my favorite captures from Saturday ~ Letters on fabric squares on a banner
 by the gate entrance to the public ground we were out riding on 

If you know me, you know I like to tinker and dabble in a little bit of everything. If I'm not so good at it, I move onto the next. My mom played a big key along with my dad on this, as well as other members of our family. I guess one thing that has also helped this has been my creative gene. My uncle Dale is an artist- a different than what I considered myself. I was never any good at drawing portraits, but horses, animals, objects, and trees... I loved horses and trees. I could draw those things all day long.My teachers always went on I should pursue a career in art, but my uncle told me unless I didn't want to get paid, art was a very hard career to make it in. Back when I was in 6th grade or so, my summers included watching HGTV with my sister for most of the morning. We LOVED the Christopher Lowe Show. This guy made everything, and showed you how to do it. How to decorate spaces. We also watched that and a drawing show on the local public broadcast channel.From then on I wanted to be an interior designer. It was fun and easy! Sports then kind of sucked all of those things to the back of my mind.  Later on in high school or so, I watched a documentary on Martha Stewart's life. I think that was one of the things that rekindled the fire of making stuff or doing stuff myself. That was the way Martha grew up anyway. Look at that woman now- minus the prison time, I really have looked up to her.

So, how does that get me to today.. taking pictures, and really wanting to make a go out of it all? Since I naturally want to do stuff myself, rather than pay someone else to do things for me, this all kind of started when I was pregnant with Hayleigh. I had NO clue what was entailed in photography- family, kids, couples... no clue. We had never had professional pictures taken by anyone- not even our wedding to which I really regret. Feeling this regret, I vowed that since we had waited so long for Hayleigh to be on the way, we would get good pictures taken. You only get the opportunity just one time. So forth began the booking and money flying right and left- but we got the good pictures.

Of course after a few sessions, I started to find things I didn't like, and wanted different, but it was too late of course. I did find one photographer I LOVED, and I mean LOVED. She was new, and she was really good. She was very laid back, and when we talked about what we wanted to do, we were on the same wave length. She even could put stuff together I had not even thought of. Alas, after the first year, she started booking up really fast, and she took on the local school's pictures and local sports pictures. We also moved, so I had to start all over once again. The things I loved about that lady was she gave us a full hour. If we went over five minutes, ten minutes, it was not a big deal, and she did not charge us - nickle and dime us. She had our proofs up within a week, and our picture order back to us within 3 days of that. You could purchase all of the edited proofs for around $30 on a textured 4x6 photo paper. I absolutely loved this so I could put them in albums for Hayleigh, and have what I wanted in the portraits on the wall. Her prices were very fair, and she was still making money off of them. Our last session she started to offer all of the edited proofs on a disc for not a whole lot. She was my favorite and most client friendly/pocket book friendly of all that we have went to.

I did try a few local photographers back in Illinois, one being expensive and one being a cheaper one that nickel and dimed you on time, but had about half the proofs I would get back compared to my favorite gal there. The session with the nickel and dime was rushed, it was not easy going, and she didn't have many ideas on poses for families. The more expensive one did have the ideas, but she was expensive was my only gripe. I didn't like the idea of having to purchase an expensive package that you could only get the prints because you didn't want to know what she would have really wanted for a digital file. Then we got out here, and everyone is expensive.

The first one I used had a very expensive sitting fee, with unlimited time. She was good, and laid back, but very slow with showing proofs. You also had to set up a meeting in person to see proofs, then was forced to order then. You couldn't sit in front of your computer in the middle of the night looking at the pictures over and over, finding a place and the sizes you wanted for them to go on your wall. Reid was born and it was during his newborn session I got to see the proofs from the maternity session 6 weeks prior. There was only 1 sneak peak on facebook. Then the newborn proofs afterward were not available until he was almost 2 months old. By the time I got the pictures- paying over $50 per 5x7 to get the ones we really loved, I was sick.

 The second one I decided to give a whirl was this past fall. Only a $40 sitting fee, we had all the time we needed. She told me we would get sneak peaks then schedule a date to come in and order. I waited and waited until almost 2 months later finally asking about the sneak peaks. The sneak peaks there were the actual photos you ordered. sigh.... I was fuming after this one. The day I went in to look at proofs, they were all unedited, and I had to pick the ones we liked, told which heads to swap in which pictures and given a 3 week window of pictures returned to us, costing $40 per 5x7 picture. This session ended up totaling over $500. Allen and I then decided we would get our own camera and just try to do our own pictures.

A couple of months ago, I finally got my camera- my birthday present. I was scared to death. No amount of pinning on pinterest could ever prepare me for well there you go- now take pictures. I did so much reading- I still am. I've practiced and practiced with the kids, and just about anything that I can take pictures of. I switched to shooting in RAW now, and I'm still learning. I ordered my first 2 backdrops and a backdrop stand, and sat the kids down in 5 minute increments and was amazed at what I had on my computer editing from the first go. The pictures are not perfect. I'm still learning new things, but just the calm and relaxing part of just shooting when the kids are happy has been so wonderful. The more I take pictures, the more I love doing it, being anxious to get to my computer to pull up my work for the day to sit and edit them, even slapping my new trademark on all of them. I cannot wait to get the walls mostly covered in my own work. Pictures I can be proud of, knowing at that moment, it was not staged, we were actually doing something, and I have an actual memory and not just a sit and look pretty picture. I know this has been long, but I just wanted to explain how I got here. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought I would become a photographer. It fits so well. I have something to keep me busy when Allen is at work. When he is home, I can get our own pictures. I have something that will work with our schedule, and will be a job to me when the kids are in school. I can be as busy as I want to be. That is what I love. I don't want to be over booked, trying to make good money from this. I want this to be affordable- something I would be happy with if I was the client. I have had 4 years to watch the photographers, what they have done- what I liked and didn't like. I'm using that as a learning experience, and hoping to grow from it all in my own endeavors.

Now for the fun part. My peeves/loves about photo sessions. I posted on facebook that I would elaborate about this a tad more. Here is my list.
1. photographers that are soo booked up that if your kids are not having a good session at all, will not even consider picking up on another day a day or two later. It happens, why be forced to pay for pictures you will not like at all..
2. being rushed at a session- nickel and dimed for time. I know time is important to people, but at the same time- the people you are taking pictures for should not feel rushed, or feel that their time is not important as well.
3. Paying over 12 times more for the same prints I can order from the online professional photo lab. This really makes me sick to pay over $40 for a 5x7 completely luxed out from the same photoshop that only charges me $3 for the same thing. After I checked on multiple professional labs, and found their prices were all comparable, I was fuming mad. I also know that some photographers make all their money from the prints, but to me that is really limiting because families want to order more prints, but cannot afford to do so- if the print prices were affordable, they could order more, be more happy, and the photographer in my opinion would make more money. Some photographers argue that people only really want 2-3 pictures. I bed to differ. I would love to have them all, having them in a book with the few on the wall. Not second guessing myself on my choices later on when it is too late to put another order in because of the conditions and restrictions that photographer had.
4. Over use of airbrushing, or not using any at all. I do not like that our fall pictures the close up ones of us we look plastic. I hate that look. No one looks like that. I also did not like on Reid's newborn pictures, I had dark circles under my eyes, that would have only took 2 minutes to fix, or necklaces of Hayleigh's that the back was showing the clasp that could easily been photoshopped since the photographer did not catch it during the session.
5. being placed in non flattering poses or not told to move here or there to help fix that. Photographers do not work miracles on making you look like you weigh 50 pounds less, but being posed in certain ways can make you look heavier or just not look great.
6. Having to meet with the photographer to see the proofs, then expected to place an order at that moment. I like to sit and look at the pictures over and over- making sure I am happy with my decision, knowing where the pictures will be going in my home, and also for family that does not live anywhere around me to be able to see the pictures as well, and put in their own order. I think this is almost #1 of my dislikes.
7. Having a set amount of time to have an order put in, or if you do not order a picture having to pay a fee to be able to order it later on- if even then. The last photographer you could not order a picture that you did not originally order when you did the meet and order session.
8. Having props or backgrounds that you do not like being used over what you have provided. With Reid's newborn pictures, I ran into this. As a mom you want to stay away from the baby during this session to help aide in the baby staying asleep. I did this and could not believe the girlie or stupid costumes Reid was put into over what I had laid out and expressed what I was looking for.
9. Having to pay an extra person fee for a family shoot that is immediate family and not over 10 people. Most make you pay an extra person if you have 3 kids with the 2 adults anymore.
10. Turn around time. I absolutely HATE getting pictures back after 2 weeks of the pictures being taken. I know that the photo labs over night or at least 3 day ship the pictures out for a fact. I have had Christmas pictures sent out late now 2 years in a row because of this. This will be the first year back to having my pictures out at the beginning of December. Also along with this- the photographer going on vacation and having to wait for your prints with Santa Claus that were taken beginning of December and not receiving them until first of January. SMH...
11, Almost forgot this one BAD LIGHTING.... I've only experienced this once in a studio, and it is just one of those things that should not be an issue