38 weeks New Uncharted Territory

Yes, 38 weeks today... I am in a whole new uncharted area right now. With Hayleigh, I only made it to 37wks, 2 days... WOW what a difference a week makes! I don't know if I just don't remember being like this the final weeks before Hayleigh from being too excited, or what, but this is definitely different. I feel a lot bigger this time, more tired and sore. I guess I have more time to focus on those things since I'm home with Hayleigh all of the time now.

 I have given in to letting others help me- that is a big deal. I am a do it myself person, and while I know I cannot do everything by myself, I usually put on a strong face, and try to do it anyway... I get that from my mom. My teeth are ehh.. getting better, and my feet have started to swell more an more since yesterday. I've been getting a little cranky- lack of sleep, I am sure with being uncomfortable, but I am forever grateful for the help of my great MIL who is here now, and for my mom coming out here on her first plane trip today. Without my MIL here the past few days, the house would be a complete wreck, and Marie Callender would be cooking every meal. Even though she doesn't believe me, she has helped me get a great deal done around the house. I know I would be more stressed worrying about being here with just Hayleigh now, if not for her- mainly in fear of going into labor, and being on my own. AND, Hayleigh foremost is getting more attention.. something that I don't always have the energy for anymore, and this makes me feel like total crap.

Hayleigh knows what is going on. She has been clinging to me everyday more and more. When I try to leave the house without her, she goes into panic mode. She is running to get her shoes, yelling, "I'm coming!", running out of her room with her purse, and purple high heels on the opposite feet. When she reaches the front door, and realizes that I am already gone, she breaks down and cries, and goes and sulks in her room. She will not say Reid's name anymore, but will say brother,  "Brodder", and sometimes give Reid a kiss on my belly. The crib is set up, and I am sure it is really awkward for her bed to be in Reid's room, set up with his stuff, and not hers. I worry about her constantly. I worry about her feeling left out, and sad. I worry about her not being able to be with me for a few days. I know she will be in good hands the whole time she is not with me, but to see the look on her face when I get back from leaving her for an hour, makes me cringe to think of how bad it will be from a few days. She runs to me, telling me that, " I found you, Mommy! I found you!!" She grabs my leg, and squeezes it soo hard, and then will not let me out of her sight. I just hope that my mom can keep her occupied enough while I'm in the hospital that she won't notice me gone so much. Mom has packed a lot of activity crafts for them to do, and is planning on setting up our Christmas tree with Hayleigh before she leaves.

Anyway, one way or another, Reid will be here, or on his way here within a week- next week if he is not here, I can get induced.. So, 7 or less days left until we get to meet this guy who completely caught us off guard. I'm hoping everything goes well, he is healthy, I'm healthy, and we are all happy and busy beyond belief.

37wks, Halloween, and Nana Rose

Last week was an extremely short, fast week for us here. Maybe it was because it was probably our last week together as a family of 3, or that we had soo much going on.

Monday night, Allen got in around 9:30, just in time for a very late supper. We sat around catching up, and went to bed.

 That night, I did not sleep well at all. I ended up staying up after 3:30 am, and had our trash out to the curb first out of all of our neighbors. I ended up later taking a nap, while Allen watched Hayleigh. We kind of just laid around the house most of the day on Tuesday. We ended up frying up chicken for supper, and watched tv for the rest of the night.

 Wednesday, I had my 37 wk check up on Halloween. We went to my appointment, and saw Dr. Whittman, since Anita was out. I ended up being dilated to 2, and have fully lost my plug, so Dr. Whittman has us all on "Baby Watch" since Reid can now come at any time. The good thing we have going for us still is that my cervix is still high and thick- so no walking just to walk for me until the end of this week. Reid is still head down, and has dropped down a bit. He was very active at the appointment, and his heartbeat ran in the 140's. That same day, I noticed I had a tooth abscess. So, Dr. Whittman told me to also go ahead and get in somewhere to get some antibiotics for it now.  That afternoon, we got home, and called both my mom, and Allen's mom, since they are on stand by. We all decided instead of early the following week for Allen's mom to come out, that the end of the week would be better. That way, she could see Allen, and we could do some site seeing, and when Allen would go to leave out on Sunday morning, I would not be home alone with Hayleigh, in case something did happen. So, Rose got her tickets booked, and we were set for her to fly in on Friday. That night, we grocery shopped, and I had a lady that worked for City Market ask me when I was due.. Of course she could tell I was having a boy too. I don't get it...Anyway, we ended up taking home food from the deli for supper. We then after answering the door to several trick-or-treaters, ventured out with Hayleigh in her trick or treat outfit. Hayleigh had a blast running to the door bell, and mumbling "Trick or  Treat" Trick or Treat was a success- Hayleigh come back happy after we hit our neighborhood, and we sat in the house and watched tv for the rest of the night.

Hayleigh as a Winter Fairy 

Thursday, we had a doctor appointment for Hayleigh. She got her 2 year wellness check up- just a tad late, and her whooping cough vaccine. We had a good visit- she is now 36" tall, and weighs 29.1lbs right now. She cried and pouted the whole appointment, but is ahead of the marks on her developmental strides. We ended up going to the mall, and ate supper at Red Robin that night. I laid on the couch for the rest of the night, while we watched Rock of Ages.

Friday morning, we got the house ready for Nana Rose, and kept in touch with her as she made her connecting flights. Hayleigh ran right to her and gave her a big hug when she got off the escalator. We loaded up all of the luggage, and went to grab some lunch at Taco John's and did a little shopping, followed by site seeing on the Monument right by the house. We managed to see big horn sheep 50 yards away from us- it was a great drive! For supper, we pieced around on chicken, and relaxed the night away. I decided finally to just go up to the hospital here in Fruita, to get my meds- save me a trip to the dentist for now. Ended up only being gone 45 minutes. I guess right after I left, Hayleigh ran into her room, yelling "I'm coming" and came running back out in her purple high heels, straight to the front door. She realized I was gone, and ran into her room, crying, and Allen had to go in and talk to her. She was fine after that, but it is clear she has become attached to me, the closer we get to Reid getting here.

Nana Rose and Hayleigh at the Monument

Probably our last picture of just the 3 of us- Yes, I'm huge!

Big Horn sheep- 50 yards away from us

Saturday, we woke up early, and headed toward Aspen and the Rockies- had a nice drive, and came back to eat lunch/supper at the Chinese place we like. Hayleigh ate a piece of squid, and called it sneak- her word for snake. After that, we made it back home to set up Hayleigh's toddler bed, and move the crib to Reid's room. After fighting to get the toddler bed put together, we got the crib assembled with the help of Nana keeping Hayleigh occupied. I liked to have cried when it was fully put together, and I got a few things out for the crib. Just emotional, knowing that our last baby will be coming home with us soon, and we are now ready for him.

Aspen

Sunday morning, Allen left out early- about 5 am. Rose and I stayed up long enough to fall asleep on the couch to cooking shows. I managed to sleep all morning, while Nana took care of Hayleigh. Hayleigh for once woke up playing in her room, and greeted Nana with a big hug and a smile, and let me sleep. I woke up to Hayleigh kissing me all over. We relaxed the whole day, Rose made us some really yummy lunch- Chicken Tostados, and we got the house straightened up. We pieced around for supper, napping on and off, and managed to get to bed early after I got a nice bath for the night.

Insomnia, Emotional Hot Mess, and Music Therapy

Once again, here I am big belly and all pregnant listening to different music than I usually listen to. The last few weeks of being pregnant with Hayleigh, I found myself listening to Eminem, Kid Rock, just anything pretty much like that. Could not get enough of it...

 Well, here I am once again for the same reason plus a few others. I guess being an emotional ball of hot mess the last few weeks, drives me to listen to that kind of stuff- otherwise I would be teary eyed all day long. I'm not ashamed of it. I just think I get frustrated towards the end of pregnancy, and music is always an outlet for me to let out my frustrations. Truth is the last few weeks, I almost cannot get enough of that hard edgy stuff. I do tend to listen to it every now and then, but not to the extent I have now, or back when.

I usually listen to country- anything country pretty much, but once again, it's put on hold for a few weeks. The only problem I have this time, is that I have to be careful of when I listen to this stuff... Hayleigh has ears and can talk... so, I guess my insomnia nights are my outlet to getting it out of my system when she is not awake to hear the music.

There has been a lot on my mind lately..particularly the last day or so. I have many worries, and concerns that I know it does no good over me getting all worked up about it all. What is meant to be is meant to be, and I just have to let go, and let God handle it all. Everything will work out in the end, and that's what I have to keep in mind when I get so angry over things I have no control over. You cannot control other people or other things... the only thing you can control is yourself and how you handle things. At least I'm smart enough about that...NOW.

I give up on trying to get Reid here on my schedule- he will come when he wants, and there is nothing I can do about it. So, if Allen, my mom, or Allen's mom miss him being born, and I have to have Hayleigh in the room with me, or have someone watch her while I labor by myself, it is a possibility, and I have to just let it go that it could happen. No need in stressing about things I don't have control over, things will be alright. That is just one of my many worries and woes... no wonder I found a white hair a few weeks ago....

So, anyway, good morning to all of the early birds back on Central Time Zone, while I sit here wide awake at 3:30 am with pure insomnia. Tomorrow's forecast...busy, busy, busy, and hopefully a chance for me to catch a nap.

Recap of 36wks and planning the week to come

36wks 1 day- before Dr Appointment

So, this has been the week that will not end. At least tomorrow is in sight, and Allen will be home. This past week has just dragged on and on. I think part of it is having everything ready to set up in Reid's room, but not being able to do any of it. This week, with Allen home, we are setting up the whole nursery, and getting a mountain of to dos done before my mom makes it here in a week and a half. Just the whole waiting game is making it seem like we have the blahs here- I'm ready in some ways for labor to be done and over with, while hoping that Reid gets here in time to get to come home and take pictures with my mom before she has to leave back out on the 18th. It kind of makes me nervous if I don't get induced to have Reid until the 14th- have him the 15th, and have to stay for 2 days after he is born. I hope this is not the case!

This past week, I got my exercise ball from Amazon- to help get Reid to drop down. I plan on doing lots of walking and everything else possible to get him to come out by the 12th. I did have my 36wk appointment on Thursday, and ended up not happy about it. Reid measured 38 1/2 wks, 150 bpm, and I gained 1lb. They did find protein in my urine, so I got the joy of going down to the lab and sitting for an hour with a 2 year old who needed a nap. Other than that, everything that my midwife had previously told me, she managed to back track on at that appointment. Next appointment is on Halloween, and I get to see the OB I had seen the time before last, Dr. Whittman. Hopefully, I'll be dilated some, and starting to progress a little bit. We also have Hayleigh's wellness check up on Friday as well too.

There has not been a whole lot going on. I had to order a new breast pump- the one I had bought on ebay, come to find out is faulty. So, I got a refund for it, and ordered a newer one- it should be here tomorrow. We got the rest of Reid's nursery stuff in this week. I'm only waiting on the canopy cover for his car seat that I had ordered off of etsy.com,  here it is.. it should be here by the end of this week. I also ordered a JJ Cole breast feeding cover off of amazon too- love it! It folds into it's own pocket too! here it is.. got it last Thursday with the exercise ball. The last thing we have had to prepare for was for when my mom gets here. We ended up ordering her an air up mattress in a twin size off of amazon. After price and comparison shopping between 5 different sites, amazon seemed to be the cheapest, with best reviews on their mattresses- and they come with the built in pump- which most of the others did not for the same price. The mattress should be here on Tuesday- so Allen and I can get it set up in Hayleigh's room for Mom to room in with Hayleigh. We ended up opting for a twin size for Mom so that it would fit in Hayleigh's room and leave room for them to move around, plus in the next few years when Hayleigh has someone over, there is a small bed for sleep overs too. Luckily, I have saved all of my twin bedding from way back, so all we will have to go out and get now is a few extra pillows. Allen's mom is shipping her air mattress to us, and will be rooming in Reid's room. So, as far as having help here, as long as Reid isn't too early, we have it all covered.

So now, we just wait..wait for Allen to get here, wait to set everything up, wait for Mom & Allen's mom to get here, and wait for Reid to decide to get here. Then, I am sure it will be total chaos. I'm trying to enjoy our quiet time now, but we are just flat out bored, and just excited in some ways to get everything going at the same time too. Up for this week: Trick or Treating, 2 doctors appointments, setting up the nursery & Hayleigh's room, getting the to do list done, and trying to relax and enjoy our time left as a family of three.

Basket Case

The closer we get to Reid getting here, the more emotional I get. The other night I was looking up what astrological sign Reid will be- Scorpio. Hayleigh is a Cancer, and she fits the description to a "T". I found that funny, so I looked up my sign, Aquarius. What I read finally made sense to me, why I think so much about everything, trying to understand everything.. apparently that is what we Aquarius people do. I found that pretty interesting. Makes me kind of wish I was a Pices instead sometimes. I tend to over think things or dive into them so deep, there is no going back. I really have a problem trying to understand people, and why people are the way they are... why??? I cannot control other people, and I have no idea why I even bother.

Being emotional now, has made this really nice~ makes me even more emotional over things that I have completely no control over. I wish some things were different, and I am usually fine with things, until I see the picture of a few different people, or hear their names. Because of those people, and the choices of another individual, things are a complete mess. I realize sometimes I just have to let it go, because apparently things were not good enough, or worth it to one individual. I tried, and pleaded my case, and they chose to just keep things the way they are. I guess what makes me the most upset over all of this is that that person chose those people over us. Over Hayleigh, Reid, Me, Allen, my sister, etc. They gave everything they had to them- money, time, and things that they will never be able to get back that are completely priceless. I don't know if that person loses sleep over any of it- I don't. Just makes me really sad is all. Tonight, it just hit me, and I'm trying for all I'm worth to keep it from upsetting me.

That same person still checks in with me every week or so, I don't know if there is regret driving those calls, or what is exactly behind them all. All I know is that I can be the best person I can without them, and try to be the best mom to Reid and Hayleigh, and keep moving forward. Living for the past, or in the past will get you nowhere.