Week One Recap

So, as I had previous stated when Allen left, I could just feel these next two weeks were not going to be very good ones. Allen was upset when he had to leave, and I was too. I cried taking him to the airport, and coming back from the airport, just me and Hayleigh. I was trying to be optimistic about the two weeks we had without Allen here, even though deep down I could just feel it all coming on. 

Sunday afternoon, we got home from the airport, and I got a few loads of laundry done. Hayleigh and I just lounged around the house, I fixed supper for us, and we watched a movie together. 

Monday, I cannot believe I cannot hardly remember what went on, but I remember getting up early to set my alarm to make sure I got the trash taken out, then realized after I talked to Allen, it was Monday, and not trash day Tuesday. Hayleigh and I went outside and played later that afternoon, and we took a nice nap - her in her bed, and me in my bed. I then got to talk to the photographer that evening about taking our maternity/family pictures, and Reid's newborn pictures. We talked for over an hour, about what we wanted to get accomplished, and just about our selves in general. It's nice to get to know someone before you meet them. I put Hayleigh to bed, and began pinning ideas for the shoots on pinterest. Hayleigh ended up getting up and sneaking around the house while I was doing this 4 times. Scared the crap out of me! Anyway, whenever she is caught, she runs to her bed, jumps in, and plays possum- like she never left her bed, and she is asleep. If you look closely at her though, you can see her grin behind her paci. 

Tuesday, I got the trash out, kind of just hung out around the house. Checked the tracking on my last packages I'm waiting on- Reid's shoes and Cardinal's jersey came that day. We talked to everyone from back home, then the trouble started. I got bit hard by Toby, our min pin male. He bit me when I was trying to put him in his crate to fix supper. I didn't know the door was closed on the crate- Hayleigh must have closed it. Anyway, Toby would not get away from the door. I tried waving him away, and telling him to get back- that's when he bit through my finger- all the way through the finger nail. I ended up running to the kitchen to get the wound clean, and in the process, he followed me into the house- Hayleigh had seen the whole deal. She was bawling, Missy was running around scared, and Toby was just running around the house- with me yelling at him to get into his crate. I was afraid he was going to bite Hayleigh, or something. I finally got him back into his crate, left Missy out for the night, and tried to find something to do with him. With Reid coming, and Hayleigh being 2 years old, I then worried about him biting them someday if one of them just happened to trip and fall on him, or were to get a little rough with him. I couldn't take that chance. I finally got a hold of Allen- he agreed something needed to be done- finding a new home for Toby. 

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Wednesday, after talking to an animal control officer, I decided it would be best for me to try to find Toby a home myself. If I were to take him to the shelter- they would have a home for him immediately, according to the officer, but it would cost me $150.00. I decided after that to give Craigslist a try. Within 15 minutes of posting my ad, I had a long waiting list of people wanting to come and look at Toby, if the person in front of them did not take him home. I ended up getting phone calls and texts all day. Finally, I got Toby together, we loved on him, gave him a bath, and got him ready to meet some potential new families. The first person showed up about 5:30, with her mom. I could tell from when I first met them, they were Toby's new family. Toby and Missy did great with them, I sent one ornament with Toby's picture home with them, and told them when I got to go through the Christmas stuff, I would dig out the other ornaments I had for him, and send them to them for him. I held Hayleigh up to Toby, and she patted him, said "Bye Bye Toby"- made me want to cry. Then, she waved bye to the two ladies, and they left. They had maybe been out the door for 1 minute, and Hayleigh began to bawl, pointing at the door, saying, "Toby" over and over again. Broke my heart. I remember animals when I was little being taken home to some other family- mainly kittens, since my mama cat had three litters a year. Made me sad thinking about how sad I was then, and what Hayleigh must be feeling. I just got rid of her dog. But, it was something I had to do. I gathered Hayleigh up, went to the living room, and put in Toy Story, to distract her, and get her mind off of Toby. Needless to say, she loves Toy Story, and she forgot all about Toby being gone. We ended up finishing the evening off with mowing the backyard, programing the sprinklers, and talking to Allen for 45 minutes. I let Hayleigh stay up until 10pm, I put her to bed, only having to track her down one time from getting up, and spent an hour of some quality me time catching up on my Dallas on the DVR. I then, decided it was time to go to bed, and couldn't sleep, so I started reading on my Breaking Dawn book- I have yet to finish. After reading for an hour, I decided I was tired, and went to sleep. I was up and down all night. Hayleigh was crying in her sleep, and I've been having to visit the bathroom now at least twice through the night. So, this morning, Hayleigh and I slept in until almost 10:30- we were both tired! 

Probiotics and Strep B

Today, Dr. Gray's office called to schedule the ultrasound for Reid's heart. They couldn't get me in any earlier than when Allen would be home- so we got the appointment for the same day as my regular baby appointment. For the ultrasound, we will be going to the hospital- and Dr. Gray, who is the high risk doctor, will be doing the ultrasound, and hopefully not finding anything wrong with Reid. With all of this going on today, I've been researching other things- Strep B infection with pregnant women. I tested positive for it when I was pregnant with Hayleigh, and have been looking into what I can do to keep from having it again this time. Here is an briefing on what it is, etc:

What is group B streptococcus?

Group B strep (GBS) is a kind of bacteria that many people harbor in their intestinal tracts. The bacteria may also inhabit (or "colonize") your vagina as well, and be passed on to your baby during labor and birth. 

Approximately 10 to 30 percent of pregnant women carry GBS in the vagina or rectum or surrounding area. While GBS is generally harmless in healthy adults, it may cause stillbirth and serious infections in babies.

Sexual transmission of group B strep is possible, but group B strep is not considered a sexually transmitted infection because your genital area may be colonized by bacteria you carry in your own gastrointestinal tract. It's also not the same as group A strep, the bacteria that usually cause strep throat.

I asked my midwife about this on my first visit with her, asking what my chances were to having it again, since taking antibiotics can help lead to this since they destroy all bacteria. She told me to check into taking probiotics- that research from Denver University had shown for it to help decrease chances for testing positive to it. 

So, here I am ready to get all kinds of vitamins ordered- I can get the stuff from Walmart, and studies have also shown to increase dairy intake, and to eat yogurt daily too. I already have some yogurt here, and plan on eating it like there is no tomorrow, since I've had to be on antibiotics twice now- once for my teeth, and another time during this pregnancy for sinus infection. I don't want to be in the hospital for 3 days again, like I was with Hayleigh, so I will be doing everything in my power to try to prevent this, since I will be tested in approximately 8-10 wks from now. 

I also thought this was interesting, since I have psoriasis, and psoriasis is linked to the immune system- if you have a weaker immune system, or suppressed immune system, it doesn't flare up quite so much. Makes me wonder if my psoriasis had anything to do with having tested positive for Strep B last time.. I guess until we know for sure, I'm just going to try all that I can to keep my digestive track healthy!

Probiotics are believed to protect us in two ways. The first is the role that they play in our digestive tract. We know that our digestive tract needs a healthy balance between the good and bad bacteria, so what gets in the way of this? It looks like our lifestyle is both the problem and the solution. Poor food choices, emotional stress, lack of sleep, antibiotic overuse, other drugs, and environmental influences can all shift the balance in favor of the bad bacteria.

When the digestive tract is healthy, it filters out and eliminates things that can damage it, such as harmful bacteria, toxins, chemicals, and other waste products. On the flip side, it takes in the things that our body needs (nutrients from food and water) and absorbs and helps deliver them to the cells where they are needed.

The idea is not to kill off all of the bad bacteria. Our body does have a need for the bad ones and the good ones. The problem is when the balance is shifted to have more bad than good. An imbalance has been associated with diarrhea, urinary tract infections, muscle pain, and fatigue.

The other way that probiotics help is the impact that they have on our immune system. Some believe that this role is the most important. Our immune system is our protection against germs. When it doesn't function properly, we can suffer from allergic reactions, autoimmune disorders (for example, ulcerative colitis, Crohn's disease, and rheumatoid arthritis), and infections (for example, infectious diarrhea, Helicobacter pylori, skin infections, and vaginal infections). By maintaining the correct balance from birth, the hope would be to prevent these ailments. Our immune system can benefit anytime that balanced is restored, so it's never too late.

Letter from Baby to Mommy about breastfeeding

Okay, I've been thinking of this post a lot lately- made me cry...what doesn't??? Anyway, I would have pinned it on pinterest, but I'm afraid it would be taken down sometime when I would really want to read this. It is from the Leaky Boob, and is a really good letter from a baby to mommy about breastfeeding.

Dear Mommy,

Thank you so much for breastfeeding me!  You probably already know that your milk is designed especially for me, and is better than anything else you could feed me.

I know that right now, you feel like your friends who aren’t breastfeeding their babies seem to have an easier time of things.  Those other babies sleep soundly and longer between feedings, they drink so much, and they don’t fuss to eat all the time like I do!  I can tell you’re getting a little bit frustrated, and I hear all the advice you’re getting … my grandma says you weren’t breastfed and you turned out just fine, my daddy says he feels like he can’t do anything to soothe me, and that lady with the cold hands that you call “doctor” gave you a can of something that she says will help me grow faster.  You’re tired and frustrated because taking care of me just seems too hard, but please mommy, before you give up this yummy breastfeeding thing, let me explain some of my behavior to you.  It might help you feel better.

First, if you and I were separated after I was born, for any reason (maybe it was hospital protocol that I be left under a warmer, maybe you were recovering from surgery), I’ve got some catching up to do, because I probably lost more weight than my friends who got to stay close to their mommies.  It’s OK … I’m really good at letting you know when I need some more calories, but it’s important that you let me breastfeed lots and lots, even if my grandma says “he just ate!!”  In my first few days, the nurses at the hospital might tell you I’m hungry and your body can’t make enough milk for me … but mommy, that colostrum from your breasts is some awesome stuff!  It’s packed with protein, which binds to any bilirubin in my body (elevated bilirubin causes jaundice in more than half of newborns) so I can poop it on out.  It’s also a great laxative, which makes it easy for me to get all that black, tarry meconium out of me and we can move on to the seedy, yellow-brown poops that are much easier to clean off my sweet tushie.  Now, the colostrum is really thick and sticky, and I’m so small and still figuring out how to move my tongue, and we’re both still trying to get comfortable together, so it might take me 20 minutes or longer to suck out just ONE TEASPOON (5-7 mL) of that liquid gold.

But it’s OK, mommy!  You know, there is really nowhere I’d rather be than in your arms, hearing your sweet voice and smelling you  — even though you haven’t had a shower since before I was born, you’re just delicious to me.  And something else you should know about me … even though I have a really cute “Buddha belly” that looks all chubby, the capacity of my stomach on the day I’m born is just 5-7 milliliters – that’s the size of a small marble!  You’re the smartest woman in my whole world, so I know you see the connection here!  The amount of colostrum in your breast is exactly the capacity of my tummy!  My stomach walls on my first day of life are very rigid and won’t stretch; this is why, if anyone tries to feed me with a bottle, I’m going to spit most of it back up again, even though I eagerly suck at it.  See, mommy, I only have two ways to send and receive information from my brand-new world – I can cry, and I can suck.  I can’t see much, and all these sounds are so much louder than when I was inside you, and I can use my hands to help me orient myself on your breast, but crying and sucking are pretty much how I make sense of everything.

From the Heart Photography - Tiffany Hileman

I know it seems really confusing, mommy, that I would want to suck and suck and suck even though my tummy is full.  When I suck, lots of great things happen for both of us.  I keep my own digestion moving by triggering the involuntary digestive muscles in peristalsis – moving the contents of my stomach along because I’m still moving my mouth and tongue, which are the beginning of my digestive tract.  When you let me do all this suckling at your breast, I can very easily regulate how I suck, depending on why I’m sucking at any given moment.  You can probably feel when I’m suckling nutritively and swallowing lots of milk, and when I’m kind of relaxed about it, feeding sort of like I’m savoring a bowl of ice cream … you know how sometimes, you scrape just a tiny bit onto your spoon, because you want it to last a long time?  To me, you’re better than ice cream!  But on a bottle, it’s impossible for me to suck and not get whatever’s in there, and that’s confusing to me, so I might keep sucking because that’s what my instinct is telling me to do, or I might realize my tummy hurts (because even on day 10, my stomach capacity is only a ping pong ball) and I’ll cry and cry because all I really know is crying and sucking!

A word about these instincts I feel … I really can’t help it, mommy, that I want to suckle so much.  It’s just how I came out, and there doesn’t seem to be much that I can do about it.  Please believe me, I’m not trying to trick you!  In a few weeks, this need lets up a tiny bit, but for now, suckling is my M.O.  But, do you want to know something really cool?  I’m not the only one who benefits!  When I suckle at your breast in these early days, your body actually activates prolactin receptors!  Isn’t that amazing?  In my first two weeks, the higher I make your prolactin levels go (my suckling triggers a prolactin surge in your body), the more of these receptors get activated in your breasts, and the higher your potential milk production will be for as long as you choose to breastfeed me.  That’s one reason your lactation consultant tells you to wait on introducing that bottle or that binky– this prolactin receptor thing only happens for the first 10-14 days.  After that, the prolatcin surges when I breastfeed are much smaller, so the more receptors there are to gobble up what prolactin is there, the more easily you’ll make all the milk I need.

Besides prolactin, there’s oxytocin, another hormone I activate when I am at your breast.  Oxytocin is part of what makes you so addicted to me!  It’s “the love hormone” and it helps you feel relaxed and content when we’re breastfeeding.  Go ahead, mommy, exhale and relax!  It’s OK!  Oxytocin release is triggered by nipple stimulation, not necessarily milk removal (though when things are going well, my stimulation of your nipples usually means I’m removing milk!).  Now, I know this might sound a little awkward coming from your baby, but I need you to know something about oxytocin.  There are only three events in your life that trigger oxytocin release: nipple stimulation (like when I’m breastfeeding), labor (the oxytocin released during childbirth stimulates uterine contractions, which is why nipple stimulation might be suggested when labor stalls, and also explains why sometimes, after you breastfeed me, you feel an increased expulsion of lochia and maybe some cramping), and … orgasm!!  Isn’t neat that the same hormone plays a part in making me, birthing me, and feeding me, and it’s a hormone that makes you feel GOOD to do all three?

Mommy, I know you are trying your very best for me and you’ve been worried about whether your body can satisfy my appetite.  I know you’re used to being able to measure everything, and your breasts don’t have markers on them to tell you how much milk I got.  Maybe you used a breast pump, and that confirmed your worries that there isn’t much milk there – but mommy, please understand that a good pump can mimic me, but your body wasn’t designed to have all these wonderful hormone surges for a cold piece of plastic with a noisy vacuum motor.  You know that feeling you get when you hold my warmth and weight, smell how delicious I am, and nom nom nom on my fat cheeks?  That feeling helps you make milk!  That feeling is part of the whole system that was designed to make you need to be close to me, just as much as I need to be close to you.  And mommy, I know you’re very busy, and important, and there’s so much you used to do before I came, and I know right now, it feels like you’ll never do those things again, and our house is getting messy, and maybe that scares you.  But please know, every moment you spend holding me, every time you gaze lovingly at me, and every hour you spend breastfeeding me in these early days is so important to me, because you’re all I know.  I love daddy and grandma and all of our friends, but I’m designed to be happiest and least stressed when I’m with you.  Can you wear me in a sling or soft carrier after I’m milk-drunk?  I really like listening to your heart beating while I sleep, and you are warm and soft and smell so good.  That space between your breasts is perfectly sized for my head, and there’s nothing I like better than the feel of your skin against mine.  Well, maybe there is something I like better … I love it when you sleep next to me after we’ve been breastfeeding.  Oh, mommy, when you nurse me while lying down, you relax and your milk flows so nicely, and I feel like you’re so happy to be with me, and I’m very special to you because you don’t have to run off and do something else as soon as I’ve let your breast go.

And mommy, I have a promise to make to you.  I can’t say for sure when it will happen, but there will come a day when I need you a little bit less intensely.  My feedings will get more organized, my weight gain will stabilize, and sometimes, I’ll even like when my daddy or grandma or other loving person holds me.  But today, I need you.  You’ll always be my number one, even after we’re done breastfeeding, but I will learn, like you did, to defer my needs and to trust others to meet them once you and I get a good thing going.  Thank you so much for all you’ve done for me so far. Until you start giving me an allowance, I hope my good health, sweet smiles, coos, and giggles will sustain you!

Love,

Baby

Many thanks to the hundreds of readers that shared so many beautiful photos of their newborn babies.  There is just a small sampling here but you all have incredible photographs of your beautiful babies.  Thank you for being willing to share and to all the photographers of these precious images!

Diana Cassar-Uhl, IBCLC and La Leche League Leader, has written articles for the La Leche League publications Leaven and Breastfeeding Today, and is the author of the La Leche League tear-off sheet Vitamin D, Your Baby, and You.She is a frequent presenter at breastfeeding education events. Excited about her work toward a Master of Public Health, Diana hopes to work in public service as an advisor to policymakers in maternal/child health and nutrition. Diana, mother to three breastfed children, has served as a clarinetist on active Army duty in the West Point Band since 1995. Diana enjoys running, writing, skiing, and cross-stitching when she finds herself with spare time.  She also writes at Normal, like breathing. 

Baby Talk

So, today, I can't seem to get in gear doing the house work that I need to do to keep busy. I've been okay now- better, and settling back into our routine. Right now, I'm attempting to get Hayleigh to take a nap in her bed with her toddler rail on- so no containment, unless I get out her brother's new pack n play... She's no longer a baby, and we will be gaining a new one and starting all over again in a few short months.

The weeks fly by so fast- it's hard for me to comprehend that I am now a big fat cow- all belly, and this lil guy, who we now have named Reid, will be coming out soon. He is kicking right now, as I type this, and I just remember back to when Hayleigh was born how much I missed it! I can honestly say I really enjoy it all- except for the part of him trying to crawl up under my ribs, and hang out. That HURTS!!! I woke up the other morning with sore ribs on my right side- kind of like when you've had a bad cold, and are sore from coughing so much. I just cannot wait for Hayleigh to really feel a good kick! Allen has felt some- milder ones, but has also felt the pushing this guy puts on.

I can honestly say that I am positive that once Reid is born- he is the last one. I've been struggling to keep up with Hayleigh, and everything else- it just keeps getting harder and harder. I miss our families and friends, and realize how much easier it would be with them close by, but at the same time, I'm such a homebody, I like my quiet time to myself. I just know deep down, that if we had another baby- well, forget about the having the baby part- being fat pregnant in the middle of summer again- No Thanks! I don't know if I could do it again. I doubt my abilities to make it to November with Reid- and I'm only carrying one... just one baby. How do these other women with multiples do it??? Some nights, or afternoons, I get so run down tired, Reid is pushing for all he is worth into my side, I'm chasing Hayleigh around, trying to keep up with Allen out and about, stores or buildings get stuffy, I can't breath..then their is the 96 degree weather we have had for the past week. UGGHH! Makes me feel like I can't do it some days.

We got a special treat on Friday. My Aunt Teresa, and cousin Ruth, came to visit us! We went out to eat at Red Robins, and then I talked myself, and them all into going out to the fair here, to see the animals. WHEW! It was HOT! I ended up telling Allen I was stupid for saying we should all go out there, but, I wanted to do it for Hayleigh. Give her a chance to see the animals, and ride a few rides. Well... the rides thing was a bust. Hayleigh had to be 38" tall to ride two of the rides- and she is 36" tall.. and the carousel- height requirement was 42" no adult to hold child, and no pregnant women. Struck out on that one! Anyway, we walked all around- I finally had to get a drink- I was getting way too hot. I sat down in the shade at one of the booths fully prepared to give someone a piece of my mind if they asked me to move. When I went up to the booth to order a drink, they couldn't give it to me fast enough- my ears were ringing, I was seeing white spots, and getting really yucky feeling. I grabbed that drink and chugged on it, then sat down when I found Allen. After that, I was okay. Hayleigh then got to ride the ponies- the only thing she could ride. Allen walked with her around, so I could stay out of the sun, and rest. We shortly left the fair- Teresa had brought lots of goodies for Hayleigh, which included a small bicycle with training wheels- I plan on getting Hayleigh out on it tonight, pushing her around. It's nice to have an aunt who really cares enough to bring us some of the things that they are no longer using- Hayleigh really enjoys it all- and loves everything- including the purple high heels they had brought from the last visit.

So, after a day at the fair, and everything else, I have deemed that I am done with being pregnant after this. I am sure though, that after Reid gets here, and I forget all of the bad things or hard things about labor, and pregnancy, I'll get the fever again- but this time I'm not going to mess around. I am getting an IUD put in- that way it is not a permanent fix, but, we will not have another April Fool's Day surprise, like we did with Reid- which we thought would never happen.

Other things to babble on about... I got my breast pump out, along with the new kit- plugged the puppy in, and made sure it still worked. Allen was so funny with it- put the shield up on his cheek and proclaims, it worked! Little things like that make me happy- going through baby stuff. I used to sneak into Hayleigh's room before she was born, looking at it all- cherishing it all. I'm doing it all again with Reid's stuff too. I put it all up, and organize it all- then go in and look at it. I try to imagine him using it, or us using it all. I cannot tell you just how tempted I've been to set up the pack n play- but I have it up in his closet for now. Allen and I just used our Gymbucks on Saturday to get him even more clothes. I really wanted him to have a few things Allen got to pick out- so everything we got with the Gymbucks, is what Allen had picked out for him- minus the little brother outfit I had found, and said it was a must- Allen liked it anyway.. I'm ready to get the bottle sanitizer out and get the bottles all set up in it, cleaned, ready to go- start nesting pretty much! I know this stuff needs to wait, because I'll have to clean it again before Reid gets here, and I'll have plenty of time to play with it all when he is here.

Hard Day

Today, is not a very happy day. Hayleigh and I just got back from taking Allen to the airport- I cried the whole way there and the whole way back. I've gotten a lot more emotional the past week- I'm pretty sure that the having to go back for another ultrasound did me in. It doesn't help that this morning, before we left to take Allen back to the airport, Allen took Hayleigh's crib rail off of her bed, and put the toddler rail on. Hayleigh loves it- me.. well, she's a big girl now, and not a baby anymore. That was something that had to be done. It was getting hard for me to put her in her crib at night, with my growing belly, and she has climbed out of it once already two weeks ago, and has had me scared she will get hurt trying to get out of it again. So, now, I have a big girl here with me to start up potty training again this week with, and Allen is on his way back up to North Dakota.

 Tomorrow, the doctor's office is supposed to call and set up an appointment for the ultrasound- not looking forward to that, even though I've told myself we get to see Reid again, and all of the good perks to it. All I can think of is the bad things. I'm just hoping that they will let me schedule the appointment for when Allen is home again- I don't think I could handle all of the stress of the appointment, and trying to corral Hayleigh all by myself.

I'm going to try to keep busy for the next few weeks- get my first order from my Etsy shop shipped out this week, get the house cleaned, maybe even disinfect all of Hayleigh's toys? I don't know. For some reason, I just know these next two weeks are going to pass by really slow, and they will be stressful. I just have that feeling anyway.

Last night, was my first night of not being able to get very comfortable sleeping. I was extremely bloated, and just could not find a comfortable position. My ribs are sore- from Reid crawling up in them, and it is just getting to where I'm really almost ready to meet this guy- healthy. Not being able to get comfortable last night scared me- I'm guessing we still have 14wks or so left to go- and that is with Reid coming early too. I don't know how I'm gonna make it mostly by myself here, taking care of Hayleigh, but just going grocery shopping anymore is getting harder and harder to do. Most of the problem, I am sure of is that it had been really hot this past week, and that just makes it even harder for me to breath and get around. So, for the next two weeks- if we do not have to leave the house, we are not going to.

Today's just a really tough day for me- we will be okay, and I'm planning on cleaning, doing laundry, and keeping busy for this afternoon.