Being a Grown Up is NO FUN!

After finally deciding that we are going to after all send Hayleigh to preschool now, I have been in a constant state of panic. The school we are planning on having Hayleigh attend kindergarten on up was already booked in one day when I checked with them. I found the Catholic lite school- the Lutheran one here in Junction and they did have openings. After getting Hayleigh's name on the list for the 14'-15' school year, I was both relieved and scared at the same time.

I don't know who is going to be the most sad over all of this- her or me...or Reid..

She will be going only part time- M-W-F, and only for 3 hours a day. I am sure every other Mama out there has felt the same with their first born too. I'm scared for her- I would rather just keep her here at home with me but alas she would grow up too sheltered and non socialized so that's out. I worry abut her getting into trouble, having a hard time sharing, and just being scared without me or Reid there with her. I am sure she will be just fine, but I can't help but be scared for her. Will she be at the same level as all of the other kids- or will she be behind or advanced? I really am not ready for anyone else to be in charge of my baby. I'm not ready for someone else to be the all knowing person in her life, and I'm not at all ready for her to be excited to get away from me and have friends besides me, Reid, and Daddy being her main squeezes. Next thing you know it will be Mommy go away, I'm fine. I feel like George Banks in Father of the Bride when Annie tells him she is getting married. I still see her as our little baby girl- not old enough for school! I don't want to be that parent that is questioning the teacher, especially if and when we get a note sent home about her getting into trouble.  Sigh.... I know I shouldn't worry about it all but it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.

The thought that really made me sick tonight was that she will start in August!!! That makes only 3-1/2 more months of our daily routine of not having a care in the world about much of anything else. My baby will be growing up and flying from the nest in less than 4 months. As if her turning 4 the end of June wasn't hard enough... I swear! I don't have a clue what Reid and I will do without her mothering us around- I'm sure we will find ourselves spending more time at the parks and library.

Sigh... being a grown up does nothing but get harder and harder, and these kids just keep growing up faster and faster. Both need to knock it off!

I am sure when Hayleigh's first day of Pre school comes, I will be a hot mess after leaving her at school. Until then, I'm going to hoard her to myself all that I can, trying to hang onto my baby as long as I can. I would love to rewind our past 4 years together and start them all over again. Just seems like yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital after what felt like forever to get her, now I'm having to let her go. Years from now, we will look back at this like it wasn't a big deal, but today it will have to be a big deal for us.

If anyone finds something to slow down time, please throw it my way. It's going by too fast for my liking and it scares the hell out of me.