And the Winner Is......

Well, after prompting Allen to pick a name for this little guy, before he becomes "Tate" even after he is born, I finally got him to give his answer on what he wanted his name to be.... So, now Nana Rose can be happy she can now get stuff personalized, and so can I. And, I won't go crazy from people asking what his name will be, or trying to keep that a secret- which I don't get. His weight and day he is born will be a secret from us all- so why have any other secrets?  

  Drum roll...... 

Reid Allen McCann

So, now that our little guy has an official name, I will have to stop calling him Tate for a bit, and just use it as his nickname after he gets here. I'm just happy to have Allen pick his name out, and happy to have agreed on a name we both liked together!~

22 wk appointment, the wait, and nerves....

I've been waiting to post how our doctor appointment went on this last Wednesday. Tate and I made it to 22 wks Wednesday, and went in after having to reschedule the appointment to that afternoon, instead of the following Tuesday appointment, the receptionist had mistakenly set us up for. Everything had been crazy up until we got there- Allen had to change Hayleigh's poopy diaper for me, since I had burnt my thumb pretty bad on a hot pot on the stove and had it on an ice pack. We got called back, and I headed straight for the scale- gained only 1lb back- so I'm still at 5lbs under what I started at. and just 4.2 total lbs gained back so far, without trying to watch what I'm eating. We went on back to the room, and got my blood pressure taken- it was high for me 128/70- really high, and I would imagine it had a lot to do with how my day had been going. (I had liked to have broken my neck after burning my thumb, tripping over the cord to the vacuum earlier, and had been a klutz since) We sat and waited- I had been chugging water down all day from headache and my teeth hurt. Anita finally came back, said I looked great- no swelling in my wrists or ankles, no problems. She got the fetal doppler out, and Tate was squirming everywhere- he kicked the monitor every 10 seconds. She tried and tried to get his heartbeat rate- never did tell me what it ended up being, because when we were listening, and could actually hear it, he would kick- and she got concerned, thinking she heard him throwing in an extra beat to his heart. She asked if it had showed up on the ultrasound a few weeks earlier- we told her no. She said it is quite common, and cures itself by the time the baby is born- not to be alarmed.....umm hmmm... and told us she would talk it over with the high risk doctor- Dr. Grey and maybe have us come back for another ultrasound, just to check it all over again. Until then, no traveling over a few hours from home, just to be safe- and keep me near my doctors here. But, she said if she didn't call us by the next afternoon- no news was good news. So, after all of that, we go over what we will be discussing at the next appointment- glucose screening, preregistering at the hospital, taking a tour, our via cord stuff, and the 3d/4d ultrasound scheduling. That's a lot to take in.

We go home, and I'm worrying about it a little- Allen is trying to keep me calm and under control. Everything was fine- we had talked it over and thought he was kicking instead of an extra heartbeat- because it was a very distinctive thud coming over the monitor- not the same heartbeat sound. But, I sit here, thinking did she hear something we didn't hear??? Yesterday, there was no phone call- so I thought, it was nothing, and we were right.

Last night I didn't sleep too well- I shot up out of bed at 2:30am to Tate being up in my ribs, knocking the wind out of me. Got settled down again, and was up again at 6, to a major leg cramp, having to stand up to get it to go away. After all of that, we slept in just a little bit, and finally made our way to breakfast and Mickey Mouse in the living room. Then, my phone rings when I am on the house phone with my mom. It's Anita.... she wants to have us come back in to go through another ultrasound with Dr. Grey- to take it easy, not stress about it, and not travel far away from here, just take it easy.... So, Mom hears all of this, and any plans I had of going home to visit are put on hold once again.. I'm now just waiting on a phone call from Dr. Grey's office to schedule the ultrasound for in a few weeks- when I'm 24 wks along, and hopefully when Allen is home.

I'm okay.. just a little frazzled. I think that was the cherry on top of my day. I've been doing really good not stressing about anything much- keeping calm and collected- very good for me. This has just sent my hormones into a little shock. Everything I've been worrying about is just magnified a little bit more. I've been tearing up off and on- I know it won't do any good to worry, but who can go on like nothing is going on after all of that? I immediately think of the worst case... I know it will all be okay. He will be okay. I guess it's just the little things- trying to keep everyone happy- I really want to come home, but now, it might not be an option for a long while. I'm afraid of disappointing everyone- our family and friends. I know they all miss us, and Hayleigh very much, but there is only so much I can do. I know that I shouldn't worry about everyone else, but I guess it is all because I care about them all so much- I don't want to hurt them. Things will be fine. I know it.

Tate

Today, we are 22 weeks- me and Tate anyway. The weeks have been starting to fly by, and he will be here before we know it! Last night, Allen and I kind of sat down on the couch, and I was going through baby boy names- just to give Allen some more ideas, even though I'm about 80% sure Tate's name will end up being Reid Allen McCann. Reid means red haired- and after finding out it meant that, it kind of just stuck out like a beacon to me, that is what his name should be.... it is Allen's choice, so I'm letting him decide, and not pushing the issue. Yesterday, we stopped in to Sportsman's Warehouse, to browse, and walked out with nursery decor for Tate's nursery. Before walking out, there were puppies for sale by the check out- 6wk old Australian Shepard/blue heeler mix puppies. They were /cute- but LOTS of hair, and they would shed like there was no tomorrow. Plus, no matter how much Toby drives me crazy, I can't just get rid of him, and I really don't want to potty train a new puppy, and Hayleigh all at the same time either...

Trophy heads for Tate's room, and a stringer of rainbow trout- Whitetail deer, black bear, moose, and long horned ram

While shopping in Sportsman's Warehouse, Tate was in full swing- very active! He liked to have killed me. He does not kick but very little in my lower belly, but PUSHES for all he is worth, stretching already up into my lower ribs, and knocking the wind out of me too. I have been thinking, there is NO WAY he is already big enough to be doing this, or shouldn't be that high already, but, I've already started to get heartburn quite often, and the leg cramps have officially settled in- I've jumped out of bed the past three morning, standing up and getting the cramps to go away. He is a big boy, and after talking to Nana Rose about him, and his daddy, it is very clear, I have a mini Allen I am growing right now. I'm just waiting for him to stay up in my ribs like his daddy did to his Nana, and not come out of there, until made to do so. When  Rose was pregnant with Allen, he stayed balled up and up in her ribs- cracking and bruising them. Yay for me!! When he was born, the skin on the bottoms of Allen's toes was worn off from putting his toes between her ribs, and kicking and rubbing them constantly. While shopping yesterday, Allen kept asking me if we needed to leave, and I kept telling him "No". What difference would it make if I was sitting down at home or standing up walking around- he was going to keep on a going no matter what I did.. I even poked my belly a couple of times telling him to knock it off. Like that would help!

The rest of the day went alright- we went out to eat, and then back home. Allen had to replace out router- it finally clonked out on us yesterday. He ended up running back to town, while I laid Hayleigh down for a nap, came back, and guess who had waited on him in Best Buy?? That same chick that was hitting on him the last time he was in there. Apparently, she could not locate our account this time by phone number, so had Allen set up a new rewards account and had to give out all of his information again... he thinks she wanted his number... I do too. lol.. Anyway, after 2 hours later, he was home, router is up and going, and our printer- which was the start of the issue before we found out the router was going bad, was up and going too. Now, no more problems- hopefully! Allen mowed the yard, and I watered the tomatoes and flowers. Hayleigh ran all over the yard, having a hoot. It was perfect outside- 75 degrees out there with a breeze last night- just great! 

Last night, Allen got to feel Tate kick for the first time! I mean really good kicks! We both laid there in bed with Allen's hand on my belly, with mine on top of his, waiting for Tate to kick, after he threw one kick before that. It is really sweet how it makes Allen's eyes light up, and seeing him smile feeling what I've been feeling by myself for the past weeks. He sat there and kicked for around 5 minutes, then stopped. We ended up going to sleep- I didn't sleep very well at all. I think from the last few nights, I am already getting to the point of being up through the night. I had a headache, and a toothache- from drinking too much pop. The acid drives my teeth completely bonkers. I know better, but here I am still slugging it down. I dreamed of Tate- or going in to my doctor's appointment at 35 weeks, being dilated to 2- like I had with Hayleigh, and both me and the doctor actually agreeing that Tate would be here around the same time Hayleigh had come- just after 37 weeks. I think it is wishful thinking, or dreaming on my part... Allen will be home that week, and that is also Halloween week too. From the way Tate has been pushing around already- and measuring over a week and a half ahead of schedule, I am sure I will be very uncomfortable by then, and READY for him to come out. I would bet that by the time he does get here, any baby fever I ever thought I would have later, or feelings of not being done having kids will be completely out of my head. 

Today, we don't have much planned to do- besides Allen helping the friend move, and the doctor appointment. I'm just excited our new pack and play will be here Friday- hopefully, and I did manage to win the swing I had bid on, on Ebay for $81.00 with shipping- brand new in the box! I ended up saving us over $50.00 on that. So, Tate is being taken care of!~ 

Secrets of Marriage and the things no one tells you about having a baby....

Tonight, I got to watch The Vow- so if you haven't seen it, go watch it, then read this. Potential Spoiler Alert!!!! Anyway, if you are still reading this, either A. you don't care about the spoiler, or B. you have seen the movie. The Vow was really good! It's not my most favorite love story movie, but it was still really good. I just wish that they would have ended the movie a little different, but since it was based off of a true story, and the lead lady does not end up getting her memory back, it ended the right way.

Watching that movie made me think about how precious our memories really are. Even if we have pictures, our memories are what make those pictures or things that much more special to us. I couldn't imagine waking up and not knowing who Allen or Hayleigh were, let alone how Allen and I feel in love, or anything that has happened to us in the past 13 years- and not ever getting those memories back. Even vise versa.... what if something happened to Allen? His memory gone... How painful would that be to just have those memories to yourself, while the person you have shared your heart and soul with for the past years doesn't even remember anything. We often talk about things that happened in our past, reminiscing about our youth, and important things that have happened to us...our first kiss, when we got engaged, married, the night we found out I was finally pregnant with Hayleigh, setting up her nursery, hearing her cry for the first time when she was born, bringing her home and being so worried,  and just the little things that build off of those big things.

There are many things we don't think about- things we wish we wouldn't have done, to things that happened to us that made us the way we are now. What would you do if you couldn't remember any of that? What kind of a person would you be without all of those things that made you the way you are now- you could not remember happening? Would you be a better person, or a worse person? I know there are things we wish we could take back in life, but those are the things that build our character. We made choices in life, and have learned to life with those choices- good or bad.

One thing that sticks out to me the most in that movie was when the lead lady discovers that her friend had an affair with her dad, that was why she had left her family. Her mom was explaining to her why she did not leave her dad... "I chose to stay for all of the things he did right, over the one thing he did wrong." That is a very wise quote- that is the best way I could describe it. A good marriage is built and grown off of many things- good and bad. I believe to have a good marriage you have to be willing to love and accept the other person for who they are, no matter what happens. You can't just run from one bad thing that happens- I know there are exceptions to this- but, for the most part, you have to look past the bad things- and remember all of the good things, and see all of the good things that person does in your relationship, instead of focusing on all of the things they do wrong- or the things that drive you completely crazy. I believe if you can do this, then you can make it- both parties have to do this though, or it doesn't work. I think everyone goes though rough patches, to where they think they are crazy for staying with that person, and are ready to jump ship. But, if you can put that other person first, instead of focusing on yourself, and they can do the same, it will make that relationship that much more stronger, and suddenly those things that drive you crazy, don't seem so big anymore. I know Allen and I had to learn this by the 2nd year we were married. Everyone has to, no matter if you live with that person before you are married or not. Now, this doesn't mean you won't have fights anymore, but it will mean that you will fight fair when you do have an argument. I know we do now, and I believe that because of learning all of this is why Allen and I have such a solid relationship. You have to put your total trust and faith in that other person, and love them for everything they do right in life, or you don't have anything at all. That is what I believe the secret to a happy marriage is.

Anyway, now that I've preached about marriage, I can talk about our kiddos- the whining 2 year old, and the bun in the oven. Tonight, I didn't think I would make it to 9pm... well, as you can see, it is now midnight my time.... Hayleigh was difficult today, which makes me really wonder what this is all going to be like with a crying newborn and a two year old demanding my complete attention, yelling Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...... over and over again. It really does scare me. We did manage to get Tate's clothes hung up in his closet this evening. 72 hangers of the 90 I bought today we used....He has a ton of clothes, and that is not even counting what my mom has back home for him too. I got a pack n play ordered yesterday for him too- so now all we need is a crib, dresser, and the little things- after I win the swing I've been bidding on Ebay for the past two days on. The stroller, and high chair will wait a couple of months- like we will be going out much after he is born anyway, and he won't need a high chair until he is 3 months old. I really think we will just get Hayleigh a new booster seat for the table, and give him her high chair- it is neutral colors- so it will be fine. I'm just excited that we pretty much have most of everything we need, and we still have time until he gets here. We didn't start Hayleigh's nursery set up until I was 32wks along, and I'm hoping that we can have it all ready to go by the time I'm 30 wks this time. At least we don't have to get so much stuff this time around, since we have a lot already, but I'm more confident in what we need vs. what we don't need. There will hopefully be no running to the store for something we didn't know we needed, or think we would need this time around. I realize there might be a few little things that pop up, but I feel better prepared this time.

Tate's Closet 

Tate's closet looking into one side- it is the same on the other side- completely full!!

 I know there will be more sleep deprivation and craziness going on, but I think I can handle it, even if it scares me. I was scared to death when we brought Hayleigh home from the hospital- didn't know what we were supposed to do- sit there and watch her sleep??? I think this time I will at least be waking him up more to feed him, and try to relax and take care of myself more, instead of trying to do everything. I will ask for help- when I need it, and if anyone would like to come and visit, I will not be afraid to ask them for help with something, instead of trying to take care of a newborn, myself, a two and a half year old, and a house, and guests. I can't do it all. Everyone will have to realize that if they would like to be here with us to visit, there should be something contributed- they are guests, but we will not be able to host everyone and try to adapt our household to everything all at once. Even if it's just helping load the dishwasher, asking if they can watch Tate while I sneak a shower, or to take time to visit with Hayleigh, and make her feel important, it will all help. I realize now that hormones are crazy for me for the first week, and I hope everyone can understand this that stops in. It is very hard- everyone gets the baby blues at some point with all of those hormones going crazy, and for everyone to expect for you to be your regular self, and be well adjusted is just plum crazy. So, this time, I will not be afraid to ask for space to take care of myself and my sanity. I will speak up, and not just grin and bare it all, holding it all in. If everyone truly cares, they will understand, and the other mothers out there will understand. The most important thing I can do is to take care of myself first. If I can't do that, I will not be a good mother to our kids, a good wife to Allen, or just a good person in general- I would be less efficient, and more stressed over little things. I'm just glad I learned this, and I know to expect this- even though saying it will be much harder than doing it all.

 I wish that I would have known then what I know now when I brought Hayleigh home from the hospital. No one really talks about baby blues, having to have an arsenal of pads in the cabinet that could keep a national disaster flood at bay, your boobs growing to the size of basketballs being rock hard, you leaking constantly, about let down when your milk is in, or when your baby cries, you feel that feeling, that breastfeeding really does suck the energy out of you, you feel like all you do is feed the baby, diaper the baby, clean the baby, try to sneak a nap and food, and then it all starts over again. Why is everything yucky or not so appealing kept secret??? Hormones, and all of the weird things happening to your body, feeling skinny, but being mushy top- and not being able to fit your clothes pre pregnancy- but looking goofy in pregnancy clothes...just how comfortable you will be just whipping out a boob to feed the baby because you are so tired- not caring who is there, and if they are there it is their own fault if they are looking. Being an emotional basket case- crying over the slightest thing....  Ahh the things you learn as a first time mommy and parent. I just don't understand why we don't tell each other about this stuff, and it is not in the books. I thought at the time Hayleigh was born, why didn't anyone say anything about this until now????? or even at all?? Losing your mucus plug before the baby comes- like egg whites - YUCK and I know TMI.... but, really!?? I would have loved to know that before it happened. Or laboring through contractions are worse than actually giving birth. And no matter how much you don't want anyone to see what is happening while giving birth, everyone sees it all... how can they not? I wanted a tent set up down there for Hayleigh, this time I want everyone to grab an arm and a leg and pull this guy out! At least do something besides sit there and watch me do all of the work. And YOU have to do all of the work of getting that baby out- if you don't have a c-section, and it is the hardest thing you will ever do physically. I think I could go on and on about what I wish I knew then, or what I'm preparing for this time around. I know that no two labors are the same, so I am hoping for an easier labor- less time in labor, a healthy baby born, and Allen there with me. Everyone healthy, & happy. So, if you are reading this and you will be a first time mommy, and you really want to know what happens- or what is ahead of you- drop me an email, and I can fill you in on all of the stuff no one talks about. I wish someone would have done that for me!

Happy Girl

Well, it has been a while since I have been on here. This week we had special visitors- Mimi and Papa Jack. They got to come and visit with us for a few days. We had fun going to the Monument, the mall, and dinosaur museum here in Fruita- it was very interesting! We also had fun eating out as well, and watching my belly warp into a lop sided ball.

The dinosaur museum- in the walnut pit, finding dinosaur bones!

Papa Jack & Mimi with Hayleigh by Independence Pass at the Monument

Looking at the Gar fish at the dinosaur museum

Me, Hayleigh, Tate, and Mimi at the Monument- you can see the Independence Pass rock to the right of Mimi's arm

Digging for bones! 

Tate decided he wanted to stretch out on my left side, creating a big bulge on that side. He has also been pushing and stretching- not a lot of kicks. What kicks I do feel are very light. He is just not a very lively guy. He is comfy in there, and happy as far as I can tell. He has been stretching so much now, it feels like he is elbowing my side- kind of like a cramp in your side- hurts somewhat, and I can just imagine what is in store for me in 8 more weeks.

Today was like Christmas in July- we had 5 packages show up today. One from the UPS man, and 4 from the Postal carrier lady. One big box was from Nana Rose- full of goodies for Tate, Me, Allen, and Hayleigh. Hayleigh got a new potty chair- Minnie Mouse that talks, so now hopefully we can get this potty training on the forward march. There were tons of clothes Rose had been hoarding for a boy- before we knew Hayleigh was a girl, blue Tommee Tippee bottles, bottle warmer for on the go, Thank you cards that we ohhh soo cute, hats, snap extending bottoms ( snaps that go on the crotch of a onesie to help lengthen them, and extend the use of the clothes), hooded towels, receiving blankets- one of them was from when Allen was a baby, breast milk storage bags, a cute bathtub picture frame... you can imagine how much was in there! Hayleigh got a very special gift besides her huge Minnie Mouse doll- a blankie that was crocheted by Nana- very sweet! She loves it already!

Hayleigh's new blankie and Minnie- both Hayleigh approved for nap time! 

After opening the box, and digging out all of the goodies, Hayleigh was plum wore out! So, I sorted through everything, washed clothes, and decided to snap a picture for Nana to see that Hayleigh enjoyed opening the box!

Tonight after Hayleigh had taken her nap, and I had crashed on the couch from exhaustion, I sat and watched Hayleigh for a bit. I don't mean just watch her run around, but I really just watched her, and thought. I was thinking a lot about how I wondered what she would look like when I was pregnant with her, who she would be like, etc. I often thought about those kinds of things before I even got pregnant with her- I wondered how many kids we would have, and what they would look like too. Hayleigh looks nothing like I ever imagined she would. She is sweeter than I could have ever imagined- just better all around. The different things she gets from Allen and I, makes me laugh. She and I are not at all morning people- her daddy is... She likes to sleep with her feet poked out of the blanket- I want mine to be fully covered- Allen does not. She has a short little temper, to which both Allen and I are guilty- me most.. Listening to her talk, and giggle, and sing, melts my heart, and makes me smile. I never imagined those things to be like that. This all makes me really anxious to see how Tate will be. I know now that what ever I have pictured, will not even be close to in comparison to what he will really be like. But, if I had to place bets, I would say that he has a lot of his daddy in him. He is a very mellow baby- laid back and relaxed. He likes when I eat, because he eats. He doesn't do a whole lot of bouncing around in there, compared to his big sister, so I am hoping he will be a very easy baby like Hayleigh was for us. I also imagine he will have either the same color of hair as Hayleigh, or a little bit more red in it, just like Allen, with hazel eyes. Hayleigh's eyes have both finally adjusted to being hazel- but one is still just not all the way there. I don't know... I'm picturing a big baby boy coming our way! Anyway, I know that no matter what I have in my mind that I have pictured or imagined, will not do Tate justice either, just like with Hayleigh. I am sure he will take my breath away, just like Hayleigh did when she was born.
So far, this pregnancy has went pretty smooth. We marked 21 weeks yesterday, and will be seeing the baby doctor next Tuesday, to see what progress has been made. I know soon enough, this little guy will be here, and our arms and hearts will be full. I have been so mellow along with Tate- he has a lot to do with it, and I just hope I stay this mellow after he is born- I'm gonna need all the help I can get! I think part of the mellow, is that I'm at peace with the world right now. Some things still get to me, but I am able to let them go a lot easier now, than I used to. My complexion is coming back- THANK YOU Tate! My ankles haven 't swelled yet..but I know it is coming! My belly is getting bigger and bigger, and I just love how a pregnant belly looks- in private, or with clothing over it. Such a special thing! I think I can see things a bit better now, than I have been able to- I don't mean eyesight, but things that are going on. I can get a better grip on them. I still wish that some relationships were in better shape than they are, but I realize at least I am satisfied that I have given my best effort for them. I really miss my family- our families, but I feel like the time we spend talking on the phone, or on the computer is more special now. We listen more to each other, and enjoy each other's company more- not taking it for granted like in the past. I like being able to spend all of my time with Hayleigh now, and wish I could have done it from the start, like Tate will get. I remember going back to work after Hayleigh was 10wks old was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do- I can't imagine how hard it was for Allen to leave us and return to work, but I really do enjoy our days spent together, and I do look forward to returning to work in the future, when they are both in school, and I can go back to working part time. Other than that, I'm just plain old HAPPY. For the first time in a while, I'm not stressing over little things so much and controlling it, and it feels great! So, tonight I will end this on I am happy with my life- happy with my marriage, and grateful for my kids, family, and friends.