Sleepless in Colorado..

It is now 2 am, and I just cannot sleep... Why you ask?? Reid fussing and crying? Nope, Hayleigh sick with the flu? Nope- we are both over that one.. Up talking to Allen?? Nope. I've spent literally the past 4 hours looking at and editing pictures of my family. Today, I got to pick up our pictures from our session with Santa from a week ago. Our storyboard isn't in yet, so I still have 3 more pictures I have yet to see again, and I am soo excited! Here are the 2 so far...

How are these my kids??? I keep smiling, tearing up, and thinking the same thing over and over again...HOW did we get here? In a little less than 2 short months, I will be 30, we are done having kids- so I keep telling myself, and I have all of these pictures of our family that we had wanted so bad staring back at me. I am beyond grateful for them, each and every day, even more so after what happened a week ago. I guess when you want something soo bad, and it takes soo long to get it, when it is finally there, you are still in denial that it has happened.

What everyone older than me says about time going by faster and faster, the older you get, is very true from what I have learned from my 20's... It seems just like I was just 21 last year, took a nap, and I'm now 29, with 2 kids, living in Colorado... To be honest, that scares me to think how my 30's are going to go.

Even though life is hard, it is nice to take a break some days to really see what is most important to you in life, and what makes life worth living...all of those late nights when the baby wouldn't go to sleep, or they were up sick and just wanted for you to hold them tight, to the good nights with a hug, and a kiss, and Mommy, I Love you....

Every time that Carter's commercial comes I bawl.. It is the one about the little girl being born on a cold September day, and the first night home was a doozy,, but you got the hang of it, and together we grew and grew. Some days were fussy, but other days were all smiles. And even now, when you hold my hand, I hold it right back. Because the day I became yours, you became mine. All I see when I watch that commercial is Hayleigh, and now Reid... but, mainly Hayleigh. I think that is every new mom and dad in that commercial.

Anyway, I'm a total sap, and I know it, and I don't care... I cry about the little things in life that Allen just looks at me like I'm a hormonal hot mess... Even at midnight mass in church back home, I tear up. I can't explain why, I just do. So many times years before that I sat there praying for our family we now have.

I realize there are days when I'm ready to pull my hair out...especially this past night. Two fussy kids- with one screaming his head off from gas pains to be exact. But, it is all worth every sleepless night, or gray hair I end up getting over all of this. Seeing them both when they are total angels, makes every moment soo much sweeter~

Better Late than Never....Reid is 1 Month Old!!!

Reid,
You have been such a blessing to us, and you are the sweetest little boy- when you want to be, or not gassed up.  Your daddy and I think that you are very strong- you can hold your head up for periods of a time now, and can somewhat push and scoot around when you get good and mad... sorry you inherited my short temper, and your daddy's temper. You have mommy's eye color, and your daddy's eye shape, with a blend of both my hair and your daddy's- a dark red/brown. Colic has not been a good thing to you- you are constantly gassed up- and can break wind and run a grown man out of the room- just ask your daddy. You are also a blankie boy- you LOVE your fuzzy blankets. As far as eating goes- you have mastered nursing, and are quite the boob man.. you smile and get excited when it's time to eat. We have now switched your pacifiers, after I said over and over again, that I would not give you one, starting with the soothe kind, and upgrading to the nuk- your sister's old ones. You would be happy to know that I did find a yellow and green one, along with the pink and white one for you to use, so you don't have to look girly all of the time. You have been sleeping pretty good after 12:30 at night, but will not beat your sister on sleeping through the night- she did it at 5 wks. Baths are your favorite thing right now- you love relaxing in one with mommy, until I wash your head, then you get really mad. You are such a ham, but when you want something, and you don't get it as quick as you would like, you turn beat red, and throw a big fit- you're welcome... that's all mommy. Hayleigh adores you until you cry and scream, then she tells us to turn you off, but loves to be little mother to you, and keeps your swing playing music and the mobile moving for you. She will also give you your pacifier when you cry and help throw away diapers when she wants to. You are HER Broder, so she says. Christmas is coming soon, and we got to take you to see Santa for the first time. You did just fine with the big guy. My hopes for this next month: your colic slows down, and disappears, I catch your first smile and hopefully it's when your daddy is home, and I hope to continue nursing you without problems- I'm surprised we've made it this far. We love you so much Reid!
Love, Mommy & Daddy...ohh and Sister Hayleigh

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Last Thursday, Reid turned 4 wks old, and we got to go see Santa Claus. Both Allen and I were anticipating a crying fit from Hayleigh, not wanting to meet Santa, or having anything to do with him, and coming home with some okay pictures of her half bawling on his lap.  

We were wrong!

Hayleigh LOVED Santa- or "Ho Ho", as she calls him. We started with Reid's pictures with Santa, sleeping. He did alright- fought sleep of course. We took a break, for me to top Reid off, and Santa came in to meet Hayleigh. She played with legos with Santa, and Santa gave both Allen and I big hugs, and went on about how much we had grown. When it was time to start back up on pictures, Hayleigh held Santa's hand, and walked right back into the room to get pictures taken. She smiled, laughed, and yacked Santa's ear off. How was she my child? She was soo sweet, and precious- leaving her hair alone for once. She did what we asked her to do on posing, and was happy about it all. We went in planning on only getting a few pictures, but left with one of each kid that were just perfect, and 2 of both of them with Santa. We even got one of Hayleigh giving Santa a big hug. Picking out the pictures, and narrowing them down, was a lot more harder than I had anticipated.  The picture above is a preview of one of the pictures of both of the kids with Santa that we ordered. I get to pick them up this week, and I am beyond excited!! 

Grateful for What We Have

I wanted to write about how I cannot believe Reid is already a month old. But, today I find myself writing about what I don't want to put in his baby book for current happenings among other things.

I am finding myself stumped at what to put in Reid's baby book for current events. I know that someday, both Hayleigh and Reid will learn about what happened last week. I'm hoping not for a long time. We all want our kids to have hope and wonder in this world, no matter how awful it really is.

Reid has been a very difficult baby. So difficult that in the middle of his screaming and crying for an hour straight, with Allen and I not being able to soothe him, I have said a few things about how hard Reid has been that I feel so guilty about. I know there have been a few swear words leave my mouth a time or two in moments of dispair...there's nothing like sleep deprivation and a crying, screaming baby to make you on edge a bit. Usually, once I get Reid to calm down, I feel awful for what I've said, or for feeling the way I did- pleading with Reid to stop crying, and telling him to stop, and asking him what does he want Mommy to do? I know getting aggravated does neither one of us any good, but sometimes you just cannot help it.

Once Reid has calmed down, I watch him sleep, thinking about those poor kids in Connecticut and how their parents must feel. That is what makes me feel like a big pile of crap. I know any one of them would trade me places in a heartbeat, and would be happy to have the screaming and crying of a very gassy baby.

Everyone in that tragedy was shot at least 3 times. THREE TIMES! All I can do when I'm not keeping busy with Hayleigh, Reid, and Allen, or any housework, is think about those poor kids trying to get away from that SOB, and seeing them huddle together, not knowing why it is all happening, and just wanting to go home to their families and have Christmas.  I really wish my mom would quit talking about it, but I join right in on it all. I don't think anyone can help it. We all are grateful it was not us, but are sick to death for the ones it did happen to. Last night, I was talking to my mom, she was watching the news... I REFUSE to watch it. She was telling me about how they now are saying the guy forced entry into the school, his mom did not work at the school, he had mental problems-obviously. She also was telling me about them telling the ambulances they could leave because they had to investigate the crime scene- so all of those babies laid there dead, for a few hours, while the parents at the fire house were being reunited with their kids, or sitting there in agony just wanting to hold their babies that were gone. Those families will not get to celebrate Christmas with their kids from now on. The presents they have all wrapped up under their trees that had great anticipation of being unwrapped Christmas morning to a little kid just beaming will never happen. Now those gifts just sit there- never to be enjoyed, but are now a burden. I see this happening to me- like I'm living it, wondering what would I be doing if I was them.

 I don't think any of us knows for sure what we would do. Being a parent makes things like this more real to you- you worry a lot more about your kids- as if you don't already enough. So, tonight, and every night after, when I feel like I'm about to pull my hair out with both kids screaming and crying, in the back of my mind I'll be grateful for what I have, no matter how stressful it may seem at the time.

Losing craziness, just to go looking for it....

I thought I had better get on here, since Allen will be heading home tomorrow night, and I've been growing ever so anxious for him to hurry up and get here.

The colic problem has been solved- no soda for me, and further more- no McD's either. I had a filet-o-fish meal yesterday and I have never smelled or heard farts so bad and rank come from something so small! Okay...maybe Missy dog, but still....OMG!!

We are doing really well now- the end of the week finally calmed down, and got less crazy- so I had to make it even more crazy... I took us all shopping yesterday. We spent 4 whole hours away from the house.. 4 hours!! We went to the lovely post office that I completely despise. Since I needed Christmas stamps for my cards, this was a must, because I refuse to pay shipping for stamps to be delivered to me- I think it's ridiculous- but I might do it next time, because I hate our local post office even more. Got 10 cards sent off, and waiting on my other order of cards to come on Monday now. We left there, gassed up the truck, and headed to town..err the other town- Grand Junction.

Since it was already noon, we went through the drive thru at McD's and got us some lunch to eat in the parking lot- it was crazy in McD's and the mall was even worse. I ended up having to feed Reid while we were out there too- he's going through a growth spurt I found out from the not even 2 hour gap between feedings. I decided that it would be a better idea to go into Target to get the few things we needed, instead of Walmart... yeah, I don't think it would have made much of a difference now. I left that place after 2 hours, wanting to run people over with my cart. Seriously!! Everyone was in there shopping for toys. I noticed that Target had more toys than walmart this year to choose from. Well, I was stupid, and decided to take my big train of a cart down through the toy aisles...(I got the one with the special seating for Hayleigh, so we had room in the cart basket) Kids were running loose everywhere, adults were acting crazy, and I managed to find stuff to get. I picked up an easel for Hayleigh for her bigger gift from us, and my niece something I hadn't planned on- a complete baby doll accessory kit- high chair, pack n play, diaper bag, and car seat. I found it, and thought it would be perfect for her, since we got her a baby doll, just like one Hayleigh has named Sally. I think she's going to have a hoot when she gets it. We got Reid some more pants- mainly soft comfy ones to go with his creepers I made him. We also got a letter bath set for both Reid and Hayleigh, a new Mickey Mouse movie for Hayleigh- Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas too. We made it through the wrapping paper aisle, and managed to pick up 3 more rolls, then we headed over to the lights. I needed 2 strands of 50 to go on my tree toparies in the front of the house, and 200 to go on the tree in Reid's room. Well, I left with 400 twinkle lights- 2 sets for tree in Reid's room, 2 sets for our big tree for next year, 2 packs of 50 lights for the small trees. We hit the cards, but I will have to hit Hallmark this week as well too. We managed to make it out of Target, then headed to the City Market to get some of our grocery shopping done, while we were already out. I got plenty of stuff to fix for when Allen gets here. I managed to get a cart with the car under neath it, and Hayleigh was honking and greeting people everywhere we went. I still have to go back to City Market next week too- go figure! I have to get some gift cards, and with the purchase of gift cards there, we earn 4x the points on the money value towards our rewards account that we get a discount on gas with.

We made it home finally, both kids zonked out, so I went to work on getting Christmas lights up and gifts wrapped. We finished the evening off with watching Christmas movies, and eating left overs, with me completely worn out.