For Better or For Worse...

Friday is finally here! This week has been sort of a stressful week, Allen and I were both trying to build up a plan for our future- what we are going to do. Should we stay here in Olney, move somewhere else? I cannot tell you just how stressful this decision is, and can honestly say we are no closer to coming up to the answer to that question anymore today, than we were a few days ago. I would say within the next few months, that answer will come to us- by then we should have a pretty good idea what is going on....I HOPE.

The last 6 months have been very crazy and stressful. I don't think we fully enjoyed Christmas, even though it was one of my favorites. Hayleigh made everything so much happier. I have learned more in the past few months about my family than I think I have ever known-mainly all at Christmas. I wasn't too happy with what I had learned- most of it was sad, and I wish things were different.

I really don't know what we would do without Hayleigh in our lives, that little girl has been such a life savor! Every time we are having a hard time with something, here comes Hayleigh with a smile, trying to get you to smile for her.

The past few months has not only taught me many things about my family, but a lot about lessons in life. Things that I once thought were soo important in life, are not such a big deal to me now. I know that I have said this once before, but when you are going through a tough time, those who really care for you shine. The others drop by the wayside. Some of my family and friends have brought me much grief, and I am ashamed of them.

There are things in life I will never understand, and I think I am finally coming to terms with that- Infertility taught me that all too well over 2 years ago now. Through the loss and disappointments in life, we can find hope and guidance. I know I never thought we would have a family, but now, here I sit, typing this with an 18mo old running back and forth from her room to the living room stirring pretend food in her cooking pot.

I believe  you have to look through the darkness, and hurt to find yourself. I cannot say that I don't want these bad experiences in my life- they are what has built me,and made me who I am today. They have also made me even more thankful for what I have in life. Because of infertility, I believe I am a better mom, and I appreciate Hayleigh that much more. I also value my friends that have stuck with me through it all, and let me be myself. I am the person I want to be, not who everyone else would like for me to be- and if being me is not good enough for them, they can take me as I am, or leave. I really did use to care about what others thought of me. I am a sensitive person, and wear my heart on my sleeve. I am either all in, or all out. I am honest with what I think, and will tell anyone what I think about anything. I would love the honesty from others just as much. I will do anything for those that I care about, as long as they do the same for me. Not everything is happy go lucky- there are good times, and bad. If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best. That is ME.

Once again, I find myself looking to the past- what has pulled me through tough times.. friends, family, and inspiration from others- along with this one song.. It always helps me make it through it all.